A/N: I basically had a bunch of ideas floating around in my head and I wanted to get them out there. As much as I enjoy the thought of Brennan proposing to Booth (I'm lying to you, I would actually not enjoy that) I just can't see that happening. I think Booth would still want to be the one to propose. FYI – not all of these are going to be super emotional or heavy, there will be some lighter & maybe even fun ones, then again, this is MY definition of fun I'm referring to. I'm weird.
Tag for The Shot in the Dark, this continues immediately after the episode ends.
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
I am small
Warm me up
And breathe me
Sia – Breathe Me
He unraveled every single time she touched him. Still. Just like that first night when she touched him with meaning, with unrestrained emotion and determination, it set him on fire and even now, a million touches later, she's still igniting him like he's experiencing her touch for the first time. He thought about all the years previous when they touched innocently, maybe not so innocently on his part, but with respect to their friendship, to their jobs, to that line. He always ached for more and every time his hand found the small of her back he wondered if she could feel that ever torturous and persistent ache transmitting through his fingers as he placed them against her in a subtle display of possession. Now she touched him and now because he knew her feelings for him and because he knew every detail of her body, where every freckle and mole was and because he knew how peaceful she looked when she was in the deepest of sleep just hours after making love, it set off a whole new wave of emotions inside him. Every single time. Still.
His body hovered above hers, subconsciously shielding her from any form of possible danger as his hands gripped each of the metal bed rails on either side of her. He could feel his suit jacket pulling against him uncomfortably as he leaned in closer to her. He felt her slender fingers slide up along his neck slowly and then explore further towards the back of his head and move through his hair to finally rest against his scalp. He was already kissing her but now he kissed her deeper and she moaned deep within her throat. He felt the sting of holding back tears as the thought of losing her once again barreled through his mind and ripped through his chest. He had been and was trying desperately even now to extinguish the relentless thought of wanting to end the man who was responsible for this very scene. Who almost destroyed his entire life. Who nearly stole the mother away from an innocent child, his daughter. Could he kill for her? Absolutely. Where was the edge though? At what point would he teeter that line and tip into a part of him that would allow him to make no more rational decisions and actually end the life that threatened the ones he loved the most. Could he live with that? Adding another name, another human being to his list? Could he find a way to go on and live with the guilt? Would it be worth it…the consequences? Not just the obvious consequences. Not just the consequences of breaking the law. But could he handle the misery that came with waking up each and every fucking morning and going on? Living?
She must have felt his mental anguish manifest into some sort of physical distress because she slowly pulled away from his mouth and even so he kept his eyes closed and continued to just breathe her in, the actual smell of her, of Bones, fighting his demons and pushing those horrid thoughts back into the far corners of his mind. He silently berated himself for allowing his thoughts to drift down that road again. He thought of Parker, he thought of Christine.
"Booth." Hearing her say his name sent another surge of gratitude pulsing through each cell of his body. She's here. She's alive. He found he had to keep repeating this to himself just to remain….somewhat calm inside. He let out a long breath through his nose and sucked in another shaky one almost immediately to try and steady himself. He refused to come apart again, not in front of her anyway.
"Can you open your eyes?" She asked him lovingly as she moved one of her hands across his cheek.
He did. He opened them and was greeted by beautiful blue lakes filled with love, filled with wonder and filled with worry. He hated himself a little bit for being the one to cause her to worry. He needed to be ok for her right now. He needed her to get better and get home. He needed her to be ok. He just needed her. He allowed his posture to ease and felt his shoulders slump as he let go of the tension that had quickly built up within a matter of minutes while thinking about the possibility of not having her in his life anymore. He gave her a gentle smile as he pushed up from the bed to get a better look at her. Her face was pale except for the dark circles that rimmed her beautiful eyes, her lips were chapped and her hair was back in a loose pony tail the ends of which were a little stringy. He grabbed a few strands of hair between his thumb and finger and slid them between his fingers gently, he repeated this action four or five times before he spoke.
"Do you have any idea how absolutely beautiful you are?" He asked, with a serious expression, still fingering her hair.
She let out a small laugh but his expression remained somber. "I do believe I am attractive, though given my current," she pauses and looks down at herself and then back up at him, "situation, I'm sure I'm not as physically appealing as I could be."
"No." He said sternly. Her eyes widened as his voice settled into the air around them. She was suddenly reminded of how deep his voice could actually get. He was rarely this serious. But when he was, she never questioned him. "No," he said again, this time a bit gentler, "you are always beautiful to me, ok?"
"And you're always beautiful to me." She responded, adjusting her tone to match his seriousness. He forced himself to smile in the moment and let go of the hanging strands against her shoulder to brush her loose strands of hair away from her forehead instead. She remained silent but he read everything through her eyes, whether or not she meant for it to be read.
He almost felt overwhelmed as he began to really process how important she was to him, how much of a necessity she was to his life. She's like a second mother to Parker, they had Christine, they were going to have more kids, they were going to spend their lives together, and he wanted to spend every day of his life for her. Giving her the family and love she never had and never experienced. He had so many more things to learn about her, that in its self would take an entire lifetime and then some and he needed wanted all of that time to try. He had so many things that he wanted to show her, so many more levels of their relationship to explore. So many more times to make love to her like she was the most precious thing his eyes had ever seen, his skin had ever felt, his lips had ever tasted. There was just so much more. And he knew that she was willing, he knew she wanted those things with him, she wanted him to be the one to give them to her, to take her there. This was just as permanent for her as it was for him, he knew that. And right now all he wanted to do was get it through to her that he was never leaving her. There was no way in hell he was going to let her go. Not by his doing and certainly not by anyone else's-he was sure of that.
His chest began to tighten and his heart started to race as words were pouring from his mouth before his brain even had a chance to catch up and process what he was saying.
"Bones, you know you are my whole life? You and Christine and Parker."
"You three are my life as well." She looked at him, slightly bewildered now, so he swallowed hard and hurried through his next words trying to explain himself better.
"When there was a possibility that I may not be able to see you or speak to you again, I lost it. Inside I was… I was contemplating so many things…" He shook his head and she tilted hers to the side and waited for him to elaborate.
"God only knows what I would do if anyone ever took you away from me…" His voice cracked with emotion, "I mean if it wasn't for Parker and Christine… God only knows what I would have done and-" He felt her hand on his suddenly and the shiver that traveled up his spine was enough to stop him from talking.
"Booth, I'm not gone. I'm no longer in danger of dying. It's ok now." She tried to comfort him. He leaned in and kissed her gently. "I know," he muttered between kisses, "I know."
She tried to deepen the kiss but he pulled away again, not quite finished with what he was saying.
"The thing is Bones, I want you here with me, forever. I never want to be apart from you, ever."
The lines on his face deepened as it was now him who worried. He knew how she felt about using the word forever when it came to their relationship and he knew that even though she wasn't rejecting the notion completely she still usually felt as though she needed to remind him how unwise it was to attempt to predict such things based on what could be temporary feelings whenever he said.
"I know that you know how I feel about the use of the word forever, Booth, but regardless of that I somehow feel comfortable believing that I will always have your love and you will always have mine."
He let out a held breath and leaned down to kiss her again, pressing his mouth against her hard, trying to somehow give back to her what she had just now given to him. She opened her mouth against his and his tongue slid inside. He grasped and licked and sucked every part of her mouth, her lips. He bit and nipped and then he would appease her with a soft stroke of his warm tongue. He inched closer to her on the bed, hoping that he would be able to somehow get more of her mouth. Wanting to taste all of her but not being able to satisfy this sudden hunger (would he ever?) , he moaned in frustration and pulled away quickly and looked down at her with a new intensity in his eyes. She looked at him as he struggled to catch his breath.
"Thank you for giving me a chance, giving us a chance." He huffed.
"Thank you for giving me another chance." She said, also slightly out of breath and he understood the meaning behind her words and it stung him.
"There were never any chances with you Bones, never."
Her eyes suddenly welled with tears as she took him in. His words hitting her in a place that was well tucked away and hidden so it was rarely struck but when that cord was plucked, and always by him, it always dazzled her how quickly she was left to scramble through a flood of emotions. Usually, she would end up speechless. He pressed his forehead against hers as her tears came down in a steady stream against her now flushed cheeks. He closed his eyes once more; gathering up courage he knew was there, somewhere. After she sniffed once he opened his mouth to speak.
"Marry me Bones." His voice quiet and strained but certain. He lifted his head from hers and repeated himself. "Marry me." He was still breathing hard, never catching his breath from the last kiss they shared. His chest heaved as though each word he spoke was equivalent to a mile ran.
She seemed shocked but nowhere near as shocked as he thought she would be. He continued to stare at her, his eyes shining bright as he waited for her to say something, anything, besides his name. She pressed her head back against the pillows and Booth followed her every movement with his eyes, never taking his focus off her face. He didn't say anything though; he didn't want to rush her into responding. He remained still. After what seemed like forever and day crept by she opened her eyes again and regardless of whatever was about to come out of her mouth he knew he loved her, that he always would no matter what and no matter her decision he'd still be with her at the end of the day, they would still share the same home with their daughter, the same bed and that was already more than he could ever wish for.
His eye lashes fluttered and his eyebrows' furrowed and he even moved his body back a little as he tried desperately to determine if what he heard was in fact what he thought he heard.
"You'll marry me?" He was finally able to mutter, still in complete shock.
Maybe she said something, maybe she didn't. Maybe she nodded, maybe she didn't. He wasn't sure. She had just agreed to marry him. He felt as though he could be sick-literally vomit at this very moment so instead of listening to what she may have said he was instead lost in the waves of feeling that were washing over him. He cleared his throat in an attempt to somehow give strength to his voice that he knew would come out choked.
"You'll be my wife?" This time after he spoke, his eyes stayed intently on hers, waiting for a response. She simply nodded as the emotion within herself took hold of her own vocal chords making it nearly impossible to speak.
"Oh baby…" He said on a sigh. He moved closer to her and at the same time she tried to sit up on the bed. Helping her, he moved his left arm around to her back and placed his other hand against the back of her head and pressed her against himself, holding her gently. "Oh Bones…" He moved back some and looked into her eyes, his hands now placed on each of her shoulders. "We're going to get married?" He asked, still clearly in shock, his mouth hanging agape. His heart still pounding, he ignored the sound in his ears and the shaking in his hands while his eyes continued to search out her thoughts, her feelings.
"Yes, Booth. I love you more than I think I even know and… I want us to be married." She closed her eyes again as her words sank into them both. She placed both of her hands on either side of his face and guided his head towards her own, her lips hovered over his.
"Make me your wife."
He felt himself immediately become numb, almost weightless. He had to actually look down at his feet to make sure they were still planted firmly on the ground beneath him. He pressed his hand to the back of her head again and managed to tangle his fingers into her lose pony tail bringing her closer even closer to him. "Ok…" he said holding back tears for the second time within only a few minutes. "Ok…" He whispered again finding her lips and kissing them softly at first and pulling away. "Ok." He repeated again. She closed the small distance between them, sucking his lower lip into her mouth as they both eased back down until she was lying flat against the bed again. Him taking taking hold of the bed rails again, covering her with his entire body.