"Shooting a criminal is something all cops must be prepared to do at some point in their careers, Matsuda."
The young officer looked down at his lap, his face drawn into an emotionless mask. It had been this way ever since the unveiling of Kira two weeks ago. Ever since then, Touta Matsuda had been suffering from nightmares, flashbacks of the events in that warehouse.
"...It's not just that..." Matsuda found himself whispering, his clenched hands gripping tight to his pants. Tears started trailing down his cheeks as he tried to convey his thoughts. "...I... I-I... really trusted Light... And he really was Kira all along..."
"It's understandable." Matsuda's counsellor offered a small smile. It was a male with long raven hair that hung to the small of his back. Black rimmed glasses sat upon his nose, the notepad he was using to take notes sitting in his lap. "After all, you worked with Light for years on that case."
"...His own father..." Matsuda's throat constricted as hot tears poured down pale cheeks. "...He didn't even care about his own father...! ...But the worst thing is... I had found myself agreeing with what Kira was doing at times...! I can't...!"
"This is our fifth session since the incident happened," the counsellor said softly. "I personally do not think you're ready to go so in depth with what you're feeling just yet; the impact is too great on you. Would you rather I book another session for you and you can rest until then. If it will help you, write down your thoughts and bring it next time so that I can have an understanding of what is troubling you the most."
Matsuda nodded and stood up. His body trembled as he struggled to withhold the worst of his emotions. He said a brief goodbye before he left the counsellor's office, almost running through the Taskforce Headquarters to leave the building.
The young man got to his car in record time, the memories hitting him like a ton of bricks. Shouting was inside his head, his last words to Light playing over and over again like a recording. He remembered the gunshots, the horrible screams Light made as he shouted in desperation about being set up.
Matsuda fell to his knees, grabbing hold of his face, angry hot tears leaving trails down his cheeks, hitting the cement beneath him. Not caring who was around, he screamed, a loud, anguished and pained scream.
The few people who were nearby turned and looked at Matsuda before they turned away and hurried inside, knowing that he was the one on the Kira Investigation Team who had taken it the hardest.
Matsuda leant against his car, crying his heart out. No one approached him, knowing it was best to leave him alone; he was no longer that cheerful happy-go-lucky idiot; he was depressed, frightened, and angry.
People wondered if the old Matsuda who always meant well but more often than not got in the way would ever come back. People would never admit it, but that side of Matsuda had always been endearing, making Matsuda who he was.