=== Be Karkat Vantas
I rub my eyes tiredly, staring at my husktop with no real purpose. My eyes are drawn to the last lines on the still-open chat I've just finished with Terezi, lines that remind me how much ex-matesprits can still love and care for one another.
GC: 1TS GOOD FOR YOU
CG: I DON'T FUCKING SLEEP, TEREZI.
GC: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD ST4RT
gallowsCalibrator (GC) has disconnected.
Sighing slightly, I lean back in my chair. Terezi and I both came to a realization, only a few months ago, that we aren't meant to be together. We love one another dearly- hence the heart- but a matespritship is out. I don't hold anything against her, nor her me, but we function better as close friends than anything else.
A soft ping clicks from my computer speakers, barely audible over the music playing in the background. My eyes flick to the new IM and I sigh.
EB: hi karkat!
Egbert. Really? I don't even know how I feel about this human. When I first met him, I couldn't stand him. He infuriated the living shit out of me in a way that only a kismesis should. And yet, lately…
I shake my head, clearing my thoughts, and lean forward toward the computer.
CG: OH GOD IT'S YOU.
EB: um… yes, it is.
CG: GO DROWN IN A PIT OF SCORPIONS.
EB: geez, sorry.
EB: nice to see you too.
EB: i just wanted to talk to you.
Gritting my teeth, I consider. Honestly, nothing too terrible could come out of talking to him for a while. At least, hopefully not.
CG: THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?
EB: well, i just wanted to talk to someone…
EB: and nobody else was available.
CG: ABOUT COOKIES AND TEA?
There's a pause. Too long of a pause.
CG: WHAT ABOUT, SLIME HUFFER?
EB: nothing much…
EB: life, i guess.
CG: WHAT ABOUT IT? THERE ISN'T A WHOLE FUCKING LOT TO IT.
There's another long pause. Almost too long, and, beside myself, I start to get kind of worried.
Oh, wait. New message.
EB: i… i guess…
EB: karkat, could I tell you something?
EB: i just need to talk, i guess.
EB: get these feelings out.
I sigh heavily. In reality, I… guess I don't mind this kid. And something sounds off- he doesn't sound like his usual obnoxious-bubbly-happy self.
As much as I wish it didn't, it kind of concerns me.
CG: FINE. JUST PUKE YOUR EMOTIONS ALL OVER ME LIKE I'M SOME EMOTION-VOMIT TOILET.
EB: it's just…
EB: the kids at school are always telling me i'm stupid and terrible and annoying and how i should go kill myself.
EB: but now i'm starting to wonder if i should?
I hesitate for a second. People dying is bad. Especially when they're people I decently like. Or at least don't completely hate. All the time.
Then another message comes through.
EB: it's not like i haven't tried before.
And that concerns me.
CG: WHOA WHOA WHOA.
CG: BACK THE FUCKING TRAIN UP.
CG: DON'T KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE SOME FUCKWIT HALF-BRAINED DOUCHEBAGS WITH NO LIFE ARE BULLYING YOU.
EB: well, i just don't think anyone wants me around anymore.
CG: I'M SURE SOME OF YOUR PATHETIC HUMAN FRIENDS CARE.
EB: i don't know about that.
EB: they don't really seem to sometimes.
CG: ARE YOU JUST GOING TO FUCKING DESERT YOUR MORAIL?
EB: i don't know about her either…
EB: karkat i really just don't want to live anymore.
CG: I BET SOMEONE WANTS YOU TO LIVE.
EB: not really…
EB: i don't think anyone really cares.
CG: WELL, I FUCKING WANT YOU TO LIVE.
Fuck. Did that just slip out? I usually don't say things quite that rash.
EB: i'd think that you would be the happiest.
EB: i mean, you hate me.
I groan slightly. This is not a place I want to be.
But… I need to save this kid's life. Even if he's just thinking about it, I can't lose another friend. Not if I can save them.
Wait, did I say friend? I meant not-enemy.
CG: NOT AS MUCH AS I PUT ON.
CG: I MEAN, I TELL MY FRIENDS TO GO DIE EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY.
CG: DOES THAT MEAN I REALLY WANT THEM TO?
CG: FUCK NO.
EB: i… i guess.
EB: but you just want me to live so it's not your fault.
CG: NO, YOU MORONIC TWAT. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR NOOK FOR HALF A SECOND.
EB: well, why would you care?
CG: YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME COME OUT AND SAY IT, AREN'T YOU?
EB: say what?
Damn. Fucking. EVERYTHING.
And then I take a step back and realize that I can't put my pride over saving Egbert's life. He's not a terrible person, he doesn't deserve death.
So I do say it.
CG: YOU *ARE* ONE OF THOSE PATHETIC GOOD-FOR-NOTHING FRIENDS, SHITMONGERER.
EB: wait, really?
EB: i didn't know that!
CG: THAT'S BECAUSE FRIENDS ARE NOT SOMETHING I FUCKING TALK ABOUT.
CG: I TRY NOT TO HAVE VERY MANY.
I fail, of course, but Egbert doesn't need to know that.
EB: well, seeing as you're my friend, would you mind coming over here and helping me?
EB: i kind of… already tried…
I've had to help someone through these, and it was hard. Plus, I might have to take the kid to the hospital, and that wouldn't be a lick of fun.
CG: GOOD FUCKING JOB.
CG: I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
CG: DON'T DO ANYTHING UNBEARABLY STUPID UNTIL I GET THERE.
EB: see you then.
ectoBiologist (EB) has disconnected.
I close my husktop and run my temples slightly, trying to mentally prepare myself for this. I don't know what I'll find, how he's tried to kill himself, how far GONE he is.
And it's that terror that makes me get up and walk briskly down to the kitchen. I pop my head in the doorway to see my lusus cooking dinner. "Carmine, I'll be back later," I sigh.
He looks up to me and cocks an eyebrow. Apparently, back on Alternia, lusii were these weird animal things. Now, though, after grubs are hatched, stable trolls are supposed to go find one that matches their blood color and raise it until it's also stable. It's more like a human parent, I guess. "Where are you going?" he asks, dark eyes questioning.
"Can't tell you, someone just tried to seriously fuck their life up and I have to go attempt to put them back together somewhat."
He sighs. "Don't get into trouble and stay smart." He kisses my cheek and I make a face, though more from habit than anything. I love my lusus to death, and he knows it.
Walking quickly, I make my way to Egbert's house. It's not far, but it's still far enough that I start to worry.
I have to hope that I'll get there in time.