Chapter One – Glass
I woke up that morning feeling particularly awful, miserable and guilty about what happened to Peeta.
After all, it was my fault that he got tortured, hijacked and who knows what else, well he does.
I didn't want to get out of bed, because I really didn't have a purpose to do it.
I wasn't allowed to go hunting, since the doctors and Haymitch didn't trust me with a bow and arrow anymore.
I was cooped up in my lonely house in the victor's village with two daily visits from Greasy Sae which I wasn't looking forward to.
It just reminded me of the people in district 12 before the bombing, sure we didn't have enough to eat, but everybody was pretty happy.
When the kids weren't at school, they played in the streets as miners were heading down to the mines for their daily routine.
Women who stayed home would be washing clothes or cleaning.
It was a typical day in district twelve.
And I missed it so much.
Thanks to me the ''great, brave and strong ''mocking jay this was all gone.
I felt too horrible.
I missed these days. Thinking about this just got to think about my father and how I missed him so much he would be one of the few people who could cheer me up.
He would hug me and sing until I felt okay again.
Thinking about my father got me thinking about Prim and I missed her so much too.
I missed her laugh and smile while we would dance around the house together.
I hated Gale so much for even being part of the event that killed my little sister, even though deep down, I knew that it wasn't his fault, though I didn't want to accept it.
I hated the Capital and Snow and Coin and I... I hated myself too.
It's not fair that I got to live while other innocent people who never did anything wrong, died because of what I did in those first games.
I should have just let Peeta kill me.
I miss him also.
Every time we cross each other outside I just ignore him. I know he looks at me hoping to have some kind of contact, we haven't spoken in months, and when his beautiful blue eyes meet mine,I feel better
. But I just can't do it. It's too painful. And I don't know why.
As soon as I know he's looking at me I run inside and cry , hoping he doesn't hear me.
All this was running through my head as I just lay there in my bed feeling so dead.
I have nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to.
I stared to get a little dizzy, probably because I hadn't eaten anything last night but a few spoonful of soup Greasy Sae had made me.
I just had it with this.
I couldn't take more of it.
It was probably 10:30 in the morning so Greasy Sae would be out of my house already.
I had my chance.
I know it's not right but I just can't live like this anymore.
I got up slowly and headed to the bathroom and looked into the mirror.
I had bags under my eyes because I basically didn't sleep anymore.
Every night was the same damn thing night after night, nightmare after nightmare, about mutts, blood, fallen tributes, about Finnick being destroyed by those horrible alligator mutts, Prim being tortured or Peeta strangling me and the list went on, it was endless.
My hair was a mess.
Up in a high pony tail because I just didn't care enough to braid it anymore, it was full of knots.
I turned slightly so I could see the horrible scars on my back.
Ugly. I was just ugly.
I remembered how they would dress me up and do my makeup, Cinna made the most beautiful dresses.
I missed him and he didn't deserve the end he got, again that was my fault.
I longed for that girl, she was so pretty and confident looking.
But I knew that girl, and she was very afraid too.
And here she is completely different, miserable, frustrated and going mad, because nothing made sense to her anymore.
I screamed at the mirror as I splashed water at it, wanting to get away from that mirror.
I went down to the living room that my sister and mother had once walked in actually thinking life was going to get better before Snow and the Capital ruined it all.
My sister was dead and my mother was far away.
I was alone.
I could smell the pancakes Sae had so kindly made for me.
But I didn't lay one finger on them.
I noticed there was a medium-sized box on the coffee table in front of the fire-place.
A tiny smile appeared on my face thinking it was from my mother.
I slowly pulled off the tape of the top flaps, only realizing I was so weak, I could barely do it.
What I found inside was a note written on it was the address of who had sent it.
It was from the capital.
After I read the note, I learned that this was a '' feel better gift'' from someone I didn't even know.
I didn't want this. I was furious.
I tore away the newspaper revealing a beautiful set of plates glasses, mugs, and silverware and tea cups.
A beautiful glass dining set. I instantly hated it.
Why did people even care about me? I was the cause of so many deaths. I just lost it. I grabbed a mug and threw it against the nearest wall while I screamed at it. I did this with two plates, four tea cups, two mugs and one glass.
I screamed until I was almost out of breath and until my voice was almost gone.
Then I got an idea. I could end all this here and now.
I smiled as I picked up a new glass plate it was pink with roses engraved.
It reminded me of Prim so I set it down and picked up another it was blue with a swirl design then I threw it at the wall on the other side of the room.
After destroying it I went over to the glass.
I smiled as I bent over to pick up an especially jagged pointy piece.
As I turned around I cut my feet on the ruined plate that was on the floor.
I sat down about two feet away from the glass remains and the wall.
I was ready to end it all.
As I grazed my wrist with the glass I thought about Prim, my father, Finnick and Rue.
I was going to join them. End my life of suffering and being tortured by my own thoughts.
''Finally'' I thought.
As I dug a little harder on my wrist with the glass letting out a small yelp I heard the door open, slamming into the wall behind it...