Elena doesn't really know how she got herself into this situation. Deep down she knows she never wanted to be a vampire but for some reason she just doesn't care anymore. It feels nice and liberating to be brutally honest and just randomly kill people to get her point across. She knows that if her parents could see her know they would be so disappointed in her but could they really blame her? She practically lost each and every single person she ever loved. Her adoptive parents died, her real parents are dead, Jenna, Alaric and Jeremy are all gone. And maybe Stefan didn't die but she sure as hell lost him somewhere along the way.
She knows she kind of blames Rebekah for ruining their relationship but that's not totally true. Deep down she knows that she singlehandedly ruined their relationship by turning into the person she never wanted to be and sleeping with Damon. Sleeping with his brother, what the hell was she thinking? Apparently she wasn't. Now that she has a clear mind and had time to think about it in this crappy basement cell they put her in she knows that it was the sire bond that defined her entire relationship with Damon. She never truly loved him, not like she loved Stefan.
She doesn't feel anything for the both of them at this point but she remembers how she felt about Stefan at one point.
He was her life, her entire universe, she would do anything for him and now, now it's all gone.
She destroyed the best thing she ever had in her life and at this point she couldn't care less.
It was actually kind of funny seeing the two brothers working together to get her to flip her humanity switch. Did Damon really think that calling himself her 'date' or her 'boyfriend' would stir up any emotions?
As she told him at the dance, she doesn't feel anything for him and the fact that she told him she loved him and that it was the most real thing she ever felt was the sire bond talking.
She enjoyed seeing the hurt look on his face, he had that coming. He took advantage of her and she wasn't going to let him get away that easy.
And then there was Stefan, pure, loving, honest Stefan. Trying to get her to feel with the strolls through memory lane.
So, she enjoyed dancing with him. So what? That doesn't mean she felt anything during it. Okay, maybe that's not completely true. She did feel something; she just didn't want to feel it.
She knows that if there's one person on this planet who can make her feel things she doesn't want to feel it's Stefan. Somehow he always knows how to get to her and which buttons to push to get a reaction out of her. She thinks back to the night of the dance and all the people she verbally or physically hurt that night. Stefan seemed to get the least of it, why?
She couldn't really answer that question herself. The only hurtful thing she said to him all night was 'What heart?' When he asked her if her heart really refused to remember. And she knows deep down that her eyes betrayed her when she said that.
She wanted it to sound hurtful but instead it sounded weak and uneasy. Because she knows deep down he was talking about the heart he still holds.
She's getting really annoyed with herself when she thinks about all of these things. And yes, she knows that annoyed is an emotion but sometimes some things just creep up on her okay!
She looks around this stuffy old cellar and thinks about the times that Damon & her worked together to lock Stefan up. The first time when he couldn't control his bloodlust and the second time when he was the one who flipped his switch.
Did she really do that to him? Now she knows how he must have felt and if she would let herself feel anything she would probably feel sorry for him.
Right now she has a lot of time on her hands and the only thing her mind seems to be doing is thinking. Suddenly a terrifying thought occurs to her. She thinks back to the time in the Lockwood Cellar where Lexi and her tortured Stefan to feel something, anything.
Would that be their next tactic, tormenting her into feeling something? Oh god no, anything but that. Wait, what? Was that fear she was feeling? Fear of being tormented into feeling again? That's some serious fucked up shit.
At this point she would practically do anything to get away with not getting tortured. She seriously needed a plan. Maybe she could fake getting her humanity back? Would they buy it? Damon maybe, but Stefan would be the bigger problem. He knew her like the back of his hand and he could probably totally tell when she would be faking. But, wasn't it worth a shot? Wasn't it better than getting tormented and tortured into feeling? She thought about it for another minute before calling both Stefan and Damon downstairs.
"Yes, Elena. How can we help you?" Damon's voice sounded harsh but the minute he saw her crying face he softened and frowned.
"It hurts, it hurts, Damon please. It hurts" Elena summand up all of her acting abilities to try and fool him.
Apparently it was working because he opened the doors and both Stefan and Damon walked in. Stefan walked silently and tentatively behind Damon who kept his eyes solemnly on her "I don't know what happened. Jeremy died. Everybody died on me, Damon. What did I do to deserve this?"
Damon looked from Elena to Stefan for back up but Stefan just shrugged his shoulders and walked away.
"Damon, what happened to me? I don't know what happened. Why do I feel like this? It hurts so bad. I killed people, Damon. I killed people. I'm a terrible awful person" Inside Elena was giggling like a little girl because she could see by the look on Damon's face that it was affecting him and that she was getting to him.
"Elena, I think you need to rest up and we can talk about it later. I'm going to get Stefan" the moment Damon walked away from her and left the door open she vamp speeded through the doors, up the stairs and bumped into a tall broad figure on the top of the stairs.
"Elena, Elena, Elena. You might have fooled Damon but you're never gonna fool me" He picked her up and carried her back into the basement. He sat her down on the stretcher and closed the door behind him but didn't leave
"How did you know?" Elena wasn't surprised that Stefan could see all through her actions but she needed to know how.
"First off all you forget that I had my humanity off not that long ago and second of all I could see it in your eyes the moment I walked in"
To say that she was baffled was an understatement "My eyes? What's with my eyes?" She looked at him and he just cast his look down and was unable to look her in the eyes. He stood up and started walking towards the door.
"You eyes are harsh brown and cold, they're nothing like the loving amber eyes my dear sweet Elena once had" He stood up and walked towards the door.
"I just hope one day it's not an act you put on to please us, Elena. I still have hope that one day those big sparkly amber eyes are going to look at me the way they used to. Full of love and emotion. One day, Elena. One day"
Stefan closed the door behind him and didn't look back. Elena rested herself back on the stretcher and sighed. All of a sudden her own voice rang inside of her head and it rattled her to her core
'you had hope Stefan, that's all I ever wanted you to have and you had it' She had to swallow back something. Damn him for trying to get through to her. It was true though, all she ever wanted was for Stefan to have hope and now he had it and she was the one who didn't have any left.
But a little voice far far away inside her head kept telling her 'sweet precious Elena, how the mighty have fallen'
Maybe, just maybe, there was something worth saving deep inside her after all. But as soon as that thought came, it went again.
No, this was who she was now and the sooner they all accepted that the sooner they could all go about living their lives.