It's been months since Peeta and I returned home from the games. We both moved into the victors' village. The capitol insisted on we share the same house but it's not just the two of us. Prim and our mother are staying with us as well.
I don't like to count Peeta as a victor, only because if it wasn't for my idea he'd be dead.
Prim and I are in the meadow singing. "Deep in the meadow, under the willow, a bed of grass, a soft green pillow". We have a basket next to us filled with fruits and water. The handmade basket woven by the one and only Gale Hawthorne.
He spends the weeks down in the mines, Sunday is the only day I get to see him, and when we are around each other, things aren't as friendly as they used to be. Gale has-changed. Not changed as in his appearance, I mean change as in his personality and he likes to do… things… to me.
I softly add beautiful flowers in Prim's soft blonde hair as I decorate her head with colors. She intends to do my hair next, and I don't mind.
"Katniss…" Prim says softly cutting me off from my singing. "Yea" I reply, "I um, I wanted to ask you something" she starts off. "What, is it private?" I ask stopping what I'm doing to turn her around and look her in the eye. "Not about me…. It's about you". This surprises me. "Mom said she'd heard some….noises coming from you and Peeta's bedroom".
The blush on my cheeks is so noticeable I see prim acknowledging it. "Oh. Yeah um, that was nothing we were just …." I try to make up a fast excuse. "You two were just having sex" she says seriously.
How does she know what it is she's only thirteen? "Oh, you know what it is" I ask shakily. She shakes her head "no, I just know the name". I feel relieved, "okay good" I say.
A cold breeze blows past us, autumn is approaching. "Come on, we should get back" I say packing away extra flowers into the basket; we can use them for the center piece in our dining room table.
We head back home, walking through the door just as gray storm clouds begin to show up. "What is sex Katniss?" she asks. "Now don't you worry about that, it doesn't really matter" I say. She nods understandingly, but her face has a look in it, a look of confusion that ive never seen before. It makes me worry.
At dinner the four of us sit at the table and eat, once again I feel awkward being the only one at the table with brown hair, so I try to invite the Hawthorn's over for dinner as much as possible.
Tonight I must fight through the awkwardness and enjoy my food. I told Peeta what Prim told me and now he won't stop glancing at me.
The only reason Peeta and I were having sex is because he was trying to calm me down from a nightmare that had scared me awake. He gently held me, whispered to me, and kissed me, then without thinking I took his hand and slid it down my night pants. It was the most amazing night of my life, so exhilarating.
I stuff a piece of steak into my mouth and chew hard on the tuff meat. My mother is upstairs in her room. She's tired and wants to rest, I feel the same way. I just want to go into our room and cuddle into Peeta's large arms… but my plate is still full.
"Peeta what's sex?" Prim blurts out. I choke on my steak, but manage to swallow it. What!? Why is she asking, I told her not to worry! Peeta doesn't look embarrassed or surprised at all, he's completely calm. He puts down his utensils, takes a sip of his water and says, "well young Primrose, sex is a uh, it's a really beautiful thing you know, expressed by a man and woman who love each other very much" he says. I lay my head on the table and push my plate away; I can't eat during this conversation.
"Okay, so what happens during sex, how does it work" she asks. "Well…. Okay let me start over. Say there is a boy and a girl and they really like each other, like A LOT, then they want to show a way to express their love, so they have sex". "Yeah but HOW" she asks.
"Oh, you want to know how. Wow, ok, um, well to have sex first a man has to… insert his uh… his… you know… penis, into a girls… vagina". "Goodnight" I say getting up from the table; I don't want to hear about this. "Wait Katniss stay you need to talk to your sister about this more than I do" he says catching my hand and sitting me onto his lap. I groan and sit quietly as he continues.
"So they do that during sex and, you're basically naked during the process" he says. "So you two saw each other naked" prim asks, her face grimaced with disgust. "Yeah, yea we did" I say finally.
"yeah so, uh, a girl has eggs inside of her body okay, and during sex, those eggs might get fertilized by the man's… semen and the girl might get pregnant" he says. "So, you're saying that having sex is what makes babies" she says. "Yup, that's how you and Katniss, me your parents, grandparents, it's how we were all made." Peeta says. "So you two were trying to have a baby". "Oh, no of course not" I say.
We continue our talk with prim until she understands, then unable to eat, we all just head off to bed. I close and lock the door to our room and undress to put on my pajamas. Peeta is already in bed, watching me. I dress in nothing but a tank top and underwear. I climb into bed with Peeta and his arms wrap around me, comfortingly. "That wasn't embarrassing for you" I ask. "No, what's the point of being scared if you'll have to have the same talk with your kids one day.
I always used to say that I didn't want kids, but I do want Peeta, and if it's the only way I can get him then so be it. He kisses me, his lips taste of that delicious steak I didn't get to finish eating. "Mm you taste good" I whisper. "Im about to make you feel good" he says.
"Oh really" I reply grinning. "Yup". "How". "Well first I'm going to remove this" he says pulling my shirt off of me, "and these, they're way over rated" he takes off my underwear and spreads my legs. He slips two fingers inside of me and I giggle. "How do you have sex Peeta" I say trying to imitate prim. "Well, first the man must insert his penis into the woman's vagina" he says sticking himself inside of me.
Wow he feels amazing inside of me. I rub my fingers through his hair and hold him down until I can feel his heartbeat pump against my chest. Peeta glides in and out of me gracefully, gently, it's incredible. His face buries between my head and his shoulder. He licks my neck, kisses my lips and enjoys my chest.
Years of kneading pounds of flour pay off on nights like these. I love it when he uses those hands to shove my breast, then I guess he visualizes them as bread and he exerts more pressure, more tendency, and it feels so. It's so good that I want to just shout, but I don't.
Peeta continues to pound me, and pound me hard, it's driving me crazy. "Oh Peeta yeah! I whisper loudly. "Oh, Katniss" he says quietly.
Peeta and I rotate me on my side and him right behind me, my leg up in the air. Peeta slides himself into me much easier now and we continue even faster.
Usually Peeta and I go through rotation a couple times, and then stay at one position that makes everything feel best. Peeta grabs onto me as he finishes, letting himself drip inside of me while he slows down.
The next day Peeta has to go down to the bakery and work, my mother works in the garden, sending Prim back and forth to the hob for supplies and material. It's chilly out and I pulled on a jacket, gloves a scarf and boots. My hair is in its usual braid down my back.
I take one of Peeta's jackets with me to the woods because I know gale will be cold. It's Sunday again and we take advantage of the day off to just be around each other, maybe hunt a little, but Gale as every Sunday has other plans.
When I was younger my father found an old log cabin just next to a lake, we would make small fires there and eat some of what we'd caught then pack up the rest to bring home. I showed the cabin to gale and now every Sunday he takes me down there, not to relax but for other reasons.
"Hey catnip, I was waiting for you to show up" he says. I get scared, I don't want to be here anymore, I want to go back home, but it's too late to turn back. Gale has to get what he wants. He's nineteen, pretty much an adult, and how old am I, seventeen. I have no control over anyone.
The key is to not show fear.
We go inside of the cabin and shut the door. Inside next to the door is a little light switch which reveals a brick fire place, and small bathroom and a bed. Gales takes my hand and walks me over to the bed and we stand next to it. He looks down at my chest, "t-take your shirt off". I do as I'm told and drop it at my feet, "and your bra, c'mon catnip you know the routine we've been at this for months" he says.
I unhook my bra; drop it, and gales arms wrap around me immediately, his face and mind, lost in my breast. "Ah, ow, ow gale you're biting me" I cry in pain. He's hurting me, he never realizes it though.
This started when Peeta and I had just gotten back, the next day was a Sunday and gale and I came out here to talk.
"You know I missed you so much catnip." He said. "I missed you too, and your hair" I replied tousling his hair. He laughed and did it back to me; pretty soon we were running around hitting each other until we fell in a shrub, him on top of me. He looked me right in the eye and said, "Katniss I love you. I want you to… to show me your body, let me touch you" and I did, I let him look at me, touch me, kiss me, he got to do things to me that I had never done to any man…not even Peeta. Then the next week he asked again and I refused, so he said that if I refused he'd tell about what -I'D- done to him during our first time.
But what he hasn't realized yet is that he's blackmailing his best friend into having sex with him. I don't know how he resorted to that but… it sure does seem to be working for him. He also tells me not to tell anyone, which I can't argue with. If word got around that I was having sex with gale- constantly! Who knows who will find out. There must be a way for at least one person to have immediate contact with the capitol. And after the games people expect me to be in love with Peeta only. And I am but now that gale has control over me there's no way that they could find out, because I won't tell anybody. Not a living soul.