It all started when I aimlessly unlocked Chrom and Frederick's C Support, and I was met with a line that'd have sparked a lot of controversy among the Shephers. "It's milord in a bold pose-naked, save a scale in one hand and a sword in the other," which then was followed by the fact that Frederick put the "Chrom Wants You!" poster in every tent.
Chrom obviously took them all down before everyone could see, somehow, anyway. But…what if EVERYONE saw the heinous poster?
So then, I moved on to this: a small one-shot that has EVERY single non-extra, DLC character of the game, in order they're recruit-able (save for Chrom and Frederick, of course). As such, this one-shot contains spoilers for all the characters that join the army before the final battle is reached. It will ONLY spoil characters and their little personal endeavors like "Marth" for example, not plot-related places.
I encourage all Uncle Sam followers to read on, enjoy, and review.
Disclaimer: This one-shot isn't going to be held responsible for making young twisted minds think of complete erotic moments with naked Chrom.
~ Chrom and Frederick's C Support – Extended Edition ~
It was a nice morning before the large army of Shepherds would move to their next objective in order to save the world from ultimate destruction. At least this was the usual train of thoughts that haunted the likes of Lucina, which were surprisingly not that many only because everyone in her side was nuts in some way or another, especially Owain…and Cynthia. Chrom's side was also guilty of this. Everyone, including his little sister Lissa, was insane as well. The girl's got a fear of lemons, for crying out loud.
Even Frederick the Wary was insane in his own kind of way. But today, oh boy, was it really nasty…
"Ah, and one final thing," Frederick began as he and Chrom were talking inside the barracks of the always-moving camp, "I've taken measures to raise troop numbers and morale. I had an artisan create posters emblazoned with your noble image. It's milord in a bold pose-naked, save a scale in one hand and a sword in the other."
What, was all Chrom thought during that brief moment.
"And at your feet, I scrawled our new recruiting motto: 'Chrom Wants You!'"
They were all recruited already. Why go through the trouble t-
"I had them pinned inside each and every tent." Chrom started sweating bullets. Frederick the Wary was never a man that lied. Everything he said was serious and honest it was pretty brutal. With a knowing(?) smile, Frederick said, "Surely the troops will be thrilled to rally behind their common leader, milord."
As if he was going to experience a complete mental meltdown that would kill the likes of Grima the Fell Dragon in one fell swoop, Chrom responded with a, "…Wait. You did what?!" he stuttered. "In whose… You hung this pict… In EVERYONE'S tent?!"
Right around when he said that, the whole camp was waking up, their bodies not ready to handle the sheer amount of randomness of their naked leader demanding them to join the war against their wills.
It was a memory that would forever haunt Chrom.
Robin had been fallen asleep over his desk full of maps and chess pieces that resembled some of the people of the army. As he mumbled some incoherent things, he looked up and was met up by his best friend's radiant naked body on a poster. "A-aah!" he shouted, falling backwards on his chair. "O-okay, did Morgan do this to tease me? That girl…"
Stretching her arms up, Lissa sat up and smiled brightly. She planned to spend the day with Maribelle with a cup of tea. Hopping to her feet, she stood up…just to see a hideous picture of her amazing brother naked and telling her that she wanted her in the army. "KYAH!" she yelped. "W-what in the heck?! CHROOOOOOOOM!"
Sully was torn between blushing and unleashing her inner rage of embarrassment, so she did both, even though the rage area was bigger in body dominance. Wisely grabbing her Silver Lance, she shouted, "TO HELL WITH YOU!" and Critical Hit'd Chrom's picture right in the kiwis.
Virion started sweating bullets, seeing the horrendous sight of a naked man looking fervently serious at his pretty face. "B-by the gods," he muttered, turning around and frowning. "What did my elegant presence do to deserve this…morning punishment? I never received this ungrateful treatment back in my state!"
"H-hey now," Stahl began as he backed away from his little morning surprise. Because he was generally a nice guy like his archetype was meant to be, he chuckled nervously. "I-I'll join your side again if I need to, Chrom, b-but there's no need to go this far! L-look…you made me lose my appetite already!" He blinked. "…Eugh, that didn't sound too good, did it…"
Vaike yelped and almost went for his Killer Axe. "Chrom!" he yelled. "Teach ain't taught you this! You'll have to answer the Vaike personally for this!"
Miriel arched an eyebrow and adjusted her delicate glasses. Instead of blushing or screaming her intelligent head off, she held a nice composure. "Fascinating," she said as she stared, morbidly enough, at the picture from head to toe. "Color shading and lighting was correctly blended at the right angles, especially over the male reproductive organs. I can surmise that the artist did an astonishing job at…" Realization soon hit in that she was staring at a naked man. Falling silent, Miriel's cheeks blushed a bit, and then she walked out from her tent, wondering why there was a phenomenon that forced her cheeks to redden so suddenly. She thought it had been an ominous rise in temperature in her tent…
Although it was pretty damn obvious that Sumia held a very dear crush on her husband ever since before he suddenly went to her side and admitted his feelings for her, she was broken during the morning. Her husband's naked image in her tent could've been a nice gift in private… Wait, what was she thinking? She reddened like a fierce tomato and tripped down over an invisible rock during her hasty escape from her area; a trip that could have honestly snapped her neck in half, but miraculously didn't, just like all previous hundred times prior to the scandalous event.
Kellam's tent went largely ignored, much to his fourth wall breaking chagrin. Not that he could complain about getting the picture, though Frederick wondered why there was one picture left that had been left unused…
Donnel blushed a shade of red, not sure if lowering his pot head helmet was good. "R-reckon I ain't seen this kinda thing before. Ma always told me to stay away from…naked men cuz they'll make ya have some weird feelings," he said, and then he stuck his tongue out. "Must be somethin' to raise morale… Yeah, that be it! No way is this a joke!" He looked happy. "Awright, if he wants me, then Donny'll prove his worth, or Ma's gonna be in the dumps when I come back home!"
His brow furrowed to a dangerous level of intensity, Lon'qu stared vehemently at the poster. "It's bad enough my gynophobia is public knowledge by now," he muttered under his breath through gritted teth, ripping the poster off from his tent and then ripping it off piece by piece. "But it's even worse that people think I'm into…men! Basilio never treated me like this…" He scoffed and walked out to complain, all the while blushing.
Ricken pulled his mage hat down and looked away, feeling unsettled. "Is this what being an adult is all about? I-I don't want to get into this yet!" he said. "I-I mean, I don't want to be treated like an adult through this way! Who's the degenerate that put this picture in my tent? How infuriating!"
Maribelle blocked the heinous poster with her trusty parasol. "Now," she began, her right eye twitching, "every morning I expect the sound of birds to be my awakening call and a bright morning sun bathing my face. I…I just cannot have Chrom's…naked figure replace the latter! Father needs to hear from this to put that man in order, no matter if he's royalty or not!"
Panne winced at the naked figure of her army leader. "The man-spawn has weird ways to communicate with others," she muttered under her breath. "And people want me to repopulate the Taguel with them? Well, I already did without knowing…this beforehand."
Gaius wisely used a lollipop to block the intimate parts before opting to look away. "T-this isn't sweet at all!" he complained. "I demand sweets and jibs for putting this…thing in my tent without my permission! I already joined this army. Isn't that enough?!"
Cordelia always wished to have some kind of item to remember her failed, hidden crush on Chrom, but she was already married to someone else. However, having his naked image (which was by the way very alluring and erotic) in her tent would cause some serious fights between her and her husband. "Must destiny toy with me now?" she asked, looking defeated as she torn the picture into pieces. "How…how scandalous!"
"Eww!" Nowi bellowed, blocking her face with both hands. "I never knew Chrom was gonna put this in my tent! I'm a thousand-year old, for crying out loud! I'm not old enough to watch this!" She grabbed a Dragonstone and ran out, and then she came back in and took the picture off.
Gregor crossed his arms and stared at his employer's image plaguing his tent's space. "Gregor is confused. He don't knows what to be said for it." He looked around for a bit, falling into silence. "Feel weird in pants. Good reason to complain."
"In the name of Naga," Libra began to pray to herself…himself(!) as his back faced the poster, "I apologize any prior sins that I might have caused. I deserve this, no matter how unorthodox it is…" Opening his eyes, Libra walked out from the tent. "…This can't be a divine punishment."
Tharja shook in anger, clutching her trademark Nosferatu book with both hands. "I wanted a picture of Robin…" she hissed. "I don't care about Chrom. Give me Robin's naked form…"
Anna giggled to herself as she rolled the picture and stored it into a pouch. "The details of this picture are amazing! It should fetch a pretty piece of gold in the market as a one-of-a-kind deal," she mused to herself. "It was given to me and I didn't ask for it, anyway. It's incredible what I can do in an army!"
Olivia was an emotional wreck, finding no appropriate words to express her feelings about the picture. Ultimately, she decided that it was best to just walk away and ask someone else to take it down for her… But then, that would beg to ask why she had that thing in her personal space. This was such a dilemma to her; even bigger than her insecurity of being a shy dancer, if that made any sense.
Cherche could've said that the poster was charming, when it really wasn't. It was stupid and unnecessary, just like the imbecile who put it up against her newfound wishes. She was eternally grateful when Minerva ate the picture in a single bite after a moment of silence. "Good girl," Cherche cooed, rubbing Minerva's scaly chin with care.
"Niiiiiiice," a happy Henry said, thoroughly impressed with the picture. "I needed to get an item like this to perform a voodoo hex! But, um, it's gonna fall on Chrom… Snrk…" He snickered; a snickering sound that sounded devilish and mischievous. "Hopefully it won't kill him! Gonna have to make his death painless!"
Lucina had nightmares about the time she had sneaked up to her parents' quarters when she was younger; the night that was the start of Cynthia's birth process. It scarred her mind so much that it resurfaced when she saw her father's image keeping her sight busy. "Oh Gods, no," she muttered. "What a horrible…"
Owain looked extremely determined. "Uncle Chrom! I can feel it!" he exclaimed, pumping up a fist and furrowing the middle portion of his lips up. "The inner determination of this picture sends a wave of pure indomitable fighting spirit that gives me the strength to fight on in the name of the MOON!" He gasped and grabbed his twitching body part. Whether it was really twitching or not was a good subject of wild-mass guessing. "Sword hand…twitching…with power…! Can't…control…determination…! UAGH!"
"Ugh…" Inigo backed off from Chrom's naked form demanding him to be by his side. "B-by all means, this is incredibly…not good! Oh, I must get rid of this before the girls find it!" He took the picture off his tent's wall and ripped it apart. "I don't roll this way… No way!"
"MAAAAAA!" Brady shouted loudly, his gaze fixed on Chrom's private parts. "Sorry for not assitin' that tea party yesterday, but this ain't the way to get back at me! It's heinous, not tah mention very embarrassin'!" Perhaps using a Heal staff in his stressed eyes was a good idea in theory…
Kjelle wasn't so sure about Chrom's method, mostly because she didn't really know the reason of putting the picture at all. So, in the end, she tried to guess the hidden purpose. "He wants me?" she wondered. "Just how does he want me? I'm pretty strong, but that shouldn't be it…" Then, she realized too late what she was doing. "For heavens' sake, he's naked!"
Cynthia was very proud of her father for opting to create such a heroic pose that inspired work ethic among the heroes of the army. Then, she whined and said, "Hey, no fair! I was about to do this too! I gotta try to beat this by replacing his image with mine!" She giggled contently and ran out. "And he's serious about it! I can see his jewels nice and clear! It's natural I do the same!"
Severa made a face, looking very flustered. "And my mom used to have a crush on this guy? I can't understand her girly infatuation!" she complained. "Finally, something she's not so perfect at! But still…" she sighed. "It's kinda pathetic."
Minervakins had eaten the controversial piece of art in Gerome's tent, but the masked man was perplexed all the same. "Yet one more reason we shouldn't intervene in the affairs from the past," he wisely told his dragon steed.
Morgan smiled, completely oblivious to the general reaction the other Shepherds had about the picture. "Okay!" she said. "He personally wants me in the army. I can do a lot of stuff to prove my worth as a tactician!" She ran out in high spirits. "Today's a great day to be alive!"
Yarne indirectly trained himself to yelp and scream like a little girl, so he did the degrading action once he woke up and saw it in his tent. "W-why?!" he asked. "Are they secretly scheming to make me face extinction and choose suicide by putting naked people in here? T-that's so low!" He shook his head. "I-in their face! I'm not killing myself! So…" He dove into his bed sheets and covered himself in a hurry, his sight safe from the provocative artwork.
Laurent's glasses reflected Chrom's nakedness. Grunting, the dutiful scholar did the most natural course of action and approached the piece of art… He fixed the angle of the poster. It was tilted ten degrees to the right. "There," he said, sighing. "I can't stand this time's system of order… Then again…" He narrowed his eyes and stared back at the picture. "…Wait a second… Why is there a picture of Chrom naked in my tent?!"
Noire immediately screamed and clutched her Killer Bow with both hands. "W-what should I do?!" she asked to herself. "I-I don't want to get close to that picture! U-um…maybe my talisman will help me…"
Nah ignored the indignant "BLOOD AND THUNDER!" call and the ensuing maniacal laughs from the other side of the camp. Her full, undivided attention was on the horrendous naked Chrom demanding her to be by his side. "Now, now," she said. "What would be the best choice to get rid of this item? Perhaps a Dragonstone+ should be good enough. I firmly believe that there's no such thing as too much overkill…"
Say'ri was unimpressed with the Ylissean way to recruit people into the army, and she found no need to have a naked Chrom staring at her from her tent's wall. In fact, this was the very first instance that she saw a less informal method, unlike the leader of an army or a close friend approaching another during the heat of battle to convince them to join their side. "Yen'fay would've turned away from this… So, I shall do so, too," she said while wincing. Before she could leave her tent behind, the foreign unit came back inside and sliced the picture with her double swords, somehow keeping the wall intact from getting cut. Content, she left with a smile on her face.
Tiki never expected to see a naked Chrom in her tent. Several millennia weren't enough to prepare her for this outrageous sight. "Oh, Mar-Mar," she said, sounding disappointed. "The world you envisioned still needs fixing... So then, I shall work hard to prevent this kind of event from ever happening again." The determined, blank look on her face meant serious business.
Basilio blinked and looked at the picture, and then he laughed jovially and grabbed his sides. "Ah, these young'uns! It warms this oaf's heart greatly indeed!" he said. "Hmm, this method looks extremely convincing! I should do the same in Regna Ferox…but with ME in the picture! It would raise morale for sure! The day I reclaim the throne is closer!"
"Ha ha," Flavia grinned as she inspected the picture. "Something like this can cause a lot of embarrassment, but I admire Chrom for going ahead with it. Truly, his bravery knows no bounds."
Back at the barracks, Chrom didn't know that the large amount of people who were ready to complain about the controversial picture in their tents started moving out without permission. As he sweated, Chrom wanted to stab Frederick's sincere and serene smile as he said, "No need for thanks, milord. Merely doing my duty. And that concludes my report. Rest well, sire!" before walking away with hands resting behind his hips.
"F-Frederick! Wait! We really need to…" Chrom shouted, but Frederick got away, "…talk." It was his moment to walk out. Nobody needed to see the picture or else his reputation would be totaled, not to mention that his chances of dying by his friends' hands would become a sad, but cruel reality. "…Oh, gods. I've got to tear those posters down before anyone sees them!"
When Chrom stepped out, he was met by a large army that he swore he used to command ten minutes ago. He couldn't really tell if they were angry, happy, or confused. It was a huge mixture of emotions that made him reach the conclusion that this was extremely bad anyway. "Chrom," Lissa began with a stern tone, a vein ready to pop out from her forehead, "we kinda saw something when we woke up…"
Frederick, meanwhile, was busy cleaning the road between the tents from some gravel; the kind of gravel that got in everyone's ways that could cause some serious accidents. As he looked over his shoulder at the soldiers of their army shouting for Chrom's name (in a very frustrated tone that he failed to tell apart), he smiled and grabbed a broom. "Ah, another fine day to serve milord," he told to himself as he heard hundreds of footsteps running away to the west, with Chrom leading them. "I knew milord's soldiers would rally behind him. Still…" He arched an eyebrow as he remembered the leftover poster that was meant for a soldier (namely Kellam) in the army. "How could I forget to give one out? Hmm…"
The Ylissean king and his dutiful servant were too far away from one another for the latter to hear, "FREDERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!"
"Lethality!" Lon'qu said.
Years later, present day Lucina swore harshly. Her intrusion in the past had caused the doom of the world out of a magnificent event that had been incredibly pathetic to think about. "Well…" she trailed off, "when at first you don't succeed…" Gulping, she dove into the magic portal and donned her Marth persona, ready to correct the grave mistakes from the past once more.
Her solution was pretty simple in practice: keep her father from ever supporting with Frederick. If all else failed, she could just kill him herself, or kill Lon'qu and all the Lethality users. Guy wasn't even married to anybody.
Sadly, this was Casual Mode, and her father (and Robin) was immune to it, so it made the point void.