Vanessa Doofenshmirtz and Monty Monogram were walking down the street, hand-in-hand, on a gorgeous, sun-filled Friday afternoon. They were in good spirits, as they had plans for the weekend. Plans together, that is.
"I can't believe you got your dad to agree to let you borrow his secret lakeside cabin," Vanessa said, trying to hold back a chuckle.
"I just told him I was going to use it to go fishing with the boys," Monty replied. "Clever, huh?"
"Ah." Vanessa smirked. "Lying to your dad? Who's the one with evil genes again?"
Monty laughed. "Ouch."
The two started to pass alongside some barrier walls, which kept people from straying into a construction site.
"So, what did you tell your dad?" queried Monty.
"He was busy with Perry the Platypus. When he's around, he, like, zones out. I could've told him I had gotten a tattoo and he still wouldn't have heard me."
"That bad, huh?"
"I know, right?"
"Hey, LOOK OUT!"
The sound of a cable snapping above accompanied the vocal warning, but by the time Vanessa snapped her head upwards, a large metal girder was falling towards her...
...and it was too late to avoid being hit by it.
Fixing Vanessa Doofenshmirtz
Story Written by Freedom Fighter
As the title suggests, welcome to my newest Vanessa Doofenshmirtz story! You don't have to have read any of my previous Vanessa stories to understand this one. You do, however, have to be up-to-date with the show to this point.
This will be an interesting tale for many reasons, one of which is that this is my first time writing one revolving around the Vanessa-Monty coupling (not counting "Lovey Dovey," which was a one-shot off-shot). So this will not be easy...
With that, let's see what happens, shall we?
Disclaimer: The characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney, natch!
Chapter One - Who's Vanessa? (04.22.13)
Vanessa groaned in pain as she opened her eyes. As she reoriented herself, she heard an older woman gasp in relief as she got up and approached her.
"Vanessa! Oh thank goodness you're alright, honey!"
The black-haired, glasses-wearing woman wrapped her arms around Vanessa, embracing her in a thankful hug.
Vanessa looked confused as the woman pulled away to an arm's length.
"You were in an accident, sweetie! Near a construction site!"
For the first time, the brunette looked at her hands, and then down at her legs. She was wearing a hospital patient's gown as she sat up in a bed.
"Vanessa? Don't you remember?"
Vanessa looked at the woman as if she was a total stranger, even though she was actually her mother.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz burst into the hospital's C-wing, covered with patches of dirt and soot while gasping for air.
"I... I came as soon... as I... heard!"
Charlene, his ex-wife, apparently felt different.
"Heinz, that was three hours ago!"
"Well, there was traffic!"
Charlene did not believe him. But Heinz had no interest in making up a more believable excuse, as he was more concerned about...
"Vanessa! Vanessa, where is she?"
Charlene rolled her eyes and led her ex-husband to their daughter's room. Once inside, Heinz immediately ran to the bed where Vanessa was reclining in.
"Vanessa! Oh, thank the stars!"
He tried to hug her, but Vanessa raised her arms and pushed him away.
"I don't know who you are, you creep, but you better..."
"Is something wrong?" asked Charlene, walking into Vanessa's line of sight.
"Mom! This weirdo tried to hug me!"
"Hey!" objected Heinz. "I'm not a weirdo! I'm eccentric; it's not the same thing!"
"Honey," Charlene said, as she sat on the bed next to Vanessa, "that's your father you're talking to."
"You married HIM? Oh, Mom, you could do SO much better."
"Hello! I'm right here, you know! Still in the room!"
"I did. And then we got a divorce. You remember that, right?"
"No. But I'm glad you did, Mom! He's not even that good looking!"
"Still here! Sheesh!"
"Vanessa Doofenshmirtz! We may have had our differences, but Heinz is still your father. For better or for worse."
"Maybe so, but... wait, what did you call me?"
"Vanessa. That's your name, dear."
"No, no, the last name! Doofandsplat? That doesn't even sound like a real name!"
"I don't know what happened to you," snapped Heinz, pointing a finger at Vanessa, "but when you get out of here, we're gonna have a very stern talk about this!"
Charlene got up, grabbed Heinz by the arm, and pulled him out of the room. Once outside, she explained everything to him.
"She got hit by a falling girder and now she has amnesia? Oh, what, our lives are part of a soap opera now? Don't people know those are a dying fad?"
"Oh, right. Vanessa."
"The good news is that the doctor, thankfully, has reason to believe the amnesia is only temporary. It could pass in a couple hours or a couple of days. She was surprised that was the only quote-unquote injury she had."
"I'll say! I had a giant disco ball land on me one time, and I was in intensive care for a week!"
"The doctor did some tests, and if the results all come up negative, Vanessa'll be able to go home. I'll probably have her veg out on the couch all weekend, and..."
"Wait, you're taking her? Charlene, it's my weekend!"
"No offense, Heinz, but you don't honestly think..."
"You think I can't handle it, do you? Vanessa's my baby girl too!"
"I know, but..."
"You don't trust me to take care of Vanessa, OUR Vanessa?"
Several passersby, which included a mix of nurses and other visitors, starting staring at the divorced couple upon hearing Heinz raise his voice.
"Fine," relented Charlene. "You always have to make a scene..."
Charlene started walking towards the nurses' station.
"She'll be in good hands with me!" Heinz shouted after her. "And watch, by this time tomorrow, she'll be back to her good ol' authority-defying self!"
Proud that he had 'won,' Heinz went back into the room to look in on Vanessa once more.
"Don't worry, Vanessa! You're coming home with me, and I assure you, it'll only take one night with me to..."
"AS IF, JERK!" Vanessa rebuked.
Vanessa threw an empty bedpan at Heinz, which hit him in the face with more than enough force to knock him onto the floor, back-first.
"You called me a jerk instead of creep," he mumbled from the ground. "I think we're making progress!"
Meanwhile, at the secret headquarters for the Organization Without a Cool Acronym...
"Monty, get in here!"
Monty marched into his father's office. Upon doing so, he was thrown a key, which he caught without any trouble.
"There you go, son!"
"Thanks again for letting me borrow the cabin."
"Anything for you, Monty! Now remember, treat it as if it's your second home. 'Cause it technically is... the agency's paying for it as an off-site low-grade training facility. It's also the reason why we had to put off giving the agents their annual cost-of-living salary adjustment this year."
Carl poked his head into the room, having overheard that part of the conversation.
"Sir, how come this is the first I'm hearing of this?"
"Does the title 'Unpaid Intern' mean anything?"
"But my title's 'Paid Intern.'"
With that, Carl left. Monogram turned his attention back to his son.
"Like I was saying, treat it as if it's your second home! The next time I go there, I don't want it smelling like fish guts. Like after that one time Agent W commandeered it for use as a fraternity vacation house."
He then randomly smelled his left sleeve and quickly jumped back in revulsion.
"Oh, jeez, this is the one I used to wipe eyes off the wall! Two months later and the smell STILL hasn't come out!"
Monty slowly backed out of the room as his father smelled his sleeve once more.
"Holy mackerel! I don't remember there being any mackerel at that party!"
To be continued...