Sometimes, the Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad has to deal with less-than-wholesome acts on behalf of their leader, Makoto Yuki. As such, they have compiled a list on what they want Makoto to do, and how they expect him to act as their leader.
Makoto Yuki received the list one morning, and this is what it said:
Things The Team Expect Makoto Must Do While He Is A Member And Leader Of S.E.E.S.
1. Tartarus, while our main training ground, is not a challenge to my honor.
2. I can no longer attempt to go through the entirety of Tartarus solo.
3. I will not modify another gun to function as an Evoker.
4. I will not modify my Evoker to fire actual bullets.
5. We do not want to know the color of the female squad member's panties.
6. The female members however want to know HOW you know the colors of their panties.
7. Iwatodai is not Academy City, and Yukari is not "a fucking railgun".
8. Calling the police to Junpei's room "because there might be weed in there and he's not sharing" is right out.
9. Akihiko does not secretly want to have sex with Aigis, no matter how similar his voice is to Fallout: New Vegas characters.
10. Mitsuru is not "so rich she can't eat a damn burger." She can eat one just fine (just with a knife and fork).
11. Fuuka cannot connect to the Internet using Juno, and she does not look at porn whenever we aren't in Tartarus.
12. Aigis does not "increase her power levels to over 9000" whenever she goes into Orgia mode.
13. "Orgia mode" does not mean she will become a willing sex slave.
14. No, you cannot program her into one.
15. Shinjiro is not, nor was he at any point in time, a "hobo".
16. Ken is not a baby, and while he drinks milk, he does not need breast milk from the female team members so he can "grow up to be a big boy".
17. I cannot give Koromaru as a gift under the pretense that he is a stuffed toy.
18. Our organization is named S.E.E.S., not "Makoto Yuki's Harem of Awesome."
19. Nor are we The Avengers, The Watchmen, the Justice League of Iwatodai, or "Makoto Yuki, and the other, lesser Persona users".
20. Even though I am an orphan, that does not automatically make me Batman.
21. Omnipotent Orbs are not Dragonballs.
22. They are also not Poké Balls
23. The Personas are not Pokémon, and we are not Pokémon trainers.
24. Even if you give us cosplay of Pokémon characters.
25. The Arcana Shadows are not Colossi, and they do not have a glowing weak point.
26. The Arcana Priestess is not "asking for it".
27. The Arcanas Chariot and Justice are not parts of Voltes V, and we are not going to "make more so we can curbstomp the rest of the Shadows".
28. It is rude to call the Lost "the living dead", no matter how accurate that statement is.
29. Having Mjolnir as my weapon does not automatically make me Thor, and I cannot throw it and expect it to come back by itself.
30. The Dark Hour is not the Otherworld, and Iwatodai is not "Japanese Silent Hill".
31. We will not cosplay as Silent Hill characters.
32. I am not Jesus, even though I have Messiah as a Persona.
33. "It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission" no longer applies to Makoto Yuki.
34. "For Narnia!" is not an appropriate battle cry before fighting Shadow Arcanas.
35. So is "Avengers Assemble!", "Let's Volt In!", or "Release the 'sonas!"
36. "Harnessing the Elements of Harmony" is not a reason to create a harem.
37. Koromaru is not the ghost of Hachiko.
38. Rakshasa is not Deadpool, and I cannot make remarks that "break the fourth wall".
39. We will not go back to Shirakawa Boulevard, unless it is Shadow-related.
40. "Shadow-related" does not mean literal shadows.
41. Dyeing my hair white and wearing Shinjiro's coat does not make me the son of Dante.
42. Doing the same but dyeing my hair black does not make me the son of new Dante.
43. I am not allowed on the third floor under the pretense of a Photography club project.
44. Especially if it involves going into the rooms of the female members.
45. I am not allowed to end my replies with "in accordance to the prophecy."
46. Also not allowed to begin them with "According to the time line."
47. I am not from England, no matter how fluent I am in British English and how realistic my accent is.
48. We are not allowed to gamble within the vicinity of the dorm.
49. Strip poker is not allowed within the dorm, outside the dorm, or anywhere.
50. I am no longer allowed to show my teammates "Mara Jr."
51. Especially during Tartarus runs.
52. We do not want to know how you "met this hot MILF online".
53. I will also not encourage to further my friend's MILF fantasies.
54. Stop staring at that one corner in Tartarus, it's freaking us out.
55. The clock in Tartarus does not give used panties.
56. We do not want you to make a machine that dispenses used panties during the Dark Hour.
57. Especially if the source of said panties is from the girls of Gekkoukan High School.
58. Bebe is not proof of France's unconditional surrender to Japan.
59. Not allowed to swap Mr. Ono's lesson plan with the plot summaries of Ruroni Kenshin episodes.
60. "Strega are dicks", while somewhat accurate, does not mean you can spray paint it on the walls of Iwatodai Station.
61. Port Island is not the island of Yamatai, nor was it "separated from the mainland by Avatar Kyoshi."
62. Junpei is not related to any character from Fullmetal Alchemist.
63. Even though he says he is, he isn't.
64. I cannot use the revenge request website to assassinate the ENTIRE United Nations and take over the world.
65. The Japanese for goodbye is not "Hasta la vista".
66. "Because the Lovers told me to" is not an excuse for anything.
67. The Kyoto Incident never happened, and we will not talk about it ever again.
68. You cannot TP the school during the Dark Hour. Again.
69. We cannot "nuke the shit out of Tartarus." It is too costly and the public will notice the smoldering crater that used to be Gekkoukan.
70. Gunblades are impractical, and the Kirijo Group will not fund their development.
71. We do not "make contracts with demons and summon them from our COMPs."
72. We will not make Evokers designed as Nintendo DSes.
73. We are not calling Yukari "Yoohoo", even if Junpei agrees with you.
74. Urinating during the Dark Hour was funny exactly once. It was also funny the next three times. It stopped being so the fifth time.
75. Cats do not get along well with dogs, so bringing one to the dorm is not a good idea.
76. I will not compile the security recordings and sell them as "S.E.E.S. Gone Wild".
77. Just because it has "A" at the end does not mean Akihiko is required to wear Maid Outfit A.
78. Junpei cannot rhyme for his life. Please do not encourage him further.
79. I will not yell "Weird takoyaki is PEOPLE!" in the middle of the strip mall.
80. Especially not in front of the takoyaki stand itself.
81. We are not giving you guns, because Evokers are gun-like and easily mistaken as such.
82. We are also not giving you rifle-grip guns. You will only use it for evil.
83. While it is possible to use Persona skills outside of the Dark Hour, that does not mean you can use Garu spells to lift up skirts.
84. "Because it's gonna be so metal" is not a reason to modify an electric guitar to fire Zio spells every time you play it.
85. In fact, anything involving combative Persona skills is not allowed.
86. Mitsuru can do it because we fully deserve it if she does.
87. Hidetoshi Odagiri's and Chihiro Fushimi's positions in the student council are Disciplinary Committee Supervisor and Treasurer, respectively. They are not "the pimp and his ho."
88. I cannot say "May the odds be ever in your favor." whenever we go to the Monad Depths.
89. Nor may I call Yukari "Katniss", and the Shadows inside as Tributes.
90. We get it, you hate the the song on Tanaka's show. That does not mean you can kick him in the balls just to "feel what I feel every Sunday".
91. We are not going somewhere else to pick up chicks again. Akihiko is still bitter from his utter defeat against the opposite sex.
92. Takeharu Kirijo is not "The Governor", "Big Boss", or "Snake".
93. Mara may be skilled in Pierce attacks, but that does not mean you can "jam it in the Priestess and see what happens."
94. No longer allowed to initiate school-wide food fights. It took us weeks to scrape off the wasabi in the gym.
95. Naganaki Shrine is not, nor was it ever, a temple for human sacrifice.
96. We don't want to know how you managed to fit one million yen in the fountains in Paulownia Mall.
97. No longer allowed to write, draw and sell erotic items related to SEES.
98. We are not gluing gears on the Arcana Hermit "and call it steampunk."
99. I will not attempt to recreate "that badass paintball episode in Community" by giving paintball guns and armor to the entire student body.
100. I am not Harry Potter, and Personas are not "Patronuses".
101. There is no observatory in the school. Stop insisting that there is.
102. Not allowed to use this list as a checklist.
103. Akihiko cannot perform a shoryuken, and we are forbidding him to even try.
104. I cannot tattoo myself and call myself a Shadowhunter, no matter how accurate the statement is.
105. I cannot reenact that scene in Pulp Fiction with my Evoker.
106. Not allowed to lace Akihiko's protein with laxatives.
107. Yes, the crowbar can be used as a weapon. Yes, you are the top of your year. No, this does not mean you can legally change your name to Gordon Freeman.
108. "The End" by The Doors is not appropriate for the upcoming fight with Nyx.
109. "Let's Get It Started" by the Black Eyed Peas, however, is.
110. I will not shout "The power of Christ compels you!" whenever I summon Messiah.
111. I am not the Dovahkiin, and yelling out the names of my Personas is not the Thu'um.
112. We are not going to manufacture Tartarus-brand toothpaste. It wasn't funny then, it's not funny now.
113. While she technically can, Fuuka will not hack servers to give you "a shitload of gold in Diablo III".
114. There is no market for stuffed toys based on us.
115. There may be a possible local market for full-size pillows based on us but it is considered to be in poor taste if we do sell those.
116. We don't want to "burn your bread".
117. We will not "rape, kill, pillage and burn" the entire city during the Dark Hour.
118. You can do The S.E.E.S. Musical Extravaganza, as long as all the names are not ours.
119. I will not sing "Hot For Teacher" in the vicinity of Ms. Toriumi.
120. I am not allowed to create a RPG based on our missions.
After reading and re-reading the list, Makoto then promptly set it on the table and proceeded to head towards Paulownia Mall, where he spent all his money on Pheromone Coffee and went through the entirety of Tartarus solo.
AN: Yes, I made a P4 version.