Follow Your Veins- Chapter 14 - Everything's ok
Hello People! I am so sorry for this taking so long, but I vow to update sooner!
A/N: I own nothing!
Woke my weary head
Crawled out of my bed
And I said, "Oh, how do I go on?"
Nothing's going right, shadows took the light
And I said, "Oh, how do I go on?"
Sometimes I need a little sunshine
And sometimes I need you
I stare at the sunlight filtering through my window, my body becoming cramped because of how long I have been lying here. Moving would probably upset my constantly rocky stomach and make me vomit just like the last 20 times. Wonderful. After going into shock, Cinna pumped me with some sleepy drugs that kept me in a peaceful oblivion for a few hours until it wore off. Prim, Finnick, Peeta and my mother have all come to see me in the last two days, but they all had to leave.
Finnick had work, Prim's school year is starting again and Peeta gets to go home after recovering from his operation and coping remarkably well with the chemo until he comes back in two weeks for another dose.
Fantastic. Funny how I miss Peeta right now, even though I just saw him yesterday; he has been my rock in the hospital, the one that kept me laughing. But he's back with his family, relatively all right, not stuck in a hospital. I feel a pang of envy over his fortunate health and his ability to cope with everything so easily. But then I think of his lost leg and I feel guilt creeping into my head.
I actually kind of miss school now, wow, I never thought I would say that. I miss music class, and the break it gave me from the academic subjects. I miss my only friend, Clove who has been holiday in New Zealand for the last 3 weeks; She's back tomorrow, so I guess I'll have to call her. I suddenly feel a rush of guilt; I haven't even told my best friend that I could be dying.
There would have been no way to contact her since she's up in Queensland skiing but I could have at least tried. I've thought more about Peeta than Clove in these past few weeks, and my guilt doubles at the thought of how a person, let alone a boy, has gotten me to open up quicker than my best friend.
No! This can't happen Katniss, you know what happened to mum, and that could easily happen to you if you get too attached to this boy. And this is true, everything will be easier if I just keep my distance from new people (mainly Peeta) and just try to fight this; it's much less complicated this way, I convince myself. Okay, distance yourself and it will be fine. This will be quite easy since I don't think he lives in my neighborhood and I there is no way for him to contact me. Great plan. He might come back to visit me, though I don't know why anyone would come back to this hellhole.
"Deep in thought?" A deep voice asks me. I twist my head around to see Cinna smiling at me. "I guess so, what's happening?" I ask him, "Well, I am pleased to announce that you may go home tomorrow." He explains, "Really?". "Yep, I figured since you've settled down a bit, it would be good to go home for about 3 days, until you have to come back for another dose" Cinna explains. "But I thought I needed to stay for two weeks?", "Yes, originally but since your mum's a doctor, we figured you'd be right for a few days, get some fresh air" he said with a smile. "When am I leaving?" I ask Cinna, "In about a hour, after your mum has finished her shift". "Okay" I tell him with a smile.
My mum wheels me out near the entrance of the hospital, telling me she needs to sign some stuff. I tell her ok, and she rushes off to the reception area while I fiddle with the fraying edge of my 'go home clothes' which consists of leggings, a plain grey tee-shirt and a faded owl unisex jumper. It's a good thing my mum dosed me up with the nausea medicine because I bet I wouldn't be able to last the 15-minute car ride home.
I look up at the sound of the automatic doors opening and see Peeta walking in with crutches, but I'm stationed in a corner of the room so hopefully he won't notice me. Keep your distance Katniss, I tell myself so I take out my IPod touch and start playing the Gravity game. It seriously is a hard game! I try to maneuver the astronaut around to save the other person but controlling it and finding the person makes it hard. I stop playing and peek through my lashes to see Peeta talking to my mother, dammit I think and duck my head down when I see him heading my way. I continue to try and play the stupidly hard game, while I wait for him to reach my corner of the room.
"Hey" I hear Peeta say and look up to see his tall figure towering over me. "Hi" I said softly, putting away my IPod and leaning back into the wheel chair. "Where are you going?" he asks, "Home, Cinna said that since my mum's doctor I can go home early, but then come back in a few days." I explain. "Why are you here anyway?".
"I have to go for a physical therapy session so I was thinking I could pop in and see you, but since you're leaving, I'll see you later?" It comes out like a question. "Yeah sure", "Maybe, I was thinking, I could have your number?". Damn you Peeta for being so direct, I look up and see his hopeful face. "Um, ok" I tell him and recite my number to his waiting phone.
"See ya" He tells me and I wave back in answer. He walks away slowly, maneuvering his crutches around nurses and patients in the hallway. I hang my head guiltily, feeling terrible for being so distant to him but I know that it will only hurt him more if something happens.
My eyes are glued to the screen as I reach the final fifteen minutes of The Day of the Doctor 50th anniversary special. I have one of those woolen knitted blankets wrapped around my small form and a hot water bottle resting on my stomach, still tender from all the chemo symptoms. I have stopped vomiting after my mother gave me that medicine but I still feel undeniably queasy, like sitting on a rocky boat, clenching your teeth together trying to hold on to your stomach until the trip is over. Although I won't get off this 'boat' until the fifth or sixth day after chemo apparently.
I finish watching, hooked in suspense as the show that I have loved for years has its biggest celebration special in 25 years. A knock on the door snaps me out of my reverie, "Mum! The door!" I shout towards her general direction, which is probably near the computer or kitchen. She answers me by walking quickly towards the door, her heavy footsteps vibrating the floor. A wall obscures my view of the door but I can hear my mother talking softly to the figure. Before I can see who it is, Prim rushes past me, a smile brightening her face.
"Clove!" I hear her shout and can see the outline of their figures against the sun shining through the window.
I hear my name mentioned a few times and then see Clove's face pop into the living room, an unsure expression lining her features.
"Katniss!" Clove exclaims, taking in my disheveled and tired appearance. She takes an uncertain step forward but then pauses, "Are you alright?" I open my mouth to reply but the words get stuck in my throat; unsure of how to put this.
My eyes flick to my mothers but she just shrugs it's up to you and walks off along with Prim. "Um…do you want to sit down?" I ask and she nods, sitting on the opposite end of the couch.
"Ok, what's wrong" She states, raising a brow and looking at me curiously. "Uh…it all started a few weeks ago when- ugh! Never mind!"
I exclaim growing quickly frustrated. "Just tell me straight out" she says, "I have cancer". "Uh.. what!" Panic quickly overtaking her features.
"Yeah…. ovarian, stage IIC" I told her; since Clove's mother us a doctor she understands a lot of the medical crazy-talk. "Oh god…that's….bad" She looks up at me with pained eyes. "I am so sorry I haven't called you, you were in New Zealand and I didn't know how to contact you" I apologize.
"Is there anything else?" She asks, and suddenly the floodgates open and I tell her everything that has happened over the past few weeks. I even tell her about Snow and his crazy threat.
She stares at nothing for a few minutes, absorbing everything I had just told her, sorting it all out. Clove funny like that, she's extremely smart and calculates everything, which is why she will probably follow in her mothers' footsteps. Finally she just looks at me, trying to figure me out I suppose. "But are you alright?" She asks, "I-" the words choke me and a lonely sob escapes. She just holds my hand, listening through the stopping and starting of my jumbled thoughts. "What do I do?"
"What if the cancer spreads and the doctors can't stop it, the cells could already be in my bloodstream, ready to latch onto an organ and shut it down." I ask desperately, fear taking over my mind. "The chances are that they haven't, but if it has, you just try and live your life as best you can" Clove answers sadly.
"Thanks Clove, I really appreciate it," I say with a smile. "I know, just call me when you need some deep life insight because I'm your girl," she laughs. "Sooooo" she drags the word out, her eyes mischievous. "How's that boy? Peeta is it?", a smile pulling at her mouth. "Ugh- stop it! I met him in the hospital and we kinda became friends" I say, trying to avoid the conversation. "Haha, I see what you are doing", "Stop deflecting the conversation!" Clove exclaims. I sigh, and then just tell her of the internal debate that has been raging inside of me. How I don't want him to get too involved and how I could easily turn out like my mother.
"You're an idiot" Clove states as I finished, "excuse me!" I exclaim, a little insulted. "Why in the world would you try and drive away someone that can help you through this! From what you've told me he seems quite direct and is already involved, so you will only hurt him more." "Yes but-", "there's no buts, it's not complicated, I know that you hate relying on people but this is just one time that you will need some help." She tells me, I think it through, I can let him in and face either him watching me die or the other way around; even though having Peeta die from a sarcoma is very unlikely. My throat tightens at the thought, making it hard to breathe.
Why am I so attached to him? I have never felt like this towards anyone, not even Gale. I have no plausible answer to the questions swirling in my head, but I decide to ignore them and push all those thoughts to the back of my mind.
"Well, I have to go tidy up my room which is apparently 'disastrous' according to my mum" she says checking her phone. "I'll come back tomorrow or whenever, just text me", "Ok, I will" I say as she stands up. "Bye Katniss" she says, giving me a cautious one-armed hug. "See ya" I say to Clove, and wave at her as she heads down the road to her house. I lay my head against the couch, suddenly exhausted and quickly fall into a deep sleep.
I wake up to the banging of my mother getting dinner ready and slowly sit up and cautiously make my way to the stairs that lead to the bedrooms. Suddenly an arm cuts off my path at the base of the stairs. "Where do you think you're going?", Finnick questions, raising a brow. "Um, upstairs" I say, confused, "ding-ding wrong answer" He says with a smile. "What?", "You can't go upstairs" he tells me. "And why not?" I ask growing quickly frustrated.
"We're moving you into the guest room", Finnick tells me. "What! I don't want to sleep in there!", "well you have to, and soon you won't be able to walk up the stairs anyway". "All your stuff is in there anyway" he says, I give up and drag my feet slowly down the hallway to the guest room. I open the door and see my chest of draws in the corner and my pillow and bed sheets now on this bed. The only nice this about this room is that it has a window seat so I can sit and read a book in the sun. I sigh and sit down on the window seat, peering out into the darkening street. I can see a moving truck two doors down, that crazy cat lady must have moved out of her ginormous house.
In the fading light I can just make out a family carrying boxes into the house, I'm about to open the window to get a closer look -being the nosy person I am- but the creaking of the door behind me grabs my attention. "I know you don't like sleeping here but it will be better for you, I promise" my mother says handing me some nausea pills. I grab the water bottle by my nightstand and swallow them down, "there is a new family moving in down the street" my mother says. "I know, I saw them" I tell her, not really interested. "I was thinking maybe in a few days before you leave to go back to the hospital, on Monday, you could drop off some brownies with Prim to the new neighbors?" it turns out like a question. "Sure, whatever, I don't mind" I say to her and she walks off saying something about getting me something for dinner.
She comes back a few minutes later with some broth that will be all right for my stomach, and fill me with vitamin stuff that is good for my immune system. I sip it slowly, seeing if it stays down and gratefully it does after a fifteen minute wait. I finish it while the rest of my family is eating dinner, and slowly slip under the covers of the bed. After a while, I see light behind my eyelids and hear soft footsteps coming into the room. I feel Finnick and Prim kiss my forehead and say goodnight; after they leave I hear someone else enter the room and I know it is my mother. She softly brushes my hair back from my face and I hear her whisper "goodnight Katniss" and kiss me on the cheek. I still pretend to be asleep, not opening my eyes until after she has left. One small tear slips out of my eye at the years of not having a present mother, not having her kiss you goodnight or tell you she loves you. I sniff, trying to hold my emotions in and get to sleep; and I finally do, slipping away from consciousness and all my troubles.
Finally it is finished! Thank you to my amazing beta In the Blink of an eye for editing this chapter. I really do appreciate it :) If you any any questions/suggestions just PM me :)