Tw: mentions of sexual abuse


And so he'd run away from him again.

He was always the one chasing his light, Misaki's light.

But he had no right to look upon it anymore, or he would become a parasite on his warmth, hurting him over and over until there would be none left to sustain the both of them.

He didn't stop until he felt he was a good distance from Misaki's place, luckily Misaki was in no condition to chase him, and that was Saru's fault too.

What would he do now, he could not avoid him forever, a clash would be inevitable in this place. And Misaki would be looking for answers, ones he did not want to give. He heaved a sigh, walking at a slower pace aimlessly in the dusky streets. Misaki's flat was in a quiet part of the city, most people were still at the centre, going about their peaceful everyday. How nice to be so ignorant.

Oh it had started spitting a bit, Saru brushed water droplets from his face in annoyance. It would start raining soon he thought, covering the top of his glasses from the increasing spatter of rain.

"Well I never thought I'd see your pretty face again...Fushimi chan~"

Saru froze instantly, that voice was so familiar, so much so it had haunted his nightmares for years.

He thought he had escaped from all that, but then again there is only so far you can run before your problems catch up to you soon enough.

He turned a little, the water obscuring the view from his glasses slightly. The gruff voice came from a battered looking man right behind him. He was only a bit taller than Saru, but he had always thought he was so much taller when he was younger. The scars stood out from the dark face shadowed by the hood of his coat, the leering glare from his eyes leaping out like a predator. That face sent an involuntary shot of unadulterated fear through him, his mind regressing to childhood. Saru's eyes grew a little wider from the chill of terror, that face, that face he saw in the darkness, it wouldn't go away. This was real, it wasn't a dream, it wasn't a mere nightmare. It was breathing alive and well in his ear.

He was wide awake.

"You've really grown up so handsome haven't you, I've really...missed you Fu~chan"

That face was too close to him, he could feel the stench of hot breath on his ear, the familiar vice like grip on his shoulder. He needed to move, he wasn't a weak little boy anymore, so why couldn't he just MOVE?

He stood stock still like a fool, , the grimy touch of those monstrous hands broke down the wall in his mind.


10 years ago

Incense burning, such a strong memory. He watched the perfumed smoke curl into the cool air, only to wisp away into oblivion. He was kneeling in seiza style on the patterned cushion, expressionless. There was so much muffled chatter around him, all adults.

"Well I can't take him, we just don't have space!"

"Look I just don't feel comfortable around him, he isn't even the least bit sad over that incident."

"I can't take him either, my Mariko is to young to be associated with that child of theirs, she could be influenced."

"Shhh...don't talk badly of the dead.."

Those old bats, they knew he was listening why can't they just say it to his face...no one wanted him...and that was fine, he could handle it. He never saw those good for nothing excuses for parents anyway, they had always left him with a neighbour while they frivolously spent all their money. He was almost glad when they drove their car off that cliff, maybe he would get fostered out and not have to deal with those sneering relatives. He sighed, he just wanted to go home, but where was home? It certainly wasn't here anymore.

"I can take him!"

Saru was jolted out of his thoughts by the outburst from the back of the room, wait...what did he say?

A large man, well he was definitely tall from Saru's perspective moved towards him, parting the room of chattering noise in his approach. He looked clean shaven and slightly familiar, oh, Saru had seen him in the background at some of the family gatherings, they always left early since his parents always got dead drunk. He was some sort of second uncle or something, Saru wasn't too sure how the tree worked, they were still learning it at school.

The man leant down to him. "Hello Fushimi kun, you'll be staying with me from now on."

For some reason that smile disturbed Saru at an unconscious level, something wasn't right here. But he swallowed it down, at least he didn't have to stay with those stupid ladies over there.

Oh how wrong he was.


His 'uncle' opened the door to his new home. It wasn't really anything impressive, it was actually smaller than Saru's old house. Saru looked around curiously, it was quite cramped and a bit grimy but it wasn't too bad, yeah he could deal with this.

He stopped.

Why was there only one bedroom...and only one bed?

That was odd, did he have to sleep with this man every night? He understood the need for only one bedroom in this tiny space but didn't he at least have a spare futon?

His uncle had that creepy smile on his face again. It was really unnerving.
"Nee..Fushimi kun shall we get clean, you must be tired."
He pushed Saru towards the dim bathroom, there were residues of mould in the grout, it was just a small bath with a detatchable shower head.

His uncle started removing Saru's clothes.
"Um stop I'm old enough to shower myself!" Saru tried to yank his hands away from his shirt frantically. This was really weird, why did this man want to keep touching him?
He was too strong, keeping Saru in place with just one hand, shedding the clothes with the other.

"No...you can't...you could slip and hurt yourself Fushimi kun~"

Saru couldn't move, he had never felt so helpless against anything. His flailing limbs were pinned to his sides by that man's strength. Saru could only shiver from pure fear from the horrible foriegn feel of that man's touch on his bare skin. What did he want to do to him?

The calloused hands roved over his body in the silent bathroom, Saru' couldn't even scream, he tried but not a sound came out.

"Ahhh this is why I like young skin the most" the rough tongue migrated to the surface of Saru's neck. "So soft, so unblemished...so easily tainted."

He pushed Saru into the filling tub, the warm water pooling to his ankles, but Saru could feel nothing but the cold in the water, the warmth did not touch him. He tried to get out of the tub, get away, just anywhere away from this. But that man was always a step ahead, his arms already pressing him down in the rushing water, Saru winced in pain from the faucet digging into his back.

A large hand covered his mouth, pushing his head against the cold tiled wall. His vision was getting blurry from the heat and tears, but that man was taking out something from his pants.

Saru continued to struggle as the fleshy object moved closer to his face. He didn't understand what was happening...was he going to die here?

Saru let out a muffled scream of pain and confusion when he felt two digits impale his rectum. It was horrible, the sensation of the alien appendages moving around inside him, scraping at his muscle walls. He kept jerking around in the water in an attempt to push himself off the fingers but he was completely overpowered

"Oh you're a feisty one aren't you Fushimi kun. Another reason boys are more fun...they don't break as easily."

A languid leer spread over his face.

"And you know how broken toys just aren't as fun to play with."

He leant closer to Saru's ear as he forced another finger in. Saru kept trying to scream, no don't do this, but they were muffled into silence by the rough hand

"I hope you don't disappoint me Fushimi kun...helpful tip, if you stay quiet and still it won't hurt so much.."

Saru bucked and tried to scream louder. The man just smiled as Saru felt a sharp pain as another finger pushed through.

"I told you it would hurt more, you should take my advice from now on right..Fushimi kun."

Saru tried not to move, maybe if he did what he said it would be over sooner. Maybe he would let him go and he would wake up in his own bed.

Let this nightmare end.

He felt the fingers slipping out of him, to his relief. Oh thank you God it was over. Or so he thought.

As soon as the fingers left there came something worse. He hadn't expected honestly had no idea what was being done to him, only that it hurt and it shouldn't be happening.

That man was trying to push that disgusting fleshy object inside him. It didn't seem to fit but he didn't seem to relent trying. Saru tried to keep as still as possible to minimise the pain but the tears would come unbidden. Only when he finally pushed in and started moving with low grunting sounds did Saru realise what was going on. He didn't seem to care about treating a child gently, it was rough and incredibly painful for Saru. It seemed to go on forever, Saru could only try to focus his mind somewhere else, remember something happy, but there wasn't anything. He would have to ride this out and then he could run, run as far as possible and never look back.

It was finally over. The man had released some warm sticky stuff inside him, Saru watched blearily as the white substance swirled down the drain. He was being sprayed with water all over, he was so sore and tired from screaming. He couldn't get up without help, he was sure he was raw and bleeding inside.

He thought he would be able to run the moment that man let him go. But not a chance, the strong arms were around him and he was pressed against the repulsive presence in the bed. He really could not get out, he cried silent tears on the pillow, his breathing was shallow with those arms constricting his chest. He could try tomorrow, he had to let him go to school right, he could escape from there.

It was morning and Saru hadn't slept at all, how could he. He was sent to school, the man seemed practiced in keeping someone captive. He hadn't released Saru's arm the whole way until he was pushed through the school gates. Saru looked around and realised his school had such high walls he could only escape after school when the gates opened again, that was a miscalculation on his part. He would have to take his chances after school.

"Hey let's go to the arcade after school, want to come Fushimi kun?" a classmate nudged Saru. Saru wasn't really popular and had few friends, but he wasn't alienated by anyone. He leapt at the chance, he could surely merge with the crowd and escape. He tried to walk nonchantaly out the gates with the crowd of children, but to his sinking hopelessness he saw that man standing there waiting for him. He froze and quickly tried to hide in the crowd and erase his presence.

It was really impossible wasn't it. He was quickly yanked out of the group by that rough hand. A teacher ran over to ask what was going on. Oh good she could surely save him right?

"Ah I'm his new guardian, his parents entrusted him to me.." he took out some official looking papers, the teacher just looked embarassed and apologised. No...no no no he was really stuck with him, even if he ran they would send him back to him. There was no escape.

"Nice try Fushimi kun...I think you need to be disciplined for that though..." that smile was possibly one of the most disturbing expressions to cross that face, hiding and hinting all the horror to come. Saru should have died in that car, he wished he had, he would jump out in front of one right now if it meant it wouldn't happen again.


It went on, like a viscious circle. The numerous escape attempts, the nightly punishments. Saru had eventually stolen money from that wallet bit by bit to stash in his escape bag under the stairs of the apartment complex. The pain inside rubbed red and raw, never having a chance to heal. He felt so dirty and in pain both inside and out. He'd found a piece of broken glass once at school, slicing through his own flesh, he felt he could control something in his life for once in a long time. Watching the red blood pool out of him in beaded drops focused the pain there, allowing him to dull the pain in the rest of him. He hid the scars under some wristbands he had found in the locker rooms.

Two years...two damn years, of this torture, he had no friends now, he couldn't talk to them or spend time outside school. He was simply too tired to bother with the social niceties anymore, what was the point, he was already dead inside.

He would be 12 soon, but he would still be stuck like this if he didn't do anything. If only he was stronger, if only he had some sort of power, then he could escape and kill that guy in the process. He often entertained those thoughts, If only I had power... what a childish wish.

He was waiting at the gates for him, Saru didn't even resist anymore, he was just too tired of life. He pushed it all down and left his body, envisioning dark dreams of turning the tables and making that guy suffer. How nice his screams would be as he cut him out from the inside while he was still alive. Those visions were what kept him alive during those nights, when even the cutting wouldn't numb the raw pain inside him.

He remembrered that night when he was brought back to the flat to see two more large men waiting for him and his 'uncle' in the dim kitchen. The anger and raw fear festering inside him broke out at the clutches of these men, the men and his 'uncle' trying to restrain and bend him over. Seeing that smile on that repulsive face egging them on encouragingly was the last straw. How he had the power he didn't know. It all burst out in a whirlwind of fight and flight respone. He saw red, grabbing the nearest kitchen knife he slashed wildly at any limbs in his way. He even got at the face of his 'uncle', the men fell howling at the wounds, his uncle clutching blindly at his face in pain. Saru didn't have time to think, running as fast as he possibly could he shot out into the night, grabbing his escape bag under the stairs. Two years of waiting for this day, he wouldn't waste time getting as far away from this world.

He had collapsed panting against an alleyway a few kilometeres away. His shoes were almost worn through, his muscles were burning from the strain of that marathon. What would he do now? He looked up into the quiet night. He was too young to get a job, he had no place to stay without alerting the authourities. He couldn't risk being sent back. He would have to go to school still, maybe a middle school further into the city, where he couldn't find him. Saru knew how to forge papers pretty well now, it was simple. He would figure it all out soon, he just needed to rest. He pulled his threadbare jacket over his tired body and fell asleep soundly for the first time in two years, against the wall of a dirty alley.

Saru had been surprised he'd been able to evade that guy for so long. It had been six months, two of those he's spent sleeping in the alley with the other homeless people. The money eventually ran out, but Saru found a way. There were many others as filthy as that guy, they were just willing to pick from the streets, he could kill two birds with a stone. It was risky but those years had twisted him, all he had to do was act sweet and timid and they would bring him back to an apartment, they were so gullible weren't they. Just a moment of weakness from them and he could knock them out with his newly acquired throwing knives or a cloth of chloroform he kept in his pockets. Easy money to run off with, and he didn't even need to degrade himself.

That was how he found the apartment in the first place. The first home of his own. He had run out of one of his victim's flats to find an abandoned apartment on the third floor, the door unlocked and empty. He didn't own much stuff anyway so it was a simple thing to move in.

But still he wanted to get out of this life, he wanted to be stronger and he wanted to forget.


"I'm sorry! Are you okay?!"

Saru looked up, he rubbed his sore head where the skateboard had hit. He should have stayed in the cafeteria, much quieter than out here. "Hey are you ok? I'm not used to riding this yet and it just flew out from under me." Saru adjusted his eyes to the glaring light streaming behind the shadow. His eyes grew wider, there was a boy his age with concerned eyes with one hand outstretched. He seemed so warm and bright that Saru had a sharp intake of breath. He reached out to grasp the offered hand, it felt like he was being pulled out of the abyss. He wanted to stay as close to this warmth forever.

"Ah I wrecked your lunch too! Hey look I'll treat you to something and we'll call it even."

Saru just looked at him a little stunned, this was probably the first time anyone had spoken to him at school, he had kept to himself mostly but this guy kept taking all the firsts.

"Oh I almost forgot, I'm Yata Misaki, you can call me Yata!"

Saru couldn't help but grin a little, "Mi-sa-ki?"

"Uh...Yata is fine.."

"Mi-sa-ki, that's a nice name"

"Ah it sounds like a girls name though, oi what's yours then"

"...Fushimi Saruhiko.."

"Oh well then if you call me Misaki I can call you Saru, now let me buy you that drink!"

Before Saru could react he was pulled headlong by Misaki into the school building.

Misaki didn't know it but that was when Saruhiko was saved.


"Nee Fushimi kuuun~, you really did a number on me, I think you need to be taught a lesson."

That voice brought him back to reality. He had the power now, he could kill this man if he wanted to, then why couldn't he MOVE?

"To think I was able to raise you to become so handsome, we even have similar tastes...don't we"

Saru tried to break out of his freeze, no we are not the same.

"That kid...Misaki I think he's called, very cute, really my type too I should really meet him some day...since he's so special to you."

At hearing Misaki's name being uttered by those putrid lips he flashed his knives and lashed out at him. He couldn't stop himself, ot all flew out in a mad fury of stabs and slashes. "DON'T...EVER...SAY...THAT...NAME..." Saru ignored the screams, just blankly watching the blood spurt out from each satisfying slash. "I AM NOT LIKE YOU, I NEVER WILL BE" Saru was wildly stabbing the body, long after it had become just an empty corpse.

The spell broke. Saru bloodstained and panting over the mangled remains. He dropped his knives and fell to his knees, hugging his shoulders shaking with the adrenaline. "Hah...I...did...it"

He was almost crying now, he was dead and gone now, Saru had finally overpowered him...but he was right wasn't he. Saru had fallen, Saru had done the same thing and broke Misaki. He had taken and broken the one thing that brought light into his darkness.

"Someone...save me...Misaki"

But no one was ever coming, there was only ever one person and he wasn't ever going to save him again. He was truly all alone now.


Author notes: Yeah I know I promised this last week but...exams... I promise there will eventually be a happy ending so don't kill me for putting him through all this!

Thanks so much to anyone that reviewed! I get the goofiest smile everytime I read them, you don't understand how happy they make me, so please leave some more if you want to!