Doing the Impossible

Summary: A commercial for all the CSI labs on CBS shows.

Warning: I don't know; maybe language and innuendo somewhere along the way.

A/N: I used NCIS as the centerpiece – since it will probably always be my favorite of the shows – but this really applies to all of them. This was part of a collection on TtH, but I'm posting it as a oneshot here. Since the other shows are only mentioned, I'm not calling it a crossover.

Disclaimer: NCIS characters belong to Donald Bellisario, Don McGill and CBS Paramount Television. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission. Mentions of the other CSI shows (which I don't own either).

NCIS bullpen

"What's Abby doing?" Tony whispered to Ziva as the goth-looking darling walked through the room, talking to a non-descript woman following her, holding a camera. And for Tony to think of a woman as non-descript truly showed how non-descript she was.

Normally Ziva would love to be the one who knew something Tony didn't, but in this case, she couldn't answer his question. A quick glance at McGee showed he didn't have a clue either. That left their fearless leader…Gibbs.

"PS commercial," he growled before any of them could ask.

Public service commercial? Hadn't they learned from the last disaster? At least this time, Tony hadn't known about it and therefore couldn't spend more time preening for the cameras than doing his work.

Ziva decided that it would be beneficial to hear what Abby had to say.

"Since our communications center is classified and I can't show you that, I'll start here…in the heart of the NCIS…where all the detective work gets done. Well, not all of it since Ducky does his own kind and I do mine…and of course there's the field work and the computer division…and-"

"Abby!" Gibbs interrupted.

"Oh right, thanks, Gibbs," Abby beamed at him. "This is the top investigative team in D.C. – probably the country – although I totally am biased! Gibbs is the leader, with Tony, Ziva and McGee. I could spend an hour on each of them, explaining why they're so great at what they do, but that isn't the point of this tour."

She gestured to the equipment and kept going, "While maybe not as fancy as some places, our agents get close to top-of-the-line hardware to investigate the bad guys and share that information with each other. If you want to see top-of-the-line, you should visit Eric out in LA. They have an interactive wall system that is to die for! From here, we could find out information from pretty much the most secure networks in the world."

Her eyes widened at what she just revealed and quickly stammered, "Not that we'd do that, of course! Nope! Everything we do here is legal as beagles! Let's go see Ducky and the dead bodies!"


"In here, Ducky has autopsied bodies in practically every situation conceivable – even during lockdowns and wearing full hazmat gear. And while he doesn't have all the coolest gadgets like the MEs in New York City – I mean, a holographic autopsy set up? Mindblowing! – Ducky is so absolutely fantastic that he can kick ass in a cabin with only his medical bag and a couple flashlights! Oops, can I say kicka**? Maybe we should go to my lab now."

Abby's queendom

"Now this place…this is my home away from home!" Abby gushed. "I like the labs in Las Vegas and Miami, but what takes up the space of a half-dozen rooms there, I can fit in these three small rooms you see before you. To be fair, sometimes I have to use the garage when it comes to bigger projects like scene recreations or tinkering with vehicles…but they use their garages like that too – at least for the vehicles part."

Suddenly she got very intense as she started caressing the equipment. "These machines are my babies. Except in cases of dire emergencies, nobody is allowed to touch them but me…and they have to use my instructions or face my wrath!" Then the scary look was gone just as quickly as it had appeared.

"You got DNA that you need analyzed? Some labs that could take weeks, but with the right motivation, I can do it in hours! And that's just the start. I can get fingerprints off surfaces that most labs – other than the ones I already mentioned – wouldn't even consider trying to read."

Abby went on for a couple minutes, detailing more of the incredible things she was able to do with her babies. The way Abby was speaking, they had a closure rate above 95%...which was unbelievable to any law enforcement agency that watched the unusual commercial.

Finally, the lady handed her a note to read. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot our slogan. 'If you need the impossible done, come to the NCIS and CSI labs! We make doing the impossible possible our daily routine!'"

A/N: Before anyone asks, I am working on my updates as well, but this popped into Musie's mind the other day and demanded to be written for my 'Commercials' collection. Plus I thought some people might like to know that I'm still alive.