Summary: Peter's all out of underwear and now he's pissed off. What will he find now to keep himself warm? The answer may actually disturb and surprise you.
Disclaimer: I sure as hell do not own Family Guy. Family Guy and it's characters is owned by Seth McFarlane. Anyway, here we go with the fic.
The Griffin household. Perhaps such crazy things was going on. Brian was busy sleeping on the couch, Chris was trying to prevent the evil monkey in his closet once again as he wanted to get his skateboard, Meg was painting her nails in her bedroom, Stewie was trying to watch My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic while preventing to hear Brian's snoring any further, and Lois was busy doing his laundry. It was all peaceful, except for one exception:
"AAAAAAAGH! DAMN IT!"
The entire screaming came through a voice coming through Peter and Lois's bedroom. A fat figure emerged from the bedroom, walked right downstairs without Stewie even noticing and shouted once again. That famous shout came from the owner and father of the household, Peter Griffin. Except for one exception...
Peter Griffin had no pants nor underwear on. He was just as naked as a baby's bare ass.
"LOIS, WHERE IN THE HELL'S THE REST OF MY UNDERWEAR? I NEED TO WEAR SOMETHING JUST SO I CAN PREVENT ASS BURN FROM THOSE CAR SEATS!" Peter shouted at his wife angrily before his wife responded from the basement!
"I'm still washing the rest of your underwear after the crap you flung out everywhere in the bedroom!" Lois snarled loudly right at her husband.
"It's not my fault that I found Daniel Tosh's jokes funny and I can't help if I crapped myself laughing!" Peter shouted back, "Anything where Daniel says something about Fluttershy getting raped by Kobe Bryant is a total win for me!"
"Well, I was lucky to dodge the smell of excrament while you were laughing and crapping over the pile of underwear I saved for you to wear the rest of the month!" Lois snarled in a nagging way, "But such a waste of money you wasted down the drain, Peter! If you wanna wear something, ask your son!"
"Meg?" Peter shouted back.
"No, your son Chris!" Lois shouted back in response as she put more of Peter's crappy underwear in the washer.
"Fine..." Peter muttered to at his wife silently before he shouted to Chris from upstairs, "CHRIS, YOU GOT ANY UNDERWEAR I COULD BORROW?"
"SORRY DAD, THE EVIL MONKEY IN MY CLOSET ATE THE REST OF MY UNDERWEAR! I ONLY HAVE ONE LEFT AND I'M THE ONLY ONE WEARING IT! SORRY DAD!" Chris shouted back from his bedroom.
"DAMMIT CHRIS, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE EVIL MONKEY, HE AIN'T FRICKIN' REAL!" Peter yelled once again.
"YOU NEVER BELIEVE ME, DAD! WHY DON'T YOU EVER BELIEVE ME?" Chris cried out in mercy a little before Peter replied with a disappointed sigh.
"OHHH, THAT'S JUST FRICKIN GREAT! NOW I GOT NOTHING TO WEAR UNDER MY PANTS!" Peter cried out angrily like he was gonna kill himself in an instant, "WHERE IN THE HECK AM I GONNA WEAR NOW? MY BANANA HAMMOCK FROM 1987?!"
"Shut up, Fatman... I'm trying to watch My Little Pony. I want to see if Pinkie Pie wants to irritate Rarity any further..." Stewie said sternly as his eyes kept on gluing to the TV. There was gonna be no way in hell Stewie wanted to see his own dad bottomless. That would be eye-blinding crazy. Peter then looked right at the show Stewie was now watching.
"Stewie, give me remote. I hate My Little Pony." Peter said with such a frustrating mood,
"Go to hell." Stewie responded, also looking frustrated.
"You have no choice." Peter said right to his youngest son as he just took his remote away from him, just like he was taking candy from a baby.
"Give me back the remote, fatman!" Stewie exclaimed, pointing very harshly at Peter, "I must demand to know who'll Pinkie Pie would sur- AGGGGGGGH!"
That scream from Stewie happened to be from the moment that the baby looked right at Peter's flabby bare bottom. Just a lunk of cellulite.
"My eyes! My bloody eyes! AGGGGGGGGGH!" Stewie screamed again as the sight sorta fried his eyeballs alive. As a result, he had to cover his eyes and go upstairs just to save himself from the deadly embarrassment. After that little nightmare from Stewie was over, Peter changed the channel, in which it went from My Little Pony to the news.
"Last night, a fabric company from Quahog had to recall millions of underwear because a source told the company resident that crack was found lodged in the underwear elastic..."
Hearing this from the news, Peter changed the channel from the news to perhaps an episode of Two and a Half Men.
"Charlie! My underwear and my ass is burned off!" Alan exclaimed, just feeling a bit pissed off.
"I guess that's what you get for having to sleep near an iron and a vibrator." Charlie said to Alan with a smile as he sipped his scotch.
Peter's anger was now growing to the fact that he had no underwear to put on now. So Peter the fatman changed the channel once again, but this time, it was from Two and a Half Men to just a commercial for a product.
"Pampers! Now 50% for senior citizens!"
"AGH! DAMN IT TO HELL!" Peter screamed aggressively as he threw the remote right at the TV, smashing the screen right on impact. Peter was now agitated not because he had no underwear to wear now, but there was no TV for him to watch now, so that really sucked for him big time. "Great, now I can't watch frickin' anything now! No wonder this day just smells like hell!"
As Peter crossed his arms from the fact the had no underwear and no TV to amuse himself with, bottomless Peter now started to shiver deathly. Just the cold air surrounding his fat legs and even fatter butt made Peter feel like an ice cube. He didn't like that one bit. He needed something warm to keep his own ass alive.
"Ohhhh, goooood! I need something warm! Ehhhhhhhh..." Peter said as he was now cringing. There was nothing around the house he can cover himself up with. He could try wearing boxers but it just wouldn't be the same. It would be like just wearing a crappy paper bag between the legs! Who in the heck would want that? Not Peter. So he just had to find a different replacement for underwear, even if Peter wasn't proud of the way he was wearing them.
So he had no choice but to find the only thing that was closest to him. After all, at least he would finally be warm. And it was laying right beside him.
Minutes later at the Griffin kitchen, Peter met up with Lois as he was walking right past her, getting ready to go to work.
"Bye, Lois! I'm off to work!" Peter exclaimed as he kissed his wife in the cheek.
"Have a nice time, Peter." Lois smiled right at him as he finally went out the door.
Peter then got right inside his car and turned on the gas. Suddenly, the lumpy, yet comfortable padding of his bottom made a nice seat warmer. Peter felt like this was the safest alternative to underwear he ever thought of.
"Ahhhhh, it's like a Wonderbra for my perfect baby bottom!" Peter smiled to himself as his butt remained snuggle like his was laying on a piece of whitened fur.
However, Brian felt his whole body squeezing right in his sleep. Something was wrong. His canine body felt like it was trapped in a vise grip. He was suffocating, he was hardly breathing and so far he was turning blue. But when Brian woke up, he wasn't dreaming.
No, Brian was being squished by two flabby pancakes that was pressing him through some kind of green fabric. Brian suddenly learned this realization right about now! He was wrapped around Peter Griffin's bottom! It was certain that Brian was being used as underwear! Geez, even the smell inside Peter's pants smelled like a combination of B.O. and toilet water!
In reaction, he screamed out loud!
"AGGGGGGH! FLABBY ASSCHEEKS! AAAAAAAAH!" Brian screamed for life as from Peter Griffin's point of view...
Brian's screams sounded so muffled that Peter didn't even hear them from a standpoint.
"Huh, I didn't know this type of underwear had nice vibration. I might use this often." Peter smiled right at his reflection as he pulled out of the driveway and drove up to the brewery. For Brian, unfortunately, this was gonna be one moment that he would likely want to forget from all of this.
Really, Peter? You just had to use Brian as underwear? You sick freak... although I do kind of find Brian warm though.
Anyway, read and review. And no flames either. I will not tolerate those.
And Rest In Peace, "The Possum" George Jones! The rest of the Country Music scene and especially me, will miss you! *toasts drink in the air*