A/N: Just a funny idea that popped into my head. Snape lives, of course. Oh, and I don't own.
The Several Snogs of Severus Snape
Chapter 1: Prologue
Severus Snape had always been an outsider. At school, at work; even in his own home, growing up, he had been in the background. That was not to say he didn't prefer his situation. It certainly kept most, if not all, idiots from bothering him. This all changed though, when his role as a spy for Dumbledore came to light, not long after the war against Voldemort ended. He was speedily exonerated from his various charges and shoved none-too-gently into the spotlight. It annoyed him, but it was also the price of his expedited freedom. No one would have cared for creepy, slimy Snape if he hadn't been of such great interest to the public. Currently there were three legitimate biographies and no doubt dozens of illegitimate ones being written at this very moment, exposing to the world the trials and danger experienced by the man only before seen as responsible for educating (and tormenting) two decades of potions students. No doubt each of them would be different, despite the same subject. Peace and privacy were what Severus craved, and fame afforded none of it.
Soon after people started speculating about his undercover job, others started to speculate about further aspects of his life, such as his home environment before school and his academic achievements throughout the years, unable to be patented and shared until now because of the risk that they would be seen as a deterrent to the Dark Lord's reign. Most of all, though, the question of his love life was pondered about.
Of course, thanks to Harry Potter, everyone knew he'd loved Lily. But many wondered on the extent of it, as well as whether the dark hero had ever had any other flame or at least a dalliance or two.
Some, like Ron Weasley, looked at the pictures of the sneering man pasted across the newspaper and laughed at the thought of anyone kissing that face, let alone more than that.
"He probably had to ambush women in the red light district," many would snigger.
Several women were attracted to the thought of the reformed Death Eater and Spy never getting in on the action that almost all wizards his age had been able to enjoy for decades. It led them to fantasies of showing him the ropes themselves. Severus found all of this ridiculous and hexed many a witch for trying to cling to him like a limpet before they got the message. Severus was a hero, but he wasn't a gentleman, and not afraid to hex a witch. From his experience, they were hardly helpless creatures.
He knew his own history, and he preferred to keep it from becoming world history. Many would laugh, cry and sigh at the potions master's love life if he ever told them.
That is why, dear readers, unbeknownst to the man, I will divulge it all to you.