Briar: Here we go, last chapter. I'm trying to make this really emotional so I hope it works *turns on sad music and begins to feel emotional*.
Grimmjow clenched his fists as he stood in the grassy field where Ichigo would be buried. The funeral was today and they planned on having him buried even though Grimmjow would have burned Ichigo so he would become ashes but the burial would give him far more closure. Everyone was wearing black clothing and the twins and Kimi too. The twins were confused about what was going on but Grimmjow told them their mother was in heaven with God now.
It was hard when Grimmjow had Isshin hold the twins to keep them back and that Ichigo never kept his promise to Isshin. They had gotten better and Ichigo had called Isshin twice during his pregnancy and they were going to meet with him after Kimi was born but Ichigo had died in the middle of the night. The only thing that Grimmjow was happy about was that Ichigo did not suffer. He died peacefully even though he had been in pain during the birth; just thinking about Ichigo's death brought tears to Grimmjow's eyes.
The casket was closed but Grimmjow placed his hand on the soft oak wood and ran his finger over it. Before Grimmjow knew it, a tear came from his eye and splattered on the coffin and was absorbed into the wood. The pressure Grimmjow had from biting on his lips was enough to draw blood while he tried to stop crying. It was hard to not cry when his love was being buried into dirt and would stay in the dirt; forever.
Kimi noticed Grimmjow's emotional state but kept silent, knowing that her sire's emotional turmoil was normal considering all the times Grimmjow almost cried or did cry when he was alone with Kimi in his arms. It was harder for Grimmjow to be a parent during the day when all he felt was pain, especially when he looked at a female carbon copy of Ichigo every day when he woke up. The pain was immense and heartbreaking. There was no point in hiding his pain but Grimmjow did it to show his children that he refused to not be a parent. He was there for them even if their mother was dead and gone.
It was hard for Grimmjow to be here now but after realizing that the priest was talking to him, Grimmjow moved away so that Ichigo could be buried forever. Grimmjow took his place back beside Isshin but the twins began crying out and making a fuss.
"What are you doing to Mommy?" Xander aksed.
"Momma has to make us a sandwich," Nova continued.
"Momma promised to take us to the park!" Xander cried out.
Hearing his children call out for a mother they couldn't had brought a pained expression on Grimmjow's face as tears pooled in his eyes. It was hard for him to control the pain crushing his chest but with his children wanting their mother it was far harder than necessary. They continued to call out and with an instant, Grimmjow switched with Isshin and Grimmjow held his twins while Isshin held Kimi. The twins struggled against Grimmjow but he held them while resting his face in Xander's hair.
"Momma's not coming back," Grimmjow whispered to the twins. "He's in Heaven with the angels now."
"They can't have Momma," Xander cried. "He's here to be my Mommma not their mom."
"I understand," Grimmjow told his son. "But everyone goes to Heaven one day and the angels took Momma but one day you'll get to see him soon."
"I want to see Momma now!" Xander and Nova screamed.
"Please don't say that!" Grimmjow said while choking on a sob. "It's far too early for you to reach the heavens."
"We want Mom," the twins whined with while tears streamed down their face.
Grimmjow tried to reassure his children that everything would be okay but he felt a tear slip from his eye at the pain of never seeing Ichigo. He was telling his children about Heaven to feel better but Grimmjow knew that they would see nothing but blackness once they died. It hurt and he wished he could see his mate, his wife, his world and see him raise their children to adulthood to see how happy they could be. It was impossible when he was buried six feet under.
The twins struggled some more but it was Grimmjow who tightened his grip.
"Bring Momma back!" Nova told the man burring Ichigo.
The man shook his head and turned sad eyes towards the children who were without a mother. The twins couldn't help but try to get their mother from the man who was piling dirt on top of him but it was Grimmjow who kept them from attacking the man. They were still in the stage of using their powers but Grimmjow knew it wouldn't be good if his children went all panther on their ass and ripped the man to shreds. Grimmjow didn't know what else his children might hold but he didn't want to find out by his children killing the man that was trying to bury Ichigo.
Rather than speak, Grimmjow clenched his teeth in order to stop himself from sobbing as well. It was better to cry silently so his children wouldn't know the immense pain it brought him at the death of Ichigo.
There was nothing Grimmjow could do and finally after the last shovel of dirt landed on the hole, Ichigo was buried forever. It brought pain to Grimmjow but he couldn't stop that pain because it would be like there was a missing hole in his heart. The sun had disappeared behind the clouds and before Grimmjow could say anything to the cubs giant rain drops splattered on them soaking everyone. There was a flash of lightning followed by a clap of thunder but even the rain couldn't hide the tears and pain Grimmjow displayed. His mate was dead and that's all that went through Grmimjow's head as he thought about his mate.
No longer would Grimmjow see that beautiful warm smile, the vibrant orange hair of his mate every morning they woke up from cuddling and the occasional sex. That vibrant star in Grimmjow's life was gone and left him alone with three children to raise on his own. Xander, Nova and Kimi weren't trouble makers but Grimmjow would be raising them without his mate who would have loved to see them grow up, have their first date, their first kiss and see them at their wedding but couldn't. Grimmjow hoped he lived to see the children head to university so that they wouldn't be alone.
Grimmjow would be strong so that he could see his children grow older, find love, get married and have children of their own. They were all born healthy and did not have the same heart condition as their mother and Grimmjow was happy, knowing his children wouldn't abandon their children because of death. Ichigo would never abandon them on purpose but his heart condition was something he couldn't control.
"It's time to go home," Grimmjow chocked out.
"Not without Momma!" Xander protested.
"Momma can't rise from the dirt anymore," Grimmjow whispered in pain as his throat clenched. "Once you go in the dirt in a coffin you don't come back. God took Momma to be with the angels so he could help those of less misfortune."
"But I need Momma to tie my shoes, tuck me in at night and make me sandwiches," Xander cried.
"I promise I'll do that for you," Grimmjow vowed.
"Won't be the same," Xander pouted.
"Mommma showed me how to do it when he was too tired to," Grimmjow reassured his son. "We have to go now or we'll get sick."
Xander finally agreed and Grimmjow deemed it safe to let his children go while he took Kimi. Isshin was under a tree so Kimi didn't get wet and right now Grimmjow was soaked from head to toe. They would have to wait out the rain but thankfully it wasn't long since the priest came by and handed them an umbrella they could have courtesy of the church.
Isshin held Kimi with one hand and the umbrella with the next while Grimmjow carried the twins to their vehicle. Isshin decided to stay for a couple days to help Grimmjow with his grieving. Karin and Yuzu would as well and they were following behind their father silently. Karin had cried by herself over her brother's loss and kept her stoic demeanour so no one would worry about her but Yuzu cried and cried over the loss of her beloved older brother. They tried to remain strong knowing they had each other but they lost the one more family member even if he left behind three beautiful children.
Grimmjow was the one who drove and thankfully he was in the right state of mind to drive at a reasonable speed as he made it back to his manor. Szayel, Shinji, Orihime, Tatsuki and the others already made their way home with their children. Orihime, Tatsuki and Shinji left the manor since they had their own lovers. Tatsuki was still a single mother but it didn't get her down. The government paid those who were held prisoner, raped and impregnated very handsomely. Those who died were covered for life because they had never seen the threat of such a man like Aizen before. The twins and Kimi had enough in their college funds for them all to become hot shot lawyers or doctors. Grimmjow had enough of his own money so he kept a lot of the money for his kids.
The drive itself was relatively quiet and Grimmjow kept himself intact while he drove home. Once they made it to the house, Yuzu offered to make lunch and the twins followed their aunt Yuzu as well as Isshin. However, while everyone followed Yuzu, Grimmjow remained in the car that was parked in the garage. He was feeling the pain now.
"Why did you leave me?!" Grimmjow screamed with tears leaking down his face as he hit the steering wheel. "Why?!"
He hit the steering wheel a couple more times as his throat constricted and tears continued to fall like a waterfall. Even after all this crying he still had more tears to shed. Grimmjow's shoulders shook as he cried and he gritted his teeth even though none of it help to alleviate the pain.
"Sometimes it's okay to cry," Karin whispered, interrupting Grimmjow from his mourning.
Grimmjow had forgotten that Karin was still in the car because he was lost in his own thoughts and figured she left with her sister. Grimmjow's pain was evident on his face and when he looked in the mirror he saw Karin's pain as well.
"He didn't want to leave us," Karin continued. "He no doubt wanted to see his children grow but with the heart deficiency he never had the chance to grow old and die with the person he cherished."
Grimmjow nodded his head in agreement.
"I'm glad that special person was you," Karin told Grimmjow.
Cyans blue eyes looked away and Grimmjow decided it was time he leave before he started crying again. Karin said nothing as he left so Grimmjow made his way to his room to change out of his wet clothing. Grimmjow didn't pass anyone as he entered his room and he stripped off his clothes only to throw them in the laundry hamper. When he went to the dresser, he noticed Ichigo's clothing on one half and it made his chest hurt. He couldn't throw away Ichigo's clothes just yet because he had yet to let go; that was his one and only mate he had lost.
Grimmjow's hands moved to grab a long sleeve V-neck sweater for himself, boxers and a pair of jeans. He had put them on but he found himself moving towards the dresser once more. Grimmjow picked up a shirt that Ichigo had gotten pressed at a t-shirt place. It was where they had one of their first dates. The two of them were at a carnival and Ichigo was laughing and smiling with Grimmjow. A nearby photographer got their picture and gave it to them for free since he enjoyed seeing such cheerful youth. Grimmjow picked it up and he heard a crunchy noise and felt something like paper underneath. Frowning in confusion, Grimmjow picked saw that there was pieces of paper on the floor where his feet were. Grimmjow picked one up and noticed it was addressed to him.
I started writing these in case there was a day I died and left you suddenly because of my heart condition. Know that I always love you no matter what happens because you will always be in my heart even in the afterlife. No matter what I am always happy that Aizen chose your DNA to impregnate me and that I was able to fall in love with you. There is no better father for Xander and Nova than you. It pains me to write these letters, knowing that you will no doubt find them once I die but I hope you cherish them. I love you Grimmy,
Grimmjow picked up another letter since they seemed to have numbers on them with the sequence they should be read.
I guess this is letter number two and if you are reading this, thank you for continuing rather than burning or ripping them; this means a lot to me. I know there isn't much I can tell you in a written letter form or how much I love you but I'll try my best because you are worth it; you were always worth it. I might not be able to love you as much as you want, give you the sex you want but I'm glad you are sticking with me because you love me as much as I have grown to love you. The twins turned three today, so you know you might get more than five or six letters, depending on how much longer I have to live. We have so much of our lives together and I decided to write these a little after I was bedridden and my condition got to me. Szayel told me not to get overwhelmed but how couldn't I when I'm writing a love letter to my one and only love; my mate. I hope things get better from here so we can have more children in the future. Love and kisses,
It's been a couple months since the last letter but it's been a real blast ever since I got better. Christmas is coming soon and thankfully I'm not in the hospital anymore. I know we just had thanksgiving a while ago but I can't wait to celebrate Christmas with you again. Maybe this time I'll get to sneak up on you and kiss you under the mistletoe. The twins are so excited and I can't wait to give you your Christmas present either. If we're lucky we might have a white Christmas, wouldn't that be fun? We could make a giant snow man since you're strong enough to no doubt make one as big as me or you for the twins. I kind of hope we have a Christmas party because it would be fun to have a gathering of all our friends, don't you think? I know you can't answer these but when you read these I hope they mean a lot to you. We'll have lots of good memories together and we can make them permanent with the camera and pictures we have. If I die, take lots of pictures for the children for me okay. Be the parent I know you are and don't miss a single important recital, sports event, etc. I want you to capture the moments our children have. I know you insist on calling them cubs sometimes and I call them that too but it's different when writing. Let's make lots of memories together,
Well, it's now the day after New Year's and I have to admit it is your fault for having an aching headache. It is your fault for drinking so much so don't blame me when the children are up and about being loud. Maybe you should take an aspirin or something. Christmas was a lot of fun don't you think. We got pictures with Santa for Xander and Nova even though they were expensive. I guess Santa is taking his compensation for flying around the world all night, huh. I know you didn't really like the sweater I gave you but I'm glad you wear it anyway. You were never really a sweater guy anyway. You like showing off your muscles more. Feel better soon Grimmy,
Grimmjow looked down at the sweater he was wearing; it was the same one Ichigo bought him that Christmas a few years ago. He treasured it dearly and he was glad it was from his Ichigo and that he had taken good care of it. Ichigo was right when he said Grimmjow wasn't a sweater guy but he would wear this one for Ichigo because it held sentimental value. Rather than think about the sweater, Grimmjow picked up another letter.
Valentine's Day was sure a success even if the cubs tried getting into the chocolates you gave me; I gave it to them anyway. Sorry. They were too cute with their kitten ears and tails, I swear to god I know you watched Shrek 2 with them and they took notes on that orange kitten. Now they're going to use that against me unless I can resist their adorable kitten eyes. I don't feel bad about giving them chocolate but I do worry that they'll use those eyes in the store to get toys or something. You need to come shopping so I don't end up spending a bunch of money on them and leave us foodless because the twins manipulated me. Damn you for making such cute babies. I'm sorry we didn't do much because of the twins but kids usually make it harder but that is okay because it was still fun taking them out to dinner and dancing; you looked so cute having Xander and Nova stand on your feet and dance with them. At least they allowed us a couple dances while they ate their dinner. Cheers for the best,
Do you know what day it is? I'm going to tell you anyway. It's the day of our anniversary. No, not the day we started dating or you put a ring on my finger. It's the day you saved me from Aizen. No matter how much pain he put me though, I'm glad you saved me and that we're still together. I will always be so happy on this day because it was the day I met you; the father of my children and my mate. Words cannot express my gratitude or my love for you. Don't ever change Grimmjow, I love you with all my heart. I know it's a silly expression since I'm missing a part of my heart but I bet that part is inside your heart and was waiting for us to meet. I can't be anymore cheesy but forgive me since this could be the very last note you read. I don't think it is though. The symptoms have died down for now and I'm not in too much pain so I might live for a little longer. Though, I shouldn't think such morbid thoughts. I think Nova has a crush on Valeska though but Xander seems jealous since his brother is paying more attention to a girl. It would be odd to see them get married but it could happen since Szayel practically lives with us. I'm glad he's getting better and going outside now but he's so protective of Valeska. If she ever went to public school I fear she'd have a body guard to protect his daughter. Well, I should stop writing so I can be with you more on our anniversary. I hope you get home soon so I can shower you with kisses.
It's been a long, long time since I've wrote. We've had so much to do but I think I'm going to ask you for a baby. I really want another child with you that we can spoil to bits and pieces. I hope you feel the same because it would be nice to have another baby in the house. The twins are around that age where they can have another sibling around. I'll ask you soon so we can start making one. There is nothing wrong with bringing another baby into the world since we're both safe and healthy. I promise, soon enough I'll call my dad like you wanted but I don't know when. It scares me how he will react. I know he wouldn't be mad or scold me for running late at night, the reason why I was captured and I'm sure he'll be happy to hear I have a lovely mate. It's just…I don't think I can talk to him because I'm scared he might get mad. He isn't like that but I can't face my sisters of dad just yet. It'll do it before we have another child, promise. Hopes for the best and a pregnancy,
It happened, we are finally having a baby. I know it's only been a few weeks but I know my body enough to know we're having a baby. I hope we have a girl mainly because we already have twin boys. Szayel told me I have to be a little more careful since the pregnancy could affect my heart and I can't strain myself but hey, a baby. I know you'll be just as excited as me to hear that and I guess I'll get a pregnancy test from Szayel to prove I actually am pregnant. You're getting so busy now with work but I'm glad you always come home and eat dinner with us and if you don't you call home and wrap me in your arms, twirl me around and kiss me. It's so girly but after four years, getting close to five years of the twins birth I am glad you treat me like I'm precious. Your love is so much and I could never compete with you. Please don't hurt too badly when I die, I will always have a piece of me in your heart no matter how long I've been dead. You'll always be in my heart and no one can fill the piece of my heart you took. Never feel bad about us, because without you I'd never have known such happiness.
See, I told you I was right, a girl. I don't know what we should name out little Princess but Orihime told me she was pregnant too. She's a couple months ahead of us so we won't have to use baby formula for our child. I'm so ecstatic and I'm glad you are too. She'll be a Daddy's girl for sure the way you love the twins. I don't care what the neighbours and people think about us, having a child is a blessing and some couples can't birth children so I'm glad I can. Don't ever think you are a bad parent or lover because you are not. You care a lot for our children even when you didn't think the twins were yours. You were ready to be a father for children who weren't even yours at the time. I'm glad you care enough for them to be a Daddy and that you are their father. I know these letters aren't much in the past two years and it's really more like a diary but I just want you to know how much I love you.
I know you're worried since my heart condition started acting up and I'm sorry I haven't seen my dad yet. I called him last night and he was happy I called him. He knows about you and apparently you've been sneaking the twins to see him. Thank you for that. I know I could never do it but at least he knows what his grandchildren look like as cute babies before they become children, teens and then adults. I know I'm starting to show now. A basketball is what that stomach of mine is. I'm glad you were able to take a couple days off. It kind of hurts to write so I should stop before you start chastising me even though I might not be alive when you read this.
I'm afraid this is my last and final letter. I know you think it can't be but I can feel it. I won't make it through the birth of our precious little girl. Kimiko is what I decided on calling her. I'm sure you'll love it. She's going to be a real beauty when she grows up so you have to take good care of her. I wish I could see for her to grow up but I can't. The pain is so much but I never show it to you because I didn't want you to worry. There is nothing to save me; I was destined to die early in life. It's selfish of me not to tell you but I wanted to enjoy these last moments of life without you worrying about me collapsing for no reason. I do love you, never forget that because you mean to world to me. Take care of the cubs for me.
Love you forever and always, your mate,
Grimmjow felt the tears roll down his face and he even saw tear stains on the paper from Ichigo's letters. He had been smart to write them in pen so that the pencil didn't rub off and make the words unreadable. Grimmjow folded the last letter but what he hadn't expected was to feel something behind it in the middle. He had been reading these on the carpet this whole time so when he turned it around he saw a picture; the same one on the t-shirt. Grimmjow took off the tape from the picture and flipped it around to see writing.
Love you forever and always
"Forever and always," Grimmjow reapeated while looking up to the heavens.