Authors Note:

Edited because I didn't think it would get any favorites :)

Why are all slashy fanfictions I have read about my favorite dudes always in the point of view of James? Just saying. Sure some have their S'chn-y moments but James point of view is the favorite. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

P.S.. S'chn T'gai Spock and James Tiberious Kirk. Just for people who have no idea who I'm talking about.

The Enterprise was hailed to a planet known as Nar, a barren, wet land covered in vegetation. The Captain, Dr. McCoy and 3 security members beamed down to the planet and reported that they were certain meters away from the location of the transmission. 2.13 Terran hours after reporting, the Captain hailed us.

"Kirk to Enterprise, come in Enterprise." The transmission was difficult to hear behind the screaming in the background. Lieutenant Uhura was eager for myself to answer the transmission and all of the bridge crew turned to me, showing blatant concern.

"Spock here, sir. Report." There was a pause before the reply and even so the reply was had little improvement.

"Hel-" Turbulence. "It- wa- - - trap. - injur- McCoy - myself. Bea-" The rest of the transmission was disconnected even though the Lieutenant tried to revive it. The bridge was silent apart from the sound of the buttons as she worked with a frown of concentration on her face. I had already calculated a logical plan and a illogical plan however I was yet to decide my plan of choice.

"Captain Kirk, come in. Sir!" The transmission crackled once more though there was no improvement to the atmosphere as all that was heard was:

"Bones! No! Ahhhh - "

- 24.02 minutes later -

I was standing in the transporter room waiting for the return of the Captain and the landing party. Mr. Scott had located them quickly and professionally but for myself it was not quick enough so I had to use a Vulcan control technique to contain myself. Both of our eyes were locked with the transporter pad as the figures beamed aboard.

There were only two. They were not standing up. There was blood on the transporter pad.

"Transporter to Medbay. Send ay medical team quicklay." I heard Mr. Scott shout desperately to the comm. However I did not have any concern for the transmission, I was approaching Jim with his head looking down and bleeding over the unconscious and badly injured Dr. McCoy. Neither had moved since beaming aboard or as I approached. I knelled next to Jim and checked the doctor's pulse, which was beating faster than a human's heart should be beating. I was quickly joined by a medical team and left the room to allow them to work efficiently.

I walked - admittedly I had no location in mind but I walked. Jim had never behaved in such a manner, he looked defeated and for a reason I could not understand, the appearance of him in such a state had caused me physical pain deep in my stomach. I was well and unharmed yet I felt it. Was it something to do with my human side? As I entered a empty observation deck, this one question repeated in my head, I needed to meditate on this and locate the reasoning of the pain.

"Computer lock doors code: 01507013." I ordered as I sat in the dimly lit room, legs crossed and eyes shut. My concentration went to my breathing once the computer replied with its monotone 'doors locked'. 8.53 minutes later, all other aspects were gone and I was deep in my meditative trance, flying through my thoughts as well as my hidden emotions riveting inside. They were stronger - I noted - than before and seemed to be mostly negative emotions. How I wish sometimes that I listened to my mother as a child as she explain emotions as I do not understand them and need assistance. But there is no one to give me it. I've tried so hard to tell myself that the words my peers said to me as a child were unmeaning and illogical but though I meditate everyday to feel completely Vulcan and not what I am. I have been wrong all along. I was knocked out of meditation after the realization and by such a sharp exit my shields wavered, making me finally feel all the pain, depression and the feeling of being lost - I clutched my stomach, the pain had increased there, and let out a ragged breath as I attempted to put my shields up once more.


It was difficult to do due to the pain and emotion.


- 4.30 hours later -

It was late, many crew members were asleep bar those who were on their shift. I was weak and in need of sleep but I walking towards the Medbay anyway; I needed to see Jim. The walk was silent, my thoughts empty and non-calculating with one word ringing constantly in my head as it had been for 4.44 hours. The Medbay doors opened before me and the scent of anesthetic reached me as I looked around. There were a few ensigns asleep on the biobeds however I could not locate either the Captain or the doctor. Nurse Chapel, I presume hearing the doors, walked in from the private room and upon seeing me smiled widely.

"Commander! How can I be of assistance?" Even in such a dark time she seemed enthusiastic and spoke perhaps a pitch too loud. I asked her of the location of both the good doctor and the Captain, then I raised an eyebrow at her reply.

"Leonard is in the private room recovering well after his injury as for the Captain, I can't say." Her brow furrowed.

"After I fixed his head injury up and put him on a biobed, I left to check on the doctor however when I returned he wasn't there. I'm sorry." She smiled lightly as I lowered my eyebrow and blinked a few times, my head filling with only logical explanations of course.

"Apologizes are illogical, you were not to blame. If the doctor awaken, comm me however I shall go and locate the Captain. Proceed as you were." With that I left the Medbay, only staying to see her nod - her smile gone. I did not locate the Captain straight away but returned to my room instead to write a report on the mission to send to him.


The word was in my head almost as soon as I had reached the room. It took me 2.34 minutes to realize I could not locate the purpose of the voice or it's location apart from that it loomed in my head. I turned to my computer, sat down and activated the machine.


It was there before I had even opened a document to begin the report. It was my voice, that much I had realized. Even so, I continued and opened a document.

'Commander Spock: Report 131

The Enterprise whilst orbiting, planet Draylon II, were hailed towards planet 909 commonly known as Nar.'


'It was an emergency transmission, see other file for message, and the Enterprise diverted coarse to assist. Captain Kirk, Chief Medical Officer McCoy, Ensign Jefferson, Bank and Smith beamed down to the planet.'


'The transmission was found to be fake and a trap for whom received and replied to said transmission.'


'Ensign Jefferson, Bank and Smith were killed in the trap. Doctor McCoy was greatly injured.'


'He is recovering well in the Medbay.'


'The Captain...'




"Ah!" I clenched my head as my patience vanished and I weakly felt anger before I could control it. The voice was increasing in volume and the amount of pain it caused me so logically I decided to rid of it or at least locate the source of it. Meditation did not work and seemed also to be possible the cause of it. Suddenly my comm. beeped and I was drawn from my thoughts.

"Spock." I said clenching my head pleased that it wasn't video transmission.

"Nurse Chapel here. Have you located the Captain? Crew members are getting concerned, he isn't on the Enterprise." I blinked. Where was he?

"No I have yet to locate the Captain, if he is not found by the beginning of Alpha shift, we shall engage red alert and contact Starfleet. Is that all?" My comm. beeped again indicating another transmission was ready.

"Yes sir. Chapel out." The transmission ended and without delay, I engaged the next transmission, the next video transmission.

"Lieutenant." I greeted to the woman on the screen who was out of uniform.

"Spock, we're missing the shuttle." The informality in her speech indicated a hint of panic in the usually calm lady.

"Explain." I stated as I raised an eyebrow at the comment and before the Lieutenant answered, she stifled a yawn - obviously.

"The shuttle bay is empty, the shuttle itself is in orbit of the ship though isn't replying to attempts to contact it. I need your permission to pull her in."


For once I decided to listen to the voice.

"Permission denied. I shall beam aboard the shuttle myself, get some rest Lieutenant. Spock out." I ended the transmission to prevent any arguments or other suggestions.

Once again I was in the transporter room with Mr. Scott.

"Ye sure aboot this, sir? It could be ay trap." The engineer seemed generally concerned and though it was not his shift, he seemed eager to help me.

"Affirmative. I am well aware of the risks. Energize Mr. Scott." He nodded and that was the last thing I saw as I was beamed on board the shuttle.

The first thing I noted was that the lights in the shuttle was on dim and made it difficult to see on board. The second thing was that nobody was in the seats and that all the messages had not been read as the blinking light was the most obvious item in dim lighting. I turned towards the single room on the shuttle - the sleeping quarters. The doors swished open to a darker room the than the control room all that I could see was due to both Vulcan eye sight and the light being set on the lowest of brightness. The figure I had spotted as soon as I entered to room was Jim however he did not turn as I entered but remained laying down on the bed, faced against the wall and holding himself in a tight grip. Truthfully I did not know how to react.

"Jim?" It seemed logical to make my presence known but even as I did, he did not acknowledge me. I approached the man I considered my closest friend and peered over his body to see whether or not he was conscious. His eyes were opened and were now staring at my own before they closed tightly and Jim pressed his face into the pillow he was laying on. A muffled,

"Go away Spock," was all I heard.


"Jim, are you well? If not I can return the shuttle to the Enterprise and I am sure Nurse Chapel will see to your needs." I got no reply. Jim seemed to stay as he was except that his eyes were clamped shut, fists clenched tightly on the pillow and breathing ragged. He seemed so very strained though refused assistance so I waited until he calmed down and analyzed the situation. Jim was in a shuttle by himself - why? He seems to be well physically though was showing signs of pain. Recent events perhaps? The deaths of the Ensigns or the injury of the doctor. Jim is the most sympathetic human I have met actually, the cause may have something to do with his way of morning. However these are not the first men we have lost and he did not react so then. He had finally calmed down and as he did, I sat at the end of the bed.

"Jim, what's wrong?" He breathed deeply then looked at me and I saw so much pain in his eyes that I felt the pain in my stomach once more. He sat up but kept his head bent as he spoke,

"Just feeling a bit low Spock," he sighed, "give me a while and I'll return to the Enterprise." He looked up at me after speaking and saw nothing on his face, if it were not for the obvious, he would look like a perfect Vulcan. I took a logical risk in speaking,

"Your fault was not in the death of the Ensigns or the injury of the doctor." He shook his head violently and smile whilst managing to somehow show no emotion on his face. He laughed a pained laugh.

"How isn't it? They put their trust in me and all I did was..." He clenched again and looked down hugging his body once more. I thought about leaving him in hope of him returning to the safety of the Enterprise.


I decided to stay instead and moved closer to him cautiously.

"You could not have prevented it from happening, Jim, it is illogical to morn the past as it cannot be changed." He shrugged as though he was a child asked why they had done something wrong however he did release his hold on himself and looked at me before moving up the bed to lean against the wall, head on his knees. He looked so weak and lost once more.

"Jim, the health of the Captain comes before another. The loss was logical." Jim looked sharply up as I spoke with a furious appearance and suddenly I did not need the voice to tell me that I had made a wrong decision.

"Logical! Death, logical! You've got to be fucking kidding me!" He banged his head against the wall as he spoke and in concern of him doing permanent damage, I approached him with the idea of simply stopping. I placed my hands either side of his head, one hand under his head to prevent it from hitting the wall. Jim did not agree. He, after seeing what I was doing, started to hit me in the chest screaming 'NO!' repeatable. The hits were weak and desperate so did not hurt me therefore I let him continue to hit me in a belief that he would get his anger out and then be able to talk logically. 11.23 minutes later he finally stopped and closed his eyes as he dropped his hands to his lap. I waited 45 seconds before speaking making sure he calmed himself completely.

"Jim," I could not think of anything else to say in the moment, "Jim." He opened his eyes and once more he was unreadable to me, perfectly emotionless. I did not remove myself from him but remained there looking into his eyes believing I would find something if I did.

"You are very difficult to read at the moment." I had not even thought of saying so but somehow I did without myself wishing to. Jim closed his eyes again and bent his head, hovering over my face - breath hot against my face. I nudged my head just a inch forward and -

Emotion. Hot, pure, strong. Calm was surrounding myself and Jim, making me relax, Jim even let his knees drop and I was almost sitting on his lap if I had not had the ounce of control over my body. Depression was making my stomach hurt once more and made me move my hands to Jim's arms, holding tightly. Anger boiled in the deepest part of me, faint but still there. Lust took me the longest to acknowledge as it was only new felt in Jim and now myself. I closed my eyes. Allowing all this to flow between us and around us, I felt Jim sigh as his breath hit my face and I was content with just remaining here for sometime even though a part of me screaming that this was illogical.

I opened my eyes and was thankful I did. Jim was there in front of me, eyes shut, fist clenching the sheets and mouth slightly open.

"Jim?" His eyes opened and met mine straight away, hazel to brown. "Why did you retreat to the shuttle?" I distanced myself from his face as I spoke and place my hands next to his face. He breathed and looked down once again.

"I got the Ensigns killed and my close friend badly injured and all I did was scrape myself slightly. I don't care whether or not it's illogical, I felt so shitty. They put their trust in me - their lives! But I..." He could not say more, tears loomed in his eyes and he swallow hard, shaking his head before lowering with his eyes clamped shut.

"Jim, when anyone signs up for Starfleet they were aware of the consequences. They were aware that death is possible. The good doctor is not unaware of risks as I am sure you know. You are the most passionate man I have ever met, you feel so differently to other humans that I have my own separate tactics when I am speaking and comforting you." He smiled slightly and looked at me. "If you believe anyone will let you suffer on your own, Jim that is not possible. You are never alone. I trust you would do the same to myself."

I watched as he inhaled for some control with tears still lingering in his eyes. It was unfortunate that he reacted so to my words as I spoke only truthfully and maybe - with a slight amount of emotions.

"How can you trust me after those who trust lost their lives?!" He seemed angry at himself.

"Trusting you is my decision. Proving me right is your choice." His eyes locked with mine and I believed that my speech had an effect on him for tears fell clearly from his eyes.

"Jim..." I whispered as leaned down and kissed away the tears that had rolled down his cheeks, the salt taste lingering my lips as I licked at them. I moved away and another fell only to be violently wiped away my Jim as he blinked to rid of the rest of tears. He looked at my again a smiled his smile. It was the most beautiful sight I had seen all day. I twitched my lips slightly as well and we remained like that, close together, hands by his head and a smile playing on both of our lips. Jim rested his forehead on mine and closed his eyes, sighing happily as the last tear of pain rolled down his cheek to his jaw. I leaned in to kiss it away and when to resume as I was.


Hearing the voice was a shock but I linger where I was for 2 more seconds before Jim reacted. He breathed in then moved his head slightly so my lips were below his jaw but above his neck, I kissed the spot lightly and felt Jim relax against the wall before he moved his head again - eyes shut. I kissed the spot I was facing then moved on my own accord and kissed deeper and more so on the neck as they earned me a small gasp if I kissed in certain places. I reached a certain spot and Jim groaned then tilted my face to his. Lust. Blatant lust. Beautiful lust. I lifted myself up so I was inches from his face and moved closer eyes already closed. My lips hovered over his for mere seconds before Jim grew impatient and kissed me himself. It was a simple kiss at first but as the emotion burned inside me I could not help myself and deepened the kiss. We kissed passionately, tongue rubbing against each others and teeth teasingly biting now and then which made the tormented blissfully moan into the kiss. I started to lose control. Jim, that was all I was capable of thinking, James Tiberious Kirk. The man whose hands were touching me in the most wonderful way, under my shirt with slightly hotter hands pressed against my cool skin, he massaged my hands allowing me to feel his lust added to my own and when we required oxygen, he would lick, nip and kiss my ears. That was it for my control. I lifted him up and pressed him against the wall, thrusting into him and his own amazing hardness as well as kissing his neck. I loved the way Jim moaned above me as he was helpless to my Vulcan strength.

"Ah... Spock..." Ragged breath and a helpless squeak later, "Please... Ohhh... Hmm... Spock..." I moaned against his neck as Jim began to also thrust into me. I attacked his lips in a beautiful kiss that left me illogically dizzy and then I pressed him against the bed, still on top of him so that he was still helpless. Jim's hands returned to under my shirt as he pinched and pulled at my now hard nipples before he played with the hair on my chest. It was intoxicating. I stopped kissing him for a moment as Jim took my shirt off and I did so myself to him, eyes locked with his and their passionate lustful glory. We did not continue to kiss straight away as Jim was determined to get me completely naked. Uniform was tossed easily away as though it was nothing until myself and Jim were completely naked and desperate now. Lubrication was not needed as Vulcan's automatically produced it for easy intercourse when so needed and Vulcan's were not in there logical mind to provide it. I kissed Jim as I entered him, enjoying the way Jim's hands gripped my back tightly as he had done to himself what seemed like hours ago. I moaned, he was so amazingly tight and beautifully hot around me. I returned to his neck and sucked were the neck meets the collarbone earning a loud moan from the man I have come to love deeply. I remained as I was to allow Jim to adjust to me because of my Vulcan anatomy being different than humans and giving me a rather large -

"Spock... Please..." My thought were interrupted by Jim's plea. "I need you... Ah... Please..." I started to slowly thrust into him, still hiding against Jim's neck. It was glorious, this moment. Due to fact that I had made Jim like this, that I had comforted him and now was thrusting into this stunning man. I got faster and faster now and then thrusting into his prostate making Jim howl in lust and making me moan hard against his neck. I put my finger to his psy point and joined our minds so that we felt each other physically and emotionally. Passion, trust, love, sensuality, longing, hunger.


We were screaming each others name suddenly as star filled my sight and everything came to surfaced and release in one single moment. I was panting and sweating; my human side was thrumming. I opened my eyes and looked at what I had done to my commanding officer, without an ounce of guilt. He was panting, sweating and smiling, eyes still shut tight as he composed himself. I removed myself from him and Jim moaned at the loss it was so cute I kissed him once more then lay next to him, staring deep into his eyes.

"I love you." Jim whispered, cuddling up against me. I kissed his head deeply before replying with truth.

"Wani ra yana ro aisha." Jim's little knowledge in Vulcan served him well as he smiled before drifting to sleep. I wished to stay like this forever and never let my Jim go. My Jim?


Before I fell deep into slumber, I looked at the most beautiful man in the world who I now could call my own and whispered,