Lost and Found
One week had passed since I'd last seen Alice. It was the longest I'd gone without seeing her since we'd met. Even when I had a two week visit to a university in Belgium a couple of years ago, Alice got on a plane and arrived at my hotel room after two days, saying she couldn't live without me and was going to stay with me for the remaining twelve days. Thinking about Alice, and all the memories we shared, brought waterless tears to my eyes.
I hadn't left my - our - room in a week. I was being driven crazy by these same four walls, it being almost unbearable to be in this room that reminded me so much of Alice, but at the same time not wanting to leave this place; the place where I could almost imagine Alice with me. I could pretend I was waiting for her in our room whilst she took Bella or Rose out on a crazy shopping trip, that she would bounce in at any moment telling me all about her day, or wanting to know my opinion on every one of the seventy six items she'd bought, or - god forbid - wanting to try out her new nail polish on me. Whilst Alice was usually crazy and over the top, and was - at times - a little too much to handle, I'd give anything for her to try out one of her insane schemes right now. Even if the outcome was disastrous, at least I'd have my Alice by my side.
"Jasper, honey?" Rosalie peeked her head around the door and offered me a smile, which I returned with a blank look. "You've gotta get out of this room."
Whilst Rosalie's direct head-on-no-nonsense approach was a fresh break from the rest of my family tip toeing around the situation, I couldn't offer her a smile as she tried, in her own little way, to make me better.
"You've been in here for like six days!" She said.
"Seven," I corrected blankly, "It's been seven days."
"I know you're upset, Jazz-" She began. My head snapped up.
"Don't call me that." I told her. That's what Alice called me; Jazz. It's what she'd always called me. The first day we'd met, she'd told me I needed a nickname and Jazz is what she came up with. Jazzy, if she was in an affectionate mood. Or if she wanted something.
"Okay, Jasper, sorry." Rosalie said, rolling her eyes, "You need to get out. You need to hunt."
"I need Alice." I muttered. Rosalie's gaze darkened.
"She isn't coming back, okay?" She snapped, "We're all going to miss her, but you can't live like this! You're just going to have to deal with this, Jazz!"
"I said don't call me that!" I yelled. "She'll come back, she has to. I can't live without her. I can't deal with this. I can't."
"You're just making this ten times harder, Jasper!" Rosalie said, her patience flying out the window as she lost her temper in true Rosalie style. She'd come in here to make me feel better, and ended up having a go at me. "And not just for you either! We're all upset about Alice, but the rest of us are just getting on with it! You're not exactly making that easy when we have to worry about you being cooped up in here on top of everything else that's happened!"
"Sorry for the inconvenience." I told her flatly, "You don't need to worry about me."
"You're family, Jasper." She said, "Of course we have to worry about you!"
I didn't say anything, and Rosalie glared, "Fine! I give up! I was just trying to be nice - for you!"
'Trying' was the operative word. Rosalie finished her rant by storming out of my room and slamming the door behind her.
"Rosalie!" I heard Esme scolding downstairs, "I thought I told you; if you're going into Jasper's room you need to keep your temper!"
"I tried, Esme!" Rosalie replied, "He's being impossible!"
"It's not his fault, Rosalie." Esme said, "He's grieving."
"We're all grieving!" Rosalie argued, "She was my sister; my best friend! How does he think I feel?!"
"It's not the same, Rosie." I heard Emmett saying softly, "We all loved Alice, and of course we're all grieving, but she was his mate! They were soulmates and they'd been together for over a century!"
"But-" Rosalie began to argue.
"If something happened to me, Rosie, if I died," Emmett said, his voice turning serious, "What would you do?"
"I'd die right along with you." Rosalie answered instantly.
"Exactly." Emmett said. I didn't hear anything else after that, and I assumed they had left the house.
I stayed in my room for another hour before I heard someone walking up the stairs; presumably Esme from the click-clacking of the sensible but stylish heeled shoes. I didn't want to face her again. She'd been up at least once every day this week, fussing over me and trying to coax me out of the room.
I sent a wave of indecision her way, and her footsteps hesitated, but after a moment she kept walking up the stairs. Sending more emotions her way, I tried to make her turn around but it didn't work; she was too set on coming to see me yet again.
She knocked on the door; a pointless attempt at giving me privacy. Even if I didn't give her permission, she was going to come in anyway. "Sweetheart?"
I didn't reply, and sure enough the door opened and Esme came in, "How are you today?" I still said nothing, "Take no notice of Rosalie, you know what she's like." I looked up, blinking at Esme, who sighed, "Oh Jasper..."
Turning away from her, I frowned at the floor. Didn't she understand that I just wanted to be left alone?! And her of all people, with all her compassion and motherly love...I couldn't deal with that right now when the only love I wanted was from my true love; Alice.
"I'll pop back and see you later then." Esme said, "I love you, Jasper. We all do. Remember that."
She left, and I didn't see or hear from anyone for hours after that. I spent my time doing absolutely nothing, sitting on the bed in the same position I'd been in all day.
I blinked at the wall; it was supposed to be white, but it had a subtle pink tinge from where Alice had originally painted the walls fuchsia pink, only to paint over them in white after I complained about the colour. Shifting my gaze, my eyes drifted over Alice's dresser topped with her cosmetics, her closet bursting full with clothes and accessories. There were still shoes scattered over the floor from where Alice couldn't decide which pair to wear on that day. That day.
What the hell had happened on that day?