Disclaimer: The characters as well as any other reference to the Twilight series belong to their respective owner, Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the author of this work, Forever 17/Foreverx17.
Chapter Twelve: Defy Me
I'm so wound up that once the double doors to the porch are shut behind us, I have Bella pressed up against one. I take a deep inhale, basking in her soft, feminine scent while at the same time trying to control myself. She watches me, her eyes cautious and slightly guarded, and I know she's still thinking about our argument as well as what happened at Jacob's. I close my eyes, feeling my nostrils flare and my jaw clench as I fight to control my urge to kiss her senseless, pressed up against the door.
"I tried so hard not to let myself feel this," I whisper, "But you make it so damn difficult." I lean in and trail my hands slowly up her arms. Goosebumps rise almost immediately and her mouth falls open, a small gasp escaping. I open my eyes to look at her and she's looking at me with a mixture of confusion and determination. I cup the side of her face with the palm of my hand and my thumb gently strokes her cheek. The other hand slowly moves to her neck, down, grazing her breast, before traveling down and grasping her waist. I pull her hips flush against mine. Bella moans when she feels me through my jeans. "God I don't want to be like this with you," I groan, my voice hoarse.
She looks up at me. "Don't want to be like what?" she asks, her voice trembling.
"Out of control. I want my hands on you. All the time. I want your mouth, your tongue." I push myself into her for emphasis and lean my face forward, closer to hers, until my lips brush against hers so softly it almost tickles. "You've taken my control, Bella, and I don't know how the fuck you did it." I pause and let my words sink in. I let out a small sigh when her hand reaches up and strokes my chest. I feel the warmth of her hand through the thin, white tee shirt I have on.
She takes my hand that's resting on her face away and moves it down to rest on her heart and I can feel it thumping.
"Edward, this is what you do to me. You're telling me you feel out of control? My mouth goes dry when you walk into the room. I want to touch you all the time and I hate that I just...can't." She pauses and I watch her and I don't realize I'm holding my breath until there is nothing but silence in the small space between us and I realize that only the sound of Bella's breathing resounds. I exhale through my nose slowly. Bella looks at me. "Edward?" she asks quietly.
"Yea," I breathe, my voice shaking.
Her next words are said with such fierce determination, my legs almost give out under me. With her shoulders squared and her eyes staring directly into mine that it almost makes me uncomfortable, she says, "Fuck control." And my mouth is on hers a second later.
Bella melts into me as I press her back harder against the door, tasting and teasing. Our lips meet over and over again, only parting when one of us needs air. Her hands are on my waist, grabbing and pulling, while one of my hands cradle the back of her head, fingers tangled in her soft strands. My other hand, which had been resting on her hip, moves to her perfect ass. I cup one cheek firmly in my hand, the tips of my fingers touching the smooth skin of her upper thigh, where her jean shorts end.
She reacts by throwing both of her arms around my neck and kissing me hard. I move my other hand to her other ass cheek and give it the same, firm squeeze I am giving the other. Both hands now cupping her ass, I pick her up slightly, her feet coming off the ground an inch as I press her into the door and trap her between it and my body.
I'm so hard and Bella's hips are pressed right against mine. I can feel her heat through the barrier of our clothing and I know without a doubt she feels my firm erection pressing into her. I should be ashamed of myself for rubbing my throbbing dick on her, but fuck she's loving it. She matches my ferocity and clings to me. How could I not be turned on?
A vibration against my legs startles me and I pull back only slightly, both of us breathing hard against one another's lips.
"Phone?" I ask since I hadn't brought mine with me. She nods, her eyes hooded, and she is completely out of breath. That makes me smile a little.
"S'okay," she mumbles before pressing her lips to mine again. I return the kiss, my lips moving and melting with hers. The vibration stops and then picks up again a few seconds later.
I pull back. "Maybe you should get that."
Bella groans and sighs, reaching into the front of her jean shorts and struggling to pull the phone out of the tight pocket. She finally gets it out and looks at the screen, her eyebrows furrowing. She begins biting her lower lip in a nervous way.
"Everything okay?" I ask, lowering my head a little to meet her eyes.
She sighs and shakes her head, silencing her phone and walking to the kitchen to place it on the granite countertop. "It was just Charlie. I'll call him later," she shrugs, walking back over to me.
She wraps her arms around my neck and leans in to kiss me, but I'm rigid against her. When she feels no reaction from me, she pulls back and looks at me, confused. "Edward?"
I look down and shake my head, unable to bring myself to meet her eyes yet. Not so soon after that heavy reminder that what I was doing was wrong. Bella tries to meet my eyes, her arms not moving from around my neck as I continue looking down at the hardwood floors.
"Edward, what is it?" she tries again.
I clear my throat and shake my head once more. "Nothing. I'm sorry," I say.
She sighs. "I know...me too. That was kind of a mood killer."
I step away from her and grab a fistful of my hair as I try to relax. I don't want to upset her. I want to reign this in as much as I can and deal with it later if it means I can save Bella from being upset. I finally bring myself to look up at her and my heart almost breaks when I see her arms wrapped around her waist. She's slightly hunched over and is looking at me with so much uncertainty and she's still biting her bottom lip.
"Bella. Come here."
She sighs quietly and hesitates for a second before walking to me with conviction in her steps. I wrap my arms around her as soon as she is within reach and place a kiss on the side of her face.
"We'll work out what to tell Charlie," she murmurs against my chest. "I know you're worried about him, but—"
"Shh," I hush her gently, pulling back and cupping her face in both my hands. I shake my head, brows furrowed. "I should walk away—" she is about to protest, but I continue before she can—"I should stop this before it goes any further. I should be fucking ashamed, standing here in your father's house kissing you like this when he trusts me so much, but...God help me, I can't bring myself to fucking care." I drop my head to her shoulder as I try to calm down. "I should fucking care, but I don't. I want you even though I know I shouldn't."
Bella pulls away and forces me to look at her, both of her hands framing my face. "Don't feel guilty, Edward," she says firmly. "Stop feeling guilty."
"I can't take it, Edward. You need to tell me right now if you can do this. I need to know that you want this. That you want me." Her voice wavers towards the end and I can hardly bear it.
"I want you," I say slowly.
"Don't you dare say 'but,'" she says through her teeth, her hands falling down to her sides.
I chuckle, grabbing her hips and squeezing. "You're very feisty," I tell her, causing her to roll her eyes. But she cracks a smile nonetheless. I brush my hand along her face, loving that I can touch her freely. It's something I didn't think I'd ever get to do and I don't want to give it up. I don't think I even could. "I'm not ready to tell Charlie," I finally admit. "Especially when he's across the country taking care of his friend."
Bella nods and looks down.
"When he comes back," I begin again. Her head snaps up and she looks at me with hopeful eyes. I get lost in them and have to recollect my thoughts and start over. "When he comes back—"
"—We'll figure it out," she finishes.
I look at her for a moment. She holds my gaze, unblinking. The faith she has in this knocks me down. I want to be as good for her. But I know it will take time for me to fully be able to deal with my insecurities about all this.
"When he comes back, we'll figure it out," I say, even though only half of me believes it. But it's the half that right now wants to do nothing more except wrap her in my arms again and kiss her all over.
She watches me, seeming slightly unconvinced. I want to erase all of her doubt and worry and fear. And I want her to erase all of mine. But I'm afraid that the only one that can do that for me is me.
Bella must sense my need to be close to her because the next moment she leans forward and presses her mouth to mine. Neither of us deepen the kiss and she is the one who pulls back first, looking up at me.
"Do you know what you're doing to me?" I ask her, my voice raspy from all of our making out.
She looks down at the bulge in my pants and smirks. "I think I have an idea."
My mood immediately shifts when I watch her take in my arousal. And when she meets my eyes again, I see her lustful expression. Without hesitation, I grab her ass with both my hands and lift her onto the kitchen bar. She squeals quietly in surprise, but that quickly turns into breathless moans when I begin kissing her neck, wet and eager. I want more. I want everything.
The last thought lingers in my head, scaring me slightly, until Bella spreads her legs and places both hands on my waist. She pulls me forward so that my hard dick is pressing against her hot, jean-covered pussy and I drag my lips back up her neck to her mouth, kissing her with a fervor I'd never felt before.
I pull back slightly, breathless. "Can we maybe move this to a place where your father doesn't have his morning coffee?"
She giggles and pushes against me gently before slipping off the counter and grabbing my hand. "Come on, we can go to my room," she says, pulling me with her.
I don't even register the walk up the stairs to Bella's bedroom. The entire time, my thoughts are focused on the fact that I'm going to Bella's bedroom. I'm going into the room she sleeps in, dresses in, gets naked and showers in.
Before I know it, Bella has me in the center of her bedroom, standing at the foot of her queen-sized bed with a dark purple comforter. I'm unsure what to do with my hands, so I release hers and let my arms hang loosely at my sides. Bella does the same.
"Um...this is my room," she says.
"It's nice," I reply even though I've barely taken my eyes off of her since we walked in.
"You wanna sit?"
Before I answer, I take the steps necessary towards her until my body is pressed against hers. "That's better," I murmur down at her. She smiles and I place my hand on the side of her face." Do you want me to sit?"
"Huh?" She seems distracted by the way my thumb is stroking her cheek.
"Or do you want me to keep doing this?" I smirk. "I'll do whatever you want me to."
"Definitely keep doing that," she says softly. "But also..."
Instead of answering, she leans forward, kissing me. I smile against her lips, letting my hand travel down her body to hold onto her waist with both hands again while hers slide up my shoulders and into my hair, gripping it with her fingers and pulling it just enough to feel so damn good. I moan into her mouth, my tongue seeking hers out and groaning when I find what I'm looking for. I turn us slightly so her back is to the bed before I walk forward, pushing her backwards until the back of her knees touch the end of the bed.
She sits down and looks up at me. I walk forward until I am standing between her legs. I place one hand on the side of her face, tucking a strand of her dark brown hair behind her ear. She looks down. I get down on my knees and look up into her eyes. She smiles shyly when she meets my amused gaze. I place both of my hands on her thighs.
"You know, when I said we should move this somewhere else...I wasn't trying to assume...I mean, I just didn't want you to think I was taking advantage...I just." I paused as I gazed down at my hands on her thighs. "I wasn't trying to get you into a room with a bed."
I feel the need to make it clear that this wasn't something I had planned. I was perfectly fine kissing her, nothing else. Of course I want to explore her fucking body, but I'm not going to push her. And I certainly don't think I'm ready to do all the things I want to with her because I'm not so sure I trust my self-control when it comes to this beautiful creature sitting in front of me, blushing, but at the same time looking so fierce in her determination.
She takes me by surprise when she reaches out and places her hands on my face and pulls me to her for a searing kiss. I moan when she slides her tongue into my mouth, stroking mine with her own. I stand up again, but hover over Bella. I place a knee on the bed and nudge her gently. She takes the hint and begins backing up towards the head of the bed. I keep one arm securely around her waist while the other holds her face to mine while we kiss without pulling apart, as if some magnificent thing depends on our lips remaining connected.
Bella is resting against her pillows now that we are at the top of her bed. I lay on top of her, my body covering hers fully. Her legs wrap around my waist, but don't lock behind me. Instead they move, shifting when she lifts her hips sharply off the bed to press into my rock hard dick.
I realize then that our clothes are acting as very inconvenient barriers. I trail one hand down Bella's chest to her belly button, stopping on the single button of her jean shorts. I leave my hand there for a moment as I continue kissing her, before popping it open with one swift flick and click. She lifts her hips and reaches down with one hand and together we pull her shorts down to her knees with her kicking them off the rest of the way.
Bella reaches for my tee shirt next, slipping her hands under the thin cotton fabric. I shiver against her touch even though her hands are warm. She lifts the hem of my shirt and I move off of her for as long as it takes to throw my shirt to the side. My body covers hers immediately after that as I press into her hot center without the shield of her shorts.
I kiss down Bella's jaw all the way to her neck and collarbone. I lick the space between her collarbone and she trembles beneath me before I place a kiss there. I move further down, kissing her chest and stomach through her shirt. When I reach the hem of her lacy blue panties, I lift her shirt up with my nose, inhaling her scent, a mixture of sweet icing and lemon drops. She shivers under my touch and I place a kiss on her hip bone and then another beneath her belly button and then one more directly on her belly button, flicking out my tongue and teasing it swiftly. Bella gasps and jumps slightly before giggling breathlessly. I kiss her a few more times before pulling back and looking down at her.
"Can I take your shirt off?" I ask, the raging lust inside of me making my voice hoarse.
She stares up at me with hooded eyes and I can't help from grabbing her waist with both hands and sliding them up her sides before reaching her face and pulling her to me for a passionate, hot kiss. I press myself into her warm, lace-covered pussy and kiss her motherfucking brains out for several minutes. She returns my ferocity, which spurs me on even more.
I pull away once more and sit up, causing Bella to frown up at me. I smile down at her and lift the hem of her shirt. She sits up for a second to help me lift it up and off her. I toss it to the ground before I begin attacking her chest and stomach with hot, wet kisses. Bella's hands weave into my hair, massaging my scalp as she moans and writhes under me. When my lips reach the hem of her panties once more, I hover a few extra moments.
It's tense and silent, the only sound in the room is Bella's heavy breathing. After hesitating, waiting to see if she'll stop me, I finally do the one thing I'd dreamt of doing every night since I had laid eyes on Bella Swan. I move my lips from the top of her panties straight to her hot lace-covered pussy and place an open-mouthed kiss directly on it, shoving my tongue out to stroke her through the fabric.
Bella squeaks in pleasure and grabs fistfuls of my hair in her hands, her legs resting on my shoulders while I lay on my stomach on the bed, my cock practically dry humping the mattress while I kiss Bella's hot center.
"Please. Take it off," she pants and I think I may have just had a hallucination. "Edward. Take off my fucking panties."
No. Not a hallucination.
I immediately grab both sides of her lace panties and pull them off of her quickly before resuming my original position. This time I'm hovering over wet, naked flesh. Bella is completely bare except for a small trail of soft, light brown downy curls. Her pussy lips are glistening and I lick my lips for the second time tonight before diving in, my lips kissing her wetness and my tongue darting out to massage her walls before I trail up to where her clit is and begin rubbing circles around it as hard and fast as my tongue is capable.
When two of my fingers touch Bella's pussy she stiffens for a quick second before relaxing under my touch and rolling her hips further into my face. I thrust my fingers deep inside of her hot pussy and begin moving them in and out, often twirling them quickly inside of her at the same time, driving her wild. Her moans become louder in the room and she begins panting my name every so often as I work my mouth and tongue and fingers all over her.
"Fuck! Oh fuck! Ugnh, Edward, I can't," she moans and whines. Both of her hands tighten in my hair and push on me slightly. "It's too much, please, stop," she pants, her hips jerking and quivering, her legs shaking and her fingers tightening in my hair to the point that it becomes painful and I actually almost consider stopping. "Fuck, I'm gonna come so hard, Edward!" Bella moans loudly, pushing her pussy into my face with the same hands that had been pushing me away from her two seconds ago. I can't help the smirk that crosses my face, not faltering the movements of my tongue and fingers.
Her pussy walls clench around my fingers and I feel her become warm and impossibly slicker as she continues rolling and grinding her pussy into my face and I continue my ministrations on her as she moans and pants. After almost a minute, Bella stops rolling her hips and the hold she has on my hair loosens as she lays there, panting.
I pull my fingers out of her and press a few more kisses on her sensitive clit and she jerks slightly, her hands tightening and then releasing instantly. I lift away from her and move back over her body, placing a soft kiss on her trembling lips. Bella's shaking hands reach up and wrap around my neck, holding me to her like a life raft. I pull my lips away from hers and look down at her glowing expression. I stroke her cheek with my hand and smile down at her. She bites her lip, smiling up at me.
"I told you you were trouble," she says softly, her voice sounding tired, her arms still around my shoulders as I hover inches from her face. I'm still nestled comfortably between her legs, but I have my knees on the bed to keep from pressing my almost painfully hard erection into her sensitive center.
"I'm trouble?" I ask her, my voice hushed like hers.
She smiles and slips one hand down my chest towards my waist. When I realize her intentions, I grab her hand and kiss her. Her lips stay still so I pull away and look down at her.
"You don't want to?" she asks me.
I wonder briefly what it is she's asking for. I hadn't intended tonight be the night we had sex for the first time. Hell, I really hadn't even thought I would get this far. Yet here was this beautiful girl underneath me looking so ready and wanting.
"Bella," I start, then clear my throat. "I just wanted to do that for you tonight. Nothing else. Is that okay?"
She smiles slightly and blushes. "Yea that's okay."
I chuckle as I move off of her and lay on my back. She sighs and grabs my tee shirt off the edge of the bed and looks over at me.
"Can I wear this?" she asks.
"Yea you can wear that," I say automatically. She slips it on, to my sheer inner delight, and I lick my lips as she lays down on her side facing me. I shift so that my position mirrors hers and I place my hand on her hip, smiling slightly at her.
"That was amazing, Edward. Thank you," she says shyly, making me smile wider.
"It was my pleasure."
She blushes and bites her bottom lip and I begin stroking her hip with my hand, my fingers teasing beneath the hem of my tee shirt that she has on to stroke her bare thigh.
"Edward? Can I ask you something?"
My hand continues moving as I nod at her.
"Why did you move to Seattle?" she asks quietly. I stop stroking her thigh, floored. I hadn't expected that to be the question she asked.
I watch her nervously bite her lip and for a moment I consider changing the subject. My past has never been something I am very eager to discuss. But the way her brown eyes look at me, imploring and curious, makes it impossible for me to not give her something.
"My parents died when I was seventeen," I say, my voice catching slightly. I hadn't talked about my parents to anyone in years. I clear my throat. "I still had ten months until my eighteenth birthday so I had to move in with my aunt and uncle in Seattle."
Her expression is of genuine sadness and I look away before I can see the sympathy that will surely follow. I don't like when people feel sorry for me. And I certainly don't want Bella to.
"That must've been horrible," she says softly. "I don't know what to say."
I force a small smile and shrug with one shoulder. "There's nothing you can say. It happened."
"It must have been hard. Having to start a new life."
I shrug again, but say nothing. I don't know what to say. This isn't a conversation I want to have in bed after I'd just gone down on her for the very first time. But she's relentless.
I look up at her and raise my eyebrows.
She shakes her head, her eyes searching mine. "What happened to you? I mean..." She pauses. "It's not any of my business, I know, I just...I want to know you. I want to know why you feel certain ways about certain things, and I want to know...I don't know." She sighs.
"Bella," I say, moving the hand that is resting on her thigh and placing it on the side of her face, stroking her soft cheek. "I haven't had a very easy life. My story is...unpleasant, to say the least. It isn't something I like talking about."
"I understand," she says quickly. "I just..."
Bella trails off and doesn't say anything and her expression looks almost expectant. I move my hand from her face and sigh, watching her, trying to figure out what she's thinking.
"How did your parents die, Edward?"
Bella's voice is so soft, so unsure, so scared that I barely even hear her. But I do. Her question lingers in the small space between us and I shut my eyes tightly, trying to fight off the memories that are trying to make their way to the forefront of my mind.
"I'm sorry," she says quickly. "I shouldn't have asked."
I open my eyes and shake my head, looking up at her again. I hesitate, debating whether I should say the words that are on the tip of my tongue. I wonder how she'll react. Maybe she'll finally see me for the vile human being I am. Maybe she'll finally come to her senses about me and understand why I had tried so hard to stay away from her.
Those thoughts pain me, and they are almost enough reason not to answer her question because I don't want to lose her when I finally have her. But then I realize how selfish that is, and I remind myself that I was never supposed to have her in the first place.
Bella is watching me worriedly, her eyes darting back and forth between mine, trying to gauge my state of mind. I sit up, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed so that my back is to her. I lean forward slightly with my palms planted on either side of me on the bed and I let out a shaky breath.
"Bella, why do you want to know things that are just going to end up hurting you?" I ask her, feeling slightly disconnected from my body and mind as I do. I don't know what to say to make this conversation end without making her feel like I'm shutting her out again.
"How do you know it will hurt me?" she asks, sounding confident despite the slight tremor in her voice.
"Because it's just going to make you hate me. Is that what you want?"
"I don't think I could hate you, Edward."
"You'd be surprised," I murmur, mostly to myself.
I hear Bella moving around and the bed shifts slightly before I feel her behind me. She places her hands on the tops of my bare arms and rests her chin on my shoulder.
"So surprise me then," she whispers.
I look over at her and can't help the small smile that comes to my face when I see her staring back at me so sweet and serene. I lean forward and give her a chaste kiss on the lips before pulling back and looking at the ground again. I let out a heavy sigh.
"I moved in with my Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme after my parents died," I begin. "Carlisle is...was my father's younger brother."
"Were you close? You and your father?"
I shrug. "We were...but..." I trail off there, not ready to divulge that part of my life to her. Not yet, at least. "Anyways...I stayed with my aunt and uncle for a few months before I couldn't take it anymore and left."
"Before you turned eighteen?"
"Where did you go?"
"I traveled through a couple of states. Went to California...Kansas...Tennessee. When I came to North Carolina, I fell in love and stayed." I shrug. "That's pretty much it."
She nods and bites her bottom lip. "Do you still talk to your aunt and uncle?"
I sigh before getting up. Bella shifts so her legs are hanging over the bed as she watches me walk to her balcony doors and look outside. The view from Bella's bedroom shows the entire beach, the ocean on the right side. It's dark out, but I can see the moon's reflection on the ocean and several people still walking along the shore. I rest my forehead on the windowed door.
"No," I say. "I don't."
Bella must sense the finality in my tone, my need to stop discussing this particular topic. She gets up from the bed and comes to stand behind me. She wraps her arms around my waist and rest her head against my bare back. I place one of my hands over hers and move it up to rest against my beating heart.
"Well," she says. "I'm glad you stayed in North Carolina."
I smile to myself. "Me, too."
I hear her let out a small sigh, nuzzling further into me. At that moment, I realize I want to keep this, put it on repeat whenever I need to. Bella's arms wrapped around me, her hand pressing against my chest, the warmth of her breath against my back. I want to keep it and put it on repeat when I don't have her anymore.