I was thinking of ending this fanfic series some time ago, since I looked at the stats and saw that less than ten people had read this, hahah… BUT! I promised myself I wouldn't ever abandon a fanfic like that, so… here we are. Good thing I hadn't, since someone (Juromuro!) followed, and... the views sorta went up? But yeah, forward the ranks and whatnot, wotwot…

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DGM, ONLY MY OC (Kumori… and that poor rabbit that died, hahah).


Guidelines and Goodies

When Lavi entered the Black Order, he saw the other golem owners being regaled by a purple-haired man, barely in his thirties, in a white lab coat, white dress shirt, and white beret. He turned to glance at Lavi through pentagonal glasses with violet eyes when the redhead slammed the door shut.

"I see you've all made it in in one piece, then!" Komui Lee—for it was most definitely the founder and owner of Black Order—amiably declared, giving them all what he thought of as a smile but was in actuality a pained grimace.

"So, what's the prize?" Road asked, giving the man a smile that'd give a Cheshire cat a run for its money.

The man blinked and gave her a bland smile. "You'll find out when you win. Not before." The sugar-sweet smile on her face dissolved into a sullen pout.

"Now then!" He clapped his hands, the innocent smile on his face not diminishing the evil gleam in his eyes in the slightest. "Before we begin the tour, I'd like to give you… lucky winners the guidelines on what to do and not to do so as not to die—of excitement, of course!" He gave them a bright, cheery laugh before coughing into the silence. "Well, I'm sure you're all well aware of who I am and what my reputation is, yes?" Lavi snorted. Only someone who'd been living the past ten years under a rock wouldn't—

Out of the corner of his eye, a slim white hand waved around in the air.

Komui looked at the pink-haired girl, who was jumping up and down. "Er, yes?"


The factory owner blinked. "What was that?" He staggered back when the pink-haired pixie threw herself at him, burying her head in his stomach.

Kumori responded with a garbled "Ib Gubomi!" that Lavi took to mean "I'm Kumori" as she gave Komui Lee a bright smile. "Who're you?"

"You mean to say that… you came here without knowing who I am, what I do?"

"Uhn!" she replied, looking up at Komui with bright, sparkly amber eyes and a pink mouth parted in innocent fervor.

"Kumori, I went over this with you, remember?" Nea smoothly chided, stepping forward and slowly disengaging the girl's clingy arms from the man's waist. "This is the person who makes the chocolate you love to eat so much."

"Ne, really? Arigato, Meganekko-chan!"

Kanda let out a short derisive "Che," and Lavi snickered. His laughter trickled away, though, when he felt two heavy, oppressive beams of light center on his head. Fearfully, he looked up and found Komui's glasses glinting furiously at him.

He self-consciously coughed into his hand. "My bad…"

"Now then." Komui pushed his glasses up higher. "Why don't we—"

"Wait, aren't you going to ask us our names too?" a petulant voice rang out. The purple-haired girl—Road—glared at Komui, who merely gave them another bland smile.

"I didn't ask for your names, did I?"

Road snorted. "You're getting them, nonetheless." She jabbed her slopping, half-eaten lollipop at the purple-haired man. "I'm Road Kamelot, the adorable daughter of the illustrious minister Sheril Kamelot and—"

"Ah, sorry, not that interested in you, your nomenclature, or your family genealogy."

"And what about me~ 3?" Komui blinked and turned to look at the tall fat man who'd spoken. Lavi shivered. It seemed like the only expression he was capable of was that creepy grin. "I'm rather interested in the Black Order and see myself as a potential buyer~ 3—"

"Nope. Interested in selling chocolate, not factory shares."

"What a pity~ 3" the man replied, shaking his head in disappointment. And something else, if that glint in his eyes was any indication, Lavi thought. He shivered and turned his gaze elsewhere when the man turned to smile at him, as well. His eyes just so happened to land on the glutton, who was furiously thumping his chest.

"A-Are you alright!?" Lavi asked, rushing over. When the boy shook his head, Lavi hurriedly thumped him on the back. He was rewarded with a loud gasp, like that made by a fish out of water, as an enormous jawbreaker fired out of the boy's mouth, nearly braining Lavi as it flew a hairsbreadth from his cheek.

"T-Thanks…" the white-haired boy wheezed.

"No problem." Lavi glanced around to find the creepy pink and white clown who was the glutton's supposed companion. What the hell was he doing that was more important than keeping the kid from asphyxiating on candy?

Lavi scowled when he saw that the Clown 1 was talking to Fancy Pants Nea, but that scowl melted into a limp smile when he saw that Clown 2 was grinning maliciously at him.

A cold, clipped voice, deep and masculine, sounded behind them. "What the fuck is this?"

They both turned to find the blue-haired psychopath glaring at them, a wet glob gripped in one white, tightly-clenched hand. Lavi blinked. His dark blue hair, which had been perfectly straight and pulled back in a ponytail, was undone, and one side—the left half—was slightly mussed and covered in a sticky white substance. A sense of foreboding filled him, and he took a small step back.

"My jawbreaker!" the oblivious white-haired boy exclaimed, smiling. "Thank y—" He blinked when the blue-haired boy whipped the blade away.

"You want it back, Moyashi?" he ground out, glaring at Allen, who merely stared at him as if he were thickheaded.

"Of course, Yuu. And the name is Allen, not Moyashi."

The porcelain man smiled a smile that looked like it foreshadowed grim things, like funerals and mass burials. "Well, Mo-ya-shi, if you want it back…" The boy—he actually did look like a beansprout—cried out in distress when Yuu threw the wet mess into the air. "…then you shouldn't have thrown it at me."

There was a blur, too fast to be humanly possible, and Lavi gaped as the white jawbreaker fell to the factory floor in splinters and white powder, echoing loudly in the sudden dead silence. He gulped when the dangerous man sheathed his sword. When had he even taken it out?

"Y-You… you idiot, Yuu!"

Lavi took another step back when a vein throbbed in the blue-haired young man's forehead. "It's Kanda. Call me Yuu again and I'm gonna slice you, damn Moyashi."

"It's ALLEN, you—"

A lilting, childish voice interrupted him. "Baka!" They all blinked in surprise when Kumori came bounding over, the most surprised being Kanda, since the girl attached herself to him.

"Oi, get off—"

"Yuu-chan, why'd you throw the candy away~?" Kumori whined, wrapping her arms and legs around his neck and torso.

Lavi winced and prepared himself for more bloodshed, but instead, Kanda merely scowled. Lavi blinked. Was that… a blush on the samurai's face? "What's it matter to you, chibi?"

"Eh, hidoi yo ne, Yuu-chan!" Kumori pouted, chomping on Kanda's soggy hair.

"Oi, don't mess up my hair!"

"Ish alreagy meshed uhp…"

While he was distracted, Lavi pulled on Allen's arm and led him a safe distance away. He turned around to tell Allen how lucky they were not to get skinned alive by the psycho samurai when he noticed Road, who was staring at them—or, more specifically, Allen—with a great deal of interest. He shivered and whispered a small prayer for Allen's soul.

"…and you?"

Lavi turned back to the white-haired boy, who was staring at him expectantly, his right hand—it was disfigured, as if burnt—held out for a handshake. "What?"

"I'm Allen Walker."

"Oh, right. I'm Lavi."

"You don't have a last name?" Allen asked.

"Nope. I—"

"Now then, if you all would be so kind as to lend me your ears!"

"Hm, nope, I'm rather partial to them," Lavi chortled, covering his. He got a chuckle from Allen, and he smiled as warmth flooded through his body. His cheeky grin withered away, though, at the impatient eye Komui directed at him. "Sorry. Uh, do go on. Please."

"So glad I could get your permission," replied Komui, his voice dry yet dripping with sarcasm. Giving him another death smile, Komui planted his hands on his hips."Hm, what was I saying, before I was so rudely interrupted…?"

He stopped and stood, one finger tapping away at his chin in mock consternation before a light bulb went off. "Ah, that's right!" He clapped his hands together. "What to do, what to do… well, first off, feel free to eat whatever you want—everything here is edible, even the machinery!"

"Vhy voulrd rou ranna eash ga mazhine?" Kumori asked, still chomping on candy-flavored blue hair from atop Kanda's shoulders.

"Well… because."

"Vecaush ov vhat?"

Komui coughed into his hand. "Because… well, I'd just like to remind you all that, though everything's edible, there are some items that have certain… side effects, like—"

"Side effects?" Allen interrupted. "What—?"

The white-haired boy went silent when the redhead wrapped an arm around his head and buried it in his chest. Lavi turned and gave Komui an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Go on."

Komui's eyes narrowed at Lavi's hands on Allen's lips—his weren't the only ones; out of the corner of his eye, Lavi could make out Road's sullen pout—before going blank, and he turned to the others with another bland smile, though Lavi could tell this one was slightly… forced. "Side effects include nausea, paranoia, deliria, dementia, amnesia, dormia, hornia… No need to worry though! You can usually tell it has a side effect if it's brightly colored, though that isn't always the case. Just remember—you are what you eat!"

"Whash—" Allen finally wrenched Lavi's arm from around him. "What's hornia?"

"Ah, no worries, Allen-kun!" Road exclaimed, prancing over and hugging Allen. Lavi grinded his teeth together when he noted the way she pressed her small, underdeveloped breasts up against the Moyashi. "I can show you, if you want!"

"Road-chan~ 3" Lavi stiffened at the warning note in Clown 2's voice, and he quickly pulled Allen away from the petulant girl.

Road rolled her eyes. "Al-right, Millennie." She gave Allen another secretive smile and gave him a husky, whispered "I'll show you later" before flouncing back to her creepy caretaker.

The white-haired boy blinked and turned to him. "What does she mean, show?"

Lavi grinned and shook his head. "You'll see eventually, Moyashi."

"Not you, too! It's Allen! A-L-L-E—"

"Got it, got it, Moyashi!" Lavi chortled, wrapping an arm around the slender boy's shoulders. "C'mon, let's see what else that guy has to say!"

"That guy" in question was forcing a polite expression on his face as Yuu's flaky caretaker nodded his head and waved his arms in emphasis. "…are a great deal more effective for a higher varnish and sheen to the overall quality of the painting."

"I-Is that so…? Well! As much as I'd like to hear more of this interesting topic, I've some, uh… work to attend to!" Lavi snickered as Komui Lee, acclaimed chocolatier and possible drug lord, quickly backed away from the visitors, arms raised in the attempts of a physical barrier. "Yes! Some work in the office!"

The man turned and beamed at them all, his brow twitching ever so slightly when his eyes landed on Lavi, who was still draped over Allen. "I'll be dropping in every now and then, so until then… try not to die—of excitement, of course!" And with a final wave and shower of strangely-colored lollipops, Komui Lee disappeared in an opaque cloud of pastel pink.


Hornia… not an actual word, but I couldn't think of a word synonymous with "horniness" that ended in "ia" (had same problem with "sleepiness," hence the Spanish version).