Once again, he felt like the world was caving in around him. He was stuck in a sea of blue cotton and soft spoken curses and he had no idea how to break free. He pushed his palms against his closed eyes only to see the same world surrounding him once he opened his eyes. His sleep was plagued with nightmares of yellow eyes and sharp teeth. He tries to calm his beating heart, pull his mind back to a calm place. A time, when he was happy every time the sun shone through his bedroom window. Every time he was able to successfully sneak out of his house. Every time his fingers got entangled in burly brown hair. Those thoughts only lasted mere seconds before he was thrust back into endless darkness.
He absently hears the door creak open but he doesn't look up. He just continues to lie in his bed, sheets pulled up to his chin. The weight shifts on the bed, someone sitting down beside him. He feels a hand brush through his hair, nice feeling but all too fleeting.
"Your hair is growing out again. I could talk to them about trimming it, if you want." A woman's voice. Soft and comforting echoed around him. He looked up and saw bright brown eyes gazing down at him. He became rigid under her casual touch and flipped over on his other side, pulling the sheet even tighter around him. He peered at her over his shoulder.
"Shouldn't you be out tending to Scott's wounds or something?" His voice cracking from disuse but the vicious sarcasm still shown through. Silence filled the room once again. He could hear her sigh and her weight sink heavier on the bed. She set down her bag beside her and began to rummage through the items inside. Moments later a photograph was placed in front of his face.
There were four people in the photograph - himself, Allison, Scott and Isaac. They seemed to be at a bowling alley, nearly two years after the confrontation with Gerard, he remembered that much because he had let his hair grow out after then. Scott and Isaac were off to one side, in a team against himself and Allison. Both Scott and Isaac had playful grins on their faces and they shielded each other's eyes to protect the cameras from the reflection. He felt a tearing in his heart as he looked at the picture of his best friend smiling. Trying to dispel the images in his mind of his friends face covered in blood, his lifeless eyes staring up at the sky. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again he concentrated on the other side of the photograph. Himself and Allison, sitting so close their sides were pressed up against each other. Allison was triumphantly holding up their winning score card while he was pressing a kiss to her cheek. He looked at it for a long time before her soft voice broke through to him again.
"Do you remember this day?" She asked, painstakingly quiet. He closed his eyes and tried to pull the memory out but it was too difficult. All he could recall was violence and bloodshed.
"It's all right if you can't, don't force it. I can tell you about it for now." She whispered, just the hint of the oncoming tears in her voice.
"We started dating pretty close to a year after Scott and I called it quits. We would have started sooner but you were scared of what Scott would say. The night we went on our first official date you took me to a pizzeria and we shared two slices of pizza. Afterwards you drove me home and walked me to my front door even though you were terrified of running into my father. You kissed me on the porch. It took you another two weeks to say something to Scott and even though he was surprised and angry, he eventually accepted it and we could all spend time together and be our real selves around everyone else."
He closed his eyes and tried to remember. He wanted to remember not just for her but for himself. If he remembered those things than that would be mean that he wasn't as far gone as everyone thought. He moved back onto his other side and looked up at her. She had tears spilling down her pale cheeks but she made no movement to wipe them away.
"This photograph was taken on your 20th birthday." She finished and silence wrapped around them again. He couldn't remember the bowling but something did come back to him suddenly. It hit him strong like a vat of cologne; he could feel things that he had felt, smelled the things that he had smelled.
"It smelled like lavender. I was surrounded by blue and I could feel smoothness underneath me and it smells like lavender." He voice cracked again and her looked up at her. She had tears in her eyes but she was smiling; he offered an awkward half smile.
"That's because I was wearing lavender perfume, it was your favorite." She said quietly.
"Blue..." He mumbled and Allison smiled again, a bit wider this time.
"My sheets were royal blue back then. When Lydia and I first got our place you drove me to the store and helped me pick out my first set of sheets and pillow cases. We got blue." Allison explained and he got that far away look in his eyes as if he was remembering. He was silent for a long time, hardly blinking and Allison knew that he was gone again.
"Stiles?" She whispered as her fingertips ghosted along his cheek. He blinked and looked up into Allison's wet eyes. They looked at each other for a long time before he finally spoke.
"Do you think Lydia will visit today?" He asked, no roughness in his voice and Allison sighed. His moment of lucidity was gone. Retreated back into his old memories. Before Scott's death, before Derek, before the bite. He couldn't remember the years that they had spent together, building promises on top of plans. She felt a tear roll down her cheek as she reached out and touched his shaggy locks of brown hair.
"I'm not sure." She said with a small nod before standing, her weight being lifted from his small bed. She leaned over his small frame and gently kissed his forehead. His expression was one of confusion and apprehension when she pulled away.
"Get some rest." Allison said before stepping out of the room and into the stale air of the hallway. As she made her way out of the building, tears streaks staining her cheeks she pulled off her visitors badge.