Summary: A step-by-step guide on how to make insensitive, asshole, dense, and handsome protozoan brutes fall head over heels for you, brought to you by the one and only Izaya Orihara.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Warning: OOC, retarded attempt at humor


by Izaya Orihara

Chapter 2

While they were strolling along the corridors to Shinra's classroom, Izaya wondered how his carefully planned confession failed. He was still not sure what the other was planning to do, but the feral look on Shizuo's eyes unnerved him in more ways than one. The plan was so simple but Shizuo managed to royally screw it up. Izaya wished Shizuo Heiwajima had never been born. Then he wished he himself had never been born, because it's his fool self who insisted that Shizuo 'find his lucky person'.

A few minutes after some walking, he watched an awkward Shizuo stand stiff under the questioning gaze of Shinra. And Izaya knew he would be cackling right now if it wasn't his love life at stake. The thought of Shizuo confessing to Shinra with the student body just an ear behind would surely create some sort of entertaining chaos to watch. Izaya leaned against the wall and stifled a giggle.

Then Shizuo inhaled deeply.


Izaya nearly burst out lauging as Shinra who understood Shizuo's words had his eyes wide for a while before returning to his usual goofy expression.

"Shizuo-kun, I think I heard you wrong. What was that again?"

Face flushing with embarrassment that Izaya thought was adorable, Shizuo repeated his words and this time, he explained the situation to Shinra.

A calm "I see…" and a look of thoughtfulness and amusement was Shinra's response as he glanced from Shizuo to Izaya. Izaya couldn't help the blood rushing to his face upon realizing that the bespectacled teen found out his little crush.

"So, will you be my lucky person?" Shizuo's face looked half tortured and half embarrassed as he ground those words out of his mouth and his veins were already popping out of his forehead. Izaya was on the verge of doubling over in laughter.

"Shizuo-kun, to be your lucky person means I need to be next to you always. Not to mention the troubles of me living in your house and taking a bath together with you. This lucky person is physically impossible, Shizuo-kun."

Shizuo frowned. "It'll work out," he tried again. "The horoscope told me so! We're destined to be together!"

An awkward silence passed as Shinra and Izaya gawked at Shizuo who was blushing furiously upon the realization of what he said. Shinra looked scandalized while Izaya wanted to slap himself. Of course, Shizuo was as dense as a log. He should have been more specific in the 'horoscope', like jumbling the letters of his name or stating that the 'lucky person' was comparable to a flea. Now that would be obvious and this strange situation would not have occurred. In fact, if he had done so, he and Shizu-chan might be even on a date right now.

As the school day came to an end and the three of them walked together the familiar Ikebukuro roads, Izaya couldn't help wondering why the hell he had a crush on this, well, idiot.

But he also couldn't help smiling ruefully at the unbridled embarrassment in Shizuo's face as he chased Izaya after the latter teased him endlessly about 'being destined to be together with Shinra'.

When the sun started to set and their stomachs started to rumble, the three of them rounded into the hill and found the convenience store tucked on the left side of the road. They each bought their own popsicle and it was blue and freezing. Shizuo gave that bright, carefree grin upon tasting the sweet treat and then Izaya thought that the torturous afternoon, the torn uniform, and the failure confession were somehow worth it.

And then he thought, 'Oh shit, I've really got it bad.'

Date: April 19

Confessions. They're difficult. And they're extra tricky if you're trying to confess to an IAs (Insensitive Assholes, remember?)

Izaya Orihara here again my lucky humans and this is my second blog entry.

Basically, what I want to say in this entry is: persist with you IAs, no matter how difficult and discouraging it is to romance him, because it's worth it!

Tip #2: Know his likes and give it to him.

Wednesdays were great for many reasons.

First and foremost, on Wednesdays, Russia Sushi gave 10% discounts on ootoro. Wednesdays also meant an additional hour in hell for first years taking the morning combination of English and Literature. The best part about Wednesdays though, was the gym class.

What did gym class meant?

Oh, woe was Izaya's heart. It meant that his class, 2-1, and class 2-2, would be taking it together. It meant that Shizuo Heiwajima – the one and only Shizu-chan – would be sharing the glory of his body with the students of Raijin Academy for a whole one hundred and twenty minutes.

The way his back muscles grew taut when he warmed up, the way that sweat glistened as it trickled over his face and neck, the way he ruffled his bleach blond hair…

Be still my heart.

Damn it, I said be still.

But this particular Wednesday was special. This was the Wednesday Izaya would put an end to this little crush and finally start being all lovey-dovey with him.

Ever since Shinra introduced the two of them, not a day passed where Izaya did not think about Shizuo. Whether it was G-rated or X-rated, those moments were his guilty pleasures. If only Shizuo did not misinterpret that stupid horoscope.

But how, you ask?

It was so simple it was ingenious.

Of course, not less was expected from the great Izaya Orihara.

All Izaya had to do was to make Shizuo fall in love with him by being the other's type, liking what he likes, doing what he wants…or something. Anything!

Izaya flipped to a fresh page in his notebook and reached for the pencil tucked behind his ear. His trustworthy friend never failed in times of need.

Target: Shizuo Heiwajima

Age: 17

Height: 5'10"

Eye color: Caramel

Hair color: Blond

Mission commenced at 7:45 am

Izaya's location: target locker minus 4

Target location: Walking

Izaya doodled hearts around Shizuo's name.


A/N: Thank you for reading. It's awfully OOC and I intend it that way. A shout out to those who were screwed up by the floods in the Philippines. Binaha ako sana kayo hindi. Stay safe!