A/N: Written for Kadam AU Saturdays on Tumblr – the theme being famous!Kadam – but it can be read as a future!fic.


"Kurt, you bastard!"

Kurt opened one eye, but refused to raise his head from his pillow. "...what?"

"You are a cheat, Kurt Hummel."

"Huh?"

"Not only are you a cheat, but a cradle robber. A few months short of being a pedophile!"

Kurt yawned. "Adam, what the hell...?"

"Also, you have dreadful taste in music."

"Oh, you did not just say that!" protested Kurt, finally turning over to face Adam in their bed.

The blond was valiantly trying to contain his laughter as he read the tabloid news on his tablet.

"Oh god," Kurt muttered. "What did I do this time?"

"You are cheating on poor handsome me with pop rock bad boy Caliber Mackenzie."

"Cal?" Kurt grimaced.

Adam arched an eyebrow as he gazed at Kurt. "Cal, huh? Is that how you call him during your depraved, adulterous nights with him?"

"That's how Anne called him when she introduced him to me last week."

"Anne North? You're saying the director of your play is enabling your pernicious sexual escapades?"

Kurt sat up on the bed so he could grab his pillow and smack it on Adam's head.

"Ow!"

"Idiot."

"You cheat on me, you physically attack me, you insult me... What did I ever do to deserve this awful treatment, Kurt?"

"Well, according to the same tabloid you're reading now, only last month you were having a torrid affair with soap opera starlet Piper Peng."

"Oh, yeah. That."

"And a week before that, you had a secret rendezvous in Honolulu with model Annika Thornton."

"You'd think I'd at least remember going to Hawaii," Adam snorted.

"And let's not mention your behind-the-scenes relationship with your beautiful co-star in Heavenly Crimes, Jessamine London."

Adam turned off the tablet and put it on the bedside table. "It's ironic, isn't it? Back in the day, celebrity gossip usually involved married men cheating on their wives with their gay lovers. Now, I allegedly cheat on my husband of thirteen years with straight women. Times have changed."

"Well, there was also that rumor about you and Justin Bieber."

"I'm sure he was the one who started it. Trying to resuscitate his career by any means necessary."

"Anyway, you can't complain about my alleged bad taste in music after allegedly dating Bieber," said Kurt, cuddling against Adam's side.

"Touché." Adam wrapped an arm around Kurt's shoulders and held him closer. "Anyway, I think you can stop complaining about more fake rumors being written about me than about you. Something tells me this one about you and Caliber won't die so quickly. He's barely 18, you know."

"I met the guy twice!"

"There are photos of you together."

"What photos?"

"At the GLAAD Awards."

"I took photos with everyone there. And you were there with me!"

"Yes, the nerve of you," said Adam, ruffling Kurt's hair. "Posing with your young lover right in front of me."

Kurt sighed, enjoying the caress. "I really thought sticking to theatre would spare me this stupidity."

"Well, if you really had stuck to theatre, maybe it would have worked. But noooooo, you just had to do that Ang Lee movie, didn't you?"

"Well, yes," said Kurt testily. "You don't say no to Ang Lee."

"Then that's what you get for your inability to say no. Two awards, a dozen nominations, and rumors about bedding a rock star who has more piercings in his face than he's had birthdays."

"Ugh. Why would anyone think I'd go for that? Haven't they seen my gorgeous husband?"

Adam beamed, rolling them over to lie on top of Kurt and kiss him hungrily.

When they paused to take a breath, Kurt was panting. "Tell me the truth. Those silly rumors totally turn you on."

"I have no idea why you'd say something like that," replied Adam with mock innocence as he unbuttoned Kurt's pajamas.

"I think you enjoy proving them wrong."

"That's a nice theory." Adam nuzzled Kurt's neck, threatening a little bite.

Kurt shivered. "And I think you love any excuse to mark your territory."

"You have a problem with that?"

Kurt wrapped his legs around Adam's hips, and clawed at his back. "Maybe I should start taking more photos with random celebrities."

Adam literally growled as he kissed Kurt again.

No intelligible sounds were heard in that room for the next couple of hours.