This is a just a random tidbit I wrote while I finish the next few chapters of 'When In Spain.' Warning; crack ahoy.

With oddly-coloured violet irises, a smooth, creamy complexion, feather-soft, chocolate-coloured locks, and the prettiest of rosé mouths, Roderich was nothing less than absolutely stunning.

Even during the days when he and Roderich had been at each others throats, aiming to knock the other off their pedestal, Gilbert had been forced to admit that Roderich wasn't just a snob, he was an attractive snob.

Roderich's attractiveness was never a problem; at least not until it caught the attention of other men.

The moving men looked far too at ease 'settling the deal' with Roderich. Gilbert glared. It wasn't their job to negotiate prices, they were only supposed to lift furniture...and how dare they lean in so close to a taken man!

Sauntering toward his beloved and wrapping his arms around the male from behind, Gilbert offered a dangerously tight-lipped smile from over Roderich's shoulder. "Wait, so what's happening? What's the final deal?"

Roderich worked his way out of Gilbert's grip, and looked self-satisfied when he wheeled around to face the other. "I managed to convince these gentlemen to include an extra worker, for the heavier bedroom furniture. Although I couldn't quite convince them to include the larger van in the deal."

Gilbert hummed in disapproval, all while creeping a possessive hand onto Roderich's hip. "Losing your touch for bargaining, old boy."

Roderich gave a scowl -an adorable and attractive scowl- and dug an elbow into Gilbert's side. "I am not losing my touch, I just...I just decided we would make due with the medium-sized van. That is all."

Gilbert wasn't convinced, but wisely kept his mouth shut at the risk of another painful elbow jab.

"I don't see why we couldn't just do this ourselves, or ask 'Toni and Francis. We would have this done by now, on Antonio's tomato truck." Roderich looked unperturbed by the complaint.

"The bedroom furniture is too heavy for just the two of us to lift, Gilbert. And you know I don't like to inconvenience others."

"You're inconveniencing these guys, aren't you? Didn't think of that one, Roddy."

"It's their job, Gilbert. So no, I am not inconveniencing anybody." Roderich looked slightly mortified, leaning in to hiss, "And do not call me pet names in public!"

Gilbert easily took advantage of their close position to lean in and plant an open-mouthed kiss on Roderich's cheek. "Whatever you say, Roddykins!"

Roderich's look of mortification morphed into a mixture of dismay and disgust.

"Did...Did you use your tongue? That is utterly crass Gilbert!"

"You know you liked it," Gilbert sang, the looks received from onlookers not going by unnoticed. "Don't fret, Roddy dearest. You'll get some more later, at the new house!"

The red flush on Roderich's face was utterly delicious. "...Imbecile..."


Gilbert had to admit the ease with which the lifting men picked up the sofa was impressive. It would have been respectable, even, if they would stop undressing Roderich with their eyes.

Gilbert clenched his jaw. Perhaps 'undressing Roderich with their eyes' was a stretch, but they were still ogling, and quite obviously at that. Roderich didn't seem to notice the eyes glued to him, far too preoccupied with labeling boxes, but Gilbert did notice the wandering eyes.

"Keep your eyes off my boyfriend's ass and on the goddamn doorway, you're gonna chip something." Gilbert finally snapped minutes later, after catching a blue-eyes gaze looking over Roderich's form. Gilbert's loud outburst startled every person in the room.

"...Gilbert..." Roderich was the first to break the silence, looking distinctly uncomfortable and fidgety from where he stood. "I'm sure that wasn't happening... Come help me with these boxes, you're on edge because you aren't doing anything."

Gilbert silently took the boxes of music sheets and violin cases from Roderich, fuming internally. If those moving men thought they could come right in and steal Roderich away with a showing of strength and muscle, they were sorely mistaken.

After minutes of struggling to load the heavy box onto the truck, Gilbert paraded back into the living room with an aura of renewed confidence, firmly set on proving himself the best man. Gilbert immediately set himself to moving the oak coffee table outside to the moving van, purposely within Roderich's line of gaze.

Tired amethyst eyes followed his progress, and dark brows wrinkled in concern. "Be careful, Gilbert. I don't want the floor to be left scratched."

Gilbert huffed. "I'll leave the floor just fine, Roddy. And nope, don't worry about me. I'll be fine too."

Roderich chuckled dryly. "I'm a bit more worried about the floor, it's harder to replace."

Ouch. That was cruel, even by Roderich's standards. And was it just Gilbert, or did Roderich sneak a glance toward the lifting men when he said that?

"Gott Roderich, that's so cold. You know that you would cry if I disappeared!"

Roderich looked almost regretful, eyes glued to the floor and fingers rubbing the nape of his neck. His voice was soft when he spoke.

"...I would. And I do apologise, if that was a bit out of line. But I'm asking you to be careful, nonetheless. Bitte."

"That's better. Your wish is my command, little master. Was auch immer Sie wollen. Sometimes, anyways."


Roderich's cheeks burned crimson. Gilbert had always been a flamboyant lover, an ostentatious person by nature, but the way the German was boldly touching him, purposely kissing him whenever the lifting men were watching... It was enough for even Roderich to lose his placid disposition and become aghast.

Roderich stiffened for the umpteenth time that day when Gilbert casually pinched his hip.

"Stop it Gilbert! What has gotten into you today?"

A note of irritation had crept into his tone, despite his attempt to sound collected. Gilbert looked slightly startled, dark bronze eyes flashing with confusion.

"Stop what?"

"The touching and kisses and everything, it's terribly indecent!"

"You always like it when I touch you, why the sudden change?"

It was the challenging tone that made Roderich grit his jaw and snap. "We are in the company of others. Keep your hands to yourself until at the very least we are alone, or so help me you will be sleeping in the guest room!"

Gilbert raised both hands in a gesture of complete innocence, shrugging broad shoulders nonchalantly. "Hey, no need to get all excited. Hands off, got it."

Gilbert went back to pulling the nightstand out to the van, acting as though absolutely nothing had happened. Roderich stared confoundedly at Gilbert's retreating figure. What had gotten into him?


It seemed like hours later when the furniture was successfully transported and situated in the new flat. True to his word, Gilbert had avoided touching him inappropriately, only brushing their hands together by occasion.

Roderich was perfectly content, satisfied by both the tasks completed and boundaries respected, until Gilbert opened his mouth and addressed the sweating, muscular moving men.

"You're done now, you can leave," Gilbert instructed, not bothering to sound apologetic. Or caring, for that matter. It was so rude, after all that the men had done...

Roderich immediately became a scarlet, flustered mess, offering his apologies on Gilbert's behalf and thanking them profusely for their services, all while ushering them out the door.

The second the door was quietly closed, Roderich spun on heel. His violet eyes were ablaze with fury. "That was entirely uncalled for, Gilbert Beilschmidt!"

Gilbert shrugged. Roderich found that the tiny movement could be surprisingly irritating. "They were done, there's no reason for them to stay."

"But after all they helped move today, it was terribly rude to say something like that!"

"It's their job to move stuff, it's not like they were doing us a big favour!"

"Job or not, you cannot be rude! I am sure that your clients always treat you properly, is that not correct?"

"Ja, but only because I'm fixing their car and their life is in my hands! Which is not the same as moving furniture in and out of a house."

"It does not matter what the task is, whether it is changing a car engine, or baking a cake! I simply cannot believe that you were so rude to people who made moving in to our new house so much easier..."

"Why does it even matter? So what if I was rude? They're gone now and we're never gonna see then again. You're just making this a big deal!"

"It matters because you have been acting odd all day today, and I want to know why! You have been insufferable and rude beyond belief, Gilbert, and it's the times like these that make me wonder how it is that I have tolerated you this long!"

Roderich knew he would regret his hasty choice of words come morning, but he was too frustrated to care just then.

"So tell me, what is it? You've been a nuisance today, and yet now you don't want to talk?"

Gilbert shrunk back and visibly flinched. "I just didn't want you to notice them more than you notice me..."

Roderich immediately felt the anger slip away, once he caught a glimpse of the hurt expression Gilbert wore. The guilt began to surface. He should have known better than to snap so harshly, should have known to better keep his temper. Gilbert's actions weren't even remotely close to the most humiliating things he had done in the past... Still, Roderich was caught between scowling and grimacing. Where had the sudden insecurity come from?

"That is what this has been about? Me noticing those men?"

"...And liking them more than you like me."

Roderich's lip curled in something similar to annoyance. Gilbert would never fail to surprise him. "You are such a child, Beilschmidt."

"But Roderich–!" Gilbert's voice even sounded childish...

"Wait. Let me finish." Roderich lifted a single finger to place on Gilbert's lips. Roderich's violet gaze hardened. "You are a foolish, thick-headed, moronic child if you think I could be swayed by appearances alone. That, or you must believe me to be shallow. You're loud and brash, and overly excitable, and looks alone would have never been enough to make our relationship last. Certainly not enough." Roderich paused to give a mock shudder, to which Gilbert pouted.

"I chose to become involved with you and came to adore those aspects of you because only I came to know you, Beilschmidt, and I realised that you were a wonderful person. Maniacal and crass, and an absolutely ridiculous moron, but also an absolutely wonderful moron... Come now, do you really think your looks alone had won me over?"

It was Roderich's chiding tone that seemed to break Gilbert from his stupor. The arrogant, self-assured expression crossed his face again, and Roderich didn't doubt that he had succeeded in reassuring the German's qualms.

"It wasn't just the looks, although they were a big part of it. You just wanted all of this!"

Although Roderich rolled his eyes, the corners of his lips twitched with the need to smile. He also found that he couldn't deny the claim. Gilbert seemed to take the microscopic gesture as a sign of defeat, and brightened even more.

"...My point is, I did not choose to become involved with you, or allow you near me, for that matter, only because of how you look. In fact, I could not stand the sight of you for weeks in the b–"

Roderich abruptly found himself rudely interrupted by Gilbert's lips pressed firmly against his, an arm snaked around his waist to keep him melded to the German's body. Roderich let out a quiet, muffled noise of protest, slightly irritated from having been interrupted, before sighing and accepting the wet kiss.

When their lips finally parted, Roderich pushed his glasses higher up on the bridge of his nose. A tiny smirk played on Roderich's lips. "Now that we have solved our little problem, get cleaning. This house isn't going to clean itself."

"You expect me to clean? Don't make me laugh. Wait, too late."

"My wish is your command, remember? Was auch immer Sie wollen? I wish for you to clean. Now get the mop."

"Scheiße. Not fair."


Laying in bed later that night, Roderich felt the sensation of slender fingers creeping up his back.

"Not tonight Gil, I'm tired."

"But Roderich! I helped you clean and everything!"

"As a result, you have a clean house. Is that not a reward enough?"


The cool hand persistently squeezed at his waist, toying with the band of his silken pyjama pants.

"Please Roderich...I know you've been craving my body all day.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I can make you do that too. Beg, over and over for more, each time I ram my c–"

"–If I recall correctly, you were the one just begging. And don't be so vulgar Gilbert, where you really just going to say what I believe you were going to say?"


"Screw the technicalities."

"What? Gil– Oh!"

The End.

Rather random crack, but there you have it, folks.