I sat there with my head in my hands; my fingers running through my blonde greasy hair dyed green … Oh for God sake it needs dying, AGAIN! Urrrr, I clenched it with my fist and pulled as hard as I could. The pain was immense but I needed it, I needed it for many reasons. It satisfied the angry monster who was so irritated at all it could see , it calmed me and most of all it stopped me from hurting her … Stopped me from shutting her tiny mouth up and silencing the endless crying. Finally my scalp released my hair from its tight grasp , oh the relief it gave !
I sat back in the old faded arm chair and soaked up the few milliseconds of ecstasy , dropping my hair on the blood stained carpet .I sighed lightly then all of the relief disappeared and the monster was back.
"How the hell am I ever going to look after this… this … baby?" He said it out loud no one was here to hear him anyway so what did it matter. He liked being on his own, not having to keep up an image but then again being on his own wasn't healthy… it was when he was alone the ghosts would come out to play.
"Never mind 'look after' it's going to be a task just not to kill you…" He sat for a moment then turned to the brown varnished coffee table next to him and picked up his beer bottle. He took a few swigs and then went back to talking; gesturing with the bottle and spilling some of its contents on the already stained floor.
"Then again , I did already try to kill you and , I couldn't …" He paused as if waiting for a reply from the baby who was in the small 'bed room' of the dingy apartment , no answer came just more painful wails.
"I don't understand why your crying, I fed you, changed you, you have a… um … satisfactory place to sleep. But then again you could say having up and down emotions runs in the family…"He smirked at this comment then went to take another swig from the bottle but only a drop trickled out …
"Huh, empty already… is it just me or is everything shrinking …"He then gets up from the chair and heads in to one of the other four rooms of the apartment .Its small inside, the old lazy light bulb casting the room with a dingy yellow light with no shade around it, the wall paper that was once white now yellow, peeling and stained with tobacco smoke and the same goes for the ceiling too. The only furniture in this room was a 'double bed' that was really only the size of a single bed with a little extra on the side , a closet that was small and built into the wall and in the corner of the room rested a wooden draw that was a little battered . Inside this draw there was a pillow shoved to the bottom acting as a mattress (taken from one side of the bed) and a woollen blanket that was wrapped around a tiny baby that was still whimpering.
"Shush, shush" He kneels down to the draw and picks up the little human being. His hands didn't really fit with the precious innocent thing; he was used to holding switch blades and guns not babies. He held the baby close to his body, feeling things he hadn't felt in years … love, dependence and acceptance.
"What am I going to do with you, hey?" Then he turned to the only part of the room he liked, the window. It was dark out but you could still see the lights dazzling of the various successful companies and shops of Gotham , and up in the sky a few starts shone like pin pricks through black card .