I do not own Catcher in the Rye or Little Red Riding Hood.
My name is Little Red Ridinghood. No, seriously it is. I don't know what my parents were thinking when they named me. I mean seriously, everyone calls me little, and I can't even yell at them about it. I am not little! I am an average height, thank you very much. On top of that, my mom forces me to wear a red hooded cloak. I mean honestly. Do you have any idea how hard it is to not trip over the damn thing? I like the hood, but the bottom wraps around my ankles, and makes me trip every other second.
Anyways my mom told me to bring this basket of cookies to my granny. I didn't want to, but when my mom gets angry, it is damn scary. I mean, I like my granny and all, but she lives in the middle of the goddamn woods. Who lives in the middle of the woods in this day and age? So anyways, I was carrying my basket through the woods, and I came across a talking wolf. A talking wolf of all things. Since when do the goddamn wolves fucking talk? Anyways, it was saying something about how it wanted my cookies, and I told it to piss off, cause they were for my granny. I mean I would have been nicer to the wolf, but if I didn't deliver the goddamn cookies, my mom would have my hide.
The wolf got pretty angry, and stormed off. So I just continued walking, until I tripped over my goddamn cloak, and landed in a bunch of posies. A fucking bunch of posies. I mean seriously, who grows posies in the middle of a goddamn path? Now I have flowers stuck in my hood. After I climbed back to my feet, I continued walking down the goddamn path, and finally made it to my granny's house.
My granny is a bit odd, if you know what I mean. She lives in the middle of the goddamn forest for christsake. But that's not what I meant. Sometimes, she walks around with an axe, and pretends to be a woodcutter. A goddamn woodcutter of all things. So I wasn't really that surprised when she opened the door with whiskers and fur on. I mean she has done it before, but did she have to dress up like a goddamn wolf of all things? I mean seriously, she even got the breath right. How did she manage that? Did she eat rotten meat or something?
So I told her that I brought cookies, and she seemed right pleased about it. Then she turned around and almost bit my head off. I mean seriously did she have to nearly bite my goddamn head off? If she didn't like the cookies she could have just fucking told me. Anyways, I punched her in the face and walked back out of her house. I felt kind of bad about it, but punching her is the only way to get her out of her fucking weird moods. Plus she is stronger than she looks. She carries a goddamn axe around with her most of the time.
So I was walking back down the forest path again, when I tripped over my cloak again. I landed on top of a wolf's dead body. That is kinda weird. What is with all of the wolves around here? Anyways it looked like it was killed with my granny's axe, so I ignored it. It's better to ignore weird things that happen around my granny. So anyways I picked myself back up again, and walked back out of the goddamn forest. Now I just have to figure out how to tell my mom, that granny didn't like her goddamn cookies. Yeah, that'll go well. She is going to be really pissed at me. I don't know why, but she always blames stuff on me. I'm doomed.