Second Heaven, a twilight fanfic
By Mikarin Aoi
Summary: They've lived so long already. Carlisle and Esme decide that it's time…
Warning: Rated M for Mature content Genre: Drama/Tragedy Pairing: Carlisle/Esme
Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga.
Author's Note: (May 1, 2013) Another one-shot of my favorite vampire couple for the month of May… (I cried the entire time I wrote this…)
The Year 2663
"How can you just ask me that?!" Outraged, Rosalie spun around in haste, distancing herself as far as possible from the saddened woman standing by the end of the bed.
With eyebrows bent in distress, Esme tried to once again pacify her irate daughter. "Rose, please understand…"
"No! I understand perfectly that this is what Carlisle desires, but why me, Esme?"
Rosalie turned around to meet the eyes of the woman who she had come to love as her own mother, whose bright ochre eyes for once didn't have the gleaming joy they usually possessed. In Rosalie's own golden shade, Esme recognized the heavy glaze of invisible tears that would never present themselves no matter what.
To hastily conceal the quiver of her lower lip, Rosalie reiterated her question, "Why do you want me to do it?"
With a heavy heart, Esme, for once, was at a deep loss for words. The clenching ache of her long-dead heart became unbearable with each second that passed by as the blonde-haired vampire before her waited for the words she suddenly couldn't bring herself to utter.
Too painful to bear, Rosalie finally let out the emotions she could no longer contain within her. "Why!?" she cried out, her voice breaking, and in her state of desperate helplessness, fell to her knees, her hands falling across her eyes to hide the tears that would never fall.
The sight alone broke Esme's unbeating heart. The matriarch rushed to her defeated daughter, kneeling right in front of her, her hands gently tugging away her daughter's hands until Rosalie dropped her arms limply to her sides. Cupping the cheeks of the beautiful vampire before her who she so loved, Esme learned her forehead against Rosalie's and whispered achingly into the night, "Because you were my first daughter, Rose. You meant the world to me, you still do. I never thought I'd be blessed to have a daughter, but then you came along. I love you so much, and I know what I'm asking for seems a little too much–"
Slightly pulling away to meet her mother's eyes, Rosalie commented quietly, "You never ask for too much. In fact, you never ask for anything. You've always been content with everything."
There was a pregnant pause lingering in the miniscule spaces between the two female vampires, and with a pleading look, Esme tried to reach out to her daughter, desperate to make her understand. Yet their hearts no longer seemed to meet eye-to-eye, ever since the matriarch of the Cullen family asked that unbelievable request that Rosalie never expected to ever hear.
"Rose, sweetheart, please…"
Embittered, Rosalie regretfully pushed Esme's hands away from her cheeks, only wanting and wishing for nothing more but to be wrapped in Esme's arms and be told that this was all just a joke, that Esme didn't really mean it, that she was just playing a prank on her.
"My pretty little rose, please…"
The endearment was enough for Rosalie to let out a sob she couldn't hold back and the pain in Esme's voice was all that Rosalie could take, weakening her determination to be against this one single wish that Esme now asked of her. No, she wouldn't give in. She couldn't. She would never execute that despicably loathed thing that Esme pleaded her to carry out. There was no way she would ever agree to it.
"I can't do it!" With a sharp pull from the hands that once again tried to reach for her, Rosalie stood in haste to leave but paused by the doorway. "Please don't ask this of me ever again. Please."
The tremble in Rosalie's voice repeatedly played in Esme's ears, and with her hands covering her face, Esme finally let herself break apart, regretting the pain she inflicted on her favorite daughter with her selfish request.
Vases were broken, furniture was smashed and the clattering noises from Rosalie and Emmett's room were followed by angry wails of one extremely hurt vampire. As soon as her mate came home from his hunt, Emmett immediately made his way up to their room, only to be stopped in his tracks by Edward.
"Let me handle this, Em. I know what she's going through."
Though confused as to what was happening, Emmett trusted his brother, and with a nod, left to find Jasper and Alice to ask them if they knew what was going on with his mate.
Knocking on the door, Edward waited for Rosalie's permission to enter. She knew from his scent alone who it was. "Leave me alone, Edward!" she snapped in a shrill voice, her shout reverberating throughout the house.
Ignoring her, Edward pushed the door open, closed it, locked it then walked to where she stood, shaking, broken sobs racking her entire body. Without warning, Edward pulled his sister into his arms. After the aftermath of the shock to find herself in Edward's embrace, Rosalie thrashed against him, hitting his chest with her balled-up fists, desperately trying to get away from the strong hold of his arms wound around her back that caged her in completely.
"Let it out, Rose," Edward whispered softly, almost sympathetically.
"I won't do it, Edward! I can't!" Rosalie cried in frustration and desperation, the sense of not knowing what to do utterly engulfing her and swallowing her up all because of this ugly situation which she knew she couldn't run away from.
The heavy weight of her sobs ebbed then swelled, Edward slowly becoming a little concerned, for this long, Rosalie never cried. Even after her transformation when she'd remember the incident that led to her death, her bouts of weeping couldn't compare to the length of this one.
Convinced that it was about to time for her to settle down, he tried shushing her, soothingly stroking the length of her hair down her back. "Hush, Rose, it's all right. Calm down."
Rosalie's inner dialogue was out of hand, and Edward, never having heard her thoughts this frantic, tried his best to still his sister, cupping the sides of her head then planting a kiss against her forehead. "Shhh, shhh… Rosalie…"
'I can't do it, Edward. I can't!'
"Rosalie, you must. You must do this for her."
'But why me, Edward? Why me? Why didn't she ask Alice or Bella or even Renesmee?'
"You already know the answer to that, Rose. You know how much she loves you and how important you are to her."
'Then why does she want to hurt me this way?!'
"She hates herself for even asking this of you, Rose. I hear the regret in her thoughts. And I can also hear her pain. It breaks her heart more than you know to ask her favorite daughter to end her life for her. But she needs this. And she needs you. Please, understand…"
The tight restrained sobs from Edward's chest caught Rosalie's attention. Edward's head leant forward to rest on Rosalie's shoulder, and the weight of his troubled aura seemed to push itself onto the blonde-haired vampire.
Suddenly, a thought occurred to Rosalie and, almost afraid to ask the unspeakable, she whispered hoarsely, "He asked you, didn't he?"
An unbroken silence hurled the two vampires into an abyss filled with grief and a sudden pang of extreme loneliness at the thought of having to live without the mother and father-figure they've always looked up to since they were created seven-hundred and thirty years ago for Rosalie, and seven-hundred forty-five years ago for Edward, hit them in such an unforgiving blow.
The Cullen family had just recently celebrated the thousandth year of Carlisle's life as a vampire, and Edward knew he would soon be called to his father's office to talk about the thought that has been going through Carlisle's mind for the past several years…
'Edward? I know you can hear me. Would you please come to my office? I need to tell you something important.'
The pianist found himself in his father's office in less than a minute.
"Edward, I know you know by now what I'm about to tell you. I've had it on my mind for quite some time now. I know you know what I want to ask of you. Now I need to know if you don't agree to it, then I can always find a way for Aro to execute the deed."
"Let me ask you something, Carlisle. Why do you need to do this? Aren't you satisfied with being able to live for eternity with Esme?"
"Of course I am. But ever since I became what I am, I never forgot the want to die as well. I'm not tired of this life, Edward. I assure you, I feel deeply conflicted, having to leave the hospital and stop helping people. But I've done what I could for a thousand years already. There would always be a time for me to leave, I knew that myself. And I think that I've done enough in this world to repent for what I am."
"You've done more than enough, Carlisle."
'Thank you, Edward,' Carlisle silently uttered his gratitude in his mind.
"And yes, I will do it. But this doesn't mean I am for it. I would never want you to leave this family, Carlisle, but I respect you and your decisions. I will do it, also because I don't want someone like Aro to have the privilege to finish you off. He doesn't deserve it, because he has no love for you. I will do it, because this is the last thing I can fulfill as a son for his father."
A slight understanding swept across the room as Carlisle gratefully smiled up at his son, and in return, Edward's eyes shone with an unfamiliar glistening crystalline shine coating the golden glow.
'Edward, I am very sorry for this, but thank you, my son.'
Without another exchange of a word, Edward left Carlisle's office, and right by the door stood the pixie, her eyes sorrowful and glazed, her brows creased, her body trembling from the vision she just received, her lips quivering from the sadness she was already feeling.
Jasper beside her could feel the anxiety both his siblings were undergoing, and if he himself weren't absolutely distracted with his own distraught emotions, he would've calmed all three of them easily. But this wasn't a light matter. This affected all of them.
"You agreed…" Alice then silently mumbled.
And as Edward nodded, the tiny vampire couldn't refrain herself from hugging her brother, her arms winding around his neck, her face buried in his shoulder.
In silence, all three of them stood in front of their father's office, shaking with unshed tears, terrified of the day they'd have to carry out their parents' last wish.
"What are we going to do, Edward?" Rosalie murmured reluctantly, her voice a bare whisper ghosting across her lips, almost dreading the answer she knew her brother would say.
"We must do this for them, Rosalie…"
Another choked sob escaped from the young woman and the sobs of the young man followed suit, lasting deep into the night until the moon made way for the bright sun to shine on another day…
Carlisle swept up his wife into his arms and settled her down on their bed. Esme was still sobbing silently against her hands, trying to shush herself as she curled up in a ball.
"Love… Don't worry, she'll come around…" Carlisle reassured her as he proceeded to take off his necktie then unbuttoned the two top buttons of his shirt for him to be able to relax better.
"You didn't see her, Carlisle. It was the most hurt I've ever seen her ever since… since her transformation," Esme choked out, burying her face then in the sheets of the bed.
Seating himself beside his wife's form, Carlisle's hand then meshed in the soft locks of Esme's caramel-colored hair. Bending low to her ear, he then whispered, "Would you want to stay for her, my love? There's no need for you to come with me…"
Jumping at the suggestion, Esme sat up and straightened herself, clutched tightly onto her husband's shirt, her face now buried against the soft cotton fabric, her husband's scent filling her with a slight sense of relief.
"I want to go with you," she replied calmly. "Carlisle, without you, I can't continue on. Rosalie will be fine, as long as she still has Emmett… But without you, darling, I can't… I can't…"
Esme's renewed sobs tore from deep down her chest, and it pained her husband to see her that way. "Hush, love, that's enough now… Come, stay in my arms. I'll make you feel better," Carlisle said to his wife, lying down on their bed, pulling her lithe figure up to rest against his.
Days passed, and the tension in the family became more and more apparent. Carlisle already left work, and now, all he and Esme were waiting for was Rosalie's acceptance. They knew the other family members wouldn't have as much difficulty as Rosalie would have. The bond she shared with Esme was the strongest between family members. After all, they both were able to understand each other due to their similar past. And to Rosalie, Esme was a perfect mother-figure.
"Rose, are you deliberately delaying telling your decision to Esme just to have her stay here a little longer?" Edward asked one day, apparently already knowing her answer by reading her mind.
"Edward, please, this isn't easy for me," Rosalie started but Edward interrupted her. "This isn't easy for any of us, Rose. But know that each day that passes that you don't speak to her, the more she's wavering in her decision to go with Carlisle. It's becoming extremely difficult for her to choose between her husband and you. You wouldn't want to come between them, do you? That would be an absolutely selfish thing–"
"I'm not heartless, Edward," Rosalie cut him off. "Now will you please leave me alone?"
"Just hurry, Rose."
'Just one more day, just give me one more day, stay with me for one more day…'
Though Rosalie never spoke to her mother, Esme's presence alone was enough for her. She watched her from afar, spending the last days with her husband, with the other family members. Jealousy arose, but then, her pride would always pull her back.
The next day was solemn, quiet. No activities were being held outside the house. Certain calm overwhelmed its inhabitants and an eerie silence seemed to loom over the Cullen household, as if every being at home stilled to make way for the moment of truth between mother and daughter. And so that night, after almost twenty hours of lack of noise, Rosalie finally mustered up the courage, and so found herself knocking on her mother's door.
"Rose." A gentle smile crossed Esme's lips which lit up her whole face and at the sight of it, Rosalie felt her pride crumble into pieces, scattered on the ground before her, and for a moment, there was an instinct to pick up the remains and glue her pride back together, but then she realized that if she really wanted to straighten things out with the person she loved the most next to her mate, she would have to reveal this new vulnerability to the vampire before her.
"I'm sorry," she finally managed to choke out with a broken sob, her hand lifting itself to cover her mouth to conceal the slight shake of her lips.
Esme never asked for anything, never wanted anything more, always making do with what she was given and what she already had. So the one time that Esme finally came to Rosalie to ask her of one single wish, Rosalie now realized that Esme didn't deserve to be refused, for she's never asked of anything her entire vampire life. A sudden pang of guilt filled Rosalie to the point that she was shaking from the ache of her denying the one single thing Esme asked of her.
Though who was she to blame to want to refuse? Losing a mother wasn't an easy thought and being the one to kill your own mother was one of the most heartbreaking deeds to ever be done.
Esme welcomed her daughter with open arms, and as Rosalie found herself wrapped in her mother's loving embrace, there was an unspoken forgiveness lingering in the air, yet Rosalie's stiff body in her mother's embrace worried the matriarch a little and added to the sorrow for having her daughter feel this kind of emotional hurt.
"Rose, sweetheart, you don't have to force yourself to do this…" Esme told her daughter understandingly, her fingers caressing the long blonde waves of Rosalie's hair cascading down her back. The light caresses reminded Esme of the times when Rosalie would style her hair, and a sudden wave of longing brutally slashed against her, knowing that they'd both miss those times. Why was it so hard to let go?
Finally, arms swung around Esme's neck, and her daughter's cheek touched her own. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I'll do it, Mom! I'll do it for you! I just can't bear the thought! I still can't accept it, but if this is what you want me to do for you, this one last wish, then I shall do everything in my power to fulfill it, because I… because I…"
A sad smile of gratitude presented itself on Esme's lips, yet the guilt was still deeply planted in her dead heart. "I am so sorry, Rose… I never meant to cause you this much pain…"
Rosalie knew her mother would've never thought of hurting her this way. This was what her father wanted, and well aware that Esme was bound to Carlisle in every way possible, there was no way Esme wouldn't follow her mate. Rosalie knew this, and understood it with every inch of her being, for all that she was, all that she had, also only belonged to Emmett alone.
The heavy sobbing of her daughter brought about her own, and trying to stay strong for them both, Esme lovingly whispered, "Shush, my love… It's all right… I'm right here… I'm still here… And I'll always be with you, with all of you, no matter what… Carlisle and I will forever be with you all…"
Holding onto each other, the mother and daughter wept, whilst at the doorway, the father and son watched on, fighting the urge to break down at the poignant scene unfolding before their very eyes. The rest of the Cullen family was gathered in the living room, all of them listening to the heart-wrenching exchange of mother and daughter. By the end of words, the silent sound of shattering stone hearts filled the quietness of the home.
Both Carlisle and Esme gave thorough attention to their children and to their grandchild Renesmee and her children with Jacob and their children's offspring.
Last day to shop with Alice.
Last day to style hair with Rosalie.
Last day to talk with Bella.
Last day to spoil Renesmee.
Last day to cook for Jacob.
Last day to tease Emmett.
Last day to make Jasper smile.
Last day to listen to Edward's tune for them.
Last night with each other…
"Let me memorize you one more time, my love…"
Frustrated at the fact that she could no longer shed tears, Esme avoided Carlisle's eyes, knowing that if she saw his pleading face, she'd give in. Deep in her still heart, she knew she wanted this. But if this would happen, it'd be the last time… And though Esme agreed to go through with what Carlisle desired, it still came with much difficulty to acknowledge that this would be their last time, their last night together…
"Esme, you know I do believe that there is a heaven for creatures like us too, don't you?" Carlisle asked his wife casually as they were both arranging the medical books in his office.
Instead of answering, Esme asked her own question, albeit hesitantly, "Even for me?" She paused then said regretfully in a low murmur, "I've killed people…"
Carlisle stepped closer to his wife, placed his hands on her waist and looked down at her shining gold eyes before he told her with all sincerity, "You are worthy of the kingdom of God. You love so unconditionally, without hesitation, no second doubts. Such a giving and unselfish person always has a place with Him."
Esme was never taught to believe or have faith in a higher power. But what Carlisle believed, she trusted in as well. For her faith was faith in him. In her husband. There was nothing he could do wrong, nothing could ever stand against him, for his compassionate heart, his kind generosity, his gentle, unparalleled care for human life was something you could believe in, have faith in. And so, he became her religion.
As the silence dawned upon them, and Esme rested her head lightly against her husband's chest, Carlisle decided that now was the time he'd tell her of this decision of his, and so, tilting Esme's chin up for him to gaze into her eyes, he spoke up once again, "Love, by the time I've lived for a thousand years, I've decided that I want to end my life to be able to rest my soul in heaven."
The shock on his wife's face made Carlisle drop his words, and in a swift second, his lips were on hers. "Please know that I never want to leave you, love," he whispered achingly against her trembling lips, which he kissed one more time.
Esme always knew that even though Carlisle thought of vampires as a cursed being, he still strongly believed that there would still be a place for them in heaven. And with the centuries of trying to repent for what he was by helping people from dying, Esme knew that no other being was more deserving than Carlisle to enter the kingdom of God. But she never thought that he'd want to die to be able to enter heaven. Wasn't life eternal their promise to each other on their wedding day?
"I've always wanted to die, Esme. But know that an everlasting life with you for eternity was heaven on earth itself for me. Now, you may or may not choose to come with me…"
With a heavy heart and the knowledge of their imminent permanent second death, Esme whispered with firm determination, "Of course I'll go with you, Carlisle…"
"Love, please… Come to me." Carlisle's words were injected with sad longing for the woman standing out on their balcony, her back turned to her husband who was waiting for her on their marital bed. "Please…"
It pained Esme even more denying her husband the one thing only she could fulfill. Hesitantly, she turned around, her eyes carrying the tears that would never be shed, then moved toward the bed where at the edge of it, her husband was seated, his head in his hands.
He knew how much his decision affected his family, especially his mate. But it was also something he wanted to do for himself. It wasn't a selfish act to him. It was something he knew and he felt he deserved. Something he knew he always wanted even after he became a vampire. And Esme did agree that he deserved to go to heaven. But as she once told him, it was just hard to let go of the life they've lived for more than seven-hundred years.
Esme let her fingers rake through her husband's blonde strands, and as he looked up, the relief to find her standing before him showed in his smile filled with gratitude.
Planting her finger against his lips to stop him from speaking, her husband understood that tonight, no words were needed.
With her head bent forward, her lips descending onto his, Esme cupped her lover's cheeks and lightly pressed her lips against his. Feather-light kisses deepened, strengthened, lips parted, and the meeting of two tongues entwining, joining, brought Carlisle's hands up to the belt of his wife's silk robe, his fingers unfastening the knot.
Straightening herself, Carlisle then slipped his hands up to her shoulders, slowly inching her robe off of her, until the silk clothing fell to his wife's feet. Standing stark naked before him, Esme's body still mesmerized Carlisle up to this very day. Every single time he disrobed her; there was always a sense of excitement, like he was discovering her body for the very first time once again.
Hands on waist, slowly inching their way up her fair porcelain skin, a light tingle from Carlisle's fingertips would always spark sensuality in Esme's body that made her twitch with anticipation. Palms cupping her supple breasts, fingers grazing over the light nipples, tautening under his touch, Esme already found herself shivering from the soft touches of her husband.
Yet there was no rush. They had all night. And tonight, they had each other.
Carlisle stood up, his body mere inches from his wife's, and with a slight nod, Esme's fingers nimbly worked on her husband's shirt, unhurried, while her eyes held the gaze her husband laid upon her. Such a love as theirs really only made sense in silence, when nothing was said. For the mutual understanding was such a deep, intense connection that neither of them needed words to convey what they were feeling. It was almost a kind of interdependence that they shared with each other and that only they understood.
'How could I just possibly agree to this,' Esme thought to herself, for with every touch, with every inch of her skin that her husband lovingly showered with kisses, her heart swelled with so much love and so much joy that the thought that this would be the last time ever almost made her go back on her word. 'Can't he see that by his kisses alone, I'm dying? With every moment that he brings me to my high, I feel heaven. Carlisle, my Carlisle…'
Enmeshing as one on their bed, Esme clung onto her husband with such fervent need, kisses turned frantic, the bittersweet knowledge that this would be their last time hanging in the air. Carlisle wrapped his arms around his wife with such strength, fearful to have her crushed in his embrace, yet if this was the last time he'd be able to do so, why would he hold himself back?
Fingers scratching, legs trembling, bodies shaking, skin tingling, hands reaching, lips touching… The powerful ecstasy that rocked their bodies brought them both to a new high, where both spirituality and physicality met in a tender caress, the blissful experience almost too delectable, too precious to let go.
In the aftermath of such sweetness, the repeated broken sobs spoke of only one truth. That even after more than seven-hundred years, she still couldn't bear to separate herself from him, and he couldn't bear to separate himself from her…
Both Edward and Rosalie were in position behind their parents, Bella and Emmett holding back Carlisle's arms. For the last few minutes, Carlisle just admired his wife in all her exquisite vampiric beauty and felt all the love in the resolute gaze she sent his way.
One last look…
"I will always love you, my beloved Esme. I shall see you very soon, in heaven, my love," Carlisle told his wife with a gentle smile spreading across his lips.
"Heaven is in your arms, Carlisle…" Esme whispered softly, wanting to once again be enclosed in them.
"I am not worthy to carry the mighty burden of the heavenly kingdom, my love, but for you, I shall be your second heaven," her husband said in return, his eyes boring deep into hers.
"It's time..." someone whispered, but no one knew who spoke up.
Esme wanted to tell her husband that he was heaven. And that the heaven they were approaching, to her, was her second heaven. He'd always be her first everything. She wanted to speak up and say it, but his eyes were already shut close, his entire body, soul and spirit ready to leave the earth and enter the place where angels belonged. Carlisle certainly belonged there, Esme thought, for he was the angel who saved her from her heartbreak, from the life she so desperately wanted to end.
And so, Esme took one last glance at her mate, her lover, her husband, her everything. There was no time to think back on their life together, for Alice and Jasper already restrained her arms, and with no regret, she closed her eyes, and felt no pain as her head detached from her porcelain body, right at the same time Carlisle's head was separated from his own.
The uneven cries and sobs of multiple vampires echoed throughout the house, while the scent of a blazing fire engulfed the family home, its flames reaching high to the sky above. The smoke wafting, drifting up to heaven was an invisible indication that two souls were now being transported to the kingdom above, the place Carlisle and Esme thought of as their second heaven. Even for the patriarch of the Cullen family, it was just his second heaven, for his mate was his first, though he never cared to say it out loud, not wanting to anger God, though he felt that God would never punish him for seeing his one true love as heaven, for with a certain absolute conviction, Carlisle genuinely believed that she was made exactly for him.
He's always believed that God gave her to him, just as he was sent to her. And he was right, for God did give Esme to Carlisle to have his own heaven on earth to replace his loneliness with the gift of a love that stood through time and life eternal. A love that now reached and continued on in the kingdom of heaven...
Author's Note: If you were Edward or Rosalie, would you do it? Could you kill the person you love as a father/mother if they asked you to? Reviews and PM's are very much appreciated. :)
Oh, and some scenes with Rosalie and Esme seemed a little bit lesbian-y in my *perverted* mind, so I might write a femslash of them. I wonder if anyone would read it, though… Hmm… Anyway, I hope you liked this one-shot!