"What's wrong? Weren't you going to kill me with one shot?" shouted a cacophony of voices.
Wow, boss really outdone himself this time, there must be at least a thousand of us in this clearing. Too bad that means I won't get a chance to beat on that bastard Mizuki, since I'm pretty much the furthest from the bastard. His stupefied expression is really funny to watch though. With that thought, I climbed up the tree behind me to get a better view even as the other clones rushed in to beat the everlasting stuffing out of the idiot.
… Man the view is great from up here, it's like I'm actually punching and kicking Mizuki myself, I swear I can see and hear even the tiniest details, like the way the bastard's ribs cracked slightly as one of the other clones punched hard enough to dispel himself. In fact, I can distinctly remember seeing a foot planting itself on Mizuki's back, even though I'm facing Mizuki from the front, hmm, weird. Oh well, shelving that thought for later, I proceeded to enjoy the rest of the Mizuki's beating. … I wish I had some ramen to go with this view, yeah, a large bowl of pork ramen followed by a bowl of miso sounds great right now.
Dazed by the thought of the divine deliciousness that is ramen, (and possibly drooling a little,) I almost missed it when the rest of the clones dispelled themselves after beating Mizuki-bastard for a thoroughly enjoyable fifteen minutes. Something snapped me out of it though, so I was paying complete attention as Iruka-sensei made boss close his eyes and swapped boss's goggles with his own hitai-ate and promised boss a bowl of ramen, God I am so damn jealous right now, though I'm not sure if it's because of the hitai-ate or the promise of ramen, probably both.
As Iruka-sensei led boss to Ichiraku's I wondered what I should do with myself, I don't feel like dispelling myself since I didn't actually do anything aside from watching boss and the gang pummel Mizuki-bastard. Jumping down from the tree I was perched on, I absent-mindedly kicked Mizuki in the stomach while heading roughly towards the center of the village, still considering what to do.
Barely paying any attention to the road, and yet still managing to avoid the attention of any of the patrolling ninja, (seriously, what's wrong with these people? I'm wearing bright orange and they still can't see me when I'm not even paying attention to dodging the patrols? Do I have to hold up a sign for them or what?) I absentmindedly caught a glimpse of my self in the glass display shelves of a clothing store, and immediately froze. At first I couldn't tell why though, I mean, sure it's the same clothing store where boss bought our awesome jumpsuit, but that's nothing worth stopping over. So I stood there for around five minutes trying to figure out what made me stop, until I looked at my cheeks and … stopped. Still dazed, I semi-consciously moved my hands into a ram seal and muttered: "Kai," trying to dispel the genjutsu like the Academy taught, belatedly realizing that I might be dispelling myself too.
… Fortunately my dumb-ass move didn't make my commit accidental suicide. Unfortunately, my cheeks remained the same, still missing the 3 whisker marks on each cheek I remember since forever. I'm guessing I was still kind of dazed at the moment since my next dumb-ass move was to pinch myself in cheeks, fortunately, that apparently wasn't a hard enough 'hit' to dispel me, but the pain convinced me that this isn't a dream. (Although seriously, what kind of messed up dream would have boss dreaming about being a clone that's missing our whisker marks?)
Okay, calm down, calm down, this isn't the end of the world, I'm just a clone, whatever caused this probably doesn't matter in the long run. Although now that I think about it, it might be a good idea to not look like boss while walking around tonight, it might get him in trouble or something. For the same reason, I don't want to henge into old-man Hokage or Iruka-sensei either, though I'd definitely have to get boss to walk around as the Hokage as a prank sometime, hmm, maybe I'll sneak a note into boss's apartment? Anyway, after racking my brain for a few more minutes, (damn, I feel like a girl for standing in front of a mirror so long, kind of ironic considering what I'm about to do next) I decided to henge into Naruko. (With my jumpsuit on, of course, everyone would assume boss was behind it if a naked blond girl was walking around the village … why do I sense that I'm making some white haired perverts very happy with that thought?)
Oddly enough, I'm missing my whisker marks as Naruko too, though I probably would've removed them anyway to differentiate me from boss, following that thought, I untied my twin-tails and retied my hair into a ponytail, noting absently that I look kind of like Ino, only without her bangs. Unfortunately, I realized that I would probably still be linked to boss due my jumpsuit, and with a sigh I modified the henge so that I'm wearing a collared yellow shirt and an orange skirt instead, dammit, I loved that jumpsuit. At least I'm still wearing orange though. As an afterthought, I added a hitai-ate to my henge, (hey if boss gets one, I get one too, we're basically the same person anyway) wearing it around my neck. Satisfied that I wouldn't get boss into trouble due to my appearance, I started towards boss's apartment.
Huh … wonder why there's a team of ANBU around boss's apartment tonight, shouldn't they be (failing) to guard the forbidden scroll or something? Anyway, I snuck into boss's apartment without trouble. (Seriously, these guys are the best of the best? I shudder to imagine how they'd catch enemy-nin trying to sneak by without wearing bright orange.) Hmm, feels like it's about mid-night right now, boss probably won't wake even if an earthquake dropped the ceiling on him. With that thought, I proceeded boil a kettle of water and grabbed four packets of ramen from the cupboard. (Gotta have your priorities straight, it is a dangerous world of ninja after all.) While waiting the three minutes for the ramen to be done, (instant my ass) I wrote a note to the effect of:
"Hey boss, you should totally henge into the Old-Man sometime and prank the village, also, I ate all the ramen in your cupboard.
Of course I wouldn't actually eat all the ramen, I'm not that evil, tempting though that thought may be. That's not stopping me from grabbing the empty ramen packets lying around and hiding the rest of the unopened ramen behind them though, if I can't prank myself, who can I prank? Heh. While enjoying the delicious holy food that is ramen, (I absently noted that it tasted like 3 packets of pork ramen and 1 packet of miso ramen … what? I'm a connoisseur.) I wondered about what I'm going to do next, I mean, how long do Shadow-Clones last anyway? I've been walking around for hours now, and boss's previous clones never needed to last beyond 15 minutes or so. I kept thinking about that as I checked the fridge for something else to eat, (although, do clones even need to eat? I mean, I'd eat ramen no matter what, but do I need to drink water and stuff?) absently tossing out the expired milk. Eh, screw it, thinking is boss's job. (I'll admit that's kind of ironic, considering boss's tendency to act without thinking like ninety-percent of the time.)
I guess I'll clean the place up a bit while I'm here though, it's not like clones need sleep or anything, so I guess I can keep going the entire night. (Why did that feel like it came out wrong somehow?)
WHY THE HELL IS THIS PLACE SO CLUTTERED. I've been cleaning for five hours now and I'm still not done, I swear, boss needs to tidy up once in a while. Ugh, well at least I'm almost done though, just need to move all the trash to the apartment dumpster. Too bad the dumpster felt like it was five miles away with all the damn trash I'm carrying. I'll just rest here for little, like for a year or so, while I recover the energy spent in the war-on-terrible-trash.
"Hey! Why are you lying next to the dumpster?" A distinctly girlish voice shouted.
… Crap. What the hell self? You can sneak past ANBU like they're chumps but you can't sense fresh academy graduate? Okay, stay calm, pretend to be a girl, and get the hell out of dodge as soon as possible. Ugh, how do I pretend to be a girl? Crap,crap,crap-
"Hello? Are you ignoring me? That's rude you know!" and now Ino's getting pissed, dammit. Ugh, screw it; I'll just mimic that weird girl in boss's class.
"Ano… I'm terribly sorry, I was just resting for a bit and didn't notice you." I said while simultaneously standing up and pressing my forefingers together.
It would be kind of funny how quickly Ino's expression morphed from righteous anger to dawww if I wasn't so damn panicked right now. On the plus side, it seems that my panic is allowing me to think faster than normal, okay, now just feed her some crap about some urgent business and leave, self. Huh, is it just me or do I have a damn good poker face now? I don't think any of my panic is showing at all, must be the henge I guess.
"Ah, well, that's fine then, but what are you doing here anyway?" In retrospect, I probably should've kept talking, right now Ino probably thinks: a, I'm a cute girl she doesn't know, and thus her gossip senses are tingling, and b, if she keeps asking questions she'll probably get some really juicy gossip to spread around while working at her family's flower shop. Ex. right now, dammit.
"Ah … I was just cleaning our apartment, but … it's really far away so I had to lie down for a bit after I carried the trash here." Oh god, now she has that glint in her eyes, what the hell did I just say?
"Our apartment? Who do you live with? Is it a guy? Is he cute? Is-" I tuned out the rest of the rapid fire barrage of probing questions in order to better focus on my panic, okay, how the hell do I get myself out of this damn situation? Hmm … doesn't that weird girl faint all the time? Guess I'll try that then. Cue me falling backwards.
"Oh! Hey! Are you okay!? Hello? Hello?" Okay, the shaking my body bit isn't exactly helping me pretend to be unconscious here Ino.
"Ugh, I better go get someone." And with that, Ino left to get some help, or maybe another gossiper to help with her questioning, I'll give it a fifty-fifty chance of either.
Phew, breathing a sigh of relief, I immediately flipped myself up and ran back towards the apartment. Huh, boss is leaving right now, doesn't it usually take longer than that for him to get ready? Eh, I guess since everything is organized now it probably took less time for him to get dressed and have breakfast. … That or he's just so excited to get his shinobi license picture taken that he skipped breakfast? Whatever, boss rushed past me without sparing me a second glance, meaning it's probably the latter. Arrgh, that means I missed his reaction to the note about all his ramen being eaten! Dammit me, what's the point of doing pranks if you aren't around to see the results? Amateur hour mistake man.
Slipping into his apartment, I noted that the note was lying on the table where I left it, completely untouched, huh, guess boss rushed out right after getting dressed then, meaning I'd still have another chance to catch his response. Leaving that for later, it seems like I need to modify my henge again if I want to walk around the village, since I have a feeling pretending to be a girl is going to be … troublesome, considering I've probably got Ino's sights on me. Eh screw it, boss can deal with the fallout if I get caught wandering around the village, with that thought I moved my hands into a ram seal and dispelled my henge.
Knowing boss, he's probably going to spend at least three hours trying to decide on a look for the picture, so I guess I might as well go get some throwing practice to kill time. That in mind, I headed out from the apartment again, wandering around Konoha in search of an empty training ground, picking up a dozen dropped kunai and shuriken from the outskirts of occupied training grounds on the way, until I finally found an empty training ground, I believe it's training ground fourteen.
Twirling an kunai from my equipment pouch absently, I mused that it feels identical the kunai I picked up from the training grounds, odd, considering it's an shadow clone of a kunai rather than the real thing. Though I do wonder how useful shadow clone kunai would be, considering that some of boss's clones managed to dispel themselves from hitting Mizuki too hard, what if the kunai dispel just from hitting its target? With that in mind, I threw the kunai towards a nearby post, watching its graceful arc as it flew towards the wooden post, burying itself a full two inches in the wood, and confirming its usefulness as a weapon.
Satisfied with the investigation, I threw another kunai from my equipment pouch and watched as it flew in the, exact, same, arc, as my previous kunai, bouncing off the other kunai's ring with a faint 'ping' sound. Okay, what the hell, I don't remember boss's aim being this good, and logically I shouldn't have that good an aim either. Taking out another kunai, (just in case it's dumb luck) I threw and watched it bounce off the first kunai again.
… Well on the bright side, it looks like I won't have to practice kunai throwing ever again. Reaching for a shuriken instead this time, I tossed it at the embedded kunai and gave it a deadpan stare as it bounced off the ring end of the kunai. Great, apparently being a clone gave me perfect aim or something. Well there goes that idea of killing time. I guess I can always practice my ninjutsu though.
Considering I've been walking around in a henge for most of my 'life' and that boss sucked at the Bunshin I decided to start with the Kawarimi, or Body Replacement Technique for you fancy nerds out there, moving quickly through the five hand seals, I summoned a log from … where the heck does the log come from anyway? While I'm perfectly capable of swapping with anything in sight with the Kawarimi, the default usage always summons a log for some reason, even if it's an inappropriate place for a log to be, I mean, sure I guess a ninja academy would be a pretty typical place for a substitution log to be, but I distinctly remember boss using Kawarimi in hot springs and book stores before, and especially that one time in the Konoha library after painting all the walls orange. Heh, good times, no idea why they banned boss for life after that, orange is a wonderful color.
I guess it could always be a chakra construct like me I suppose, but considering that the log is supposed to take hits intended to kill the target, it seems unlikely that it would be something that dispels from a heavy hit. Eh, I seem to vaguely recall Iruka-sensei lecturing about this actually, something about the Book of Log? Well if I don't remember it, it probably isn't important. Considering I remember more stuff about the boss's life than boss for some reason, since I actually remember some of Iruka-sensei's lectures that I think boss slept through. (Admittedly the major imports and exports of the five elemental countries are boring as hell; I'm almost falling asleep just remembering it.) I mean, unless boss actually remembers that lecture too, in which case I wonder why he didn't sleep through all the lessons of the academy.
Well, I guess I should try the Bunshin next, it would probably feel really odd for boss if he ended up as Hokage without knowing how to do an academy level jutsu. Hmm, what were the hand seals again? You'd think after all those hours boss put in practicing this it'd be second nature by now, oh right, I think it was Ram, Snake, Tiger. Gathering up some chakra, I moved slowly through the hand seals until … god dammit, why the hell is the clone dead looking. Seriously, how is that even possible? It's not like the basic Bunshin is solid or anything, so what could possibly cause them to be dead looking? Frustrated, I kicked at the clone, dispelling it as my foot passed through its face, and pratfalling as it passed through without being impeded. Oh, right, non-corporal. At least no one was around to see that though.
Well on the bright side, there's no possible way that I'm going to fail at a technique that I maintained for half my 'life.' With that buoying thought, I moved quickly through the three hand seals for the technique (probably unnecessary at this point, since I remember the necessary chakra manipulation for the Henge almost perfectly now) and transformed into my previous appearance. Hmm, I should probably go find a mirror or something, I mean, it's basically impossible for me to fail this technique, but you know what they say about pride.
So I ran north, recalling that there was a remarkably clear stream in that direction and stopped there in order to double check my reflections. Hmm, pony-tail, check, yellow shirt, check, orange (cheers) skirt, check, looks pretty much perfect to me. (Because really, what could possibly have gone wrong with the Henge? I know this jutsu like the back of my hand, and not just because it is the back of my hand right now.)
I guess I deserve this. Was my initial thought as I became surrounded by smoke and, more importantly, naked, the worst part being, this stream is pretty popular due to the clarity of its waters, in fact, I think I hear a faint "Yessss…!" off in the distance. With remarkable deliberateness, I slowly moved my hands into a Ram seal and muttered: "Kai."
… Yeah, I didn't think that would work either, still stuck in the transformation, I panicked south (read, my mind was going crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, and my mouth was probably doing the same) and started searching for cover. Fortunately, before I can finalize my thoughts about committing suicide just to stop being stuck as a naked Naruko, my henged clothes reappeared and at least twenty distinct memories of messing with a closet pervert slammed into my head. On the plus side, I'm not naked anymore, on the minus side, if boss ever has to 'deal' with Ebisu again I'm liable to turn into a naked Naruko no matter what I was doing at the time. Although this does explain why I can remember seeing that foot planted on Mizuki's back, it was probably the memory of a clone who kicked a bit too hard and dispelled himself. I wonder why I'm getting the memories of dispelled Shadow Clones though.
But that's not important right now, what is important is that boss is probably going to make a dramatic speech to Konohamaru before heading off into the sunset or something. (I know boss is going to do that because I'd totally do that in a similar situation.) And if I don't hurry, boss would make it back to his apartment and read the note before I can get close enough to hear his response. Because of this, I rushed back towards boss's apartment without remembering to remove my Henge or acting to avoid the notice of the people in the streets.
Well I made it before boss, that's good, unfortunately, my cleaning the apartment earlier destroyed most of the hiding spots where I can easily observe his reaction. (I mean seriously, a stack of dirty laundry taller than I am? I didn't even know boss owned that many clothes.) I guess I can always hide under the bed though, but I'd only be able to hear his reaction rather than watch it from there.
… And there boss coming through, (seriously, when we're not sneaking we're louder than the entire horde of Sasuke's fangirls combined) I guess just hearing it is better than being dispelled or something before the prank goes off. So I hurried under the bed and waited for his reaction.
Footsteps, footsteps, footsteps, sound of boss putting a kettle of water on the stove, (for ramen, obviously, now there's a person who has his priorities straight) rustle of paper on wood, "Heh, yeah, I've gotta do that sometime," followed by: "WHAT!?" and frantic searching sounds (mainly of the cupboards being opened and closed) and "Dammit, I'm never making a single shadow clone ever again! They're pure evil I tell you, pure evil!" (It's becoming increasingly difficult to hold my laughter in at this point) until he starting sobbing out: "… ramen, whyyyyyyy! I loved you so … why hast thou forsaken thee." … And now I'm starting to feel bad. "…ramen" *hiccup* *sob* "… ramen" … Okay this is getting ridiculous, my mind made up, I carefully extricated myself from below the bed and made my way into the kitchen, where I saw boss curled up in fetal position sobbing about ramen.
"… Dammit boss, calm down, it's not the end of the world." I mean, if all the ramen really was gone it would be, but even if all the ramen in boss's apartment were gone, it's not like he can't just buy more from the nearby convenience store.
"..But" *sob* "the ramen…" *hiccup* "it's all gone! IT'S ALL GONE!" And it looks like boss moved past depression into anger, I'd better calm him down fast or get the hell out of dodge. Is it just me or is boss's eyes becoming redder, and … slitted? Okay I'm starting to see visions of my death now, (though on the bright side, some of those deaths involved ramen) if I don't calm boss down quickly everyone's probably going to think the Kyuubi broke free of his seal of something. And it probably doesn't help that boss is standing on all fours like a wild beast either.
"Look boss, just calm down, the waters boiled" I can actually hear the whistling sound, it's getting pretty loud actually, "why don't you just calm down and I'll make you some ramen."
"Ramen?" Okay, boss's stare is getting really creepy now, like he's vowing to hold me in a cell and only feed me anti-ramen (…shudder… Sushi … shudder) for the rest of my life if I'm lying or something. Okay, careful now, no sudden moves, don't want to be trapped eating anti-ramen for the rest of my life.
"Yes ramen." I replied, moving slowly past boss to get to one of the cupboards, opening it, (boss's stare gets really suspicious at this point, I would be too, considering boss just checked those cupboards) I carefully brushed aside the empty ramen packages to reveal the other (full! uneaten!) ramen packages behind the layer of camouflage. Okay, looks like he's starting to calm down, the killing intent is starting to lessen, though the boss's eyes are still red. Taking out four of the unopened packages I carefully (I don't' want to imagine what would happen if I accidentally ruined the ramen at this point in time) set them on the table and went to grab the bowl I used (and washed) yesterday, as well as the kettle of boiling water. With the most care I have ever treated ramen, (and that's saying something, considering I'm a clone of Uzumaki Naruto) I opened the ramen packets, carefully putting the noodles, the contents of the spice packets, the dried vegetable packets, and the whatever the third packet is into the bowl, equally carefully, I poured enough boiling water into the bowl to fill it almost to the brim.
Phew, okay, you managed to setup the ramen, and you didn't damn yourself to a life of anti-ramen in the meantime, good job. "So … how was your day?" I asked boss, who still looked like he's ready to vow eternal vengeance if the ramen isn't the best thing he ever tasted. (God the next three minutes are going to be so freaking awkward.)
"So yeah, my day was good too, sure I randomly turned naked and I'm pretty sure I was seen by a pervert but I had four packets of ramen earlier today so it's all good." Dammit mouth, that was not the right thing to say, the killing intent is back now. Quick brain, find something to say before boss decides to make you eat sushi for the rest of your existence, which would probably be as long as boss could make it.
"So … learned any cool jutsus recently? I think you managed beat a special Jounin with a new technique?" Okay, no longer getting visions of my death anymore, and boss's eyes' are starting to return to normal too, and he's just looking slightly confused rather than murderous now.
"Comon, go sit down on the chair, I think the noodles are almost done." They better be done by now, (this is probably the closest I will ever get to threatening ramen, but it's kind of an extreme situation right now) it feels like we spent three days trapped (well I was trapped anyway) in the kitchen.
So boss slowly got up, still emitting some kind of aura, though fortunately not killing intent anyway, though it still screams 'Be freaking careful' to anyone feeling it. And he slowly sat down on the chair next to the bowl of ramen, and then slowly, very slowly, (I'd say hesitantly if this wasn't Boss and it wasn't Ramen) picked up the pair of chopsticks I left in the bowl and started slurping the noodles.
The noodles must've been as good as ramen always is, because as soon as boss fully registered the taste (So when about an entire packet is gone, this is ramen and he is boss after all) he let out a bellowing: "Yatta!" and proceeded to dig in with even more gusto, if that's even possible.
Knowing that it's safe to move now, I refilled the kettle and put it on the stove again, grabbing another bowl, another pair of chopsticks, and another four packets of ramen from the still open cupboard, closing it after me. "Okay boss, I know how delicious and tasty it is, but you should still slow down before you set the air on fire or something with how fast you're eating the noodles." I told him while setting my luggage down on the other side of the table.
Whether he was listening to me or not (probably not, considering he's starting at the ramen like a lover believed to be dearly departed) he did slow down enough to start talking in between mouthfuls. "So, uh, why are you in my room, and who are you anyway?"
I have no idea how he did it, but boss somehow managed to render me speechless and thoughtless for at least twenty seconds with that statement.
"… Boss, how the hell do you not recognize one of your clones?"
"Well, aside from hair and eye color you don't look like me at all, for one, you're a girl, thought I guess you could've been one of the Harem no Jutsu girls I created earlier? But you don't have any whisker marks, and you're fully clothed, not to mention that I don't remember leaving any clones walking around." Huh, well thought out and logical, who are you and what have you done with boss?
"Who are you and what have you done with boss?"
A full sixty seconds must have passed while we gave each other deadpan stares, which was ended by the whistle of boiling water. After which we immediately broke off into laughter. Chuckling as I got up to make my (my precious, hissssss, wow I have no idea where that came from) ramen, the atmosphere became even more relaxed and we spent the three minutes waiting for my ramen to be done in comfortable silence.
"Anyway, I was one of the clones you summoned to beat up Mizuki the other day, boss was awesome by the way, since I didn't actually do anything, too far back, I just hopped into a tree and watched, which is probably why you don't remember leaving me to walk around." I said between bites of ramen.
"So you just hung out the entire time? I didn't know shadow clones lasted that long"
I shrugged, "Me neither, anyway, can I stay in your apartment until I dispel naturally? I don't think clones need sleep so you can keep the bed and I'll just stay up cleaning like last night or reading academy scroll or something."
"So that was you? I was wondering why something felt different."
My response was a (sort of) well deserved deadpan stare, considering it would be idiotic to miss the five-foot tall piles of trash and dirty laundry. We both know boss was joking though, so I continued: "So, can I stay? I think I'm going to fix some of the broken pipes tonight, I think I saw something I can use for that when I was searching around for an empty training ground earlier."
"You didn't have to ask you know. Considering you probably knew my response was gonna be yes, especially considering how you knew I wouldn't mind you eating reasonable amounts of ramen."
"Yeah, haha, sorry about that, I thought you'd notice the unopened ramen after a few minutes, I'll washes the dishes for you as an apology though." Though admittedly, I wasn't all that repentant, especially considering that I know, know, that he's already plotting to get me back for the prank later.
After draining the last of the soup he left the bowl and chopsticks on the table. Saluting me with a: "Thanks, and see you tomorrow?"
I shrugged again: "Unless I dispel randomly for some reason, I doubt it though, I feel like I'm full capacity, fuller, even, than when I was created, which is kinda odd."
"Yeah, I guess we'll have to find out why later, tomorrow though. G'night" And with that, he crawled into the bed, and, knowing boss, fell asleep immediately.