Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to the goddess, JKR. Dedicated to JMP because he gave me the idea in the first place.
A Potions Text of a Different Sort
Hermione was looking over the collection of books in the library with a critical eye.
"There hasn't been a decent book on Potions published in the last ten years, Severus," she commented to her husband who was sitting on a wing chair nearby, sipping a cup of steaming tea.
"There hasn't been a great need…all the new discoveries are available in leaflet form at every wizarding bookstore," Severus watched his wife as she impatiently moved from one volume to another.
"But these books are so dry…they don't breathe any sort of life into the art of making Potions," she grumbled as she leafed through one particularly decrepit-looking tome. "Honestly, it's enough to turn a person to Divination."
"Perish the thought," he smirked as he calmly sipped his tea. "What do you suggest?"
"I beg your pardon, Severus?"
"Hermione, I have known you for a very long time…have been married to you for several years and I fully recognize that look in your eyes that tells me you have an idea that you are simply dying to tell me," he replied casually, setting down his cup and steepling his fingers in a way reminiscent of his earlier days as a Potions Master.
She looked at him in surprise and then laughed suddenly, the silver tones cutting through the silence as effectively as a glaive.
"You're right, of course. Dear me, I am becoming rather predictable, aren't I?"
"Not at all, my dear. I am simply a master at interpreting body language and you, Hermione, are an open book…pardon the pun."
"Well…I've never been much good at hiding what I feel," she mumbled.
Severus stood up and walked over to her, embracing her and holding her close. "Never be ashamed of who you are. Remember, who you are is who I love."
"You have a way of making everything I am seem so desirable…even my bad qualities," she smiled up at him.
"You have bad qualities?" He grinned while she swatted at him playfully before breaking out of his embrace and picking up a nearby book. "As it stands, I do have an idea. We should write a book of our own."
Severus' brow furled in concentration. "I am not much of a writer, Hermione."
"Ah, but I am, Severus. You see, I was thinking of something a little…out of the ordinary. Something…rather shocking come to think of it."
"Go on…" Severus encouraged.
"Well, you know my feelings on Potions. I find it to be a personally satisfying experience to create something out of nothing. To put together random ingredients…let them mull together…it's like an act of creation. It is something that is a part of you. It's not just some silly spell…a flick of the wrist and poof! You're a warty toad."
"Minerva would not agree…she would probably say that I am a warty toad already."
"Very funny. I would like to see a book that concentrates on the sensual aspects of brewing and preparing Potions…it can be quite the experience, I think," Hermione blushed at the sudden gleam in her husband's eyes.
"I have to admit, you have piqued my interest."
"It could be something truly marvelous. A book which encourages couples to do these things together. A way of initiating intimacy. A vehicle to closeness through the careful preparation of ingredients…the brewing process and…the testing. I mean, you couldn't have any dangerous potions in the book but something which would be beneficial to both parties," Hermione rambled.
"A stimulant?" He asked suggestively.
"Perhaps," she replied, cheeks burning.
"Scented topical preparations?" He moved closer to her and gazed deeply into her cinnamon brown eyes.
"Yes," her breath was becoming quick and shallow.
He moved his hands up and down her arms, massaging gently. "Preparations to relax the muscles…ease the tension of daily life…aromatherapy to set the mood. A hint of something exotic…sandalwood, perhaps?" He murmured into her ears.
"Mmmm…I like sandalwood," she sighed, closing her eyes.
Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled. "Yes?"
"We will have to research this…thoroughly. Any book that has my name on it has to be absolutely flawless," he smirked good naturedly, pulling her closer to him.
"I was rather hoping you would say that," she whispered before kissing him senseless.
******Excerpt from "The Daily Prophet" six months later*******
Everyone in the wizarding world is buzzing over the newest Potions collection to be published in over ten years, "Brewing Romance". Not only does it provide the secrets to some of the headier recipes in existence but turns the simple act of Potions making into a truly erotic experience. Bookstores cannot keep up with the demand. It is incredible to think that a book of such scope was written by the former Potions Master and current Potions Mistress of Hogwarts, Severus and Hermione Snape. Will wonders never cease? This reporter, for one, is already asking for a sequel. Here are some of the many comments received:
Albus Dumbledore: "I found pages 127-129 particularly interesting"
Ron Weasley: "Bloody brilliant"
Harry Potter: "The only Potions book I've read cover to cover"
Draco Malfoy: "Not that I would need a book like that but it is well written"
Gilderoy Lockhart: "It was entirely my idea in the first place, you know."
Remus Lupin: "Makes me wish I'd paid more attention in Potions class years ago"
Sirius Black: "Have you done page 147? You have to do page 147!!"