*The story created here on FANFICTION.NET is fictional. The events and incidents occurring in this piece are fictional. If these events occurred, it is pure coincidence. This piece is not meant to slander actual names of celebrities, directors, or motion picture studios. It was created for personal enjoyment and for the insanity of entertainment business. I am a fan of the Columbia Pictures film The Net and hope those who read, enjoy. Thank you. *



Columbia Pictures held their final meeting in the boardroom to execute production for their latest film "The Net." Irwin Winkler and his production entourage gathered around the waiting room in a football huddle pulling hair, spilling coffee, and filling the room with cigarette smoke. There is a lot of "hot air" in the motion picture business before the film is actually put into motion, and included in today's events was a nurse on call to insure Columbia to measure blood pressure and an Intern who was designed to specifically take food orders from the big shots in the boardroom. Scattered around the waiting room area were a couple of entertainment magazines, coffee cups, and ash trays. Irwin Winkler, the director of The Net, finally decided to sit down on the grey colored love seat to relax and gather his thoughts. He began massaging his temples. He was more concerned whether Sandra Bullock and Jeremy Northam would sign to the lead roles of Angela Bennett and Jack Devlin. The studio feared that The Net would turn into another "SPEED" by signing Bullock. There weren't any buses, heavy explosives, and there wasn't Keanu Reeves in this budget.

A majority of the employees at the studio acted as if they were on SPEED, ignoring the reference to the blockbuster film, but the illegal drugs which could easily be bought outside the studio. Northam on the other hand, a Cambridge Englishman and sophisticated actor of particular parts was also a concern for the studio. Expensive merchandise are trained actors with extensive expertise in playing the roles of seductive and powerful leading men. The character of Jack Devlin was seductive, charming, and an insensitive bitter bastard. They needed to see force and dedication in seeking a diskette from Bullock's character. This included a stipulation in the contract that Northam needed to know how to drive a boat while intoxicated after a few Mexican drinks. He needed to learn how to use a silencer on Bullock's character inside the confines of a comfortable boat. Northam also needed to desire Bullock's character sexually which wasn't very hard with actresses before since most of them desired him personally.

Many thoughts were surging through Winkler's mind while staring at the doors of the executive boardroom . "Why wasn't I invited?" Winkler thought to himself. Perhaps Hugh Hefner was in the boardroom showing off Playboy bunnies to the black tie executives. Cocktail wieners, margaritas, and fresh marijuana could also contribute to this closed door meeting.

Another issue of concern. What Internet interface was Bullock's character going to use in her role? The entourage called AOL America Online, but CEO Steve Case wasn't available and had already booked a deal for a film called "You've Got Mail," the catchy AOL phrase now a major motion picture project. Winkler decided that the Internet program Angela Bennett would use would be a basic net service not available to those who see the film. Then Winkler shrugged. The marketing behind this film is hideous. There are millions of Internet users and if the studio had a deal with an actual net provider, the studio may have profited more cash and gained further fan interest. Delusional fifteen year olds may have wanted to know what it was like to be Angela Bennett and what it would be like to explore Mexico with Jack Devlin. Since no one thought on the level of net merchandising, the fake net provider for the film would include a website called PIZZA.NET.COM, where Angela could order pizza from her computer and charge the small fee of $14.00 dollars to her VISA or MASTERCARD. (We do not see her VISA or MASTERCARD in the film, but we assume she has one) What idiot charges $14.00 to their VISA or MASTERCARD? Being that Winkler was an American Express card holder, he began to transform his mind in the waiting room of the executive offices. Ignore audience reaction and hire Dennis Miller as a psychiatrist.

The doors of the boardroom opened like heaven's gates opening to the dead. Light shed on Winkler's entourage and his own face. Finally, relief. He felt like he had become a slave imprisoned at Columbia Pictures. The black tie executive group walked towards the entourage staring at them like mice. Winkler's group felt a sigh of relief yet didn't stare directly at their eyes. Was their radon spreading in the room? Their eyes seemed to glow red, directly from hell. A larger, heavy set man smoking on a cigar approached Winkler and his entourage.

"Well it looks like you have yourself a done deal Winkler. We are granting you your budget." He patted Winkler on his back and blew some cigar smoke in his face. A pale faced Winkler suddenly turned to a rosy red Santa Claus. God had answered his prayers and the film was a done deal. Now, there was so much to do and so little time.

To be continued..