disclaimer: don't own.
for senpai aka Cosette aka ballerdollar
chancing on apathy
"See me after class, Heiwajima-san."
Shizuo's brow furrowed as fingers creased the test he was given back, a '48' circled with red felt tip marker. The teacher walked past after a lingering, disapproving look and Shizuo blocked out his dry comments to other students as he continued to hand out the tests, bringing a hand up to run through his hair, instead, in frustration.
Graduation was approaching and his grades were slipping. Somehow, memorizing facts and applying methods didn't seem like it was something he was able to do. His mind wandered in class and couldn't refocus when studying, words swam before his eyes and pencil tapping became more interesting than writing itself. He needed a C average to graduate and didn't want to admit that he could be lower than that, especially with the weight of sciences and maths.
The bell rang and chairs squeaked against the floor as everyone stood up, gathering materials and hurrying out the door to go home. Shizuo took his time, languidly stuffing yet another failed exam into his backpack. He stood up just in time to see Izaya try to move past him, a languid smirk on his lips. He didn't have to look at the test in his hand to know that Izaya had done well, probably set the curve again. There was a conceited glint in those eyes as he slipped past and murmured 'see you later, Shizu-chan' and joined Shinra, who had been waiting by the door with a smile.
As the last of the students filed out, Shizuo walked towards the front of the room. His footsteps were heavy and chest cavity drowned with dread as he stopped, hands in his pocket and looked to his teacher, the man looking up with a concerned frown.
"Heiwajima-san," he said quietly, shaking his head, "…is there anything going on in your life? Perhaps… family? Stress… relationships… with Orihara—"
"It's not the goddamn flea!" he barked, then immediately uttered an awkwardly apology. "I mean, sensei, nothing's wrong."
"You need a C average to graduate," he said, taking the glasses off of the bridge of his nose and resting them on the desk. A hand came up to massage his temple, and the man looked at Shizuo warily, with a tired smirk. "Heiwajima-san, I know you're more than capable of getting that. Yet…"
Your current grades say otherwise, Shizuo finished mentally for him, with a sigh. "…I know, sensei."
"You seem to know what's going on in class," he continued with a frown. Pulling out a copy of the test that was just handed back, he flipped through it at the questions again and Shizuo had a dull realization that the teacher's answer key was so much more filled out than what he turned in. "At least, you seem to pay attention, Heiwajima-san…"
"Uh… yeah." He figured now wouldn't be an apt time to tell him that he paid attention on and off, depending on how annoying Izaya was being.
"Ask more questions," he said, folding his hands and resting his chin on them as he looked at Shizuo. "In class or after, although I can't stay long today. I do believe that you're capable, Heiwajima-san. You're smart and I, as well as the other teachers, are aware of that. Your grades aren't an indicator of that intelligence, but you do need to raise them, should you want to graduate. That is your intended goal, right?"
Shizuo gave a nod and muttered 'of course.' High school had been a somewhat annoying time of his life and he looked forward to accepting his diploma and leaving it behind, along with it relationships that did nothing but make his life border on miserable. The scar on his chest was a reminder of that, he thought bitterly.
"Have you considered a tutor?" the teacher continued, picking up a pile of papers and hitting them to the desk to straighten the edges. "Any of your after school hours that I've got free are taken by detentions, but a tutor's schedule would be more flexible."
The idea of a tutor was awful, but Shizuo didn't say that. He gave a nod, appearing to be listening until he was released. He uttered a quiet 'thank you' out of respect and turned, shoes tapping against the linoleum floor, crossing the threshold. The hallway was empty already, students having gone home or at club meetings, and Shizuo took his time, lazily navigating his way to the exit. Red lockers were in his peripheral vision until he approached stairs, glancing down at each step, counting them carefully.
Aside from dealing with Izaya in itself, a taxing ordeal, Shizuo now had the burden of graduating on his shoulders. The blond raised a hand to muss his long tresses irritably as he muttered a low swear under his breath with vehemence that surprised students that happened to pass by. A hand reached out to push open the door, and had it not been for Shinra physically jumping out in front of him, Shizuo would've continued to walk, as he hadn't heard them.
Brown eyes flitted up angrily to the smiling face of his friend, acting like an idiot but having the same grades as Izaya. Needless to say, the raven himself stepped forward after a moment with a languid smirk, hands in his pockets. Seeing this, Shizuo took his out; one hung by his side and the other curled around the strap of his backpack—he didn't want to be seen with the same posture as him.
"You're failing, right?"
The brunet's bluntness had Shizuo growling, yet not even a flinch passed through the jolly expression. He shifted his backpack so the strap rested higher on his shoulder, and he used every ounce of willpower to not look at Izaya.
"Ah, I've got to go Shinra. I need to pick up Mairu and Kururi; waiting for the protozoan's made me late…"
A pallid hand raised as a goodbye as Izaya left, turning and walking down the stairs. A few girls ogled after him, as they always did, and Shizuo saw no reason for them to. Izaya's clothing hung off of his thin frame like he was a coat hanger, and Shizuo would love to curve his neck to fit around any closet rod in Ikebukuro or Shinjuku.
Turning back to the boy in front of him, eighteen-year-old Shizuo glared at eighteen -year-old Shinra, who reminded him of eighteen -year-old Izaya only in the fact that they were friends, brilliant, and thin. Which was enough for Shizuo, and he found himself growing annoyed. Shinra seemed to not pay any attention to this, as he continued to grin at him, completely unfazed.
Shinra was smart, he thought dryly, he may not seem so, but he was, especially in the maths and sciences. But his chirpy voice and overdramatic tendencies had Shizuo wondering if repeating his last year really would be that horrible.
"What do you want?" he asked with a sigh, knowing he wouldn't be able to leave until he had heard whatever it was that Shinra wanted to say. The male's bright smile still didn't fade as a hand reached up to fix his black frame glasses.
"Shizuo! Do me a favor, please?" he asked, hands together. The blond's brow creased at this and he continued to glare at him. He supposed that, over the years, he did have somewhat of a debt to Shinra for always taking care of his injuries without too much of a complaint, amusement more than anything else. But there was a limit to what the short tempered blond would do for him, someone that he was certain derived amusement in watching how he and Izaya fought.
"Let Izaya tutor you!"
For someone smart, clearly Shinra didn't see the way Shizuo and Izaya attempted to murder each other.
"Are you fucking insane?"
"The offer does stand, you know."
"How the hell do you even have this number?!"
Shizuo's foot collided with the wall, leaving another hole to join the others. Kasuka looked up disinterestedly but then to his homework again, used to his brother's frequent outbursts. Shizuo walked to his room, his steps heavy and door slamming with the force of his foot. It was a modest room, with a bed and desk, along with a bookcase and few other things. And even with so little things, it was still messy, clothes strewn everywhere and books left tossed on the ground.
"Shizu-chan, it's not that hard…." came the drawl from the other end of the phone line. "You're listed in the school directory."
"Why the hell did you look?!"
"I'm not allowed to look?"
"I wasn't aware you controlled my vision."
Izaya gave an amused sort of laugh that had Shizuo's free fist colliding with the wall. Fist still clenched, the man walked over to his bed and sat down, body creasing the unmade sheets and blanket slightly, phone still held to his ear. Hanging up was futile; Izaya would just call back, and so he found himself still on, listening to him.
"What offer?" he finally asked, voice slightly calmer. "The one Shinra told me about?"
"Of course. There's no other reason I'd want to associate myself with you, Shizu-chan."
"Shut up!" Shizuo growled immediately. His eyes traveled to the backpack left against his desk and reached over, fingers teasing the zipper open and retrieving his failed test. The '48' still looked back at him, a flurry of red x's that made him cringe. He was quiet for several moments and forgot, for a moment, that Izaya was one the other end of the line—he breathed so quietly, the bastard—and tossed the test aside.
"Why would you even want to help me?"
"Call it morbid curiosity," came the answer, the voice still smooth over the slight static of the phone. Shizuo laid down in his bed and stared at the ceiling, his brow still worried with a crease from the scowl he wore. Somehow, the idea of Izaya being good natured was terrifying. No amount of reasoning would provide a good enough explanation and Shizuo was wary of accepting help.
"There's no way you don't want anything."
There was a brief pause on the other line of the phone and then he heard another laugh.
"Shizu-chan's got a brain, I see."
"Stop calling me that."
"You're right," the words had Shizuo stilling and brown eyes widening for a moment. "There is something I'd like in return. I assure you, however, I am a good tutor. Mairu and Kururi do quite well in school and I was partly the reason for Shinra's highest score on the last science exam."
"So why didn't you get the high score?"
"He wouldn't stop outing about me beating him. Anyway, that's not the topic. I'm very well acquainted with how tutoring works and knowledgeable in every subject, and I can nearly promise you much better than just a passing grade—if you're willing to listen to me, that is."
"…What do you want?"
The looming promise of passing had Shizuo interested in the idea, even if it was with Orihara Izaya, and he may as well be striking a deal with the devil. Eyes fluttered closed as a sigh shook his chest, and Shizuo brought an arm to raise over his eyes. "If it's money…"
"I don't want money."
He could almost hear Izaya smirking on the other line, grip on the phone tightening.
"So what do you want?"
"Rot in hell, you fucking bastard!"
Shizuo immediately hung up and his phone went flying across the room, colliding with the wall right next to the door that opened to show Kasuka. His brother was unflinching at the sudden violence, having become accustomed to it. Izaya's words had Shizuo's stomach curdling with disgust and he sat up, a fist reaching out and colliding with his wall.
"Shizuo-nii, what would you like for dinner?"
"Kasuka! Don't make enemies!"
"I wasn't quite planning to."
"Don't make friends either! They're all fucking bastards!"
"Of course, Shizuo-nii."
He had expected him to hang up, and was surprised that he didn't have to dial back. Giving a slight smirk, Izaya lowered his phone and looked at the blinking indication of the duration of their conversation. Carefully, he set his own phone down on the desk and cradled a chin in his hand as he stared at it, elbow resting on the same surface.
"I told Shinra to ask in a more tactful manner…" the male sighed in annoyance. The idea of kissing Shizuo had lodged itself as a permanent one of interest in his mind, and tutoring seemed to be a good exchange for it. Izaya gave no explanation to Shinra's questioning look and chirped questions when he asked 'why?' after Izaya made his request, shrugging it off and pinning it all on another method to irritate the blond.
"Iza-nii! We're done!"
"Then do yesterday's homework."
"But that's yesterday's homework!"
"That you didn't do. Go. Or no dinner."
"No breakfast either."
His sisters sulked back to their room, closing their door behind him. Izaya had carried out the conversation without even looking at them, vermilion eyes still focused on his phone. A dark brow creased with a frown as Izaya leaned back in his chair as slender arms reached to lace hands together behind his head and his eyes closed.
Kissing Shizuo had its interest in the idea of passion. While he loved humans, he felt rather neutral to most people he encountered, exceptions being Shinra, his family, and a few others. He found humanity interesting, said he loved them, yet didn't love any particular one, and there was only one person that he hated, detested so much that it would break his mask of placidity.
But hatred wasn't apathy, and apathy was worse than it. Izaya found himself wondering if the disgust he felt in the pit of his stomach would amplify with their lips pressed together. All the other kisses he had shared—with classmates, females one, to be precise—were more or less nothing to him, although he'd pull back with a smile and murmur something entirely different. But Shizuo, he thought, would be different. Something would definitely alight in the pit of his stomach and Izaya craved to feel something from someone.
Black strands of hair that framed his face moved slightly as Izaya sat back up to full posture. Regardless, Shizuo would need help with his studies, he thought. It just seemed evident that math wouldn't be a particular strong suit of his. Even if Shizuo needed tutoring in the other subjects, Izaya found himself willing to inhabit the same area as him.
Slender fingers reached to pick up his phone again and flip it open. Speed dial called someone and he held the device up to his face, a smirk slowly forming.
"Hello, is this the student council president? Yes, there's something I'd like to inform you of…"
"What the hell do you mean all the tutors are busy?!"
Shizuo's hands slammed down on the desk of the student council president. The girl flinched and swallowed nervously, eyes darting around for help. But no one dared to approach the enraged Heiwajima Shizuo, and her fingers clenched around the hem of her skirt as downcast eyes and teeth biting lips uttered "I-I'm sorry…"
He pushed himself off of the desk and kicked open the door to the classroom. Lunch break had the students dispersed in the hallways and classrooms, spilling out of open doors and leaning out of windows. Shizuo's brow was furrowed as he made his way back to his classroom, where he had left both Shinra and Izaya. Come to think of it, he thought suddenly as he approached, Izaya was smirking when Shizuo told Shinra he was going to find the student council president and ask about the tutors.
He had a desk raised over his head the moment he entered the classroom, and Izaya looked up disinterestedly. His bento was in his hand and the other held chopsticks, unflinching as the desk flew past him and crashed into the wall, a loud sound that had everyone else in the room shrieking and covering ears. Heavy footsteps led Shizuo across the room in a few strides and his hands slammed onto the desk again, leaning in and grinding his forehead to the raven's, smirk annoyingly calm.
"Shizu-chan, you want a kiss now…?"
"You flea! You were behind this!"
"Haa? I don't know what you're talking about…"
But the way his smirk widened indicated that clearly, he did know, and Shinra's hands on their chests had them pushed apart. Shizuo was pushed into a chair—a daily occurrence, it was, for Shizuo to throw something at Izaya then sit down to finish his lunch with him later—and the glare didn't lessen. "There's no goddamn way all the tutors aren't free!"
Izaya finished his rice and placed the box down, before he reached for a water bottle. Uncapping it smoothly and taking a graceful sip after, he took his time in answering Shizuo as Shinra nibbled on his onigiri, watching the exchange with avid eyes.
"I told you, Shizu-chan. I'll tutor you. And, unlike them. I assure you, I can promise you pass. Even if you fail."
"I don't need you hacking into the school system for me!"
"That's only last resort, though. I'm almost a hundred percent sure you will get, at least, a C on the next exam, should you accept my offer."
"No fucking way!"
Izaya gave a languid shrug and stood up. The bell had rung to indicate that lunch break was over. Students began to file back into the room and go back to their seats, a few walking over to retrieve the desk Shizuo had thrown.
"Of course, I can't help you with today's," Izaya murmured, "unless you'd like to look over my shoulder…?"
Clenched fists and going back to his desk without a word was Shizuo's 'no' and he sat down, still fuming. He could feel the created faux wind of students walking past him, but there was a warm presence that lingered. He turned to see Izaya looking at him, standing with his hands in his pockets as he used his standing position as an advantage to loom over him.
"Keep my offer in mind, Shizu-chan," he murmured. "You would like to graduate, no…?"
"All right, quiet down, everyone!"
Izaya gave another smirk before he walked to his desk and sat down. Shizuo forced his gaze to the front of the room to see the teacher with a stack of tests resting on his desk, eyes surveying the room as he waited for the quiet. He was soon walking around the room and passing out the tests as students leaned over to retrieve pencils and give last minute scans over notes. Shizuo had studied for this, remembering how he was hunched over at his desk and trying to make sense of numbers with only the light of his lamp, and scowling, understanding only about half of the material before giving up and going to bed.
"Good luck, Heiwajima-san."
He gave a nod at his teacher's quiet words and stared at the paper in front of him, the combination of words and numbers intimidating. But he picked up his pencil and began to read the question—he knew half, after all, and so by that logic, he'd get at least a 50 on this exam. A two point improvement from last time.
Izaya's words rang in his head as he took the test, numbers swimming in his vision the way they did in textbooks. Shizuo was growingly increasingly annoyed at his inability to answer the questions, yet could see Izaya, out of the corner of his eye, take the exam with an almost bored expression. One hand was continuously writing as the other supported his face and the eraser wasn't even touched the entire time.
The blond returned to his own test, and was only halfway through guessing when he heard someone stand up. A few other heads looked up to see who was done first, and it came as no surprised that it was Izaya's slender frame that made its way to the front of the classroom, resting a completed test on the desk. As he turned around, a fleeting smirk was thrown in Shizuo's direction, and he scowled, returning to his test.
Calculus, Shizuo's thought for the entire hour, was the stupidest thing to ever be invented. He finished his exam as one of the last students, and gave a weak, half smile to the teacher as he turned it in, leaving the classroom afterwards.
Shinra and Izaya were waiting for him again, and the blond threatened to throw them into the ocean if they kept talking about the exam, and so Izaya did, listing off his answers. Shinra's face altered between a bright grin and a worried frown, occasionally a confused expression in between. A street sign seemed to silence him for a moment, but Shizuo found himself dealing with the police for destroying public property.
The next day, the graded exams were returned.
The next day, Heiwajima Shizuo found himself at Orihara Izaya's apartment, seeing two mini Oriharas peering at him from behind a corner, their big brother seeming to not care of their presence.
The next day, Shizuo held up his failed test, a 36 scrawled and stared at Izaya.
"First of all, you've confused integration and differentiation."
Izaya's pencil tapped against his desk as he went through Shizuo's tests. It was a Friday afternoon, and he instructed Shizuo to bring all of their math exams to his house to study. When he asked about his sisters, the raven gave a shrug, dismissed the worry.
"They'll annoy you more than you annoy them."
Izaya was unnaturally focused and serious as he looked over the exams, and Shizuo was surprised that he didn't make dry insults at the scores that had Shizuo cringing. Instead, he took a few minutes to look through them, red eyes skimming over what he had gotten wrong, and was now explaining to him his mistakes.
"Hey, Shizu-chan. Pay attention."
Izaya's eyes narrowed, but he didn't fight the retort, surprising Shizuo slightly. As his head bowed and the pencil began to circle things, the blond found it hard to focus on math and instead fascinated by Izaya. When he wasn't being an annoying parasite, Shizuo found he wasn't all that bad. Black hair skimmed his eyes and framed a pallid complexion, and the way he explained things was concise and trimmed off the excess ramblings that Shizuo found teachers and tutors typically included. Izaya had a tendency of tapping the pencil to the paper exactly three times—if he started, he had to end with three—and he cradled his chin with his left hand, as he was right handed.
Of course, he was only tolerable if he had math distracting him.
Snapping out of his daze, Shizuo looked to him to see Izaya glaring at him. He lacked the usual amusement that held themselves in rose irises and it was surprising to Shizuo that even Orihara Izaya, the biggest pain in his side, could be so serious. Giving a scowl, a hand reached up to run through blond hair and looked down at the test, trying to discern what Izaya had just explained.
"So I was supposed to differentiate."
"Do you need help with reading too? It clearly says 'integrate the function,' Shizu-chan."
"This is stupid."
Shizuo leaned back in the chair after throwing the pencil at the desk. Izaya was unflinching at the action, watching impassively at his classmate, acting as if he were a five-year-old throwing a tantrum. Shizuo's eyes were narrowed and he was glaring at the test, as if glaring would resolve anything.
"You're not stupid, Shizu-chan."
"Did I ask you anything?" he snapped in response, but Izaya ignored him. Slender fingers reached out and teased out one of the later tests, flipping through it until he found what he was searching for. As he held it up Shizuo was greeted only with another wrong answer and his scowl darkened. "If that's—"
"You're not stupid," Izaya repeated quietly and his finger tapped against the paper. "You tried to do this problem a different way and it would have worked. The teacher didn't see it, which is why you got no credit. But, really, Shizu-chan, you got this wrong only because of a simple arithmetic error. You're not stupid."
Quite frankly, Shizuo wasn't looking at the problem; he found himself believing Izaya's words, as he had nothing to benefit from lying to him about this. Rather, Shizuo was surprised at the kindness Izaya was showing. It was a bit crude and tinted with his bluntness, but it was kindness nonetheless: helping him, reassuring him, being patient with him. Shizuo wondered why it was so; was this agreement really that important to him?
Izaya was still looking at him calmly, and Shizuo realized that when he wasn't teasing him or threatening to give him another scar, it seemed that Izaya wasn't that awful of a person to be around.
"Iza-nii, Iza-nii! How do I do my homework?"
"You sit down and use a pencil, Mairu."
"I know! How about I make Iza-nii do it?"
"How about you also cook dinner?"
"But last time I did that I didn't get any!"
Mairu and Kururi, Shizuo almost didn't notice the latter, sulked back to the room and he heard a door in the distance click shut. He ruled with an iron fist and monotone voice, the male thought, Izaya had a domineering control over his sisters.
"Are you ready?"
He was being addressed again and, this time, Shizuo looked at him with something less than vehemence but not placidness. Suspicion loomed in his hazel eyes as he stared at Izaya, as if a look would be able to discern the enigma. Izaya raised an eyebrow but offered no taunting retort to the way Shizuo stared at him; it was somewhat unnerving, but the raven didn't focus too much on that. Like he had assured him, he was a good tutor; if needed, he had an endless supply of patience he could tap into—with reason, of course.
"Shizu-chan," he said quietly, unable to help the natural reflex to irritate him. "Staring at me won't transfer my knowledge, you know."
He gave a short laugh and a shrug, body turning in his desk to face the tests again. "I told you, Shizu-chan, I can promise you a passing grade, but that's because I know you're capable of it, aah? I can't promise that to someone who truly has no idea what he's doing. All I have to do is point out where you went wrong and how to right them and that, I believe, will guarantee you a C."
"Why the hell are you helping me?"
Izaya's head lolled back and he looked at the blond lazily. Thin lips that Shizuo realized he'd have to kiss curled into a half hearted smirk and he was suddenly far too aware of how Izaya was looking at him with something that could resemble serenity. Between enemies, such a look was rare and Shizuo never wanted to be in the situation of it; the feeling was unnerving, to say the least, and he swallowed nervously.
"Because," Izaya said quietly, "I'd do anything to not feel quite so apathetic, Shizu-chan."
Whatever Izaya had meant by 'apathetic,' Shizuo told himself he didn't care.
Not one bit.
Not at all.
"Oi, Shinra. What's Izaya mean by 'apathetic'?"
Maybe a bit.
The male looked up and adjusted his glasses, eyes bright behind the lenses as they focused on Shizuo. Class was to start in a few minutes and Izaya had been pulled out of the classroom by a girl—Shinra tried to make bets as to if the girl would come back in crying or not—and Shizuo took the opportunity to ask Izaya's closest friend a question that had been plaguing him for weeks. For once, his mind wasn't occupied on the impending calculus exam—or the thought that if he did well, he'd end up kissing Izaya.
"Well, apathetic means…"
"I know what it means," he bit back and Shinra feigned a pout. "I'm asking why the flea says he feels that way!"
Izaya had been patient while tutoring him, but whenever they weren't in that situation, he had resumed their cat and dog chases, flirting his knife along Shizuo's shirt just enough to irritate him and leave pink welts. It was at times like those that Shizuo remembered why he so vehemently hated the male, yet when they sat together at a desk to go over tests, Shizuo found Izaya more than tolerable.
He never admitted it, but he could feel himself understanding the concepts more, having a better idea of what to do. Even before Izaya said anything, he could find his own mistakes and correct him. Like Izaya had said, his way of thinking for some of the problems was correct; he made arithmetic errors that, Izaya said, everyone made.
"Don't kid, Shizu-chan."
"Mm…" Shinra frowned and rested elbows on his desk, cradling a chin in a palm as the other hand drummed fingers against his desk. "I think what Izaya means… is that he's detached. No, that's not it. I think he's not detached but he wants to be. So he acts like he is, but he isn't."
"…Shinra, I will break your neck."
"Wait, wait, I'm getting to it." The hand that had been drumming raised to calm Shizuo as he recollected his thoughts and gave a sigh.
"The thing is, Shizuo," Shinra said lowly, unnaturally serious, "…I think Izaya's kind of lonely. He says he loves humans and observing them, but to really properly observe something, you have to remove yourself. I don't think Izaya's capable of that, but he tries, and the resulting fake alienation has him feeling lonely. He's in this limbo of apathy where he loves everyone but there's only one person he has an intense feeling towards. It doesn't matter which extreme. You're the only person that Izaya could either live or die for, essentially."
The bell rang and Shizuo muttered a low 'oh' before retreating to his desk, Shinra leaving him with a small smile. The door opened and Izaya returned, looking fatigued as a girl followed him in with glassy eyes and sniffling loudly. The teacher followed with words of 'all right, all right calm down' and holding a stack of papers.
The brown eyed gaze of Heiwajima Shizuo found itself lingering on Izaya as Shinra's words echoed in his mind. It didn't make complete sense, much like the math test that was set in front of him, but Shizuo took careful note of it anyway.
Lonely? A guy like him is lonely?
As he went through the test, he realized there was more he could do; phrases that used to befuddle him had a meaning and he could think of how to solve the problem even before finishing reading it, a new occurrence for him.
Izaya was the first to finish, again, but Shizuo didn't mind; he had an idea of what he was doing this time and not guessing on a math test was a feeling he found he enjoyed—extraordinarily so. Izaya walked by him on his way back and there was a quiet 'use your brain' that was whispered, leaving Shizuo with a smirk as he flipped the page.
So Izaya was lonely, Shizuo thought in between problems. He hid it well, concealed it with arrogance, but he was lonely and he didn't like his apathy.
Izaya was lonely.
Who knew we'd have something in common?
He found Izaya under a tree, laying with his head propped up by an arm and a backpack. Shizuo crossed the distance and caught the other's attention but dropping his own bag on the ground next to him, the textbooks making for a loud 'thud' that even had Izaya flinching. He seemed annoyed and a sharp 'what?' was about to bite from his tongue, but Shizuo wordlessly showed him the graded calculus test from a few days ago.
First his eyes widened, but Izaya covered it with a smirk. A laugh was given as he closed his book and laid it beside him, standing up and pulling his clothes straight. "What did I tell you?" he asked quietly, resting hands in the pockets of his black pants. Izaya's head cocked to the side arrogantly as he looked at Shizuo. "Although eighty two… that's even higher than I expected from you. I was expecting a seventy. Flat."
Izaya's smirk widened, as if to convey you caught me.
Shizuo took a step forward until their bodies nearly touched, and he used their ten centimeter height difference to look down on Izaya. It irritated him, he could tell by the way Izaya's eyes glinted with annoyance, but Shizuo gave a smirk in response. "That deal…"
"Ah, I thought I'd have to remind you."
For the entire duration of studying, Shizuo had imagined this moment to be utterly gruesome, completely vile, entirely disgusting. The very thought made nausea rise up in his body and he had to quell it by reminding himself it was only if he passed the exam. But when he received his test and saw an above average grade on it, he realized that anything but nausea pervaded his body.
It wouldn't be romantic, he told himself as he looked at him. He was upholding his end of a bargain, and it was lucky that he wasn't as repulsed by the idea as he had been.
Orihara Izaya was still Orihara Izaya, the male that was the reason for Shizuo's abundance of detentions and what seemed to be the bane of his high school existence. He could remember the immediate reaction of horror when Izaya first proposed this barter, of tutoring for a kiss, and how he had resolved to never go through with it, wonder what kind of a sick joke Izaya was trying to play this time.
He wasn't kinder, but there was a softness that Izaya had revealed, whether or not on purpose. Shizuo had never thought of him as a good student or even vaguely wondered how he did so well in class, but while tutoring he noticed how even Izaya could set aside his deceiving tendencies and focus. He was good at concentrating and good at explaining; if it wasn't for his rather wretched personality, Shizuo thought he could have a possibility in teaching.
But, that wretched personality would be hard to deal with.
Even now as he looked at him, Shizuo could see traces of the Izaya he knew and loathed with the one that had only recently come to light. He was smirking: old Izaya. But there was an amusement in his eyes: new Izaya. He seemed arrogant: old Izaya. But he also seemed to be, at least, relieved for Shizuo: new Izaya. It was almost alarming how quickly Shizuo had discovered this new side of Izaya, but maybe it was because they knew each other well. Hatred or not, their link and complex with each other had the two forging a close relationship, one where it would be easier to let down a guard.
Of all the things Shizuo had expected to achieve before graduating high school, somewhat coming to terms and finding a balance, even if temporary, with Izaya was certainly not one of them.
I think Izaya's kind of lonely.
With Shinra's words echoing in his mind, Shizuo found his eyes closing and head dipping, pressing his lips to Izaya's. The seclusion of their spot was ideal, he realized numbly when their mouths met. There would be a flurry of whispers and they'd be the pinnacle of attention, surely, if anyone saw Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo kissing each other, and any explanation from the two would go in one ear and out the other.
His hands remained at his sides and Izaya's remained still, supposedly in his pockets. Shizuo's mouth didn't move and neither did Izaya's; in regards to this 'apathy,' Shizuo wondered what the other felt. He had seen him kiss other people before and never thought much about it, but Shizuo suddenly became acutely aware of the fact that he had always been "different" to Izaya and he didn't want now to be the time when he was lumped into a group with other people.
Heiwajima Shizuo was kissing Orihara Izaya, and he could admit to himself that he rather liked it. Izaya's mouth was warm and his lips were dry; he was acutely aware of how he was breathing and wondered if his breath tickled Izaya's cheek the way the other's tickled his. He didn't care part his lips—a kiss, he thought, it was a kiss and not a French one—but wasn't sure when to pull away. Soon would express disgust, but lingering would express he liked it.
And it was at that point that Shizuo realized he had surpassed mere lingering.
"Shizu-chan, I need to breathe."
Izaya's mouthed words came as a surprise to him and Shizuo pulled back, wondering vaguely why Izaya hadn't done so and voiced his concern instead. Red eyes were slow to open and he didn't say anything, but the small, crooked smirk gave Shizuo the answer he had been wondering. Kissing his rival, it seemed, wasn't as bad as he had imagined it to be, and Shizuo returned Izaya's smirk with one of his own.
Of all the words you'd use to describe how you felt about that, it's obvious you're not going to use 'apathetic.'
"What else are you failing?"
The question that Izaya posed came with a second question threaded between the syllables, another proposition of the "deal" that Shizuo couldn't say he minded. As he answered, Shizuo leaned over to pick up his backpack. The calculus test was stuffed in and another test was taken out.
If Orihara Izaya had ever shown surprise, it was at this moment, when Shizuo shamelessly handed him the biology test that was handed back just earlier that day.
"Shizu-chan, you didn't even spell your name—"
author's notes: the request was Shizaya so fluffy that the one I wrote this for hugged her computer and rolled around on her bed and while I didn't achieve that I did achieve a full one shot and that, my friends, is what it all comes down to: the little things in life.
no, okay, but thank you for reading. and comments and critiques and pointing out of any errors always result in me blowing you a kiss or something.