The chair lay toppled over Dr. Alexander sat calmly taking in his patient and if asked her would deny it but also friend, Arizona was yelling, pacing and throwing her arms around in anger.
"Arizona, take some calming breaths."
"Shove your calming breaths up your ass!" Arizona snapped then stopped at her remark. "I…God I am so sorry." Arizona mumbled as she stopped pacing, Dr. Alexander stood up and put the chair back in its upright position then motioned for Arizona to sit down.
"It is alright Arizona, it is good to let anger out and I am here to be an outlet."
"I just…I feel so broken inside. Whenever I make a step forward I take two steps back! I want to be fixed again; I want to be me I want to not be so afraid anymore!" The begging of Arizona's voice filled the room.
"Arizona, things take time you are making great strides and sometimes we fall backwards and that is okay that just means that is something we need to work harder on." Dr. Alexander smiled at Arizona who returned with a weak smile.
"Then what do I do?"
"Well first off we figure out what we need to discuss, we have spoken about your brother for which you are still saddened about but not like before. And you will always be sad about that, it will only get easier as time goes on. We discussed your first and second break up with Callie and you have forgiven yourself for those things…now I think it is time we discuss the plane crash." Looking at his patient Dr. Alexander saw Arizona instantly close off at the mention of the crash.
"I don't want to talk about the crash."
"Arizona, you have to come to terms with it and forgiveness on the other things, the plane crash is something you have yet to come to grips with. Your PTSD has been building for yours the plane crash just helped kick it into overdrive; we need to talk about the crash. And yes it will be hard but I am here for you, so are Alex, Meredith, Miranda and Calliope. So how about we start out small, when you got on the plane what were you and the others talking about?"
"I wasn't talking, I had gotten into a fight with Alex and…I was angry so I got on the plane instead of him." Arizona replied as she tried to calm her nerves.
"Why were you angry at him?"
"He was leaving, going to Hopkins and…I wanted him to stay."
"Why did you want him to stay, Arizona."
"He is my friend and an amazing doctor."
"And what else?"
"What are you implying?" Arizona looked at Dr. Alexander with a questioning look.
"Arizona, I think you and Alex have a brother and sister relationship and by him leaving you saw it as your brother dying all over again. You felt betrayed and forgotten the same way you did when your brother Tim died." Dr. Alexander replied he watched Arizona's expression change from anger to sadness.
"Arizona, after the crash you blamed Alex for the loss of your leg is that correct?"
"Yes, he is the one that cut it off but I also blamed Calliope because she approved of it when I asked her not to let them take it." The sadness in Arizona's voice made Dr. Alexander sit silently for a moment before asking further questions.
"How about we change the subject, we can talk next session about the crash. A little while back ago you told Calliope you didn't want to see Sofia anymore, why did you say that?"
"I didn't say it because of Lauren even though she told me too, I thought about it and…it wasn't safe I couldn't have Sofia around Lauren. That day Lauren hit me because we were running late, Sofia wouldn't put her tights on and…Sofia was there I think she saw it and…I couldn't risk Sofia. I would rather be beat to a bloody pulp than risk Sofia being hit, I know what I said and did hurt Calliope but it hurt me too. Sofia needed to be safe until I could figure something out." Arizona replied with honesty and strength, Dr. Alexander knew she felt she had made the right choice.
"You were thinking about your daughter."
"Yes." Arizona answered thinking he was asking a question.
"That must have been hard for you to do and say."
"It killed me inside, when I walked out of the room I went into the first available empty room I could and cried my eyes out. I felt myself dying inside it was worse than seeing Calliope's face when she found out about Lauren. Worse than when she told me we were over, I love Calliope and I want to be with her but Sofia…I can't live without her she is the love of my life." Arizona replied as she looked down at her hands that were shaking.
Callie sat on the couch of her apartment Sofia was tucked away in bed which helped Callie relax a little bit more, looking at the wine glass in her hand Callie let her thoughts go. Remembering that first day she saw the bruises on Arizona she should have done more, why didn't she? Standing up Callie set her glass down and started pacing, why did she let Lauren keep hurting Arizona? She loved Arizona with all her heart but did she subconsciously see it as payback for what she did?
"Ugh!" Callie groaned. "Why is this so hard?" She said aloud to no one but herself.
That night Arizona went to her apartment, she had her key out and was about to unlock the door when instead she put her keys in her purse and knocked on a door she used to not have to do that too. Callie opened the door and smiled at her, not a word was spoken as she opened the door wider for her to enter. Setting her purse on the kitchen counter Arizona didn't even think twice as she grabbed a bottle of water and started drinking it, turning around the two women stood in silence.
"I came here to ask you something."
"Okay?" Callie sat down on one of the stools and watched as Arizona thought about what to say.
"I was wondering if you could um…come to my next therapy session. We are reaching a point where I think…you should be there. If you don't want to that is fine I understand." Arizona quickly finished as she took a big gulp of her water, Callie sat in silence which caused Arizona to panic further.
"Before you go into full panic mode I am thinking about my schedule, I should be able to move a surgery that day and go with you." A wave of relief and happiness showed on Arizona's face, a smile found its way on Callie's face.
That night Arizona lay awake in her bed thinking about what happened earlier, Callie was going to go to one of her sessions. She hoped that at least the session would bring them closer, even though they were friends she could still feel the tension but yet at the same time that electrical spark between them. Rolling over Arizona felt sleep starting to claim her all the while thoughts of Callie and her session with her.
The next week went by in a blur for Arizona and Callie until the day of the therapy session arrived, Arizona was early because she had to go in and give a patient an unexpected surgery. Pacing outside of the room Arizona started to think Callie wasn't going to show up, but when Arizona did one last turn she saw Callie running up to her with her scrubs on, and her long sleeves rolled up.
"Hey, I am not late am I?" Callie asked with worry.
"No, you are early I am just nervous." Arizona replied as she opened the door.
"Welcome Calliope." Dr. Alexander stated as he shook Callie's hand.
"Just Callie please."
"Alright, sorry Arizona always calls you Calliope so it was just natural for me to call you that." Callie looked at the man stunned Arizona hadn't called her Calliope in ages, looking at the smaller woman she saw a blush rising in Arizona. Sitting down the three adults sat in silence.
"You were there the night…well that night." Callie replied not wanting to bring that night up in case Arizona reacted to it.
"Yes, I was there the night Lauren attacked Arizona well afterwards." Dr. Alexander stated, Callie glanced at Arizona and saw she was calm.
"So um…what are we going to talk about?"
"Well, Arizona and I have discussed her past, recent events, the plane crash, you, Sofia and Lauren so it is whatever Arizona is comfortable talking about."
"It does not matter, whatever you feel is best to discuss." Arizona replied back but honestly she didn't want to talk she felt herself walling up.
"Arizona, you do not need to guard yourself in here." The doctor instantly knew what was happening.
"I know, I'm sorry it is just opening up to someone other than you is…hard. It isn't because I don't trust you Callie I just…I am scared. I should have opened up a long time ago but…it is just hard." Arizona mumbled out, Callie nodded and took Arizona's hand in a reassuring hold.
"It's okay; I will help you get through it what are friends for." Callie smiled at Arizona who returned it weakly.
"So how about we discuss what has caused this break, Lauren." Dr. Alexander stated both women looked at him with uncomfortable looks.
"What about Lauren?" Arizona asked.
"Arizona, why don't we discuss why you kissed Lauren, why you were attracted to her and if we have enough time we will discuss more on recent events." Sighing Arizona decided to bite the bullet and talk.