"I swear, with the technology that they're coming up with in these cars, old timers like me are goin' be obsolete." Bobby grumbled as they walked around the main convention hall, looking at the new models of cars.
Dean looked over one car, not really seeing it, his mind elsewhere.
Bobby looked over at Dean and frowned. "Mind telling me what's going on with you? You've been moping around like a girl ever since we left."
Dean sighed, figuring there was no reason to lie since Bobby would spot it in an instant that he was. "Bobby, I fucked up."
"What did you do this time?" Bobby asked, maneuvering around the crowd toward an empty corner.
Dean ignored the "this time" and continued. "Cas loves me."
"'course he does idjit. That boy would do anything for you. So what did you do?"
They made it to a quiet corner that had an empty bench where Dean immediately sat down and buried his face in his hands. "I'm hurting him, Bobby, I know I am. Ever since we started this relationship, I've been terrified. Terrified of telling people about us because I was scared people would mock it. That they'd say I was way over my head because Castiel is way too good for me. I know he thought I hesitated so long because he thought I was ashamed. And now he tells me he loves me and I just freeze. The words just lodge in my fucking throat." Dean clamped his mouth shut to stop the flood of words.
Bobby placed his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Dean, shouldn't you be telling this to Cas? Since when did you give a shit what people thought? I'll tell you one thing; fear is a powerful force if you let it take a hold of you. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life fearing what will happen, what people will think instead of just being happy with somebody that you love that are willing to have you? Cas is a good man, but not to sound like a sentimental fool, it's clear you and Cas belong together. Just don't know what took you two so goddamn long." Bobby groused, but gave Dean a smile.
"I know you're right, but Cas is just so good. I feel that I don't deserve him." Dean's eyes stared up at the weathered face of his second father.
"Dean, I never felt I deserved Karen, but I didn't let that stop me from loving her and treasuring every second I had with her. You need to take Cas off that damn pedestal you've always had him on because that's a mighty lonely place to be. You need to love him like the man that he is because otherwise the both of you will be miserable."
Dean felt something in his heart shift. Dean always viewed Cas as untouchable, having the traits he wished he had in himself. There was always something so innately good and pure about Cas that Dean didn't want to sully him with his crude and selfish needs and wants. Dean found it ironic by doing that, he was ignoring what Cas really wanted and hurting them both in the process. Castiel simply wanted Dean just as he was.
"Bobby, do you mind if we skip the rest of the weekend? Cas and Sam should be back home today. I really don't want to wait until tomorrow to see him."
"Sure son, let's get out of here." Bobby patted Dean on the back and stood up.
They made it back to the hotel and were packing the few things they brought with them when Dean's phone rang.
"Hey Gabe," Dean greeted distractedly, seeing Gabriel's name on the ID. He held the phone between his ear and shoulder as he went looking for a rogue sock under the bed.
"Dean," Gabriel started out and the tone of his voice alerted Dean that something was terribly wrong. He felt his whole body go cold.
"Gabe, what's wrong?" Dean carefully enunciated every word, feeling he had to forcibly make himself even say the words.
Gabriel's next words had Dean's world tilting on its axis.
"Dean, you need to get home now. It's Cas."
Dean and Bobby cut a four hour drive to two and a half. Bobby insisted that he drive the Impala since Dean was in no shape to do so. For once, he relinquished his keys without protest.
The whole drive consisted of Bobby trying to get Dean to talk, but other than repeating what Gabriel had told him, he stayed silent.
"Dean, there's been an accident. I was the first on the scene and…" Gabriel stopped for a moment, clearly trying to collect himself, "Sammy's fine besides a few cuts and bruises, but Cas, I don't know, he was unconscious when they loaded him into the ambulance and…" Gabriel stopped again.
"…he wasn't as fortunate as Sam."
Dean stayed still and quiet the entire way causing Bobby to shoot worried glances his way. He felt if he just kept motionless and his eyes on the passing landscape, he could pretend that it was all a bad dream. However, once they finally reached the hospital, Dean's body was released from its comatose state. The car hadn't even come to a complete stop before Dean bolted, not even bothering to close the car door, running hard and fast to the hospital entrance.
"Dean!" Bobby called after him, but Dean didn't slow down.
Once he made it inside, Gabriel jumped up from his chair in the crowded waiting room when he saw Dean enter, looking wild-eyed.
"Where is he?" Dean gasped, trying to shake off Gabriel who had his arms in a tight grip.
"Dean, you need to calm down. They're moving him to a room now. He's going to be okay, but he's still out of it. You can go see him in a few minutes."
Dean sank to his knees there in the waiting room, not caring who saw him and let out a choked sob.
"Sammy?" Dean managed to ask once he was able to speak.
"I'm fine." Sam said softly as he walked into the waiting room with Bobby. He had just been released and had come to find Gabriel. Sam's eyes were wide when they took in Dean's panicked face.
Dean saw the shallow cuts on Sam's face and arms. Relief flooded though him at the sight of his brother a little banged up but otherwise stood up and hugged Sam tightly.
"Easy Dean, I'm a little sore." Sam grunted, but still hugged Dean just as tight.
"Sorry," Dean mumbled and sniffled. "Tell me what happened."
"We blew a tire, but it was like the whole car just locked up. We were heading toward a tree and…" Sam paused as he struggled with words.
"What?" Dean asked, still holding his brother by the shoulders.
"Dean, Cas saved my life. There was a branch aimed right at me and Cas threw himself on me. The force of his body hitting my chest must have broke the seat because we fell back but the branch still managed to get lodged in his shoulder and break off. He hit his head pretty hard too. If he hadn't done what he did, it would have gotten me in the heart."
His own heart stopped at what Sam was telling him. He could have lost them both. He pulled Sam into another tight hug.
Gabriel stepped closer to Dean and Sam. "The doctor told me that he has a concussion and they removed the piece that was stuck in his shoulder. Luckily where it hit, there wasn't any nerve damage and he'll be able to use it normally once it's healed. Like I said, he does have a concussion, but they see no reason to be alarmed. He'll be fine, I promise." Gabriel patted Dean's back.
Dean nodded blindly and rubbed roughly at his eyes. He looked at Sam and Gabriel who were staring at him like a wild animal that needed to be treated with caution.
Someone cleared their throat from the doorway of the waiting room. Dean looked up and saw it was a nurse.
"Mr. Novak is in his room now. He's in room 416 so you're free to go visit him, but he's heavily medicated right now." The nurse told them gently before leaving the room.
Dean immediately started toward the door, but Sam stopped him.
"Before you go, there's something I need to tell you."
"Can it wait, Sammy? I really need to get to Cas." Dean asked, giving his brother an uncharacteristically gentle tone.
"No, I need to tell you this now. Before any help arrived, he kept drifting in and out of consciousness. He was mumbling for you. He also kept repeating that you could survive without him but not me."
Dean's heart cracked at the words. Did Castiel really think he could survive without him? Sam was his family, but Castiel was his heart. Who could survive without their heart?
"I…" Dean started, but his throat was too tight so he simply nodded and headed for Castiel's room.
"I'll never be able to repay you for what you did for me. You really are my brother…"
"Come on Cas, you need to wake up and help me keep these asshats in line…"
"Damn it Cas, you need to get better so you can at least tell me where you hid my Johnny Walker…"
"I hope you wake up soon so this idjit here will stop playing Florence Nightingale…"
"When you get out of here, I'm taking you to Celestial Bodies and buying you some lap dances. We'll make Deano so jealous, trust me, jealous sex is fucking hot…you'll thank me later…"
"Cas, we need you. I need you. God Cas, I love you. I just can't do this without you…"
Castiel woke up with a dull throb in his shoulder and buzzing in his ears. His whole body was sore. Once the buzzing in his ears subsided, he could hear he was not alone.
"Mr. Winchester, I'm sorry, but you need to leave."
"I'm not leaving him, damn it."
A sigh echoed through the room. "You're just as stubborn as my son, Adam. I'm not asking you to leave because I'm worried about Mr. Novak. I'm worried about you. You haven't left this room in days. You need to go home and get some rest."
"Like I've told everybody else, I'm fine. I've gotten some sleep. This chair is comfortable enough for that, Kate."
"Liar. The night nurses said you've barely rested because you're too busy keeping vigil. Now, don't make me call your mother…"
Castiel's eyebrows scrunched together and his body tensed at the unknown voice, but relaxed when he heard the gruff cadence of Dean's voice.
"Dean?" Castiel rasped, struggling to open his eyes.
He heard rustling and then felt a wide, rough hand grab his own in a firm grip.
"Cas? Hey Cas, wake up for me." Castiel could feel Dean's breath fan over his face.
He managed to lift his heavy eyelids. After blinking for a moment for his eyes to adjust to the light, he stared straight up into Dean's worried green ones.
Castiel frowned when he took in Dean's haggard face.
"You look like hell."
Dean's eyes held relieved amusement at Castiel's comment. He heard a snort of laughter from the other occupant in the room. He strained to look over Dean's shoulder.
"Ms. Milligan?" he croaked out once Dean moved aside to pour Castiel some water.
"Hi Castiel. Usually it's me coming to your workplace, not the other way around. I hope this won't become a habit."
"I hope not either. How long have I've been out?" he asked.
"Almost four days. They thought they got everything out of your shoulder, but a couple of splinters were missed causing an infection and fever. They had to go back in and get them out and treat the infection, but everything's fine now. You'll most likely be released tomorrow or the day after."
Kate walked closer and patted his good shoulder. "You've always been good to my son. I'd hate to see something happen to his favorite teacher. Unless there's something you need, I'll leave you two alone, but please at some point make your boyfriend go home and get some rest. He makes it difficult for us to do our job, wanting to do everything himself." She smiled at him and threw a wink at Dean before leaving.
Once she was gone, Dean brought over a cup of water and helped Castiel sit up so he could take a few sips to moisten his dry mouth and throat.
Dean sat back down but took Castiel's hand, rubbing circles on the back of it with his thumb. Castiel felt such a profound sense of euphoria that he was still alive and that Dean, the most important person there ever was in his life, was sitting there with him.
The room was silent for several long moments; both men content in holding each other's hand. Castiel was the first to break the silence.
"I heard you, you know."
Dean's voice was soft. "Heard me?"
"I heard you say you loved me."
Dean got out of his chair and kneeled down beside the bed, gripping his hand tight.
"Of course I do, Cas. I love you so goddamn much it hurts." Castiel stared at Dean's earnest face and felt a pressure in his chest he didn't even realize was there, release. Castiel tugged at Dean's hand to get him to come closer.
When Dean's face was hovering just inches from Castiel's, he leaned up to bridge the remaining distance and claimed the lips he never thought he would kiss again.
The kiss that started out tender became more frantic and desperate as both men fully realized what they almost lost.
Castiel ran his fingers through Dean's short sandy colored hair and gripped it as if it was his only anchor.
Dean's fingers were much gentler though as they carefully cupped his face, turning Castiel's head so he could take the kiss deeper.
He groaned and sucked Dean's lower lip into his mouth, running his tongue over the plump flesh. Castiel abruptly stopped though when he tasted salty wetness.
He pulled away to see Dean's eyes were vivid green from tears that were steadily coursing down his face. In all their years of friendship, Castiel had never seen Dean cry.
"Dean?" he asked hesitantly.
Dean's hands slightly tightened and his eyes turned angry and pained. "I'll always be grateful for you saving Sammy, but don't you ever fucking martyr yourself again. Regardless of what you might think, there's no way in fucking hell I could survive losing you. Just the thought alone kills me. I never what to hear you saying that again, got it?"
"How did you…?" Castiel asked but Dean stopped him with another kiss. When he pulled away, the anger had dissipated.
"Sammy told me. Said you kept repeating it after you hit your head."
"Oh Dean, I'm so sorry. I should have known better than to think…"
"No, it's my fault. I should have told you how I felt about you. I didn't think I was good enough for you. There were times I was amazed you even wanted to be my friend. Please believe me, it was never you. I was never ashamed of you. Fuck, I think I've always loved you, but was too scared that you would eventually wise up and leave my sorry ass." Dean chuckled sadly.
"That has to be the only thing I despise about you. How can you see all this "good" in me but you can't see it in yourself? You are the best man I've ever had the privileged to know or love."
Dean rested his forehead against Castiel's and sighed. "Cas, you really are too good for me, you know."
"Dean, why are you being like this?" he asked confused and then something Sam had said before the wreck nudged the back of his mind. "Does this have something to do with Lisa?"
Castiel could feel Dean's whole body tense and he pulled away. He couldn't stand the despondent look that came over his face.
"You didn't tell me everything about your break up with Lisa, did you?"
Dean shook his head and stared down at the floor. "You know already that we were having trouble and she was on the verge of leaving. The night she left, I made a last ditch effort to get her to stay even though I knew it was really over. So, I told her I loved her."
"Did you?" Castiel asked, taking Dean's hand and squeezing gently.
"I thought at that moment I did. I mean, we had been together since senior year in high school. I know I cared for her but even as the words left my mouth, I wasn't so sure. She apparently realized that. She said I didn't love her. I was incapable of love or any real feelings. She told me I was dead inside. At first I was pissed off but I got to thinking…what if she's right? She was my only long term relationship and I fucked it up."
"Dean, anybody that says you're incapable of feelings is brain dead. All anybody has to do is see you with your family and friends." Castiel's whole body ached from simultaneously wanting to hug Dean and jumping out of bed to go hunting for Lisa.
"I know that now, but, I guess old thoughts and feelings die hard. Now that I know what real love feels like, I know what I said to Lisa was a lie. Still there are days though, I think I should just release you so you can find somebody that deserves you, but if I lost you, I really would be dead inside. I guess I'm just too selfish to let you go."
Castiel felt tears well up in his eyes as he looked at the man that been a part of his life almost for the entirety of it. He reached up and cupped Dean's cheek who immediately took hold of his wrist to kiss the palm of his hand.
"Then be selfish, Dean. Be selfish for me."
"Come on Dean, Sam and Gabriel will be here soon!" Castiel yelled out at Dean as he looked for his shoes.
It was a chilly November evening and Castiel and Dean were going out to celebrate Sam passing the bar exam.
"I don't know how you could stand the suspense. I wouldn't be able to handle having to wait over three months." Castiel had told Sam when he first found out that he had passed.
"I tried to keep my mind off of it, but I'm just happy I don't have to be the gopher at work now." Sam gave a relieved smile.
Of course Gabriel being Gabriel wanted to celebrate at Celestial Bodies so they were making a weekend out of it.
"Dean! You've been in that shower forever!" Castiel called out again as padded around barefoot, getting frustrated that he couldn't find his shoes.
"Looking for these?" Castiel turned around to find Dean holding up his missing shoes. The shoes went unnoticed though because Dean was standing in the living room with a towel wrapped around his lean waist. His slick body was flushed and aroused if the tented towel was any indication.
"D-Dean…" Castiel stuttered, swallowing thickly as Dean dropped the shoes and strode over to him.
"Yes Cas?" Dean asked innocently as he sat down on the couch and slowly spread his legs underneath the towel.
"What are you doing?" Castiel's eyes devoured Dean as his cock strained against his black dress pants.
"Just thinking about you," Dean removed the towel, exposing himself fully to Castiel, "inside of me."
Castiel panted, already unbuttoning his shirt and pants. "You're going to be the death of me, Dean." he growled as he fell to his knees in between Dean's spread thighs.
"But what a hell of a way to go…ahh…fuck…" Dean groaned as Castiel took him into his mouth.
Castiel moaned around Dean's cock when he got a taste of precum. He tongued the slit, coaxing out more. Dean bucked beneath him, groaning.
"God, Cas…" Castiel looked up at him through his lashes as his mouth sank further down Dean's rigid cock.
One of Dean's hands was buried in Castiel's dark hair while the other palmed his cheek, Dean's thumb brushing the corner of his mouth. Castiel took Dean all the way to the back of his throat and swallowed, his eyes never leaving Dean's.
Dean moaned and thrashed helplessly under the onslaught.
"Shit Cas, don't look at me that way, like you are an innocent that never had that gorgeous mouth fucked…."
Castiel's eyes rolled back at the pleasure that Dean's words evoked. His own cock begged for attention and he knew that he wouldn't last long himself. Castiel slid a hand up Dean's thigh and to his entrance. He was met with surprise to find Dean already wet and loose.
He pulled back and cocked his brow. "So that's what took you so long in the bathroom." he said, smirking.
Dean gave a small whine at the loss of Castiel's hot mouth. "Sorry, I couldn't wait. Just want you too bad."
He gave Dean a slow, predatory grin as he caught a hold of Dean's hips and pulled him forward until his ass was almost hanging off the edge of the couch. Castiel pushed his pants down to his knees and leaned forward, his cock nudging Dean's loose hole, but not entering.
"Cas…" Dean pleaded, trying to wiggle his ass, but due to his precarious position on the couch and Castiel blanketing his body, he was pretty much trapped.
"You're too impatient…" Castiel murmured into Dean's ear before sucking the sensitive lobe into his mouth. He felt Dean tremble beneath him as he kissed down his neck and jaw, working his way to Dean's slightly parted lips.
Dean keened and slid his hands under Castiel's unbuttoned shirt, sliding it off of his arms, his hands following the whispering fabric. His hands lightly ran over Castiel's arms and chest, paying special attention to the scar on his left shoulder. He gave it a small kiss before marking Castiel throat and collar bone with his mouth.
Castiel let the broad tip of his cock enter Dean, hissing at the hot tightness of it, but stopped.
"Come on Cas, move, please." Dean's usual shuttered green eyes were unguarded as he begged Castiel to push in deeper.
"Not yet…" Castiel groaned as he thrust shallowly, not only torturing Dean, but himself in the process.
Castiel moved his hand to Dean's cock and gave it lazy strokes, occasionally running his thumb over the flushed, leaking head as he continued to explore the cavern of Dean's mouth.
Dean moaned when Castiel moved and gave a little more of his length. Dean's hands tightened on the sides of Castiel's torso as Dean bit his shoulder. Castiel shuddered and accidently pushed in even more.
"Dean, please, if I go in too much, I'll lose it embarrassingly fast…" Castiel was now the begging one.
Dean grinned evilly, but his expression turned thoughtful as he traced Castiel's tattoo.
"'Do not be afraid; our fate cannot be taken from us; it is a gift.' You know, it was you I had in mind when I got this." Castiel said, with a tinge of sadness in his voice.
Dean's body stilled as he stared up at Castiel. "Tell me." he whispered.
"I know you're not one to believe in fate, but I always knew I was fated to meet you. At the time, I didn't realize how deep it meant, but now I know. My fate was to love you, first as a friend and now as a soulmate. Dean Winchester, you truly are a gift to me." Castiel breathed, pressing his forehead against Dean's.
Dean's green eyes glittered with unshed tears. "I love you, Cas. I think I always have."
Castiel didn't need to hear the words anymore to know that Dean loved him. Dean had showed him countless times in the past with his actions, his body and how his eyes always watched him. Castiel should have known, but like Dean, he had been blinded with his own insecurities.
"I love you too." he said against Dean's lips as he thrust completely into Dean's pliant body.
Dean crossed his ankles over Castiel's ass and wrapped his arms around his neck to get as much skin contact as possible.
Castiel thrust into Dean hard and fast, tired of games. When he hit Dean's prostate, he shouted out Castiel's name hoarsely and came between their sweat slicked bodies.
As Dean squeezed deliciously around his cock, Castiel claimed Dean's lips in a raw kiss as he pounded into him a few more times before letting himself go.
He slumped over Dean, kissing the corner of his mouth one last time before gently pulling out. They both cleaned themselves with the towel Dean was using earlier.
Castiel pulled up his pants but didn't get off the floor, content to lean against Dean's body who still sat on the couch. Dean idly played with Castiel's hair, both of them too exhausted to move.
"Damn, I'm going to need another shower…" Dean mumbled.
Castiel stiffened. "Shit, I forgot…."
The sound of the front door unlocking seemed overly loud in the quiet room. Before Dean or Castiel could do anything, Sam walked in.
"Come on guys, Gabriel's out in the car, we've been honking but…" Sam looked up, his eyes widening when he took in the sight of tousled hair, flushed skin and Castiel's shirtless body preventing him from seeing his brother completely nude.
"Damn it! I did not need to see this! I'm going to need a gallon of bleach to get rid of that image!" Sam whined, covering his eyes with his hand.
Dean, who appeared completely unashamed and enjoying his little brother's discomfort, simply smirked.
"Sammy, there's a thing called knocking. Might want to think about using it next time…"
Once again, I want to thank everybody that's read this story. I really enjoyed writing it even during the rough patches with the writer's block. I just hope you all enjoyed reading it. :)