"Will you get your feet out of my stirrups, Swan?" Alice complained.
I put my head back down on the table. "It's surprisingly comfortable, if you think about it. The crinkly paper is quite annoying. I think it gave my cheek a paper cut!"
"If you don't sit up in two seconds, Bella, I'm giving you a Pap smear." She raised her eyebrows in warning.
"You're no fun, Dr. Alice!" I sat up. "I was hoping to get a nap. Why aren't we in your office ordering lunch."
Alice held up tabloid magazine. "Because, dear friend, we're avoiding Whitlock. Dr. Grumbly will demand I work on charts during my lunch hour. We should have snuck out to that hot dog cart on 5th. I have no clue how they get them to be so yummy."
"I gather they keep their intense flavor by sitting in lukewarm water in a cart all day," I explained. They were yummy.
"I need to marry a football player." Alice put her feet up on the table next to her and pointed to a picture of Tom Brady in Maui. "I can tend to his sports wounds and he can buy me shoes. A win for all. Talking about future husbands..."
"I don't want to talk about it!" I groaned and threw myself back on the table. Edward Cullen probably hated me. His pretty hair, prettier eyes and every inch of his pretty body thought I was a moron. "He's so pretty and I made him sticky and stained!"
"What?" Alice dropped her magazine. "Actually, if you were involved it probably isn't as kinky as it seems."
That was a very true fact.
She continued, "Shouldn't you call him handsome?"
"Alice, he dresses so nice and his eyes are so soulful. Edward's fingers are long and graceful. Pretty seems like an accurate description."
"Sounds like he's gay," Alice stated bluntly.
She might be right. I threw an arm over my face. "It all makes sense! He kept pulling away from me and making pained faces like he had gas pains! He kept pinching his nose!"
"He might just have had gas. Keep the faith. You should the faces my patients making during childbirth when they have gas. Bella, they look possessed!" Alice started to chuckle at the thought.
"Nope, he's gay," I said sadly. "I will never wear a yellow sundress with daisies in my hair as we get married in a meadow."
"Ello, ladies! Bloody perfect day for an examine, don't you say?" Emmett strolled in and waved a pair of latex gloves at me. "Fancy an exam, me loverly?"
Alice rolled her eyes. "Why are you bothering us, McCarty?"
I added, sitting up, "Why are you doing a bad impression of Burt the chimney sweep from Mary Poppins?"
"I'm hiding from Whitlock. He wants to discuss getting new patients and making the practice more visible. He's leaning on putting out faces on park benches. I'm afraid his glum puss will scare patients away." Emmett sat next to me and threw an arm around my shoulder. "I was trying a British accent. The ladies dig it."
"No one will dig that," Alice pointed out.
Emmett frowned and shrugged. "What's the girl talk?"
"Bella is in love with a gay man," Alice remarked as if this happened to me everyday.
"Aww pumpkin, you should date me!" He patted my leg and rubbed upwards.
Alice threw gauze at his head. "She knows all about your relationship track record and bedroom prowess from me. Trust me, she'll pass."
Those two were a horrible couple the month they dated. Truly terrible. Fought like cats and dogs, but fornicated like bunnies in heat in public places. I was still trying to forget the image of the two of them in my kitchen.
"You miss me, Dr. Brandon." He grinned with his big dimples. "If you weren't after Dr. Whitlock, you'd be sweating me."
"Oh my god! You are so annoying and wrong in all levels!" She yelled. I wish I had popcorn. They were fun to watch. "I can't stand Whit..."
The door opened and there he was, the bane or desire of Alice's existence.
I waved jauntily. "Hey there, Jasper! Alice and I are heading downstairs to get hot dogs for lunch? Want one?"
Alice hissed, "Bella!"
"Hey, Bella. Why are you here?" He was handsome, but so grumpy.
"Picking up Alice for lunch."
He looked at me in confusion. "Isn't it out of your way?"
"My gallery in the space downstairs, Jasper. I took the elevator." He was oblivious to anything that wasn't work related.
"Oh...yeah...right..." He looked at Alice. "She can't leave. Dr. Brandon has charts."
"Oh my god! You aren't my boss, Whitlock!" She got in his face. "We're partners."
"Well partner...you have charts to do!"
Alice gripped his lab coat. "What are you going to do? Lock me in my office?"
"Yes and sit close to you and make sure you get things done!" He yelled back.
Emmett grabbed my arm. "They are so going to do it!"
Somehow Alice pulled herself away from Jasper's mouth. "Let's go, Bella. I want to stick a nice big dog in my mouth."
She flipped her hair and grabbed my hand. Jasper face was fixated on hers.
He liked her!
My phone rung. "It's Edward!"
We both squealed.
"Take it in the elevator!" She pulled me out of the examination room.
I heard Jasper mutter, "Women."
"Maybe he's bi?" I said to Alice hopefully.
It doesn't hurt to keep one's fingers crossed. That's a fact!