A/N: Thank you for all your reviews and feedback :) Sorry for the long delay, work has been hectic, and the summer heat makes concentrating on writing, difficult. Oh and I've start to write my own novel o_o Maybe one day there will be fanfic about that lol. Anyway hope you enjoy CH5 :)
Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter and the original storyline are not mine; they belong to J.K. Rowling.
Read, review and most of all… Enjoy!
Chapter 5: Painful Reminiscence
Bellatrix casually clucked her tongue as she sat in the corner of the hideous Gryffindor common room and worked on her essay for Defence Against the Dark Arts. She was feeling very pleased with herself and had a grin on her face as she scribbled away; so far the day had been very productive in terms of making herself known and establishing herself as a very capable and smart student, it was one thing she didn't need to pretend about.
At lunch she had received no end of compliments from her fellow housemates and those from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw about her abilities. Some were genuinely pleased for her, while a few seemed to be secretly glad that someone had outdone the mudblood girl. What they didn't know, on top of everything else about her, was that Bellatrix had already finished and passed the sixth year with flying colours, so to her it didn't seem such a big deal, but she did take pleasure in the fact that her advantage was showing the Granger girl up.
Her grin grew as she recalled how the girl had fallen to her knees before her and the look on her face as Bellatrix reminded Hermione of her place. 'Foolish naïve girl, she should have got the message last night.' Instead the girl seemed to have decided to give her a second chance and was oddly civil with her. 'Hmm she seems a right teacher's pet. Perhaps that's why. The old fool Dumbledore is putting his trust into me, and maybe because he is, she was trying too also.' Bellatrix thought back to early morning when she was getting dressed and how she had caught the girl, watching her lower body very carefully. 'Or perhaps the girl see's something she likes and couldn't help but try to get closer to me.' That line of thought almost caused Bellatrix to laugh out loud, if Hermione did indeed have a thing for her or girls in general, then perhaps she could use that to her advantage at a later date.
She clucked her tongue again as she continued to reflect while working. There was one thing she didn't quite understand though and that was why she had helped Hermione in potions class after the accident, and that's what it had been, an accident. The end result had worked to her advantage; it more than likely helped put the girl in a false sense of security and allowed her to put the brunette in her place once again… But still, it hadn't been intended and not once did it occur to her to use the situation to her advantage at the time, she had just acted on impulse to help the mudblood. 'Why? Why did I help her?' Numerous possible reasons ran through her mind, but none of them sat well with her.
'Bah, Morgana must be to blame! She put the idea in my head that the girl was needed. Maybe that's why I helped her.' Bellatrix frowned at that, just like the other reasons she could come up with, that too didn't sound or feel right. At the end of the day, she had helped a mudblood, no reasons could justify that. Pulling a wide range of faces, Bellatrix stared down at her parchment as she pondered over her actions, not only did she help the girl, but she had been… Concerned about her, worried about the girl's well-being as Bellatrix helped Hermione.
That above all, confused her the most. It wasn't like she could use those feelings to her benefit; it had no use to her at all. The only people whose wellbeing she had ever cared about other than her own, was her sister's and her little cousins… And now she could add a mudblood to that tiny exclusive list, being confused was definitely an understatement. 'Must be suffering side effects from the time travel… Yes… That must be it, a few days and I'll back to my good old self…'
Closing her eyes and taking a long deep breath, Bellatrix slowly reopened them and looked across the common room to where the girl was sitting. The girl was sitting on the sofa by the fire with the two boys; her knees pulled up to her chest as she read a book and talked in hushed whispers with her friends. Ever since their duel earlier that day, the girl had given her a wide berth, staying close to the boys who, along with Hermione, gave her no end of dirty looks during class and all through lunch. The girl must have felt her eyes on her as she looked up over to Bellatrix, their gazes met briefly and the girl gave her a dark glare, which Bellatrix replied to with a sly grin.
'I should get her angry or upset more often; she's even more beautiful when she's… Err… Beautiful? Where the hell did that come from? Damn time travel and its stupid side effects!' Bellatrix scowled and looked away, chewing on her bottom lip as she considered the actuality of that line of thought. It wasn't the first time she had described the girl as beautiful to herself, when she had woken up in the hospital wing, that thought had crossed her mind then too. But she had put it down to just waking up from a dizzy spell and that she wasn't thinking straight.
But this time she had no such excuse, frowning deeply, Bellatrix pulled up the image of the girl inside her head. For some time, she pondered over it, mentally arguing with herself about the beauty of the mudblood, Bellatrix tried to pick fault with the girl's looks, tried to find something to focus on that would dispel the absurd idea that she found her beautiful. But she couldn't. From what she had seen, the girl was practically perfect in every physical way. 'Perhaps I'd find fault if I saw her in the bathroom sometime…' And as the thought of the girl half naked, slithered its way into her mind, Bellatrix found her cheeks grow warm and her sex become moist. 'Oh… Fan-Fucking-Tastic…'
In her frustration and embarrassment, Bellatrix slammed her quill to the table. 'If only the girl was a pureblood!' She thought angrily. If the girl had been a pureblood, Bellatrix wouldn't have minded in the slightest about apparently being aroused at the idea of Hermione half naked. With the exception of Tom, she always had found girls generally more appealing and not only was Hermione beautiful, she was intelligent too, which Bellatrix had always found attractive in a person. Although that was something that unfortunately had been a distinctly lacking in most purebloods at Hogwarts in her own time. And those that had it, along with the looks, had vile personalities or they would open their mouths and her father's views would come out.
Personality wise, the girl was a typical Gryffindor, all so noble, honourable and most likely a kill joy. They would definitely clash there… But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing, the thought of Bellatrix dragging a good two shoes Gryffindor along with her as she got up to mischief and slowly turning the lion bad, actually sounded like an exciting prospect to her and a challenge. And Bellatrix loved challenges. Bellatrix smiled slightly at the thought before sighing and shaking her head. 'If only she was a pureblood…' She thought again, this time more saddened by the fact. For a while she wallowed in that sadness before her brain kicked into action and she came to her senses. 'What the hell am I doing? Sulking over a bloody mudblood! Get a grip Bellatrix!'
Again Bellatrix found herself blaming Morgana. 'Stupid old hag! She must have done something to me! This is not me! I don't blush and pout over mudbloods! Grr….Why do I need her Morgana? For her intelligence? Surely Dumbledore could help more than a sixth year mudblood…' Bellatrix was so caught up in her musing that she didn't notice the newcomer till they sat down right opposite her.
"Hi Belladonna." The redheaded girl Ginny said with a smile.
'Great… Just what I needed… To be pestered by the annoying ginger princess.' Bellatrix bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself scowling at the girl; instead she forced a smile and looked at her. "Hello Ginny."
"How are you?" Ginny asked cheerfully as she pulled out her books. 'Marvellous, I guess this is not just a quick social call…'
Bellatrix held her tongue for a second until she made sure she wouldn't bite the girl's head off. While she had quickly found she couldn't stand the girl's company, she did have her uses. Ginny had a very loose tongue when it came to gossip, something that Bellatrix believed would come in handy, that and her close connection to the trio could prove as equally as useful. "Can't complain, it has been a very… Exciting first day to say the least." Bellatrix answered, trying not to sound as smug as she felt.
"Oh I know! I heard all about Potions class and Defence Against the Dark Arts. I mean… Wow, what you did was amazing!" Ginny said quickly as she looked at her with large eyes full of admiration.
"Thanks, but it was nothing really." Bellatrix forced out politely from behind a smile, while her hand twitched under the table, wanting nothing more than to hex the silly girl.
"Nothing? Come oooon don't be so modest-" From there the girl droned on about the day's events while Bellatrix forced herself to smile and nod at the right time. The weary conversation flickered through a variety of topics that for the best part, Bellatrix found extremely dull. 'And here I thought Andy and Cissy were bad with the amount of time they spent gossiping… Merlin's beard does this girl ever shut up…' Bellatrix thought, feeling momentarily saddened as she recalled her sisters. Even though she had seen them only the other night, she missed them as if she hadn't seen them in almost three decades.
"And now Dean's being a jerk again because Quidditch try-outs for the house team are being held this weekend and he wanted to spend time together." The redhead sighed as she flicked through a textbook, or at least pretended too, Bellatrix noticed how she was looking over at Harry from the corner of her eye. But Bellatrix didn't care in the slightest about Ginny's infatuation over Harry, what she did care about was the mention of Quidditch.
Bellatrix loved Quidditch, she loved the freedom it offered, the thrill of soaring at high speeds and free falling, she loved the competitive nature and the desire to win. It was also the only time she could forget about what was expected of her… But most of all, she loved being able to hurt people right in front of the staff and yet still get away with it. 'I could sure use a bit of Quidditch to help clear my mind… Hmm… I wonder…' She looked at Ginny as the redhead still carried on staring at the half-blood."Say Ginny…" She started of slowly and softly, gaining the girl's attention.
"Is it too late to sign up for try-outs?" Bellatrix asked, trying to sound as nice and as charming as possible.
"Hmm… No I don't think so. Why? Can you play Quidditch?" Ginny replied, sounded slightly surprised, much to Bellatrix's annoyance. She had overheard that some people seemed to have gotten the idea into their head's that since Belladonna was from Beauxbatons, that she was a delicate princess. Something she would rectify soon no doubt.
"But of course. I don't want to boast… But I am pretty good." Once more Bellatrix forced herself to smile rather than smacking the stupid look off the ginger's face.
Upon hearing that Bellatrix was into Quidditch, Ginny lips grew into a large smile. Bellatrix suppressed a groan; Quidditch would now be another topic the girl would drone on about in future conversations. "Oh really? That's great! I had hoped you weren't like Hermione in that regard. She can't stand the sport. Anyway, what position do you play?"
Somehow Bellatrix wasn't surprised that Hermione wasn't a Quidditch fan but for now, she pushed that information to one side. "Well… I'm a pretty good Seeker, but I'm an even better Beater."
The girl blinked in surprised as Bellatrix dug her nails into her leg to stop herself reacting. "Really? I wouldn't have guessed… Err I mean you don't have the typical Beater build… Well you should definitely put yourself down if you think you're up to it, just tell Harry."
"Harry? Why Harry?" This time it was Bellatrix who blinked in confusion.
Ginny smiled and looked over at the messy black haired boy. "He's team captain and our Seeker." Bellatrix almost swore upon hearing that, there was no chance Harry would allow her to play for his stupid house's team. Fortunately Ginny didn't notice the dark face Bellatrix was now pulling; she was too busy staring affectionately to notice, however that gave Bellatrix an idea. 'Perhaps her infatuation may come in handy.'
"Oh… I don't think he will let me… He doesn't seem to like me much." Bellatrix muttered with feigned sadness.
It seemed to take a moment for Ginny to register Bellatrix had even spoken before turning to look back at her. "Nonsense! Why do you think that? You helped one of his closest friends today, I'm sure he'd love to show his appreciation by giving you a chance." Ginny almost snapped back, her tone was slightly defensive, as if Bellatrix had just gravely insulted the guy of her dreams.
"I… I don't know…" She replied shyly as she looked back down at her homework. "Call it female intuition…"
"Come." The redhead spoke softer this time as she stood up; Bellatrix looked up at her, giving her a bewildered look. "We'll ask him together." 'Too easy.' Bellatrix thought smugly as she got to her feet and followed the female Weasley over to the trio.
Bellatrix kept behind the redhead, blocking herself from the trios view as Ginny stopped behind the couch. "Hey guys." Harry's head sprung round immediately at the sound of Ginny's voice and choked out a rapid 'Hi Ginny' in reply. Her brother grunted in acknowledgment while biting into a cake and Hermione responded politely after she finished sniggering behind her hand. "Harry, can people still sign up for the Quidditch try-outs this weekend?"
"Err… Sure, I guess. Why? Do you know someone who might like to give it a shot?" Harry inquired sheepishly.
"Yep, Belladonna here." Ginny answered with a smile as she looked round, appearing slightly amused at how Belladonna was hiding shyly behind her. The ginger reached out and pulled her gently over to her side. "She's feeling kind of shy at the moment it seems, for some reason she didn't think you'd allow her. But you will won't you?"
Bellatrix muttered a quiet hello to the trio as Ginny looked at Harry, waiting for an answer. The faces of the trio grew dark and twitched with anger as they looked from Ginny to Bellatrix, when Hermiones gaze met hers, Bellatrix grinned while Ginny wasn't looking. She knew they were trapped in a corner and she knew that they knew that too, they couldn't say no without a good reason, a reason they were not allowed to give. "I… I'm not sure Ginny…" Harry answered after a moment's silence.
Obviously Ginny had been expecting Harry to say yes without any fuss and was taken aback by his indecisive answer. Either that or it was the first time her charm had failed to get her way with him as her face flushed red. "What do you mean you're not sure? You just said people can still join up for try-outs." The redhead responded quickly and rather heatedly, the look of turmoil on Harry's face was priceless and it took Bellatrix a lot of restraint not to smile while Ginny was looking out of the corner of her eye.
"I… I know but… I'm not sure she's… Right for it." Harry looked over to Ron for support, who just shrugged and mumbled under his breath.
The female redhead grew even more flushed and judging by the way she squeezes Bellatrix's arm hard, was growing angry fast. "What's that meant to mean? What because she's a girl? Does that mean me and Katie shouldn't attend either?" Ginny snapped. On the inside, Bellatrix was laughing at the scene before her; she didn't care now if she didn't get on the team, this moment was priceless. On the outside however, she tried to look as disappointed and hurt as possible.
"It's… Its ok Ginny, it doesn't matter… I did say…" Bellatrix whispered quietly and pulled slightly at her ginger friend, beckoning for her to leave the trio to it. "Sorry to bother you guys…" She added before turning away, hoping her comment would add further fuel to the fire… And it did.
Ginny let go of Bellatrix and pulled away, getting closer to the trio and looking down at Harry with fire burning in her eyes. "What the hell has gotten into you? Why you being so mean? She helped Hermione today, the least you could do to repay her is allow her to try-out for the team!"
Bellatrix's sides were starting to ache from all the laughter she was keeping from erupting from her mouth. Harry had gone pale and was starting to stutter as he tried to lie and explain himself but it was Hermione who eventually stepped in to save him from the hole he had dug. "Harry, she's right. I know you've got a lot of people already attending, but one more can't hurt… And she did help me a lot today." Hermione said softly as she lowered her book, to Bellatrix's surprise the girl looked to be completely calm now, after getting over her initial feelings and she was sure she caught a peculiar glint in her eyes.
Harry turned and glared at the mudblood for her lack of support, they seemed to share a silent exchange before he sighed and looked up at Bellatrix. "Sorry, yeah of course we can always take one more… What position do you want to try out for?"
"Well… I'm an ok Seeker, but Ginny said that's your position and I don't want to rob you of your spot so… Beater." Bellatrix smiled sweetly while Ginny was watching the pair, but her mind was not on Harry, instead she was pondering over rather Hermione. 'Now muddy, what are you thinking in that pretty little head of yours?'
"Ok Beater it is, we're starting try-outs at about half 10 on Saturday, so if you can be there by 10… That would be great."
"Thank you." Nodding politely and smiling to the ginger at her side, Bellatrix left the trio and headed back over to her work with Ginny while her mind lingered on Hermione.
Bellatrix lay on her bed, staring up into the darkness that surrounded her; everyone else was fast asleep except for her, she had been tossing and turning for hours, but sleep wouldn't claim her. She had difficulties sleeping the previous night and it seemed she was in for a repeat performance tonight.
Grumbling to herself, Bellatrix kicked the covers of her in frustration and swung her legs out of bed. Silently pulling her curtain apart, she stood up and stretched her limbs as she walked over to the large bay window where she then opened the window slightly. Closing her eyes, Bellatrix allowed the cold night's breeze to envelop her; it comforted her until tiny goose bumps lined her arms. Taking a deep breath, she perched herself down by the window with her legs pulled up tight to her chest.
She would say this for the Gryffindor tower; it had a great view of the ground, especially at night. From the window she was at, she could see both the Forbidden Forest and the Black Lake, which under the clear moonlit sky looked beautiful in a very eerie sort of way. She had hoped that last night she would catch a glimpse of a spirit wandering the forest, but Bellatrix had no such luck and doubted she would tonight. But the cold air and her thoughts had helped to bring on sleep, so hopefully tonight would be the same.
After manipulating Ginny and getting signed up for the Gryffindor team try-outs, the rest of the day was dull at best. Dinner had been tiresome, she found herself repeating herself several times over as even more people approached her at dinner, congratulating her for her fast thinking in helping Hermione. Bellatrix was used to getting attention over what she had done to mudbloods in the past, but she never expected she'd ever find herself getting attention for actually helping one instead of harming them. 'Father would be furious if he knew… But then again, he's dead. So I guess he never will.' She knew to most people that it would sound insane, for a daughter to be delighted that her father was dead. But they didn't know what she knew; they didn't see what he had done to her as she grew up.
A shiver coursed through her body as she recalled memories from the summer break that had just gone by for her. Images of her covered in bruises, cuts and blood filled her mind; the feeling of being cold and alone in the dark filled her body before the sounds of her own screams echoed back to her under flashes of red. And then… He came and spoke a single simple word that only her sisters had dared used against their father, only this time, he obeyed. 'Stop.' The tall dark haired figure had said. Bellatrix had thought her father would be furious at being told what to do in his own house but instead he had knelt before the newcomer. Words were exchanged that she didn't hear over the ringing in ears before her father then left.
The newcomer then came over to her and introduced himself as Tom Marvolo Riddle, although as Bellatrix thought back, that had been the only time someone had referred to Tom by his name. When she had heard her father talk about him later, he had always referred to Tom as my lord, which didn't make much sense back then, but now she knew why. 'Lord Voldemort… I wonder why he introduced himself with the name Tom Riddle instead?' Tom had, from the moment he met her, treated her like an equal, which was a rare concept, for all her skill and intelligence, she was still just a woman. And in pureblood society, a pureblood daughter was merely a possession used to strengthen a family's power and influence, a baby making tool to further a purebloods line.
Bellatrix had always despised the inevitable fate that awaited her; it was a total waste of her talents. She had hoped that by doing extremely well at Hogwarts, she could prove that she could be so much more, but her academic achievements only aggravated her father further and gave him added cause to… Discipline her. It wasn't her place to be powerful and smart, something that her father kept trying to drum into her, saying that all she needed to know was how to be a proper pureblood wife and how to please her future husband.
But Tom… He had other ideas. Somehow he had heard about her prowess in duels, her academic achievements and how she wanted to do something with her life other than lay on her back and pop out heirs. 'You have the potential to be one of the greatest witches of our time Bellatrix. And with my help, I will not only help you achieve that, but I will make sure your life had a true purpose. I promise.' Tom's words played back over in her mind, when she had tried to get him to elaborate, he had told her to finish her studies first and then once she had graduated, he would take her under his wing.
Foolishly she had believed he intended to wed her for himself, he was still unmarried as far as she knew and he had shown an unspoken interest. 'He may not have said anything on that matter… But actions speak louder than words…' For the first time she had a future to look forward to, a life that would make use of her talents and a powerful handsome man who treated her as an equal, for a husband. Despite how Bellatrix resisted and what her father believed, she wasn't against the idea of marriage as such, just against the idea that all she was good for was to be an obedient pureblood housewife. And just from the way Tom spoke, Bellatrix just knew that wouldn't be the case with him.
Although Tom was older than her by more than a few years, that didn't matter, age was just a number. Tom was a handsome man with a head of sleek jet black hair, his eyes were even darker then hers and had a pale complexion to match her own, in her opinion, they were a perfect match. From the moment he had stopped her father, she saw just how powerful and influential he was and over the holiday as he visited, that only increased in her mind. While most of his visits were to see his father, he did come to see her a few times and gave her a few private lessons in various subjects, a taster of what he had to offer her after Hogwarts. Her father didn't approve, that much was clear, but not once did he voice any objection and ever since Tom had stopped him, he hadn't so much as raised a finger to her.
Every time she knew Tom was visiting, she had dressed rather… Provocatively, in the hope she could entice him, she knew all too well how beautiful she was… So when he hadn't taken notice, it had been rather disheartening and by the end of the holidays she had almost given up hope. Until the last visit before she returned to Hogwarts, where he had kissed her softly on the lips with the promise of seeing her again after she graduated after their last lesson.
A soft smile graced her face as Bellatrix traced her lips softly with the tips of her fingers, her first kiss couldn't have come from a better person. However it didn't take long for reality to rear its ugly head and her smile to fade. 'I had such high… Hopes… Then bloody Morgana goes and ruins them, bitch! What happened? Where did I go wrong? Did I somehow disappoint him?' Those were questions she doubted anyone but her future self and Tom had the answer to, yet despite having being paired up with a Lestrange, she had still followed Tom faithfully. He had still made good on the promise he made, Bellatrix Lestrange did have a life other than that of a pureblood housewife, a life of a warrior.
A life that would have delighted her back then, to be the right hand woman of a powerful figure and to fight for a noble cause. But hearing and reading about some of her deeds… Made her feel uneasy, to say the least. While Bellatrix had no love for Mudbloods and such, she couldn't imagine taking one's life, or burning down the homes of Muggles with them still inside, or torturing a baby's parents in front of the child. Lestrange's actions… Her actions, made her feel sick to the stomach; she had become a monster… Just like her father. The notion that she would become her father, worse than her father even… Was almost too much to bear, she had already broken down twice over the thought and could feel her eyes starting to swell again.
'Where did it all go wrong… What happened to me?!' Bellatrix wrapped her arms around her legs tighter and pulled her knees closer to her chest. Right now she wished she had her sisters with her, she missed both of them, even Andy, so much. Even though she and Andy rarely saw eye to eye, and fought almost all the time… Andy was always there for her, even more so after their father had disciplined her. Bellatrix would never say it, never admit she needed her sisters help, after all she was the big sister, it was her job to protect them both, not the other way round. But right now, she didn't care about that, she just wanted to hold them both and go back to being just Bellatrix Black with no knowledge of who she was to become.
Tears streamed down her face as she mourned the loss of her sisters, who while not dead, were no longer her sisters, they were Bellatrix Lestranges sisters. She mourned the loss of her cousins who were both now dead, those two little boys who she taught how to fly… She would now never see the men they grew up to be. 'What… Happened… Why would you do this to me Morgana? What am I meant to do?!' Try as she might, she couldn't stop the tears as she buried her face in her knees and sobbed until she could cry no more.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed Chapter 5 ^^ I'll try update a little sooner next time :) x