Chapter 1

Somewhere in the Pacific…

            The crew of the nuclear Russian submarine UR-IM28 was on a direct heading to the United States.  It was in international water somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.  On the bridge of the sub a tall broad shouldered man wearing captain's bars, stood observing the rest of his men.  His Name was Captain Tannielof.  Even though there was peace between the two countries, Tannielof was working alone.  He hated the US because they cost him his job.  Now he has stolen the sub and decided to attack the west coast.

            Unknowingly to him, he was being followed by a small yellow sub.  The small sub pasted the rudder of the nuclear sub and now was ridding beside it.  Moments later it moved above it as it was now over the top hatch.  The yellow sub clung on the other sub as inside UR-IM28 two sailors stopped dead in their tracks.

            "What was that?" One sailor asked in Russian to his comrade.

            "I don't know," Replied in Russian, "Sounded like a clank."

            They then heard another sound from above as they looked up.  Suddenly the hatch opened as eight gallons of water poured in other them as they screamed.  They both were knocked out as a man in a wet suit dropped down beside them.  He took off his mask and put on a pair of black glasses.  He was known around the world as the international man of mystery, Austin Powers.  He armed him self and looked at the two sailors.

            "I hope you don't mind if I dropped in on you?" He joked as headed towards the bridge.

            He edged his way in as he saw another door head that was ajar.  He stopped as he heard someone speaking in Russian obviously it was Captain Tannielof addressing his men.  Austin, knowing how to speak in Russian, he listened in on his speech.

            "My beloved loyal crew," He started, "In two hours we will reach over the borders of the United States.  We will take back of what they stolen from us.  Our first target will be the city of San Francisco.  There are almost about four million jobs and soon there will be none." 

            Austin couldn't take it anymore, He kick the door open and at the same time knocked out another sailor.  He pointed his gun at the captain as he entered.

            "Alright, nobody Move!" He ordered as Tannielof turned around to confront Austin, "Alright Captain N. Tanniel…off.  Your raid is over.  Turn your sub around and head back to your motherland."

            "Ah, Mr. Powers," Tanniel stated, "International man of mystery.  I am pleased to meet you, Unfortunaly we cannot deviate from our destination."  Austin then heard clicking of gun shafts behind him.  Tannielof smiled as there were three guns aimed at Austin. "And we cannot have you interfering.  Take Mr. Powers to the brig. "

            Just when a sailor guard placed his hand on Austin's shoulder, he grabbed his hand and shouted, "Judo flip!"  He flipped him on the ground then he took a shot at the captain, but he ducked out of the way as the bullet ricocheted all over the bridge as Austin, Tannielof and he rest of the crew followed the bullet's path until it hit the submarine's pilot.  The pilot leaned forward as he fell on the controls dead.  The submarine shifted as it dove at an angle down towards the bottom of the sea. 

Everyone on the bridge fell forward as one sailor cried in Russian, "Every Comrade for him self!"

He and the rest of the crew mobbed through the door as Austin grabbed Tannielof.

"You fool," Tannielof said to Austin, "Do you realized what you've done?  We'll all die!"

"Oh no baby," Said Austin, "As everybody knows I never die, Twice in one movie."

"So, how did you escape the sub?" A female voice asked.

Austin was entertaining one of his female guest a blond English woman.  They were in his bed after a long intimate shagfest at his pad.  Austin turned to her smiling.

"Well baby.  After I detained the Russian bloke, I ran in to the rear of the sub and torpedoed my way to the surface," He explained.

"Oh wow," she said, "That must be dangerous."

            "Danger's my middle name baby," he remarked.

            "How do you do it?" She wondered, "You risk your life day after day, not knowing that you'll live through it.  What's your secret?"

            Austin grinned at her and replied, "That's easy baby, its mojo power.  Here I'll show you."

            He took his girlfriend's and they both got up naked as the music of Quincy Jones filled the flat.  They danced into the living room and out the front door.  Austin and his lover, bopped down the hall as everyone opened their doors to see what was going on then they joined in the fun, as they were also naked.  They skipped down the stairs until they got to the lobby. They all continued dancing as the naked crowd entered the streets of London.  Austin led them in front as they boogied down towards Abby Road crossing the street that made it famous.  Next they made it towards the professional rugby field as Austin caught the ball, he then dig a jig and spiked the ball.  Finally they skipped down the stairs of Paddington station and got to the platform nine.   He suddenly looked at a wall and ran right through it and was suddenly he was in a colorful world.  He looked down and he noticed that he was a cartoon character with black censor bars over his privets.  But he just danced as a finger man and a blue fuzzy monster joined in the boogie.  He then he went back through the wall again as he was suddenly transported back to his bedroom here his girl was waiting for him undercover.  He grinned and pounced on the bed and purred like a cat.

Somewhere over Asia…

            High above the clouds over the Asia continent floated a huge air ship in the shape of Dr. Evil.  It was flying because of four giant propellers on top of it spinning madly.   Deep inside in the main chamber five people were sitting around a long square table.  Frau Farbissina was sitting opposite to Number Two.  Next to Frau sat a bald young man, dressed in black, Dr. Evil's son, Scott Evil.  The other two loyal men were sitting at the other end of the table.  They were all waiting as the door on the other side of the room slid opened and stood two bald men, Dr. Evil him self and his short clone counter part, Mini Me. 

             He and Mini Me walked over as Dr. Evil greeted them, "Welcome everyone to my floating air ship."

            "Hold on," Scott butted in, "I thought you were working for good?"

            "Well Scott, once your evil, there is no turning back," He answered. "Now, Number Two how's Verticom doing?"

"Dr. Evil, we have invested and brought a jet airline company called Jet Blue." The one eye henchman explained, "In one year we have grossed over two billon dollars in sales alone."

   Dr. Evil nodded to him,  "Really? Well, while I was in jail for a few months, Mini Me and I came up with a great plan for world domination.  As you know the World Trade Center in New York City controls the trading for the entire world.  Here the plan, we Hijack two plans and smashing them in the two towers, unless New York pay us a king's ransom?"

Number Two grunted as Dr. Evil turned to him wondering what was wrong, "That has happened."

"Really?" Dr. Evil asked as Number Two nodded, "Ook, see, they never let us watch TV in jail. So its hard to tell what's been done.  All right, here's my next plan.   Right now I have a female temp residing in the Bush administration as to my command she will lure President Bush in a temptation of lust.  With that, congress will force the president to resign unless they will give me his position as president." 

He placed his pinky finger to his mouth as well did Mini Me.  But again, Number Two grunted as he looked to him again.

"That also happened, with the Clinton administration," Number Two informed.

"All right people, I told you once before to inform me of these things ok?"  The doctor told everyone, "You know I don't watch the news, I make them."  He then reached back in his head for another plan until he got one. "Alright, this is my final plan.  And Number Two, if you interrupt me once more I will become angry.  And you would not like it when I'm angry.   Back in the Sixties, I've designed a way to block out the sun completely.  Unfortunaly, there were three flaws to that plan.  One, the technology isn't possible until now, two, the inefficient funds, and three, it would take about twenty years to build the shield which I call the Amidar Project."  Scott chuckled as Dr. Evil looked to him, "What?"

            "Amidar was 1980's video game." Scott informed, "I mean why don't you call it the Pac-Man project?  Or the Pong Project?"

            "Ok stuff it."


            "Stuff it"


            "Hey Tom Turkey turn around so I can stuff it.  In your A-Hole"

            "See, this why I don't have any hair," Scott argued.

            "No Scott," Dr. Evil retorted, "Its genetics that you have no hair.  Now, here's the plan, I will go back to the 80's and start to build the Adimar Project."  He and Mini Me quoted using their hands.   "Once it is completed, the sun will be completely blocked out.  With no sun, the world crops will diminish from the cold, and the energy rates will sky rocket unless the world pays us one hundred billion dollars."

            "That a great plan, Mr. Burns," Scott quietly commented.

            "What was that?" Dr. Evil inquired looking to Scott.

            "I said great plan dad," he replied.

            "Thank you," Dr. Evil said.

            "Dr. Evil, What about your brother? Austin Powers?" Number Two asked.

            "I am letting Scott take care of that task," He answered holding a remote control.  He clicked a button and his pat pending Time Machine rose from the floor. "Since he was so patient of waiting.  Scott?"

            "Yeah, well I met a girl last week, who is a tech freak and developed a mind erasing machine, that will erase Austin Power's mind," Scott said.

            "Is she evil?" Dr. Evil asked.

            "Of course she is," Scott, replied, "She wants to take over the Internet."

            "Oh really?" Dr. Evil wondered, "Is that like the world?"

            "Virtually, yes."

            "I would like to meet her."

            "Well she is here," he turned to a guard, "You can bring her in."

            Soon the doors slid open and slim, purple shorthaired woman with purple lips on her mouth.  She had a leather mini skirt and fishnet stockings as she walked in and sat next to Scott as she braced her long rainbow colored fingernails to his face smiling to him.

            "Dad, I would like to introduce you Sil," Scott said.

            "Sil?  Is that short for something?" His dad asked.

            "Yes, Silicon as in Silicon Valley?" She replied, "You know Dr. Evil after touring your son's air ship I was amazed of the technology you built for him."

            "Scott's air ship?" He wondered as his hand trailed towards the chair ejecting buttons as a slap came down on his hands by Frau's whip.  Dr. Evil's hand quickly retracted as he waved it like he was burnt.

            "He is still our son," Frau said as she smiled to Scott, "Well I think she is wonderful Scott."

            "Thanks mom," Scott replied.

            "Yes Scott, she's" Dr. Evil gave a long pause, "Nice."  He got up and turned to Mini Me. "Well, it time for me to take over the world.  Come Mini Me!"  He pushed a button on his remote control and the swirl on the time machine began to, well, swirl.  He and Mini Me ran into the portal and was both spun into the past.