Not that Kind of Web-Show

by: muaaimoi

Sheldon is Knock-knock-knocking on her door and Penny is not in the mood for this. She's just started coming down from her performance high and she's feeling pretty cranky. Sadly, this is Sheldon, and he's not going to go away until he gets whatever it is he came for. So she has to go deal with the weirdo.

" What?" Penny snarls as she opens the door. Sheesh, she really is grumpy.

Sheldon is holding his laptop and glaring at her. Angry Cooper, her very favorite. Yay.

" I am here to rescind all previous thanks on your assistance on my web show 'Fun with Flags'. Your very presence has turned the comments section from a place of positive, even constructive feedback, aside from the unavoidable frivolity. To a gossip forum. I can only hope Amy understands that you mean nothing to me. Goodnight, home-wrecker."

His piece said, Sheldon turns around and leaves.

Penny blinks in confusion after him. What? She'd done the stupid web-show days ago. Why was he going on about it now?

You know what? Whatever, Sheldon's gone and this great bottle of wine her co-star had sent her was calling her name. Penny puts the entire incident out of her mind, just another in a dozen bizarre Penny and Sheldon interactions.

The next morning Amy calls.

" Is it true?" Amy demands. Penny's eyes widen in surprise. It's really unusual for Amy to talk to her that way.

" Is what true?" Penny, asks. She has no idea what Amy's talking about.

" That you find Sheldon's awkwardness attractive and that you plan to take him and his sizable equipment for a ride." Amy promptly replies.

Penny tries to ask if it's April first, but the words get stuck in her throat and all she manages is a " grh."

Has the world gone mad? Her and Sheldon? Sizable equipment, a ride? What?

" Is that a confirmation? It sounds like a confirmation" Amy says. And it dawns on Penny that Amy sounds exited of all things. " Oh happy day! My dream of us being violated by the same man is going to come true! Not even Sheldon's monumental intimacy issues will stand a chance against your farm girl appeal. And once you seduce him and move on, I will be his only option available for coitus. It's win-win. Except for maybe Leonard, but don't worry besty, I will keep your torrid affair with his best friend a secret."

" Urk." Penny says, because she can't manage anything but pained sounds in response to that.

"So what's the plan? You know what? I'm on my way to work, I'll head over right after I finish, we can go over the details together, just tell me any way I can help. I'll need to remember to send JazzyStacy83 another gift basket! This is so exciting!"

With that, Amy hangs up.

" Gah." Penny tells her phone.

This has to be a joke. Please let that all have been a joke.

Except maybe Penny isn't as stupid as everyone seems to think she is, because somehow, probably the sinking feeling in her gut, she just knows it isn't.

She almost wishes she were that stupid though, because then her brain wouldn't be connecting the dots. Sheldon's nonsense from yesterday. The person responsible for Amy's current crazy; JazzyStacy83.

It's totally that stupid web-shows fault.

Penny would bet her only pair of comfortable, seven inch, black stilettos on it.

So Penny runs into the living room and frantically boots up her laptop. She logs into her e-mail and finally clicks on the link Sheldon had sent her about the show.

She doesn't bother watching the video, just scrolls straight to the comments section.

Penny stares straight at the top comment under the video. Closes her eyes, pinches herself and opens them again. Nope.

It still there.

From Zadxx36:

Well she cares enough to go on the stupid show. Those two should just kiss already.

It has twenty three likes. And in response to that? D0053zz:

Who are they kidding? They're totally fucking. She'd look way more freaked by the geek if they weren't.

It's got six likes.

Penny is trying not to have a panic attack. Because holy crap on a cracker, collectively, about 29 people think she should be, or is, with Sheldon. Sheldon.

The video only has five hundred hits on YouTube.

And there are more comments. Why, oh why, are there more comments?

Life is making no sense. Like none, at all.

And Amy is still coming over after work.


So we all know I shouldn't be doing this. Other fics are calling my name and all, but I had to write this. Had to. You have no idea.

Besides, this might be fun for you guys too. This is gonna be a three-shot, and the next chapter is mostly Penny reading comments. So guess what? I could use some help with that. Leave a comment if you want your own 'comment' on the fictional web-show. Come on, what do you think you could say that would help speed the plot along? What kind of thing would make Penny consider taking a ride on Sheldon's sizable equipment? Would you mind if I used your actual penname? Let me know!

Also, just FYI; this fic probably won't be for Leonard lovers.