Not that Kind of Web-Show

by: muaaimoi

At first, it's just weird.

It hasn't been a full week since she broke up with Leonard. And she's sort of hoping that the dreams stop once she goes and gets laid.

They don't. If anything, they get worse.

Penny hates feeling this way around Sheldon. She's never kidded herself when it came to her sex drive. Penny liked sex, and while she'd never specifically thought of herself as someone who was lustful, she would never deny that she was.

But this was getting ridiculous.

She's perched on a tightrope. Every look, every rant, every Sheldon-y thing the stupid whack-a-doodle does, and she's reminded of a dream.

And they're all different. Not one wet dream is the same. The sex is consistently fantastic though. Penny wakes up wet and aching between her legs. Her vibrator is seeing more use now than it ever did when she was with Leonard. She doesn't know why her subconscious has decided she and Sheldon would be nymphomaniacs, but she just wants it to stop.

In her dreams, they do it everywhere. No flat surface is safe. No spot is sacred enough, and she's starting to think even Sheldon, king of the socially clueless-is starting to suspect something.

He's begun to act...differently around her. Not outrageously, the way he does when something is wrong, or he's gotten some weird idea into his head. It's almost subtle. The Sheldon version, anyway.

There aren't as many backhanded insults. More backhanded compliments. She's caught him giving her these thoughtful glances sometimes. If she wasn't so hyper aware of him lately she probably wouldn't have noticed.

But she is, so she does. She wonders if he has any idea what he's doing to her.

Probably not.

It's got her wound tight enough that she almost turns Sheldon down when he says he wants her help on another 'Fun with Flags' episode. But he apologizes for the last spiel he gave her on the subject, and that, Sheldon doing something decent for once, has been a weakness of hers long before the nightmare ordeal.

And they're nightmares. Really, they are. Penny is totally going with that- it helps keep her sane.

She let's him in at noon the next morning and he goes about setting up. And bending in front of her is not helping her control her new found lust. Penny closes her eyes, trying desperately to distract herself from the vivid memory of dream Penny and Sheldon getting freaky on her kitchen counter that she had last night.

Well that, and the view of Sheldon's butt. It's a very nice butt. Which is why it's making her think about grabbing it and just-

"Penny?" Sheldon says, and she realizes he's ready to begin filming.

"Why'd you wanna film here, anyway?" Penny asks in a sad attempt to calm herself down. Sheldon is not someone who deviates from his routines for no reason.

"We are less likely to be interrupted here." Sheldon replies, and something about the answer seems off.

"Leonard knows better than to be loud when you're recording by now, doesn't he?" It's still awkward being in his space, but being alone in a house with Sheldon is not helping her libido. She'd rather put up with Leonard's hangdog looks and sad eyes.

"It is not a matter of being interrupted while we film." Sheldon replies curtly.

Penny crosses her arms. Something smells fishy, she knows Sheldon too well to go along with whatever he has in mind without knowing what it is.

"So what exactly do you not want to be interrupted doing?" Penny demands. Then she watches, transfixed, as Sheldon blushes. She's never seen his face so red.

"Nothing!" Sheldon snaps, and she would have known he was lying even without the ticks.

Suddenly, Penny has a horrible thought.

"Sheldon, do you want to have sex with me because a bunch of people on the internet say you should?" It would be just her luck. It wasn't like the argument with Leonard was bad enough. Oh no, now Sheldon had to get the thought in his head too.

"Not at all." Sheldon sniffs, all geeky prim, and Penny feels better. Or so she tells herself anyway. She's not going to sleep with the guy. She's not."I simply wish to conduct a social experiment. You see, strangers over the web seem to believe you and I have 'chemistry' in the sense that we would be well suited romantic partners. I simply wish to see if we are compatible. Primarily physically."

"Physically?" Penny parrots."So you do want to have sex with me?"

It's a very important question.

She's treated to the sight of Sheldon blushing again. There's something sinfully appealing about the flush on his cheeks. She wonders how far down it goes. She wants to trace it with her mouth.

"No. I read that kissing would suffice."

"Kissing proves physical compatibility?" Penny asks absently, staring at Sheldon's mouth. His bottom lip is slightly fuller than the top one.

It would be very hard to stop at kissing Sheldon, Penny thinks.

"Yes." Sheldon clears his throat, licks his lips." If you would be so kind as to... Initiate the action?"

It takes Penny a moment to realize Sheldon just asked her to kiss him.

Next thing she knows she's biting Sheldon's full bottom lip. He moans, high and startled and Penny takes it as an invitation to lick into his mouth.

It's hot. Kissing Sheldon is painfully, mind bogglingly hot. Penny can't think. She doesn't know how

long it lasts, but she chases his mouth when Sheldon pulls away. They're both panting, and the noise is not helping Penny manage the situation in her pants.

"I believe we are physically compatible."Sheldon says roughly.

"Yeah." Penny nods absently,"I got that." She really wishes she hadn't actually. Her body feels like it's on fire. Stupid dreams. Stupid lack of self control. Penny just wants to pull out his dick, crawl into his lap, and mount him.

"Crowds know better than individuals Penny." Sheldon says in that 'I-know-everything' tone that drives her insane. For a moment, all she wants in the world is to hit him.

In the next, all she wants in the world is to fuck him. Penny can't remember feeling so horny in her entire life. Her hands make small aborted motions towards her lap. She needs some relief desperately.

"It's called crowd consciousness. It taps into the power of the collective minds."Sheldon is still talking. She doesn't understand how he's still talking. He's still breathing just as heavily as Penny is."The majority generally has better judgement than the individual. As you previously stated, many of our viewers believe that we should engage in coitus."

Penny looks up hopefully at the word coitus." So you're saying we should have sex?"

Cheeks crimson, Sheldon nods. It's hardly a deceleration of love, but when has Penny needed that?

Screw it, Penny thinks, if nothing else-it might get sleeping with him out of her system.

Penny straddles him in a swift practiced move. Crushes his mouth to hers.

She's been trying not to feel this way for so long, that finally letting herself want him, letting herself have him-makes her feel dizzy. Like she's been holding back a flood and now that she's let go she's drowning in it. The feel of Sheldon's skin is delicious, Penny's so hungry for it. She pulls back for a moment, tears his usual dual layers of shirts right off him.

Discards her own shirt and bra just as quickly.

And then claims his mouth again.

She grinds her ass into Sheldon's lap, moaning at the warm feeling of his cock through his pants.

It takes every shred of self control she has left to tear herself away long enough to get rid of her underwear and pants. Sheldon's gaze sears into her body; her pussy gives an eager throb and Penny knows she's not going to last.

Her lips begin working neck as she slides her fingers into herself. Two fingers slip in easily, she's incredibly wet.

Sheldon's hands grip her hips as wriggles against him, rubbing her breasts against chest. One of them slips lower and gropes her ass.

Penny moans her approval.

She unbuttons Sheldon's pants using her free hand. The head of his boner peeks out of his underwear. She takes her fingers out of her pussy and touches the head with wet fingers. Sheldon jolts against her, and Penny grips his cock.

He's big, larger than anyones she's slept with since she was with Leonard. His cock feels great in her hands, hot and thick. She's surprised to find he's not cut, teases the foreskin with her thumb.

Sheldon groans breathlessly, burying his head into the crook of her neck. The feel of his lips at her neck is divine, Penny shivers. Feeling Sheldon's length in her hands and his lips trailing kisses down her throat is too much. She'll be surprised if she lasts through him putting it in.

She comforts herself with the knowledge that Sheldon is a virgin and he'll probably finish first if she can manage past having him bottom out inside her. Penny begins to line his cock up against her entrance, brushing the head of his dick against her clit in the process.

"Ready?" She asks, breathless.

Sheldon meets her eyes squarely. They've had some intense eye contact through the years. This is the most intimate it's ever been. Looking into his hooded blue eyes, Penny knows that this won't be a one time thing. She won't let it be, not when it could be so much more.

"Ready." Sheldon affirms, his lips leave their lovely work at her collarbone and meet hers tenderly.

Forcing herself to remember to breathe, Penny begins to move her hips down. The feeling of Sheldon's dick rubbing against her walls is exquisite. It's all she can think about as she grinds against him. She can feel him deep inside and she loves it. Every inch of Sheldon is fantastic. Every rock of her hips is even better than the last.

Sheldon's hands grip her hips unforgivingly as she moves against him. Penny loses all sense of time, frantic. All she knows is that everything feels amazing. It's so good. Sheldon meets every grind of her hips with a thrust of her own and every angle is fantastic.

Sheldons lips leave her own and trail down the valley of her breasts. His tongue find its way to one of her nipples.

Penny's mouth is moving, and she's pretty sure she's changing "yes-yes-yes", or maybe "oh-god-oh-god-oh-god" the way you do when the sex is too good for you to be coherent. Sheldon's teeth scrapes against her nipple in a soft bite.

Just like that, Penny comes. Her vision blacks out, her body convulses and she's barely aware of Sheldon following suit. Coming hard inside her, the feeling over pushes her right into another orgasm.

They slump over on her couch, falling sideways. Penny loses time again, she doesn't know how long they lie there together, trying to get their bearings.

"I'm so glad I'm on birth control." Penny muses aloud, cuddling into Sheldons chest. She turns her head, tucking her hair away from her overheated skin. That's when the blinking light if the camera registers.

"Did you just record all that?" Penny demands, happy post coital cloud gone up in smoke.

Sheldon blinked at the camera in confusion." I suppose when one of us shifted, we must have hit the remote and activated the camera. You know, Amy has spoken wistfully about watching you engage in coitus. I suppose this is a happy accident."

Penny stood."You're going to need a new camera." She informed Sheldon, snatching the camera from the stand. Stupid wackadoodle, Penny thought, smashing the camera into a satisfying mess on the ground. It was a good thing he was so good in bed.


So I feel like I should end this with a rant for continuity's sake. I mean, I might as well top it all off right?

For the (hopefully) last time, Shenny shippers, this bit is not for you;

Let me start by saying that I honestly don't understand all the butthurt over the love fandom has for Shenny. You bitches have canon, get off your high horse and let it go already! At which point did it become acceptable human behavior to harass people for taking the time and effort to share a beloved hobby with the world? Do you really think that it's noble? That you're somehow, magically, in the right because you feel offended by my choice in pairing? You have to go out of your way to click on my story. That means you go out of your way to read something you already know you won't enjoy. Let's please take a moment to acknowledge how fucking stupid that is, shall we?

And the thing is; you guys read it. You're reading -this- right now. It's not even like you're trolling every author that tags their summary with shenny. You guys read the whole -goddamned- thing. And you keep coming back for more. I know because you let me know you'll keep reading my stories, and have in fact gone out of your way to inform me that you've read all my other stories too. All while insulting me and my stories of course. Which, again, makes no fucking sense.

I'm not that good an author. It's not like you come back for the compelling plot and well executed syntax.

Are you guys shenny shippers in denial? Do you justify your actions by leaving a mean review? Do you tell yourselves you're only reading the shenny story to let those delusional authors know they get everything wrong? Do you need someone to give you a hug and tell you to just accept that shipping shenny feels good?

Shenny love is awesome people. We won't judge you for it. It's okay to enjoy it.

When you take the lovely, vivacious, captivating lady that is Penny, and then pair her with the brilliant, quirky, and compelling scientist that is Sheldon, you get some motherfucking amazing fireworks. It's like squaring awesome. Seriously, they're stupidly -hot- together. Absolutely dynamic.

Watching Sheldon spank Amy reminded me of mouse headbutting each other. The thought of Sheldon spanking Penny makes me giggle like a dirty old man. I've already owned up to happily ignoring that Leonard exists when I can get away with it.

At the end of the day, I ship what I ship. Honestly speaking you guys do piss me off. But not in the 'my fragile feelings!' way. I'm too much of an asshole myself to even consider letting myself get pushed around like that. Basically the rabid dragon that is my self esteem roars, I get frustrated by your stupidity and type faster in the hopes of pissing -you- off.

So flaming me is basically putting the cart before the horse. And as I have no doubt you'll do it anyway, and I'm in a magnanimous mood today, I do hope you learn to welcome the joy that is shenny shipping into your life. And while you fail at doing that, I hope karma bites you in the ass for being a horrible example of a decent human being.

Rant over.

Thank you so much everyone who reviewed and helped me out with this! You guys are amazing and I hope you enjoyed the smut. I know I enjoyed writing it ;)