Tifa: *scrunches up her nose as she smells the Midgar slums noxious fumes* Why am I somehow not surprised that our search for Scarlet has led us here . . . . ?
Sephiroth: *mutters* Because she's a two-gil whore . . .
Vincent: *smacks him* Do not talk about the who-*stops himself*- woman who could be your mother like that.
Tifa: *looks around* Now, if I were a scanky, slutty bitch in red, where would I be in Midgar slums . . . . . ?
Vincent: I know not. . . . . . . . *thinks, then hands Tifa his red cape* Put this on, and maybe you shall know . . . . .
Tifa: *turns beet red* Why you sonuva-
????: *sneers* Well, well, well . . . . what do we have here, Rude?
Rude: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tifa: *shrieks and spins, slapping Reno, who dared to pinch her rear*
Rude: . . . . . . . . . . . *smirks, that was him*
Reno: *blinks and mutters* What'd I ever do to deserve that . . . ?
Rude: . . . . . . . . . . . . . *still smirking*
Reno: *notices the others and screams, jumping up on Rude's shoulders* Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-YOU!!!!!
Rude: . . . . . . . . . . . . . *shoves Reno off*
Reno: *clings to Rude, refusing to get off* Wha-what are YOU doing HERE?!?!?!
Sephiroth: . . . . . Looking for my mother. *glares* If you have a problem, I could always feed you to the Midgar serpent.
Reno: . . . . . Not YOU! HIM!!! *points a shaky, accusing finger at Vincent*
Vincent: *blinks* I am helping Sephiroth.
Reno: . . . . . . . so you're not here to haunt the soul of every living Turk for the rest of his living days . . . . . . . . ?
Vincent: *ponders* If you wish me to, I am sure that could be arranged.
Reno: . . . . . . . . . . . No.
Vincent: Hm.
Reno: *shudders, climbing off Rude's shoulders* .. . . . . . like the fucking ghost of Shinra past . . . . . . . . . . *looks at Sephiroth* So, you're looking for your mother . . . . . . . .?
Sephiroth: That's what I said, isn't it?!
Reno: . . . . . . so why the fuck are you in Midgar?!
Sephiroth: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . *in a small voice* Scarlet.
Reno: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . *falls over laughing*
Sephiroth: *twitchtwitchtwitch* IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!
Reno: *stops, stands up, his face perfectly serious, brushing the dirt off his jacket* Of course not. *Looks at all of them* . . . . . So you're wondering now where she is in Midgar?
Vincent: Well, if Tifa would *help* . . . . . .
Tifa: *punches him in the shoulder* NO.
Reno: . . . . . I know where she is . . . . .
Vincent: *mutters darkly under his breath*
Sephiroth: Not that I'm enthused, but where?
Reno: *smirks* Where else? The Honeybee.
Vincent: *blinks* . . . . Oh my . . . . .
Reno: *flicks his bangs back* That information didn't come for free, you know . . . . . I require something for my kindness.
Sephiroth: Right . . . . . I'll tell Scarlet to pay you . . . *starts off for the Honeybee Inn*
Reno: Nope. Sorry. One date with wonder tits here for my buddy Rude. Nothing less.
Rude: *blinks* . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tifa: *blinks* But I'm engaged to Cloud . . . . . .
Vincent: *muffles his laughter in his cape and follows Sephiroth*
~*~*~
Scarlet: *examining her newly manicured nails critically* Hm . . . . . Next time, lets just go with three coats or less, alright? At least with this brand.
Servant Girl: *nods and makes a note* May I get you anything else, Miss Scarlet?
Scarlet: Palmers ass 100 times smaller?
Servant Girl: . . . . . . . . . . . I shall look into it. *dashes from the room quickly, bumping into a few . . . . . . odd looking people on her way down the hall*
Sephiroth: Where is she? *flatly asks, a dangerous glint in his eyes*
Servant Girl: *'eeps' and backs away nervously*
Vincent: *comes up behind Sephiroth and sighs* Use your manors or we'll never get anything done.
Sephiroth: *pouts, looking at Vincent* I don't wanna . . . . I'm in a hurry!
Vincent: There is always time for the magic word.
Servant Girl: . . . . . . . . . . Are you looking for Miss Scarlet?
Sephiroth: *smiles tightly* Yes . . . . Where is she? OW! *rubs his side where Vincent prodded him, muttering darkly* . . . . . . Please?
Servant Girl: . . . . . . . . . Are you going to kill her? *seriously*
Vincent: You need not worry. We will bring no harm to the lady."
Servant Girl: Then why the hell should I help you?! You go in that room and don't come out till she's good and dead, you hear?! *storms off*
Vincent: . . . . . . . It seems Scarlet is not well liked.
Sephiroth: *thinking 'please don't be my mother, please don't be my mother, please don't be my mother . . . . . !'*
Scarlet: *yells out* Bring me one of those pina colada things with the mini umbrellas, and snap on it!
Vincent: *blinks, then starts humming the pina colada song*
Sephiroth: *pauses* . . . . . . . . . . Don't do that. Stop. Now. We've already got enough problems at the moment so we don't need to get the authors sued.
Tifa: *blinks, comming up behind them* What authors?
Sephiroth: . . . . . Nevemind.
Vincent: But I can give credit! . . . . . If only I could remember who did that song . . . . *scratches head*
Tifa: . . . . I'm not even going to pretend to understand you guys. Ok! Who's going in there first . . . . . !
Sephiroth: *shoves her forward* You.
Tifa: What?! Nonononono. *shoves Sephiroth forward* She's YOUR mother! Why should 'I' have to face her!
Vincent: Because you can relate.
Tifa: . . . . . . . . . . . YOU GO IN VINCENT!
Vincent: Absolutely not. *points death penalty at her chest* In. Now. Or you shall have to redo that surgery . . . . .
Tifa: . . . . . . . . . I don't have to be here. I shouldn't have to go in.
Sephiroth: *standing behind her* I don't have to be here. I shouldn't have to go in. *in a high-pitched, whiny, mocking voice*
Don Corneo: *walks up behind Seph* Oh ho ho! And why would she NOT want to enter one of the finest bedrooms in my facilaty! If it would help, I could show you all the benefits of such bed . . . . . . . . . rooms. *smiles perversly*
Sephiroth: *whirls around, Masamune at the ready*
Vincent: *re-aims death penalty at the Don*
Don Corneo: *smile broadens at the site of the Masamune* My, what a big sword you've got there!
Sephiroth: *backs into Tifa, grabs her and thrusts her between the two of them* Take her! I'm still a virgin!
Don Corneo: Virgins are the best, but I'll get to you later! *starts groping Tifa*
Tifa: *screaches* RUDE! HELP ME!
Rude: *runs up* . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . *shoots Don Corneo in the balls*
Tifa: Rude! My hero! *kisses deeply*
Reno: *behind Rude, makes gagging noises*
Rude: *full body blush*
Don Corneo: *cries* Now I only get to be the uke!
Scarlet: *screams, comming out of the room in a robe and face mask* Where the HELL is my Pina Colada?!
Sephiroth: *screams in horror and jumps into Vincent's arms*
Vincent: . . . . Sephiroth . . . . I can't shoot her while holding you . . . .
Scarlet: *turns glare to Vincent then blinks* Sephy? Is that you?
Sephiroth: *whimpers* Um . . . . . . . yes?
Scarlet: *squeels* Oh! It IS you! I haven't seen you in years! How are you doing? Still have the whole leather fetish, I see.
Sephiroth: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ummm . . . yeah . . . . . . *sweatdrop*
Scarlet: *smiles demmuringly* Well, if you ever feel like trying something new, I have this sweet little lace get up I think would make the men boil . . . . . . .
Sephiroth: . . . . . . *thinks 'She can't be my mother! . . . . . . I hope . . . .'*
Scarlet: So what did you come here for? *turns down the hall* WHERE IS MY PINA COLADA, DON?!
Don Corneo: *whimpers and crawls down the hall, holding what's left of his manhood* Comming right up . . . . .
Sephiroth: Umm . . . . well . . . . *blurts out* Are you my mother?
Scarlet: Who knows. Who's your father. I'll tell you if I've slept with him or not.
Sephiroth: . . . . . . . Hojo.
Scarlet: . . . . . . . . . . . . *laughs ass off* No! No no no! I can honestly say I have NEVER slept with the man!
Sephiroth: Well, there was that one rumor . . . . . .
Scarlet: About something on the 60th floor?
Sephiroth: . . . . . . Yes?
Scarlet: Well, THAT was just stupid. He was interested in this one person, but he had no clue what to do! Your father was a total virgin! *laughs in high pitched voice* He needed instructions on how SEX worked!
Sephiroth: Who was it? Tell me!
Sephiroth: YES!!
Scarlet: . . . . . . alright . . . . . . *leans over and whispers in Seph's ear*
Sephiroth: *ear-splitting shriek* WHAT?!?!?!?!
Tifa: *startled out of her deep make out session with Rude* What?
Sephiroth: B-Bu-Bughen . . . *faints*
Tifa: *pales and looks at Scarlet for confermation*
Scarlet: *smirks and nods* Bughenhagen.
~*~*~
Jenova: *digging through Hojo's files, ignoring his still prone body on the floor just inches away from her tenacled blody* My son . . . . wait for me . . . ! I will come for you soon with the truth . . . . . !
~*~*~
E-san: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . *faints*
Raine: *drops frying pan in shock* Well . . . um . . . . . it appears Nanaki has an uncle . . . . . . .
E-san: *mumbles* We'll continue . . . as soon as I recover from this masive hemmorrage.
Raine: . . . . . . Right . . . . . *hasn't even noticed she's dropped her frying pan on her foot*