Author Notes: Hello, everyone! For those following my TMS continuation, please be assured that I'm hard at work on the next chapter. Promise!

In the meantime, here is another crossover, thanks to an amusing exchange of ideas I had with a dear friend, the talented Schattengestalt. Hopefully, the end result is half as amusing! Like its predecessor Welcome to the Club!, it has minimal plot, tongue-in-cheek humour and is best read with a very large pinch of salt :) Very brief mention of slash only.

Summary: Severus Snape has another dream in which he discovers something else he has in common with another of YenGirl's favourites characters.

Appreciation: A grateful thank you to Schattengestalt for looking over this and giving me much needed advice and encouragement. *hugs*

Rating: 'T'

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the brainchild of JK Rowlings while Vampire Knight belongs to Matsuri Hino.

- Story Start -

More than a year had passed since Severus Snape had that strange dream about being the current favourite of a fanfiction writer.

A few changes had happened since then. Well, just the one, but it was a big change. Strange how a mere dream could motivate one to hope for something seemingly out of one's reach... and to actually do something about it.

A second dream took Severus by surprise just last night. He overslept as a result and had to rush through his ablutions, forcing his eyes to stay open so he wouldn't cut himself shaving. He scowled at his reflection in the mirror and blamed the large helping of double chocolate ice cream he had eaten last night.

Striding towards his potions classroom with billowing robes on full display and empty stomach rumbling, Severus found himself replaying that dream inside his head, to his annoyance. Unlike that first one where he was in a room with six very good looking males (no, nothing illegal nor illicit had happened then) he dreamt of only Kaname Kuran and himself this time, having a conversation over a bottle of fine Muggle wine.

But instead of discussing serious matters such as Wizarding politics or human-vampire pacifist causes, they had talked about their other halves... which in the light of day, made the two of them sound like gossipy housewives complaining about their husbands.

Blasted dream.

It had started once again with him standing in front of a pair of double doors which formed the entrance to a high class Muggle French restaurant. Severus didn't know how he had gotten there, but he knew who he was supposed to meet and despite the dim candlelit interior, spotted him at once.

Waving away the approaching maître d'hôtel, he made his way over to a table in the corner. When the man seated there rose at once and and offered him a hand, Severus took it without hesitation.

"Good evening, Severus," Kaname greeted with a charming smile. "It's good to see you again."

"Kaname. It's been a while," Severus replied. He didn't smile, but his tone was at least quite polite.

"A year and four months."

They sat down, two equally tall and slender males possessing the same basic colouring – dark hair, dark eyes and pale skin. And therein ended the physical similarity.

Kaname Kuran was beauty personified; dark brown hair with burgundy highlights that fell to his shoulders in glossy, silky waves; round and doe-like eyes in an exquisite rosewood shade, creamy pale skin and full lips. In his sharply tailored Armani suit, he was the perfect foil for the man sitting opposite him.

Severus too had shoulder length hair, but the jet black strands looked lank and a bit oily, as if he hadn't shampooed recently. His eyes were also black, narrowed beneath eyebrows drawn together in a perpetual frown. With his sallow complexion, long nose and thin lips, he made the perfect Beast to Kaname's Beauty.

Yet in this alternate universe of a certain fanfiction writer, romance and happily ever afters are an absolute must. Hence, like the lonely prince in that well known fairy tale, Severus Snape had also found someone who had seen past his homely exterior and prickly behaviour to the strong spirit and noble heart within. That someone had claimed the taciturn Potions Master for his own and vowed to cherish him for the rest of their lives.

Kaname Kuran too had a very special someone in his life. A vampire hunter, the traditional enemy of a vampire, who had once been his love rival at school, but was now deeply in love with, and devoted to him for the rest of their very long lives. Both Kaname and Severus' lovers were exemplary beings with similar honest and caring personalities towards their other halves, friends and families. They were generous, loving and even indulgent of their other half's quirks and foibles.

As Kaname, speaking in impeccable French, ordered a bottle of Alsace Pinot Noir from the waitress, Severus' sharp gaze continued to rove around the room. He would have preferred Kaname's seat – back against the wall with an unobstructed view of the entire room – but would have to make do with the ebony wand up his sleeve and his companion's uncanny eyesight and hearing.

A pureblood vampire prince should be at least as watchful as a double spy... even if he hadn't come alone. Severus had noticed the woman standing near a potted plant a few feet away when he was crossing the room. Small sized and slender with platinum blond hair cut in a short bob, her equally pale eyed gaze left Severus only when it was flicking around the room, taking in everything and missing nothing.

Looking back at Kaname, Severus raised an eyebrow.

"So what brings you to London?"

"I flew in last night for a meeting with one of my subsidiaries," Kaname replied. "I wanted to look for a friendly face before returning to Japan tomorrow."

Severus' eyebrow rose higher. His face could be described with a multitude of adjectives, but 'friendly' was not one of them.

Kaname chuckled as if he had read his thoughts and thanked the waitress graciously when she brought their wine. After she left, he leaned forward.

"I was hoping you would indulge my curiosity, Severus. Do you remember YenGirl and her ten rules?"

Severus glared at him and cast a swift and wandless Muffliato around their table, noting the resultant shiver Kaname gave. He had a photographic memory, of course he remembered those ten blasted rules particular to YenGirl's fanfiction! Hadn't he had each one spelled out to him by an impertinent blond with artfully tousled curls in his previous dream?

"I just wanted to know if rule number ten has come true for you," Kaname offered another charming smile that displayed perfect white teeth and razor sharp canines, an uncannily beautiful sight luckily offset by the warmth in his eyes.

Rule ten - happily ever after.

Severus pressed his lips together, annoyed by how fast he could recall that particular rule... and how his cheeks seemed vaguely hot.

Blasted air conditioning.

"You don't have to answer, I can see that it has," Kaname answered his own question with a light laugh, as if claiming sole credit for that first dream.

Severus' glare intensified.

"You can't have forgotten her other rules," he growled. "Angst. Misunderstandings. Tears."

It was enough to put a double spy in the bed next to Lockhart's at St. Mungo's.

"Of course I haven't," Kaname assured him, still smiling. "But I prefer to focus on her other rules... like hand holding and non-exclusivity."

Severus ground his teeth, feeling even more heat prickle in his cheeks. Harry had visited him at Hogwarts just last night, snatching precious time off from his rigorous Auror training. They had enjoyed a boat ride across the Black Lake after dinner, leaning against cushions and wrapped up against the cool night wind as they shared a tub of chocolate ice cream and kisses. Later, they had returned to Severus' rooms where they made love before Harry returned to the Auror Academy. Severus had sat atop him, gazing into those adoring green eyes and drinking in the whispered words of praise as he rose and fell...

He cleared his throat.

"How is Zero doing?" he asked abruptly and caught a brief flash of worry in those rosewood eyes before it vanished.

"He's fine, thank you," Kaname said graciously. "He set off on a mission yesterday, leading three rookie hunters in their first major operation out at sea."

A brief pause followed during which they took a sip of their wine, Severus grimacing a bit at the sweet cherry taste.

"You're worried about him," he grunted.

Rosewood eyes blinked at him in perfect innocence.

"Zero? Why should I be worried?" their owner asked. "He has more than thirty years of experience under his belt and is one of the best senior hunters in the Hunter Association."

It always gave Severus a start when he remembered that Kaname and those other vampires who could easily pass for high school students, had already chalked up half a century on this earth.

"Yet you worry," he said with a shrug. He didn't have to probe the other's mind to know that. Not that he would probe a pureblood vampire's mind without his permission, it might very well be the last thing he did.

Kaname exhaled and shot him a rueful smile, shoulders sagging a bit under the tailored suit.

"Each time he goes off on a mission," he confessed. "And he knows it, too."

Then he shook his head and the smile returned.

"How is Harry doing?"

Despite his resolve to remain stoic, a faint smile touched Severus' lips. Coming from such a taciturn man, it was the equivalent of a cheek splitting grin.

"He is fine too. He will complete his Auror training next week and start trial fieldwork after that."

"Ahh. You worry about him as well."

Severus glared at Kaname and shook his head, ignoring the tiny twinge in his heart.

"Why should I be worried?" he scoffed. "Harry's reflexes are the best in class. He has always excelled at defensive spells, even when he was at school."

"Yet you worry," Kaname countered, his perfectly shaped eyebrows lifting in challenge.

It was Severus' turn to exhale, but he didn't smile.

"He can be... impulsive," he admitted.

"Ah."

A minute of slightly melancholic silence drifted by in which Kaname stared down at his wine, while Severus and the mysterious pale eyed female exchanged wary glances.

Then Kaname looked up again, a curious light in his eyes.

"The funny thing is not that I worry about Zero, but that he worries about me," he confessed, raising two elegant eyebrows to express his surprise.

Severus looked at him, lips twitching.

"'Et tu'?" he said, his dry tone imparting more than those two words.

Kaname's lips quirked at that before he looked off into the distance, leaving Severus to nurse his wine and wait. Then the vampire sighed and turned back to him.

"It has been many, many years since Zero feared me... if he ever did," he said softly, "but he can't have forgotten what I am, what I'm capable of."

Severus nodded. Kuran Kaname was a pureblood vampire who could control all lower level vampires with his mind and bend them to his will, make them commit murder or suicide without breaking a sweat.

"Well, Harry has never feared me and he hasn't forgotten what I am and what I am capable of," Severus muttered with a frown.

Kaname nodded, aware that Severus Snape was a former Death Eater and had been a double spy for close to two decades.

"It is... strange because I am physically stronger than Zero is," he continued.

"I am physically and mentally stronger than Harry is," Severus put in.

Rosewood orbs met black ones. Then both pairs of lips smiled.

"Well, spiritually, Zero is stronger," Kaname admitted with a self deprecating shrug.

There was a pause.

"Emotionally, Harry is stronger as well," Severus admitted.

"But knowledge wise, I win," Kaname insisted almost arrogantly, eyes starting to flash with emotion.

"Knowledge and spell wise, I win." Severus was not to be outdone.

Kaname huffed, shaking his head.

"Zero may have more muscle mass on him, but I am taller. By a whole inch!"

He bit his lip when Severus smirked at him.

"Harry has more muscle mass than me, but I am much taller than he is," the Potions Master disclosed with smug pride.

Before the hovering waitress could approach their table, an almost pouting Kaname refilled their glasses. A minute passed in silence as they emptied them.

Then Kaname sighed again.

"Not only that, but Zero is stubborn. Very stubborn," he observed, his full lips shaping into a real pout.

"Stubborn? Hah! Harry defines the word stubborn!" Severus growled. Not one for pouting - not that it would sit well on him - he leaned back and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Even though he says I am the persistent one," Kaname, well... persisted.

"Mm. Harry always accuses me of being immovable."

"Inflexible."

"Adamant."

"Pig headed."

As Severus' eyebrows went up again, Kaname's lips twisted wryly and he shook his head. Downing the contents of his glass, he poured another before topping up Severus'.

"The thing is, I don't need Zero's protection!" he insisted, running a distracted hand through his hair.

"Well, I don't need Harry's!"

"If anything, he needs mine!"

"Yes - exactly!"

I have many enemies whose vampire powers far outstrip his!"

"I have many enemies whose dark curses are unspeakable!"

"They are all higher level vampires compared to Zero!" Kaname fretted, teeth now digging into his full lower lip.

"They are far more ruthless than Harry could ever be!" Severus pressed his own lips into a thin line.

"One of these days..." Kaname broke off and shook his head. "If any of my enemies ever got hold of Zero... dear God," he broke off and swallowed, his eyes reflecting his greatest fear – that of his precious Zero at the hands of cruel vampires.

"If any of mine ever caught Harry... sweet Merlin," Severus whispered, his eyes reflecting the same stark fear – that of his beloved Harry at the hands of remorseless Death Eaters.

In that sudden hush, they looked at each other across the table and blinked. Then they frowned, finally realising how closely their fears had mirrored each other's.

It was Kaname who shook his head first, the worry in his eyes giving way to a rueful smile.

"Severus... are we complaining?" he asked.

"I'm not. You are," Severus growled, his cheeks still feeling hot.

Blasted wine.

Kaname chuckled and shook his head again. Then he chuckled some more.

"I can't believe it. We're actually complaining that we got lucky in love?" he asked.

A rhetoric question, but Severus glared at him anyway - what was with the 'we'?

"Bloody lucky," he muttered all the same.

Kaname took a deep breath and let out a sweet, wine scented breath, his eyes taking on a faint shimmer Zero would instantly recognise if he were here.

"Very lucky," he echoed with a tiny catch in his voice.

"Luckier than I deserve."

"I know what you mean."

When Kaname smiled, Severus raised his glass. The wine had muted the sheer embarrassment of his confessions, putting him in a rather mellow mood.

"To those worrywarts who worry needlessly then?" he asked in a dry tone.

Kaname's answering smile was very sweet.

"To our beloveds who make our lives worth living," he corrected in a gentle tone.

Severus grunted and shrugged; that was exactly what he had meant.

"I'll drink to that," he said.

So they did... and finished the entire bottle of wine.

Blinking, Severus found himself outside the door of his potions classroom. He shook his head, but allowed himself a tiny smile when he remembered YenGirl's last rule again.

Yes, he was still a double spy, he still had dunderheads to teach, Albus was still as annoying as ever, the Dark Lord was still alive... but Severus was also at this very moment living his 'happily ever after', thanks to a certain fanfiction writer and her love for Snarry.

Not that he would ever tell Harry that, of course.

Shuddering at the very thought, Severus took a deep breath, ignored his rumbling tummy and swept into his classroom, robes billowing majestically and condescending sneer well in place.

His day had just begun.

- Story End -

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