Hey guys ! This is a first step for me because it's the first time that I write and publish stories written in English ! You need to know that I'm French so I don't speak perfectly, but I will try. There will be some mistakes, and I apologize for it, but please let me know when you notice them. I hope you will be understanding. xoxo. PS : The story is written from Peyton POV. I chose to write in present because even in French, I love that. Hope it won't bother your reading.
I slowly open my eyes, waken up by the ear-splitting sound of the clock. As usual, I don't really want to wake up, I hold the blanket close to me to keep it with me. But, I can't deny the fact that I have to stand up, since he's in front on me, on his feet, staring at me with a little laugh on his face.
"Come on, P. Sawyer, wake up !"
I sigh that I don't want to, but as usual, he doesn't seem to agree. Very quickly, he takes the blanket away from me, in order to motivate me. I start to blush : the situation is pretty awkward; since last night I only took underwear as pyjama. So, I sit on my bed, with an ashamed look on my face. Obviously, I try not to show it, so I smile a little and look at him.
"Well, Lucas, thank you for this lovely waking up; but now turn around. I need to change."
"Hum ... I can think of another way to say thank you ... if you know what I mean."
"In your dreams, little perv"
We laugh. With him, it's easy to laugh for anything : actually, we always have these moments when we laugh for no real reasons. His little perv jokes always make me want to smile, but nowadays, I have to admit it makes me feel uncomfortable and ill at ease. Before, they were meaningless; but now that I realized I'm in love with him, it embarrasses me. Sometimes, I got to think he's serious when he jokes about it; and that he finds me attractive and good-looking. What if he was really in love with me, the same way I am about him ? What if he had feelings for me ? I often think about that. But, then, I realize : of course he doesn't think that. He Brooke's boy, and always will be unfortunately. Anyway, life goes on, and I have to get ready for school. As he looks at my drawings, I take a pair of jeans in my closet and a T-shirt. As usual, I can't help but to look at him while I'm putting my clothes. His eyes are attracted by one of my drawings : the one which pictures Brooke, him and myself; shooting a heart where we can read the number 3. I drew it 2 years ago, when Brooke and Lucas first dated, and when he was seeing me behind her back. Looking at it, I feel suddenly sad. This year, I lost both my biological mother and my best friend Brooke. And none of them will ever come back, I know that. But what's saddier is that I know I'm responsible for the loss of my bf. Lucas, looking at the drawing, seems pretty uncomfortable too, which is not surprising. When I drew it, he and I were kind of in love, or at least, connected. There were a chemistry between us. But now, I know it doesn't really exist anymore : the first time, he wanted to be with me. Curraintly, he dreams of making up with Brooke, who broke up with him because of me. Luke starts to caugh, and looks down : he doesn't want to show his sadness, but I know he's moved by seing this drawing. That's what I love about him : he keeps pretending in front of everyone, but once you get to really know him, he's adorable, sensible and human. It's been 3 years, and I do have the feeling that I know him by heart.
"When was the last time you and Brooke really talked ? I mean ... like before."
" Well ... I'm not sure, but I think it was right after Naley's wedding. Why ?"
"I've been thinking about you girls ... it's been 10 years since you know eachother, and I really think you should make up. It was just a kiss, after all; and you was dying. If I talk to her, maybe she will realize that..."
"Luke... it wasn't just about the kiss. I told Brooke something that she didn't really like..."
I look down, really embarrassed. If Brooke knows I have feeling for Lucas, on the opposite Luke doesn't. I lied to him, telling him that Brooke and I got an argue about the kissing part, but I didn't mention the "I-still-have-feelings-for-Lucas part". I'm not ready yet to come out, to reveal him how I feel. Besides, I'm pretty sure he only wants to be friends. He only sees me as a friend, a good one, but still, a simple friend. So, right now, I don't really dare to look into his beautiful eyes. An awkward silence comes into my bedroom. He stares at me, with a worried and nice look on his face. He doesn't want me to get in trouble, and he's worried about me, I know, and I appreciate that. But then, suddenly, he looks behind me, and starts to panic.
"We're gonna be late, look at clock"
It's 20 to eight. He takes my bag and gives it to me. We're ready to leave : I can easily say I has just been saved by the bell. I don't think I'm willing to reveal my feelings. As we go downstairs, Lucas holds my arm and smiles kindly at me. Next to him, I feel safe and good. He wants me to be happy, and I love that. The sad thing is that he doesn't get that my happiness is up to him. If he had, it would be so much easier. We would be together, and in love. But unfortunately, life isn't a fairy tale.
The ride until highschool is pretty calm. He talks to me about Karen, her pregnancy, basket ball and all this kind of stuff. Lucky me, he forgot what I wanted to tell him. I think it's a good thing. Even though I have to keep my feelings for me and deal with it, I preserve our precious friendship. I can live without Brooke, even if I miss her so much that it hurts, but I definitly can't live without Lucas. He's helping me so much, and he helps me find my way. Living without him is just out of the question.
Slowly, he parks his Mustang in front of the highschool, and we get out of it. We start to walk in the hallway, holding eachother's arms. We probably look like a couple, and I'm pretty school half of the school think we are actually one. But we both know it's wrong : unfortunately, he doesn't want to be with me, even though he loves to hold my arm, my hand, and my shoulder.
We both turn around, hearing our nickname. Yes, "the twins" is our nickname. I don't really know when people started to call us like that, or even who started, but I like it. Everybody says we're like twins, he and I; since we are always together, hanging out, laughing together and smiling at eachother. Besides, we look alike : we are fond of the same musics, the same books, the same things. I like that idea of us being twins : it means in a certain way that we are connected to eachother forever, right ? We will always be important to eachother. But, of course, I don't see Lucas like a brother. And, of course, he will never know that.
Lucas smiles at Haley, who is the one who call out to us. She's Lucas's best friend, and one of my dearest friend. We know eachother since 3 years, and we started to hang out together when she dated Nathan, my ex boyfriend. We've been friend ever since. Friendly, I look at her and dare to touch her stomach. She's pregnant, and it really starts showing. But, I'm happy for her. She's in love, she's going to be a mother, and even though we are barely 18, I know she will be an amazing mother.
Next to her comes Nathan, who was apparently parking their car. He smiles at me and holds Lucas's hand to say hello. They start to chat together, and Haley and I look at them. It's amazing how their relation changed since they first met. They hated eachother, and now they can't live without eachother. I like their relationship, I like how close they are. It makes me want to believe in happiness, joy, and family. They give me hope.
"Hey P. Sawyer, instead of going into ecstasies before my wife's stomach and being jealous, you should go into ecstasies before Mr Perkins."
"He's absent this morning" Haley says with a big smile on her face.
" Which means ..."
" Which means you woke up for nothing, yeah" Nathan says before laughing.
I look at the three of them. They are looking at eachother, and want to laugh. I start to understand the whole thing.
"Let me guess guys ... you knew he wasn't there and you didn't tell me ? Just to wake me up for nothing, and make fun of me."
"Pretty much, yeah" Luke says with his adorable smile.
"No, actually, we also wanted to tell you someting, and we knew you wouldn't show up if you knew Perkins was absent." Nate says.
"What, what's happening? You decided to get married for the third time ?" I add with an ironic tone.
"Hum ... it could've been, but no" Haley replies without notticing my tone. "We actually want to throw a little party tonight."
" Yeah... why n..."
"At your place" Haley adds. "Nathan and I are sick and tired of our appartment, we need some fresh air. And Karen needs her home tonight. So ..."
I open widely my eyes. Lucas laughs, seeing my face, and makes a high five with his brother. It's as if they knew I was going to react like that.
"Blondie, Haley and Nate are going to bring the film, I take care of the food and you ... lend us your house, and your music."
He calls me Blondie. He has just called me Blondie. I love that nickname. He's the only one who uses it, and I feel like it is his secret weapon. He uses it when he wants me to do something or to say yes to something. He perfectly knows it's working. But, honnestly, I don't really care. I love that nickname, and it makes me feel like I'm someone special and exceptional for him. I know it seems ridiculous, but that's the way I feel. So, as usual, I whisper a "yes". Nathan and Haley hugg eachother and Lucas smiles. I am not going to complain, after all. This little party will be a perfect occasion for hanging out a little more with Luke.
"So, since we have 3 hours left to do whatever we want, Haley and I are going to leave" Nathan says.
" Oh please, don't give me a clue about your sexual life" I add, with a disgusted face.
"Peyton, you only think about that, don't you ?" Haley replies with a smile. " Actually, we are going to the library. Nathan needs me to help him with the history test."
" You see the advantage of marrying Haley. She gives me her school talent and I give her my sexual one." Nathan jokes.
"Oh, you have a sexual talent ? It's funny I don't remember."
Luke laughs about my joke, and Nathan pretends being offended. I look at Haley and him, while they leave, daydreaming about a love like theirs. They are meant to be, and it always makes me dream about it. True love does really exist : they are the proof.
"So, that makes the two of us ..." Lucas says.
I laugh, despite how embarrassing is the situation. We are together, just the two of us, and we don't really know what to do. It's surprising, since we are always hanging out, but usually Naley are with us. But I love it that way. I love seeing Lucas embarrassed and I love spending time with him, only him. Suddenly, he holds my hand, as if we were a couple. I love that even more! We start to walk into the hallway, without even knowing where we go. But it doesn't matter. We are together, and we both like it. While we are chatting, he starts to joke about some stuffs, and suddenly, out of the blue, he tickles me. I laugh out loud, begging him to stop, even though secretly, I love to feel his hands on my body.
Suddenly, he stops, and starts to look in front of him, as if there was something, or at least someone, that distracts him. I quickly understand why he's ill at ease. Brooke is staring at us, and walking towards us. Her eyes, which are normally green, turn into black when she's pissed. And right now, they arevery very black. She's pissed at me, for laughing with Lucas. But, in spite of this, she smiles and tries to look happy. She doesn't want to show the rest of the world how she feels. She's denying her feelings, but since I know her for a very long time, I recognize the symptoms. She stops walking, and smiles ironically at me.
"Well, Peyton, I'd told you to get a room, but I don't even know if a private place would be useful. You love showing everyone how slutty you are."
"And you love to show how ridiculous you are, Brooke. You're the one who actually did all this way just to talk to me. So, I don't know which one of us is worse."
I don't like to answer to her stupid verbal attacks, but somehow, I can't help it. As much as I love her, Brooke deserves to be answered back to. She can blame me for a lot of things (the kiss in the library, Lucas and I going around in freshman year behind her back...) but she can't blame me for loving him. You can't chose who you love. If I could've chosen, I wouldn't have chosen Luke.
"Peyton, no offense, but everything is not always about you. I actually came here to talk to Lucas. Remember ? MY ex boyfriend."
She insists on the "my", as if she wanted to show that Lucas belongs to her. And I can easily interpret the look on her eyes. She's clairly telling me that if she broke up with him, she can't take him back whenever she wants. She's threatening me. Which is funny is that I could also say that Lucas is my ex. Technically, he is; since we were together in freshman year. But I won't say that: I don't want to rub in it.
"Well, in that case, I let the two of you talking. Actually, it's a pretty good thing. I just remembered I have to talk to Chase before he leaves."
Using Chase as a punchline to hurt Brooke is ridiculous, and I know that. Especially since I don't really know what's happening between Brooke and him. I just saw them hanging out and talking to eachother once in a while. But, I just want to show Brooke how ridiculous the situation is. She's thinking that I want to steal Lucas, whereas the only thing I really want is his happiness. If he's happy, even with Brooke, I can accept that. Unfortunately, Brooke doesn't get that. She still think I'm a bitch who tries to steal her boyfriend (or should I say ex boyfriend ? With Brooke we never know). She's standing right here, in front of me. She looks at me, and seems really pissed, I can see it in her eyes. But as usual, she's struggeling not to show it. She still smiles, but I'm not naïve. She's going to fight back, to try to hurt me. It's just a matter of time, now. She takes a deep breath, and finally smiles (a real smile, this time). She has found the punchline, I know that.
"Before he leaves ? Hmm ... you mean like your mothers ? Don't you ever wonder why everybody around you leaves, Peyton ? Who would stay with you ? You're miserable, pathetic, depressing and annoying. I guess we can understand why your moms prefered diying rather than staying with you."
She dares. She dares to use my mothers as a punchline, as another way to hurt me. She dares to mention their deaths, whereas she knows how much it hurt me when they passed away. She dares, and right now, she's smiling proudly at me. She wanted to be the best, she won. As always. I should have known that we don't play with Brooke Davis : a game is useless, she's always the winner, the one with the best reply, the best arguments and the best way to hurt you. I love her, I really do : she's my best friend and she always will be. However, sometimes, I have to admit she turns into a devil. Using deaths to hurt me is quite awful. I want to cry, right now. I want to cry, to punch her in the face, and to run away. But I won't. I don't want to give her satisfaction. So, I hold my tears back, and fake a smile. Just like she did a few minutes ago.
"I ... I let you talk. I see you later, Luke" I whisper.
Then, without even waiting for an answer, I turn around and leave the hallway. I need fresh air. I need to go home. I push the door, and sit next to the mathematics building. People are staring at me, but I'm used to. To them, I'll always be the girl who dated her best friend's boyfriend, who went once at school with "dyke" written both on her shirt and on her locker, and who lost her two moms. Slowly, I start to cry, even if I don't wanna show it. Brooke did some horrible things in the past : she slapped me, she called me "bitch", "whore" and "slut", she said that our friendship was over and she even tried to ruin my friendship with Haley. But today, she crossed the line. I feel now insecure and afraid, afraid of what she might do. She is capable of everything, she just proved it to me. The war started, and unfortunately, I can't compete. I hunch my shoulders, afraid of the look in people's eyes. I cry and weep, feeling oppressed and depressed. But then, I hear someone who is coming, and feel tips on my arms. Is it one of these curious people who want to know how you feel in order to gossip ? I raise my head, ready to be agressive, but then I calm down. It's only Lucas. He's smiling at me, trying to make me feel good.
"Blondie, don't cry. You know it hurts me."
He called me Blondie, once again. But, this time, he didn't want me to accept something. He called me Blondie to comfort me. Without even realizing it, I start to smile, and my heartbeat accelerate. He does make me feel better. Slowly, he sits next to me, and holds my hand.
"Lucas ... you didn't stay with her ?"
" Are you kidding ? I wasn't going to stay after what she said to you. She's not worth it."
"I can't stand the idea of you getting hurt."
He can't stand seing me hurt. Whereas we're just friends. He prefers staying with me than with Brooke, despite how much he loves her. Or at least, how much he claims to love her. I don't really know if this is true. But, actually, I don't care. He's taking my defense.
"I made it pretty clear" He says. " If she ever speaks to you like that, we are done. Technically, we are already done, but ... if she crosses the line again, I will never talk to her again."
"Peyton, stop crying, please. Dry your tears, and give me that smile I'm crazy about".
Tenderly, he puts a hand on my face, strokes me and kisses me in the forehead. He leans his head to mine. Little by little, I start to calm : I breathe normally and feel good. I don't know how he does that, but he always has the words and the gesture to make me feel better, even when something horrible happens to me. Right now, he has a serious look on his face, as if he was thinking about something important. He tries to look serious, but I can see something. He has tears in his eyes. Is it what I am thinking ? Is it possible that .. ?
" Luke, you're crying ?"
" I told you, it hurts me to see you hurt."
Then, everything stops. The time, the highschool, the people, Brooke. Everything stops. And here, in this environment, the only thing that remains is us. Lucas and me. Today is the first day. It's a new step. Today, Lucas cries for me.
So ... what do you think ? Be honnest!