I'm back, and Fuck algebra! Sorry, hate math with a dying passion. Anyways, I'm taking the PSAT's in a week or so and Jesus, studying sucks. Way to much pressure. So, Kevin won over Token and I had some fun with him because his character wasn't fully developed and I got to sort of give him a personality. Also, I really am not a Starwars geek at all and the references I made were all from Google. Check out my new Tumblr TheUnderAverage ?
Ninety Things Kevin Stoley Cannot Do;
1. Do not go to Comic Con.
2. Maybe it was seeing Randy Marsh in a princess Leah costume.
3. Maybe it was having to walk with Clyde, who talked to fucking EVERYBODY.
4. But you are one-googolplex percent done.
5. Do not accept any links from Craig.
6. You should've known that was fucking disgusting.
8. Do not throw apples at Butters when he sings.
9. He literally ran home screaming in excitement.
10. He's grounded now.
11. Do not feel bad about your social status.
12. At least you have friends...
13. ... On Facebook...
14. Do not scream in the movie premier of The Phantom Menace.
15. Or throw your plastic lightsaber at Jar Jar Binks.
16. The characters on screen can't hear you.
17. Unfortunately, the manager who kicked you out could.
18. Do not sit next to Esther.
19. People call you two genderbenders because you look alike.
20. Do not watch Order 66 from Revenge of the Sith.
21. Lay down.
22. Try not to cry.
23. Bawl your fucking eyes out.
24. Do not listen to Kyle trying to explain what he learned.
25. He rants to much and it annoys you.
26. So you throw hot pockets in his hair while he plays peacemaker.
27. It's a fair deal.
28. Do not go in the gym after school hours.
29. Kenny and Eric Cartman do yoga, apparently.
30. And when they caught you observing, Kenny contorted into a baseball bat and Cartman beat you up with him.
31. Do not talk to Stan ever again.
32. He's a Trekkie.
33. And his dad scarred you for life.
34. Do not forget to lock your doors.
35. Clyde walked in on you twerking in the living room to 'We Can't Stop'.
36. He didn't laugh.
37. He told Craig and you two have a Twerk Off tomorrow.
38. Do not watch My Little Pony.
39. You learned something about yourself that you are genuinely afraid of.
40. You are a flaming Bronysexual.
41. Funny, hours ago, you thought Stan's dad was weird for galloping around with waffle cones on his forehead.
42. But you think that maybe it's time you joined him.
43. Do not let Token poke you for his Psychology/Human Interactions class.
44. You are really ticklish.
45. And you have a weird-ass tickle fetish.
46. Do not talk to Butters.
47. Although he completely understands your awkward sexual life, he handed you a flyer yesterday.
48. It says- PRAY AWAY THE NEIGH, RELIGION AGAINST PONIES.
49. Do not bring a flare gun to school.
50. Mr. Mackey didn't suspend you for it, but instead announced your stupidity over the PA.
51. Apparently, you can't actually kill anything with a flare gun.
52. Do not go to any sleepover where sharpie markers are present.
53. Tweek Tweak drew a bunch of things on your face.
54. Including a mustache, Asian eyes and buck teeth, seven middle fingers, a Star Trek sign, and Pikachu.
55. He's a good artist.
56. But it won't come off.
57. Do not bleach your skin.
58. It fucking burns like hell.
59. And it didn't clean anything.
60. Do not let the spirit of Michael Jackson possess you.
61. Last time, he almost convinced your subconscious mind to buy a dress and tampons.
62. You actually ended up buying the tampons.
63. Stan needed them anyways- It was his time of month.
64. Do not eat cheese.
65. You are lactose intolerant.
66. And it was seriously embarrassing when the only sounds during the test were emitting from your butt.
67. Do not notice the number 66.
68. Do not think about Order 66.
70. Do not play Skyrim.
71. You must have done something because all of the kids in the game now run naked.
72. Do not make Internet videos.
73. Everyone thinks you have an annoying voice.
74. Do not go to parties.
75. That's the reason why you're dating Kindergoth (which everyone still calls him though he's in middle school).
76. He doesn't believe you when you tell him it was the beer talking.
77. Honestly enough, you didn't touch a drip of alcohol.
78. You got high on the atmosphere, seriously!
79. Do not get below a C on your report card.
80. You can achieve advanced classes and skip Health.
81. Your health teacher stutters all the time.
82. Especially on the word G-G-G-Gonads.
83. It loses it's charm after a while.
84. Do not break things when you get angry.
85. Last time you ended up throwing a lamp out your windows and killed Kenny.
86. Good thing you have extra hot pockets to throw at Kyle if he gets annoying.
87. Do not quote Star Wars in public.
88. Everyone hates it.
89. It's cool though, because You can send them "Into the garbage shoot, Flyboy!"
90. GODDAMMIT, KEVIN.