Heartless here. This one is deffinately different from my normal mushy romantic crap you're all used to. I was listening to Porn Star Dancing by My Darkest Days, and for some unknown reason, felt a flash of inspiration for this smutty little work you "accidentally" clicked on. haha. Tis Not Safe For Work and rated M for a reason kiddies so if you're not into striping and smutty discriptions of females, get out now. :) Alright, now that that's taken care of, on with the disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own FMA, the characters, My Darkest Days, or their song Porn Star Dancing. I just own the sick mind that thought to write this.

ON WITH THE SHOW!


It was a lazy day in Central City. The sun was shining, there was a cool breeze, and 6 young soldiers sat in an office inside of Central Command.

A blonde Lieutenant walked up to her commanding officer's desk.

"Sir, may I request a break? I need to visit the latrine."

"Go ahead, Hawkeye." Came the reply from the seated black-haired man.

Hawkeye exited the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. Colonel Mustang turned to the rest of his men.

"Alright boys, while the cat's away, the mice will play. So what's new in love and war?"

Breda spoke first, "My love life is in the shitter as usual, sir!"

Falman and Furey nodded in agreement, adding dispair in this aspect of their lives as well.

"What about you, Havoc?"

"You would know, Mustang. You stole my last date just two days ago. I REALLY THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO BE THE ONE, SIR!" Havoc cried in anguish.

"Alright, seeing as all of us are currently unattached, it's time for us to take a little trip this weekend. Tonight to be exact."

Furey piped up, "Where are we going sir, should I pack anything?"

"No, it's not a vacation, Furey. We're heading to Madam Christmas's Bar right after work tonight."

A devious smirk played on Roy's face as Hawkeye re-entered the room. Everyone returned to work so they wouldn't feel the wrath of her pistols.

"Sir, have you finished your paperwork for the evening?"

"Yeah, I did. No need to get naggy Lieutenant..."

The bells of the clock tower tolled, the 5 o' clock hour arriving in all it's glory, the end of the work week and the begining of the party known as the weekend. Hawkeye said her goodbyes, packed up her belongings, and walked swiftly out the door. The boys were still in the office gathering their things.

"Alright, so are we headed to the bar tonght or what?"

"Yes sir!" the remaining officers chimed in unison.

"Good. I'll be by each of your houses to pick you up at 9:00 pm sharp. Dress is jeans and a t-shirt. Just trust me on that."

With the plans laid, Roy walked out of his office and headed for his car.

Falman turned to Breda. "Well, that is something else, isn't it?"

"Hah, you can say that again."

Furey added with a small smile, "It'll be nice to get out a bit and enjoy ourselves."

The remaining officers headed out to the parking lot, said a temporary farewell, got in their cars, and left for home.

9:00 came fast and Roy, dressed in a short-sleeve crimson button up and grey "skinny" jeans, left to pick up his subordinates. First in the car, Breda, who was wearing a white button-up and black slacks. Next they arrived at Falman's residence and he walked out wearing a navy t-shirt and light blue jeans.

"Two down, two to go." Chuckled Roy.

Furey was up next, and he stepped out in dark blue jeans and a grey shortsleeve button up. Last but not least, Havoc who was in a tight black t-shirt and loose-fitting grey jeans.

"Alright, that's everyone so let's head out.

On the way to the bar, there was friendly banter and Roy gave his troops a little preview of what to expect. As they parked the car and walked into the bar, they were greeted by the faint smell of smoke, and the strong fumes of alcohol. On the far wall was a bar with metal poles sticking up to the ceiling. These were for the girls to dance on. There were tables scattered around the rest of the room, and much to Furey and Falman's chagrin, Roy picked a table close to the bar.

"Oh come on, don't you guys wanna actually be able to see the show? You've got a few minutes to knock back some drinks and grow some balls. The show doesn't start till 10:00. Trust me, you're gonna love being up close and personal with these ladies." Roy patted Furey on the back.

"Uh... If you insist Colonel." Choked out Falman. He was begining to sweat nervously.

The men took their seats at the table and ordered their drinks. Havoc and Mustang seemed to be the calmest of the bunch, seeing as they had the most experience at places like this. Breda was slightly nervous, but he wasn't in as bad of shape as Furey and Falman. They had never been to a bar like this, and were quaking in their shoes.

Jean turned to Roy and whispered with a chuckle, "Looks like those two are gonna need some of the hardest liquor in this place before they calm down."

"Ah, they'll be fine, they gotta put on their big boy pants at some point."

"Hey, how much longer till the show starts?"

"Impatient, are we Breda? You still have about five minutes."

Just then, the lights went out completely and the neons lit up. Madame Christmas walked to the bar and picked up a microphone. The music dimmed to a dull roar and she spoke.

"Alright boys, we've got one hell of a show for ya tonight! Sit back, enjoy the booze, and let the lovely ladies of Central City take you away."

The crowd roared as Madame Christmas walked down to the end of the bar and began serving drinks to the patrons there. The music blared once more as a tall brunette in red stillettoes and crimson lingerie walked out and began dancing. A few songs later and she was replaced by a shorter brunette in lime green and a blonde in hot pink.

"Hey, you know, this place isn't so bad, is it Falman?"

"Heh, didn't think I would ever end up in a place like this, let alone agree with you on that, Furey."

"See Jean, I told ya they would calm down after a few drinks." Roy turned to the scantily clad waitress, "Hey there hot stuff, can we get some refills? Thanks." He winked and flashed her his sexiest smirk. The poor woman didn't stand a chance. She practically melted under the gaze of Central's hotest playboy.

The waitress went to retreive their drinks as the guys watched the dancers in awe. A few more songs and a few more drinks into the night and it was time for the big show.

"Alright you impatient little boys. Here's our main attraction this evening! Do you think you have what it takes to handle this bombshell?"

Madame Christmas put the microphone back down and out walked a beautiful blonde in black and crimson lace. Her hair was in a messy bun, her bangs off to the side, and she had the most gorgeous brown eyes to ever grace a woman's face. She strutted like a peacock showing it's feathers as she made her way down the makeshift catwalk.

All five of the officers gaped in pure shock as they recognized the beauty standing before them. It was none other than 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye herself. Mustang gripped Havoc's arm.

"Oh my God. Jean, please tell me that isn't who I think it is."

"Sorry Roy, but yeah, it's *gulp* Hawkeye."

"What the hell is she doing in a place like this?" Questioned Furey, who had just gotten his second wind.

"I don't know, but holy shit, that woman has a body!"

Falman looked pale enough before, but he blanched even further at Breda's comment.

"Maybe it would be best to get out of here before she notices us."

"Don't be such a buzz kill Falman."

Everyone looked at Furey shocked. Was he really saying that, or was it the alcohol talking? It's true that he had a crush on the Lieutenant, but no one expected something like that from him.

"But, Kain, It's the lieutenant. Come Monday are any one of us going to be able to look at that woman without blushing? I for one have seen much more of Hawkeye in the past minute then I would like to admit, and I doubt I could look at her with a straight face after this."

Everyone turned their attention back to the stage as Riza arrived at the center pole and picked up the microphone.

"Well well, looks like we have quite the crowd tonight. You ready for this, boys?" She spoke in a seductive tone, and all the men at the club were practically drooling.

Hawkeye licked her lips and ran one perfectly manicured hand down her body as she spoke. Roy and his unit knew they were in trouble come Monday. Falman was right, none of them would look at her the same way, and the show hadn't even truly started yet. They were in for one hell of a night. Suddenly the music kicked on, and it was a tune that, surprisingly enough, Kain recognized.

"Porn Star Dancing by My Darkest Days. How oddly appropriate."

Roy just looked at his subordinates. What else didn't he know about them...?

Riza licked her lips again as she twirled herself around while simultaniously rotating around the pole she held in her hand. She stopped in front, facing her back to the audience, gyrated her hips to the beat and let down her hair. The blonde strands cascaded down her back like a waterfall, effectivly covering her tattoo. She swung herself around the pole once more, leaning back with her stilletto clad feet up against it, before landing at the left side and pulling her body close to the chilly metal. Sweat glistened on her frame as she began to run a finger under the strap of her bra, her hips still swaying, grinding against the pole. Riza climbed to the top, squeezed the metal rod between her legs, and began to slither down, slowly twisting and contorting in all kinds of impossibly sexy ways.

The patrons drooled like horny highschoolers looking at their first Playboy mag. They couldn't believe that Hawkeye could move her body like that. The men of Mustang's unit were getting a bit uncomfortable in their pants, but Kain was worst off, sporting a cement-stiff hard-on and a blush as red as a perfectly ripened tomato. All of his fantasies were hot, but they paled in comparison to the real deal.

Riza kept moving her hips against the pole as she took her pointer and middle fingers in her mouth and began to suck on them, swirling her tongue around the flesh. She then took the moistened digits and ran them under the waistband of her panties. She gave a moan and had a look plastered on her face like she was being pleasntly stroked in that spot. Hawkeye climbed back to the top of the pole and clung to it in a way that caused the pole to seperate her breasts. She hung upsidedown and slid mid way down the pole. Riza grinded her hips against the steel as she fondled her breasts and ran her tongue over her chapped pink lips. As the song ended she shook her hips and swung herself around the pole, comming to a final stop in the front.

In a voice clouded over with lust she spoke to the audience slowly. "Hope you boys enjoyed that. I know I did."

Later that night, as the bar was shutting down, the Mustang unit walked out and to Roy's waiting car.

"Holy shit, Best night EVER!" Havoc slurred.

"Yeah, thanks for suggesting this boss. We gotta do this again sometime." Breda and Falman chimed in.

"Hey, no problem guys. Furey, you doin' alright?"

"Hell yeah! I'm fantastic!"

"Calm down there tiger..." Havoc said while patting Kain's back. "I still can't believe Riza Hawkeye was dancing."

"Yeah, never thought I'd see the lieutenant in a place like that. Well, at least now she can't question my morals when it comes to dating." Roy chuckled in amusement.

"Think she saw us in there?"

"I hope not, Falman. Especially for poor Furey's sake. He was really into it."

"Oh cork it Breda. You were gettin' hot under the collar too. All of you were."

"Yeah, but I'm not the one who's hot for my C.O." Reminded Havoc.

"I don't like her that way. Well, I was sure of that before tonight, but now..."

"LIAR!" Chimed the whole team in unison.

Roy dropped off all of his subordinates at the proper residences and headed home to his comfy bed. Presumably he would be doing the same thing as his subordinates, getting off to the image of Hawkeye in that sexy black and crimson lace lingerie.

Hawkeye warmed up a bath for herself and slipped in. Nice and relaxing as it was, it would have to be short as she was already exausted and didn't want to risk falling asleep in the bathtub. Riza slipped on her robe and headed to bed, wondering what Monday morning would bring when she faced her teamates after their little discovery a few hours previous.

Ah well, we'll just have to wait and see...


Wait and see indeed, Riza. Well, this was my first attempt at anything like this, and hopefully I did it some justice. Review and you shall be rewarded with my undying gratitude and an internet cookie, with lots of whatever it is you like on it. XD Also, let me know if you want a second chapter with what happens in the office Monday morning.

Hope you enjoyed,

HeartlessRockstarXIII signing off~