Like 600 words shorter than the original segment. But.. I'm trying to make it better.
"Oh Merlin. Harry, what happened?"
"I'm tired 'Mione." He whispered in his sleep.
"Harry wake up!" Ron growled.
"Potions is still an hour away." He grumbled, curling up tighter.
"Get up you bloody poof!"
"Shut up Seamus, you promised you wouldn't say anything about that."
"Harry James Potter! Get up!"
Harry sat up swiftly, forgo-ing the urge to yell 'Fuck off' when the pain in his arm exploded again. When his eyes cleared, he looked around to find the room empty. "Great now I'm hearing shit again."
He moved his good arm to cradle his other arm, and his eyes fell on the mass of snakes at the same time Hermione's voice hissed, "Harry, what happened to your arm?"
But Harry just flicked his arm, cringing and groaning loudly in pain. "You bloody idiot, why did you do that?"
"Because I'm dreaming that my potions class has turned into snakes and I'm trying to wake up."
A snake with rings running down the length of its body slid forward, and Hermione's voice hissed out sternly, "Harry James Potter, you will tell me what happened to your arm right now!"
"I didn't get woken up this morning so I ran down here, tripped on the second stair, and I'm fairly certain I broke my arm. Figured it would be better to show up with a broken arm, than to not show up at all." Harry's eyes drifted across the snakes. "Why is everybody a snake?" When all of the snakes started hissing simultaneously Harry struggled to his feet and pulled out his wand. "Expecto Patronum." Harry looked at the stag that stood in front of him. "Go to Professor Dumbledore, say: We need you in the Potions room immediately."
As the patronus bowed his head before bounding off, there were a few scattered hisses. "Holy shit, he really can cast a patronus."
"Such a pretty light."
"Harry, you should have sent him for Madame Pomfrey as well."
"Hermione stop patronizing. I don't need Madame Pomfrey. Snape could just as easily give me a.." Harry drifted off, running the count through his head again before sighing. "Snape's a snake too isn't he?"
The snakes however ignored his question and turned to the door. Hissing in unison, "someone's coming."
Harry had his wand trained on the door, seconds before Albus Dumbledore burst into the room. The old man barely hid his stumble when he found himself at wand point. Harry blushed when a silver eyebrow was raised. "Erm… sorry, force of habit."
Dumbledore smiled and his eyes twinkled, "quite alright. What's the problem?" He asked, eyes falling to Harry's broken arm, before sending off a patronus. Maybe it was the added light of the patronus leaving, but it wasn't until he started turning back towards Harry that Albus noticed the snakes. "Why are they all snakes? And what happened to your arm?"
"Nobody woke me up this morning, and I had to run to get down here. I fell on the staircase and hurt my arm. Then I figured I would ask… erm Professor Snape for help, but I passed out as soon as I was in the room." His eyes fell on the snakes. "As for them, I don't know."
A black cobra rose into an s position and hissed. "Someone's potion exploded. It released a vapor that turned us all into snakes."
"Mr. Black Cobra over there said that someone's cauldron exploded, and released a vapor with obviously not so good effects."
"You impertinent brat!" The cobra hissed, "You are to call me 'Sir' or Professor even if I am a snake."
Dumbledore chuckled when Harry's jaw dropped. "The 'Mr. Black Cobra' is Severus isn't he?" Harry nodded. "Will you ask whose cauldron exploded, and what potion they had been making?"
"Whose is mine?" Harry hissed.
"I was having them make the potion for Professor McGonagall that would allow her students to know what their Animagus transformation would be, or if they could even do it at all." Snape supplied.
After relaying this to Dumbledore, the old man nodded, stroked his beard a few times and said, "Well, that potion usually only lasts a few minutes."
Harry saw the snakes swivel towards the door again, and it burst open shortly after. "HARRY JAMES POTTER, WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU DO THIS TIME?!" Madame Pomfrey yelled when she saw him, causing him to wince.
"You were off doing some heroic deed, risking your life for some noble cause again weren't you?"
"No, I tripped running down the staircase." He growled. Everybody had a issue with his 'saving people thing' except when he was saving their life. "Bloody hell!" He snarled, when he was harshly snapped back into focus as his arm was touched.
"Should have come straight to-." But she paused, and waved her wand in an intricate movement. "How many times have you broken your arm Mr. Potter?"
"Twice." He bit out, as her wand touched his arm again. The Headmaster and snakes watching quietly.
"How could you have possibly only had your arm broken twice when the scan shows that it's been broken nearly a dozen times?"
"Well Hermione," he muttered under his breath. "You asked how many times I've broken my arm. Not my uncle or my cousin." He said, sitting on the ground.
"Mate, what are you talking about?"
"Harry, you said they had never hurt you!"
"Your family abused you?" Madame Pomfrey yelled, turning her wand on the headmaster.
"They didn't abuse me." Harry denied, as his vision began to blur. "They just punished me for being a freak."
"YOU SAID THAT HE WAS SAFE THERE! YOU PROMISED US ALL THAT THEY WOULD CARE FOR HIM YOU INCOMPETENT NINNY! MALNOURISHED AT THE START OF EVERY YEAR AND YOU TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY! NEVER HAD SHOTS! HOW COULD YOU BE SUCH A MANIPULATIVE BASTARD THAT YOU WOULD ALLOW HIM TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT! WHEN WILL YOU STOP ACTING LIKE PEOPLE ARE PAWNS IN A GAME OF CHESS?"
The snakes watched as if hypnotized, none of them ever having seen the Healer lose her temper. "My dear-."
"DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO MISLEAD ME! DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN 'FOR THE GREATER GOOD'!"
He silenced her. "You can yell at me all you want Poppy, but Harry has passed out and you were brought here to heal him. If you find yourself incapable I will take Harry and floo him to St-."
She cancelled the charm and glared. "If you EVER do something like this to another student I will destroy you! And I would take my sentence in Azkaban with a smile on my face for this shit."