AN: In "The Break-Up", there is a shot of Blaine's screen with "block" and "poke" as options. What would have happened if Blaine had chosen "block"?
Blaine sighed as he let out the last strains of "Barely Breathing," sagging against the hard plastic of the choir room chair. Tears prickled at his eyes, which he was sure were already red rimmed from all the crying he was doing these days. Why couldn't Kurt have just said "I love you" at the end of their call that morning? Or called him back like he had said he would? Why was Blaine always left waiting for something?
He felt so alone, even in the choir room, the one place that he still felt a bit of home in. He was simultaneously hollow, but also ready to blow with all the built up pressure squeezing his heart and lungs. The contrast left him feeling numb. In fact, the pain that he felt was really just nothingness. And the nothingness was sapping everything he had.
He was so incredibly tired. And so extraordinarily weak. He just wanted to feel something- anything.
So he pulled out his phone, his thumbs making a quick series of swipes.
And there was the page he kept going back to.
Eli was really nobody. At least he started that way.
One night Blaine had just been working on some homework before bed, trying to finish his reading-response for English when his facebook had pinged. He had been weirded out at first, not knowing any Eli C. However, not wanting to be rude, he had responded, trying to determine if perhaps he was someone he had once known but forgotten.
As it had turned out, Eli was just a friend of Thad's. He hadn't attended Dalton, but went to another nearby public high school. Apparently, Thad had mentioned Blaine a time or two in talking about the Warblers, and Eli had seen some exchange Blaine had with Thad on his facebook wall, prompting him to message him.
After Eli C. explained this, Blaine hadn't been able to contain his curiosity.
Blaine: What made you decide to message me?
Eli C.: Well, you sounded like an interesting person.
Blaine was still confused, but flattered.
Eli C.: And it doesn't hurt that you look damn sexy in your profile picture.
Blaine blushed at this, and couldn't help but smile in surprise at the other boy's forwardness.
Later, he would rethink these messages, and see that he should have stopped it right there.
But in the moment, it had just been so long since Kurt had talked to him in that way, and he enjoyed the attention.
Blaine: Aww..that's sweet.
Blaine hastily typed more, a niggling at his conscience prompting him to do so.
Blaine: But you should know I have a boyfriend.
Eli responded quickly- as if he had anticipated this as well. In hindsight, he probably had, having accessed Blaine's profile and relationship status.
Eli C.: That's ok. Let's just talk.
Naively, Blaine went along with it. After all- Eli knew he had a boyfriend. What harm could come of it? It was just chatting.
And that's how a whole series of chat sessions had begun, ranging over a couple of weeks, some going deep into the night. They talked about anything and everything- movies, books, fashion, celebrity crushes, student council, Glee. All the things Blaine used to talk to Kurt about, before he was too busy with his new city and his new job.
It did make Blaine uncomfortable that in the past week or so Eli had begun alluding to them meeting up off-line, but it wasn't enough to make him put an end to their daily chats. A small part of his brain and heart had begun feeling a bit guilty that he hadn't ended it. Worse, he knew that a part of himself (one that was becoming bigger than the guilty one), was curious to see what seeing Eli in person would be like. And Blaine would be lying if he didn't admit that talking to Eli made him feel wanted and desirable again-something he hadn't felt in months. After all, when was the last time Kurt told him his eyes were beautiful or that he had a brilliant smile or that he was just downright sexy?
Months- that's how long it had been, and Blaine was painfully aware of that. Maybe that made Blaine needy, but he couldn't help how he felt.
So now, in the choir room, in this intense moment of pain, it wasn't surprising that his fingers had practically taken him to Eli's page of their own accord.
He pulled up the menu, and his thumb hovered over the screen, a moment of hesitation.
And in that hesitation, there was just enough room for a sliver of clarity to slide through.
Suddenly, in that clarity, the weight of everything rushed through his heart and mind, forcing Blaine's eyes closed. He squeezed his eyes shut harder, biting his lip, as the full consequence of what he was considering hit him like a car crash.
His eyes flicked open, his thumb shifted, and he hit 'block.'
Then he threw his phone across the room, ignored the crash it made against the wall, covered his eyes, and crumpled into a ball of tears.
Ten minutes later, that was how Mr. Schue found him.
Blaine was startled when he heard the door push open into room, which up until that point had been silent except for the sound of his own sobs.
Blaine rushed to straighten himself up, swiping at his eyes and quickly standing to straighten his clothes.
Mr. Schue didn't seem to notice him at first, as he hastily walked up to the piano in the dark room, picking up some pieces of sheet music, probably ready to rush home for the weekend. Then he turned to exit, his eye suddenly catching a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye. He turned to do a double take, finally seeing his student.
"Blaine, what are you doing in here…and in the dar…."
Mr. Schue stopped off in the middle of his sentence, apparently processing the redness of Blaine's eyes, his wet cheeks, and rumpled clothes. The teacher's eyes darted around the room, quickly taking note of the phone with the cracked screen by the window.
His brow furrowed in thought and he put the music back on the piano before grabbing a chair and swing it around to sit in it backwards.
"C'mon- sit." Schue motioned gently to the piano bench.
Blaine tentatively sat down, still trying to regain his composure.
Schuester looked uncomfortably around the room, realizing he didn't really know Blaine all that well, except as an extension of Kurt. He rifled through his brain, trying to think of what Emma would say right now.
He cleared his thoughts, then said the only thing he could think of.
"So- do you want to talk about it?"
Blaine ran a hand over his face, looking dejectedly down at the ground. As much as Mr. Schue didn't really know Blaine, Blaine also didn't have the same special bond with the teacher that most of the other glee kids did. Still, he needed to talk to somebody, and…well, Mr. Schue was there.
"I…I..I just almost did something terrible- horrible," Blaine said, his voice cracking pitifully.
Schue frowned, wondering what Blaine- who was the picture of the ideal student- could have possibly done.
"C'mon- it can't be that bad?" the older man questioned, still unsure of what to do.
Blaine saw the look that Mr. Schue gave him, and the words seems to break something in him, and he snapped.
"I know- you're probably thinking- 'not Blaine Anderson- he's so put together,'" he sputtered loudly, the tears falling fast again as he abandoned any attempt at putting up his usual facade. "But I just nearly cheated on the love of my life- so yeah, I think I have to say it is that bad."
Mr. Schue took a sharp intake of breath, blowing it out as a low whistle before he could really think about his reaction. He wasn't exactly the most comfortable at counseling his students in their relationship issues, but something in Blaine's face made him decide to give it a go.
He may not have known Blaine very personally, but he did know that Blaine had never looked this vulnerable before. He was usually very self-assured, calm and steady. So Mr. Schue took a deep breath, delving deep to find the words he would need to help the young man in front of him.
"Did you though?"
Blaine sighed, tears still silently rolling down his face. "No…maybe emotionally, but not in any other way."
Schue nodded, flashing back to the week that he had given the Whitney Houston assignment and Blaine had accused Kurt of the same thing- he had an idea of what he meant.
"Ok- well, at least that is as far as it has gone. Now, what are you going to do about it?"
Blaine sighed again, shaking his head at his knees but feeling grateful that Schuester, unlike any of his peers, didn't automatically start asking for the details.
"I wish I knew," he whispered.
Mr. Schue looked to the ceiling, hands clasped together on the back of his chair in front of him.
"Well, if I have learned anything from my relationships- you've got to figure out what's going on with you first, but then you have to talk to Kurt about this. Secrets just poison any relationship- and obviously they're already poisoning you," Schue looked at Blaine pointedly as he got to the end of his short speech, letting out a gush of air.
Blaine pinched his nose- an odd mannerism he had picked up from Kurt himself- before nodding.
Suddenly, he understood why the glee kids felt so close to Mr. Schuester. He had a way of giving clumsily good advice while only making you mildly uncomfortable.
"Well," said Mr. Schue, startling Blaine by suddenly rising from his chair, apparently satisified that Blaine seemed at least a bit more composed. "Let me know if I can do anything else- ok?"
Blaine nodded, and Schue nodded back before grabbing the sheet music then giving a small, reassuring smile before leaving the room.
Blaine looked around at the again-vacant choir room, morbidly chuckling at just how melodramatic the moment was. He shook his head to himself, realizing that there really was a positive to the situation, as Mr. Schue had so effortlessly managed to point out.
Blaine had not cheated on Kurt.
At least not in the unforgivable way.
It wasn't that he felt that Kurt owed him one for the texts he had been sending with Chandler last year. It was just that he had a precedent for this situation- he and Kurt had worked through a similar situation before.
Of course, Kurt had never actually considered actually hooking up with Chandler- he knew that. And us much as it would be hard to admit, Blaine had taken things a bit further- nearly all the way. And he knew he needed to come clean with Kurt about the situation, and hope that he could regain Kurt's trust as Kurt had regained his.
With this resolve, Blaine forced himself to stand, walked over to pick up his phone and then his bag, took a few last sniffles and walked out of the choir room.