When I Awaken by Takato's Dreamer (rainytears)

a/n: This is my first Les Miz fic. I recently saw the musical on Broadway and fell in love with it.... and the story itself. I got the book from my library, all fourteen hundred pages, and am now reading it. I only finished the Fantine section, but I'm writing about different characters and situations as I go along.

Disclaimer: The master himself owns this story. The master is, of course, Victor Hugo!

This is in Fantine's P.O.V. and it is my first in a series of musings on several characters. It takes place when she is in Mayor Madeline's house/infirmary. Enjoy..... this will be quite sad......

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I look now about my bleak world of milky gray and diluted sunlight. The hours pass by slowly as I wait for Monsieur Madeline to come every day, perhaps with news about my angel.....

Cosette.

She must be seven by now, according to what Monsieur Madeline told me. It's been five long years since we were together.... but she still hasn't changed, I bet.

She still must have those wide blue eyes and shining smiles, that curly golden hair beneath her bonnet. Cosette will never change.

I've changed a lot, I must admit.

No longer am I a love-smitten, light-hearted teen. I am a sickly mother, a person forever in waiting for the news to finally arrive about the sunlight of my life, the sun that rises with me and evokes a new hope with every morning.

I know that I will see her someday soon, because Monsieur Madeline told me. His word is not to be doubted, for he is an upright and honest man. Few can match his generosity....

His care for the people of the street, like me.

Now I'm nearly bald and so much older.... in mind and spirit.... but I still haven't been crushed yet. I will not be crushed by illness because I have the hope buried somewhere in my care-worn heart....

I have the hope named Cosette.

Every waking hour I envision the tiny girl that I used to sing to, the child who was destined to live apart from me but see me again on a distant day. Hopefully, that day isn't too distant.

In my heart I know that it isn't too far away.

My heart would normally crumble in such a state, in this sepulcher of a bed, in this silent and bland gray existence known as life. However, this is not the case. I will never crumble.

And so, with every day coming to a close, I await the face of the man who saved me, the angelic Mayor of M. sur M. whom I ask the very same question every day:

"And Cosette?"

He smiles with a facade of happiness and answers that she is coming very soon, perhaps on the next day. I believe the man with all of my heart, though part of my trust is wilting. My hope is like my health: it is failing each day without Cosette, my daughter, my existence.

I didn't plan to live like this five years ago after Tholomy├Ęs left me and the others...... I didn't picture myself a sickly wretch, bed-ridden at twenty-five....

Back then I was blinded by innocent trust and far-flung desires and tugs at the heart. Cosette was born, and I loved her nonetheless. But I would have never pictured this back when I was blond and rosy and cheery.

Not ever.

Those lost days are useless to me now. I did love Tholomy├Ęs, but things pass, like the wispy white clouds of summertime. All things fade, but true love and devotion lives on forever.

Such is the feeling I have for my daughter, the treasure and ray of sunlight to me.

No one can understand how much I wish to see Cosette. Only another woman who has had her child torn away by sheer poverty can understand this emptiness.....

The black void of loneliness is what I swim in behind my closed eyes. The only sunlight comes with the ever-present promise of Monsieur Madeline that I will see her..... but when will his promise come true?

Today I spent most of the day wishing, imaging..... in a dream-like sort of state. Today I feel that I will finally meet Cosette.....

Monsieur the Mayor told me that he brought my child today.

Never have I felt such a happiness, such a fulfillment of prayer and ceaseless dreams of a cracked heart! I'm going to see Cosette!

Monsieur Madeline told me that I cannot see her right now, because the physician forbade it. Oh well, I shall see her soon....

I can hear her playing in the hall now.... the angelic laughter of my blond child echoes in my mind, and I am at rest. I'll see her soon..... I'll see her soon......

Evil has entered the room in the form of Javert..... everything is going black now, and I feel my head spinning.... the cough and fever are coming back......

But for some reason I feel close to Cosette. Closer than I've ever been.....

My eyes are closing now..... Cosette, my darling child, don't worry, your mother will soon hold you again....

After the darkness I'll see you, Cosette.

I'll hold you when the sun rises tomorrow....

When I finally awaken.



THE END.



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end notes: there's my sad Fantine musings.... she'll never awaken, at least not on this earth..... how sad! At least they'll reunite in the distant golden world.....

The idea of Fantine's final thoughts may be a bit hackneyed in this category; I haven't read too much Les Miz fanfiction, so this is entirely a product of my own interpretation of the original work by Victor Hugo.

Review if you liked this, or if you felt it wasn't original, etc...... flames are foolish if you send me one...... I'm fireproof. I AM the goddess of fire after all ^-^