Disclaimer: We don't own the DBZ crew, a rich Japanese man does. We don't own the original fairy tale "Jack and the Beanstalk" and we don't want to either.
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: Parody, humor, insanity (Havoc's not mine!)
Notes: This is going to be the first in what we hope to become the Fairy Tale arc... a series of fics that defy all logic by placing our wonderful heroes in well known fairy tales and in the process destroying all normal conception of said fairy tales. *insert evil grins here*
Archive: dragonball-diaries. 150m. com Anyone else who wants this bit of random insanity then just ask! ^_^
Thank you to all for the kind reviews, your feedback is very much appreciated. Now, without further ado, here is the final instalment in this piece of madness.
Goku and the not so Jolly Giant
January 2003 Debs-dragon & Havoc
The beanstalk shook and trembled as the Giant continued his descent.
"Hurry up!" the mouse yelled.
"I'm coming!" replied Goku as he skidded to a halt next to the beanstalk.
The mouse took one look at the item and rolled his eyes. "Just how the heck do you propose to cut this thing down with that!?"
"What's wrong with it?" Goku asked as he looked at the pen knife.
"Give me strength!" the mouse said. "If that's the best you can do then I suggest you get cutting and pray a lot." The mouse began to scamper off.
"Hey! Where are you going, mousie?" Goku called.
"Somewhere safe," the mouse replied as he disappeared.
"Thanks a lot," Goku muttered as he began to saw at the trunk of the beanstalk.
Vegeta the giant felt the tremble of the beanstalk and looked down. He could see the small Saiya-jin hacking away. "Well that won't get him very far," he thought to himself and then gave a sneer. "I'll have you soon you thieving brat," he yelled and again continued on his way down.
"Oh poop, oh poop..." Goku muttered as he redoubled his efforts. A groan to the side froze him and he turned slowly to see Chi Chi toss the harp to one side and rub her head.
Chi Chi's vision began to clear. She looked around to see what had hit her and her eyes fell on the harp she had just moved. She blinked.
"What the heck are you staring at?" the harp screeched.
Chi Chi's eyes narrowed as she took in the form of the woman that graced the harp. She glanced from the harp to Goku and back again. "If you were that intent on finding another woman you could at least have found one that didn't have strings attached!" she yelled at Goku.
Goku turned his head. "Huh?" He then realized what Chi Chi was referring to. "Ummm... Chi Chi darling, it's not like that at all I swear... You see there was the giant, and this goose and then the mouse told me too... Oh crap! Chi Chi!" Goku ducked as Chi Chi took a swing at him, and missed.
She connected with the bean stalk instead.
"I'll teach you to cheat on me Goku, not to mention make up wild stories about the giant." Chi Chi took another swing, Goku ducked again and the blow connected with the bean stalk once more.
"Uh oh." Goku looked at the bean stalk which was shaking violently, and not from the giant either. The pitiful cut he had made in the trunk had been enlarged where Chi Chi's blows had connected and now the monstrous thing was beginning to crack and splinter. With a yell of "Timber!" Goku followed the direction the mouse had taken.
The giant paused in his downward rush, the stalk teetering underneath his weight. "Something tells me this is not good," he muttered to himself.
Moments later the bean stalk began to collapse, tilting at a precarious angle towards the tiny house/shack/hut/hovel.
"My house/shack/hut/hovel! " screamed Chi Chi.
Goku peeked out from underneath the rusty pile of scrap he was hiding in with the mouse as he heard Chi Chi's angry scream. He saw the incline of the bean stalk and acted on impulse. His hand shot out and he summoned the energy ball; aiming at the stalk, he fired off, putting everything he had into the shot. The beam connected and the stalk shuddered as it was ripped from the ground and sent flying upward - giant still attached.
"I knew this wasn't going to be a good day," the giant sighed as he was propelled skywards.
The bean stalk and its pilot continued their ascent only to be reclaimed by the forces of gravity moments later.
Chi Chi stopped in mid rant as the stalk and its occupant were diverted from the house/shack/hut/hovel and sent to places unknown. Eyes wide in disbelief, she watched until the stalk and the giant were mere specks in the sky. Then she turned her attention back to Goku.
Goku saw the glitter in those eyes and wished for the earth to swallow him up.
"I think you have a lot of explaining to do, Goku. I can't wait to hear what your excuses are this time. A goose I can understand, I mean we have to eat after all, but a female? And an off key one at that?! I suggest you start now..."
Chi Chi was again interrupted as a funny noise was heard. "Don't tell me that was your stomach growling again?"
"Nope, not this time," Goku replied. He looked around to see where the noise was coming from.
Chi Chi also looked about and then turned her gaze skywards. "Agggghhhhhh! Incoming!" She ran as quickly as her legs would carry her as the shadow that had started above them grew in intensity.
Goku turned his eyes to the heavens. "I don't believe this."
"Well I do and I'm out of here," the mouse yelled and high tailed it as far away from the house/shack/hut/hovel as it could get.
The bean stalk was making its re-entry, the giant still clinging to it.
Goku never stood a chance.
The stalk, complete with giant, landed square on him. One moment everything was just peachy and then...
Greenness invaded his head as he was knocked unconscious by the weight of the giant and the stalk.
The voice drifted to his ears from far away.
"Goku... Goku, wake up!"
Goku was inclined to stay floating in this nice hazy place.
"Goku, dammit! WAKE UP!"
Now that caused his eyes to flicker open. "Chi Chi?" he mumbled.
"Who else were you expecting? The tooth fairy?"
Goku's eyes opened wide. "Hey, Chi Chi, you're back in your normal clothes." He looked around the house. "And the house/shack/hut/hovel is back to normal as well."
"What on earth are you going on about, Goku?"
"Well there was this giant, and this harp and a goose that laid emerald eggs, and your dad was a cow..."
"Don't you dare call my father a cow."
"Sorry. But we were poor and there was this mouse and these beans..."
"Goku? You sure you didn't get into the cheese again before retiring last night? I have told you time and time again about that, it will give you nightmares," Chi Chi ranted. "You slept out here again in the chair, didn't you?" Chi Chi's voice continued to drone on.
Goku rubbed his eyes. A dream? Is that all it had been, just a dream? He saw Gohan from the corner of his eye playing outside in the yard. He smiled to himself.
A mouse ran across the floor behind Chi Chi, catching Goku's attention. It held a small piece of cheese in its front paws. Just before its mouse hole it stopped and turned around to face Goku. The mouse stared at the Saiya-jin... and winked.
~ Fin ~