Author's Notes: I suspect this will very much be a niche story, as those who are unfamiliar with General Hospital and its characters will doubtlessly find this difficult to follow. If you choose to do so, I welcome you. You should know the following: General Hospital is a soap opera aired on ABC. It is set in the fictional town of Port Charles, New York, loosely based on Rochester.

For fans of the show, some cast changes/reprisals: Greg Vaughan as Lucky Spencer; Laura Wright as Carly Jacks; Megan Ward as Kate Howard (no DID story). This takes place the day after Robin Scorpio is presumed dead. Oddly enough, I started writing this story prior to what has recently been revealed on General Hospital, which means I should probably be writing that show.

Jake is still dead, but the hit-and-run driver was not Luke and is still at large. There was no Liz/Lucky reunion, Niz, or Aiden.

Know that I am not a great fan of Sonny, Jason, or Sam. I love Carly when she's at her best, which she will be in this story. It's time to break her away from the mob. Elizabeth desperately needs a friend.

Kurt has been SORASed (Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome) and is approximately 28 years old. Part of the story later on will depend on some questionable math, but I've checked the figures and it works out - mostly. Most of the action will be centered around the hospital, which it should be. No Starr, as she belongs in Llanview with her daughter.

Kurt will be romantically pursued by several men. I have an endgame in mind for him, but it won't be revealed for a while. If soap studs suddenly tuning bi turns you off, abandon ship.

And now, on with the story! I hope you enjoy it. This is totally dedicated to my Laynie.

Carly was bored, which was never a good thing for anyone.

Slumped over the check-in desk of the Metro Court Hotel, she debated finishing her paperwork or calling the hospital one more time to see if there was an update on Jason's condition. She hadn't called in at least three minutes, so it was entirely possible it could have changed.

She knew full well that her behavior was bordering on stalking, but was unbothered. There were worse crimes than stalking and, since she had committed most of them, she should know. Plus, it was fun driving Sam up the wall with her constant nagging. Jason's new wife had to be made to understand that, marriages asides, Carly was Jason's best friend and had been for years. As such, her relationship with him trumped what she was sure would be a commitment born from temporary insanity.

She sighed and glared at the stack of paperwork silently demanding her attention. She enjoyed being the co-owner of the most glamorous hotel in Port Charles, but having to do actual work was very annoying. She had always been allergic to work.

Ignoring the evil work, she searched her mind for other people to harass. Jax, her most recent ex-husband, was off on yet another business trip and wasn't accepting her calls. Another ex-husband, Sonny, was off licking his wounds after his most recent bust-up with Kate Howard, his girlfriend du jour.

She bit her lip. She supposed she could call Sonny and once again harangue him for believing he could make a relationship with anyone but her work, but he should've known that already, and she was tired of telling him.

She huffed, left the desk, and threw herself onto one of the lobby couches, pouting. Marty, the manager, rolled his eyes in exasperation. She smirked at him. She knew he loved her.

There were no guests to check in; her children were busy, in school, or being cared for by their nanny; Jason was probably still unconscious; and two of her mortal enemies were at work and being allegedly productive members of society.

She then sat straight up, furiously blinking back unwelcome tears.

One mortal enemy, because the other was dead.

Robin Scorpio was dead.

It still didn't seem real.

What also didn't seem real was how angry she was over Robin's demise. It just didn't make sense. She and Robin had delightfully been appalled with one another for almost two decades. Every time they crossed paths, verbal slaughter, intimidating threats, and the possibility of actual physical violence ensued. Now, there was nothing.

The hatred she and Robin had shared was one of her most enduring relationships. And wasn't that just pathetic? Still, she didn't know how to function in a world without Robin in it.

Even worse was that the mousy little doctor had gone off to the great beyond doing something all noble and selfless.

Usually, that would have been the cause for much heckling and gloating along with inappropriate laughter about how she had finally defeated Robin, but even Carly didn't have the stomach for that now.

Robin had died so that Jason might live, and though she had despised the woman, Carly knew Robin deserved her respect.

That just left Elizabeth, the town martyr.

Of course, that contentious relationship was now very much mitigated by the fact that her daughter's life had been saved by Elizabeth Webber's sacrifice.

As nasty and cruel as she was, and Carly knew she was a hardcore bitch, she just didn't have the heart to attack Elizabeth as she once had. She too knew what it was to lose a child, and though Michael had come back to her, those years without him...

She sighed.

Also, the truth of the matter was that fighting with Elizabeth was always a hollow endeavor. She ridiculed the woman for being the town sweetheart, but even she knew she had always been slightly jealous and bitter toward Elizabeth.

Okay, maybe more than slightly. Whatever.

Elizabeth was a beautiful woman - stunning, really - and the only one who didn't realize that was Elizabeth herself, which was just really freaking irritating.

Seriously, she would gladly kill to have that girl's skin.

Plus, Elizabeth was smart. Book smart mostly - you didn't become a surgical nurse by being an idiot - but there was also a street smart girl buried deeply beneath the surface. Sometimes, Carly would get glimpses of that girl during their fights, of the old Lizzie of whom she had heard but never met.

She wanted to meet that girl, the person Elizabeth buried under layers of compassion and understanding and...and...goodness.

Carly scoffed with disgust.

Robin had always been self-righteous and thus easy to dismiss, but Elizabeth had made more than her share of mistakes. She also took responsibility for them and punished herself far more harshly than anyone else ever could. So even when Carly won when Elizabeth fucked up, she still lost. It was a bitter pill that had been lodged in her throat for way too long.

Elizabeth was gorgeous, smart, nice, and had a good job. As much as Carly didn't want to admit it, even to herself, Elizabeth was also a pretty damned amazing mother. She took care of her kids and worked full-time. She owned her own home. She had put herself through school and never depended on a man for anything.

Carly knew for a fact that Elizabeth had been the breadwinner when she was married to Lucky. She also knew how badly that had rankled her cousin, who was way more misogynistic than he realized. Elizabeth hadn't touched a penny of the trust Jason had arranged for Jake.

It wasn't martyrdom and it was beyond self-reliance.

Elizabeth had integrity, and it was just gross.

Most disgusting, however, was how forgiving Elizabeth could be. She had forgiven Lucky for screwing around on her, endangering their children, being a junkie, leaving her with a pile of bills to pay, and assaulting her.

Carly would have just killed him.

Elizabeth continually forgave those who fucked her over left, right, and sideways, always being the bigger person. Well, that was sweet in theory, but the reality was the people who hurt her never learned from their mistakes and kept repeating them. Thus, Elizabeth was always being hurt and did nothing to stop it. Carly might have felt sorry for her, but Elizabeth had brought a lot of it on herself.

Christ, grow a set already.

Elizabeth had made a lot of wrong choices, but because she usually made all the right ones, her mistakes were so much more glaring and thus easier to exploit.

So that's what Carly had done. She had denigrated Elizabeth for the same choices she herself had made. She had lambasted Elizabeth for keeping Jason from his son but, deep down, she wished she had done the same for Michael and Morgan where Sonny was concerned.

The one thing she did honestly regret was calling little Cameron a bastard. That had been beyond the pale and Carly had known it at the time. She had never apologized and probably never would, but it bothered her. After all, in the end, who was she to call anyone that word? She was the byproduct of a transaction between a hooker and a john. Michael had been conceived out of wedlock; hell, most of Sonny's kids had been conceived out of wedlock.

Carly knew she wasn't the best mother, but she tried. She fought for her kids and defended them always. When the men in her life had called her a good mother, she never gave it much consideration, but when Elizabeth had called her that...well, that had meant something.

She glared sullenly at the coffee table.

Fighting with Elizabeth never made her feel better, and though she excused her own behavior to countless outraged people, in the end, all it did was alienate her from them. Jason, Lucky, Nikolas, Luke, Laura, Bobbie, Jax; they all loved Elizabeth. Even Sonny had at one point.

The only ones who didn't were the other women in Jason's life, because they knew he would always love Elizabeth the most.

Now Elizabeth had lost Robin, her best friend, only a few years after losing Emily.

Carly had never had any use for Robin Do-Right and Milquetoast Emily, but even Elizabeth didn't deserve all the suffering she had been made to endure.

"So why don't I just leave her alone?" she muttered.

She then gave an exaggerated blink.

She would leave Elizabeth alone, she decided, or at least not antagonize the woman.

Not when there were other more worthy targets.

Like Sam.

Carly grinned.

Sam was nothing more than a tired hooker who got a few lucky breaks and then rubbed it in every other woman's nose. She might be married to Jason now, but Carly knew that would soon change. She had her doubts about who the father of that baby really was. Also, she would never believe Sam's tits were real.

Her grin brightened.

The truth of the matter was that she would much rather have Jason be with Elizabeth than with Sam, so why not make that happen?

Of course, Elizabeth might no longer want Jason. She certainly didn't seem to enjoy being around him anymore.

Well, this was more confusing than feeling guilty about Robin.

Carly didn't like guilt and didn't believe she should be subjected to it, so it had to go.

How to accomplish this, however? It was too late to make up with Robin. She supposed she could hang around Patrick and offer to help with Emma, but people would talk, and Patrick didn't deserve that.

She could try being nicer to Alexis and encouraging the relationship amongst their children. After all, Kristina, Michael, and Morgan were siblings, but then she'd have to include Alexis' other daughter, Molly, who was a living reminder of her father, Ric, a man Carly still wanted to kill in the most painful manner possible. Further, Alexis was such a neurotic mess that Carly knew she'd end up running the woman over sooner rather than later.

Kate was out. Too much of a bitch. Really, Carly should have found that enthralling, but she didn't care for bitches who were bitchier than she herself was.

Courtney was dead, Brenda was thankfully living on another continent, and Lulu was too busy mooning over Dante, Sonny's eldest and shortest son. Really, when would the girl learn?

Maxie was a possibility, but the girl was so flighty, Carly was sure one stiff wind would send Maxie Jones flitting across the country. Plus, Maxie was beginning to adopt Spinelli Speak, which gave Carly a migraine.

As much as she enjoyed living her life on her own terms, it was also pretty lonely. She had no real friends other than Jason, and she often got the sense that Jason only tolerated her, especially since he had married that shrewish Real Doll. That was something she'd rather not consider, though, so she pushed it out of her mind.

Still, she wanted to do something. Preferably something unexpected that would cause a lot of surprise, chaos, and salacious gossip.

She sat up straight, grinning maniacally.

Catching the look from across the room, Marty shivered and went home sick.


She would make Elizabeth into something she could stand, transforming the woman into her new best friend. Hey, why not? Even though they hated each other, they had a lot in common. Jason for one. Also, Carly was really getting fed up with Sonny, and Elizabeth had passively disliked him for years. That alone would be worth at least three months of gossipy lunches!

Hell, Elizabeth was one of the few women in this town who hadn't slept with Sonny, nor did she have the desire to do so.

Elizabeth had been married to Carly's cousin, Lucky, and thus understood what a freakshow the Spencer family really was. Elizabeth was a nurse; Carly had flunked out of nursing school. They had both lost children, had both had horribly unfortunate miscarriages, and had been terrorized by Faith Roscoe and Ric.

Elizabeth liked Jax. She had even carried a child for him, who had sadly not survived. Elizabeth got along great with Carly's mother, Bobbie. Elizabeth had a brother, and so did Carly.

They were practically twins! It was fate!

She nodded to herself, beaming like a lunatic.

This could totally work! Sure, she'd have to swallow her pride and suck up at the speed of light, but it would be worth it. Jason would appreciate her efforts, Jax and Bobbie would be proud of her, and it would drive Sam up the wall.

If she managed to prove herself, Elizabeth might even run interference for her with Jax, and Carly would be happy to do the same for her with Lucky, who was going all emo again.

There would be lunches at the hotel, play dates with the kids, the shredding of souls, and shopping at the promenade.

Carly would be insisting on that last one. Elizabeth's off-work attire was tragic. What did it say about your taste when your best outfit was hospital scrubs?

She shook her head ruefully.

Best case scenario: she and Elizabeth became friends and a lot of people would faint from shock. The worst case would be that they would come to hate each other even more, but since Carly didn't see how that was possible, it was a moot point.

Besides, it wasn't as though she needed Elizabeth's permission to be her best friend. She would just do it, and Elizabeth would go along with it because Elizabeth never wanted to fight with anyone.

She nodded to herself. She totally had this.

Carly was jerked out of her self-congratulatory thoughts when the double doors of the hotel were thrown open and several of her porters pranced inside, carrying or wheeling a truly stunning line of luggage that she instantly envied.

She watched with jaw agape as carryon after garment bag after suitcase after steamer trunk was hauled inside.

Who the hell owned such finery, and why hadn't Jax alerted her that a VIP was checking in today? She would have had the staff polishing every surface until it gleamed! Just as she was working herself up into a frenzy of bitchery, the gayest gay who had ever gayed sauntered his way into her lobby.

It was, for Carly Benson Quartermaine Corinthos Alcazar Jacks, instant fruit-fly love at first sight.

Obviously, this was destiny's reward for her kinder and gentler attitude toward Elizabeth. Not only would she get a new best girlfriend, but a new best gay friend, which everyone knew was the only accessory worth having!