Dance like no one is watching
Jack and Ianto were going on a date. A proper date. And Ianto was freaking out. He'd turned into a rambling fool when Jack asked.
Office fetishes? What the hell am I saying?
He said yes.
Why did I say yes?
It was one thing to fool around after hours. It was one thing to dabble and play. But a date? Ianto wasn't gay. He didn't want to be gay. Men were... men. As a whole, Ianto was not a fan of the gender. And Jack was dashing. So amazingly addictive. There was no question in Ianto's mind that he wanted to take his relationship with Jack to the next level—to drop the 'sir' that had become almost second nature, and call his friend by his true name.
A date? A date!
Holy hell, what would they do on a date? Their relationship was based on frivolity and jokes. They tried to go deeper sometimes, but usually they hooked up to forget the deeper shit. Was this date going to be serious?
But it was Jack. Ianto had to say yes. Maybe then the team would finally start respecting Ianto's connection to Jack. Where would they go? Who would see them? What if word got back to Ianto's sister? She'd die of shame. Would she? How would she feel about a gay brother?
But he wasn't gay. He didn't roll over for Jack. Hand jobs. Blow jobs. Simple things. Creative things. Things he could just as well do with a woman. Except Jack wasn't soft like a woman. Jack was... Jack. Innovative. If they went on a date, where would they wind up having sex at the end of the night? It wasn't like they'd ever had sex any place with a proper bed.
"Did you want to leave from here?" Jack asked, leaning on Ianto's desk and smiling suavely. He was so dashing. Ianto shuddered with lust.
"What?" Ianto asked, trying to process the question. They didn't have a clear plan for their date. "Sure. Yes."
"I didn't know if you wanted to go home and get cleaned up first."
"I—maybe. I'm okay," Ianto stammered. Did Jack think Ianto needed to clean up? Maybe he shouldn't wear the same suit he'd worn to work all day. Did Jack plan to wear anything aside from his standard suspenders and long coat? Ianto's flat was a mess and he didn't want Jack there. How did it get to be date night already?
"You?" Ianto checked nervously, pushing the question back to Jack. "Do you?"
He was so confident. Naturally sweet smelling. With a devilishly handsome smile, he held out his hand, inviting Ianto to join him. Ianto's palm was sweaty and shaking. This felt weird.
He took Jack's hand, letting himself being escorted from the building. Once they were in the street, the romance of the gesture was shrouded by confusion. Ianto didn't want to look like the little woman. Still, he clung to Jack's hand.
Despite the closeness they'd shared sexually, there was something more intimate about holding hands in public. More possessive. They walked down the street, strangely connected. After a few blocks, nervousness won out and Ianto dropped Jack's hand, but Jack didn't seem to mind. They were making small talk. Useless things, not related to work. Some flick that Jack missed while he was away. Some late night comedy sketch. Some cat meme on the internet.
Jack took Ianto to a nice restaurant and held the chair while Ianto sat down. There was a dance floor and a ten piece jazz band. The music was nice. They sat across from each other at the table, reviewing the menu, discussing the pros and cons of splitting appetizers. Ianto was so used to ordering food for the team, that when the waiter comes, he gave both their orders without a second thought. Then, worried that he may have overstepped his bounds, he glanced nervously at Jack. Jack just smiled approvingly. Their hands met on top of the table.
"Wanna dance?" Jack asked. The lustful way he gazed at Ianto made Ianto's stomach twist into knots.
"Um. I—" Ianto stuttered.
"This nervousness—it was cute at first. Now I'm starting to think you don't want to be here," Jack teased, sitting back in his chair, crossing his arms irritably.
"No, I do," Ianto said quickly. "I—"
"You don't like dancing?"
This was so easy for Jack. Jack would chase anyone: man, woman, three-headed alien. Ianto had only ever been with women. He looked around the room nervously, half-expecting to see the disapproving glares of... everyone. No one was looking. No one cared that he was here with Jack. That might change if they started dancing.
"Well, I—" Ianto choked on his excuse. Other couples were dancing. "No, I— It's been awhile since…"
Shit! Ianto had promised himself he'd stop playing the sympathy card to get his way with Jack. Sometimes, if something reminded Ianto of Lisa, he'd get upset, and Jack was always respectful. Hinting at it now was a manipulation.
Jack smiled gently and gave Ianto's hand a tug. "Come on."
They went to the dance floor hand in hand. It was a slow song, with a lyrical clarinet melody. Jack had one hand on Ianto's waist, holding him close. Their hands clasped, resting over Ianto's pounding heart. Ianto was scared and uncertain. He'd never danced with a man before, and it was like he'd forgotten how to be close to another person. He wanted to dance closer, but he was too nervous. Pressing his eyes shut, he squeezed Jack's hand and brushed his cheek against Jack's.
"No one's coming to boot us out, are they?" Ianto asked, not daring to open his eyes. Jack shook their joint hands to loosen Ianto's death grip.
"Don't worry about anyone watching," Jack whispered soothingly in his ear.
Ianto's eyes shot open, but he couldn't focus. He glanced up at the band, but decided he didn't want to see whether anyone was watching. "What should I be thinking about?" he asked cheekily.
"Me," Jack suggested coyly. "Us. We're the only two people in the world."
Ianto shivered and clung tighter to Jack. It was easier to think about the judgment of strangers than it was to think about him and Jack. Jack had been gone for months. Ianto was still suffering abandonment issues, and jealousy after the appearance of one of Jack's many exes. It was so easy to get jealous, and yet, Ianto felt he didn't have the right to be jealous. Was this date a real date or some kind of manipulation to keep Ianto submissive?
Jack's hand moved on Ianto's back, pulling Ianto closer. Then Jack nuzzled Ianto tenderly, his cheek brushing Ianto's neck. Ianto knew Jack was having a hard time being back here. Jack's armor was thin and cracked, and his cocky attitude was rooted in bravado rather than confidence. Ever since Ianto had met Jack, all Jack wanted was to find this doctor and 'get fixed,' and Jack's doctor had failed him.
"If your doctor had fixed you, would you have come back," Ianto asked.
"Absolutely," Jack said, without missing a beat. The words were wistful and needy. He ducked his face closer to Ianto's, like he needed the closeness. "For a whole year that never was, it was all I could think about. That and surviving the apocalypse."
Ianto laughed at the joke, relaxing. He adjusted his hold on Jack, getting more comfortable, swaying to the music. It felt good to be close, to dance, and to feel needed. He kissed Jack tenderly, and they danced through the kiss. The world melted away, leaving only the warmth of his partner, and the music that they swayed to.
When the music stopped, Jack didn't stop swaying. Ianto opened his eyes, glancing around the room. His nervousness returned, but it wasn't as bad as before. He wasn't worried about being judged; he was checking to make sure no one dared come between him and his man. He had butterflies in his stomach, but it was all anticipation. He was on a date with Jack.