Chapter 11

June 8th, 1963

Ennis was torn between two choices; go back up to the sheep and stop this now, or go into the tent where Jack was waiting for him. He stared into the fire, as if it would give him the answer.

He couldn't deny that he had enjoyed the previous night, rough and quick though it was. Jack hadn't mentioned any pain, but Ennis recalled him limping that morning as he exited the tent, and he wondered what was going to happen now. Clearly, Jack couldn't take it again so soon and he knew he was in no way ready for that himself, so what would they do if he went in there?

He'd thought about Jack's lips, and what it might feel like to kiss them. Perhaps they would do that tonight, and somehow manage to break the earlier tension. They could never go back to how they were, not that they knew each other's bodies. Even if they tried, their lust for each other was bound to win them over in the end.

Ennis looked over into the tent, where Jack was removing his shirt and exposing his chest. He felt his jeans tighten as he remembered how good Jack's body had felt. What if he was allowed to touch Jack in other, gentler ways? Could he even do it?

Steeling himself, he managed to get up and slowly made his way to the tent.

Jack stared up at the tent, wondering if Ennis would come to him. They had been silent once they had returned from the hillside, and he thought back over their brief conversation. He didn't like having to lie about who he was, but he knew it was the only way; Ennis would get scared if he knew that Jack really was queer.

So he laid there, thinking about Ennis and what they might do tonight. If Ennis did come to him, then what? Would they kiss as he hoped? Jack knew of a few things he wanted to do with Ennis, but he didn't know if he would get to. All he could hope for was Ennis relaxing enough to try.

He saw something in the corner of his eye and turned; Ennis was approaching him. He watched as Ennis drew closer, noticing the bulge in the front of Ennis's jeans. Jack knew that Ennis denied being queer but what he could see now told him a different story. He decided to let it drop; Ennis could barely wrap his head around all of this as it was.

He slowly sat up as Ennis crouched down, peering up into his lover's eyes. He could sense that Ennis was afraid and yet still wanted this; he would have to guide Ennis through tonight if they were going to do anything.

He placed his hand on Ennis's arm, slowly moving it away and removing the barrier between them. Jack could see Ennis's eyes roaming over his chest, occasionally glancing down lower than that. Full of sympathy for Ennis's confusion and wanting to make things better, Jack cupped his cheek and brought him closer. He thought that a kiss might be able to relax his friend.

Ennis trembled under Jack's tender touch, feeling as if he didn't deserve it after the pain he'd caused Jack. Not just the physical pain of the night before, but also the pain of him fleeing the next morning without a word.

Jack knew what he had to do. He lifted his head and wrapped his other arm around Ennis's neck, holding him in place.

When their lips connected, Ennis felt love blazing in his heart for the very first time. Jack's lips were soft and tasted better than he ever could have imagined.

"I'm sorry," he whispered when they broke apart, hoping that Jack wasn't frustrated by his hesitation and nervousness.

"It's alright," Jack whispered back, knowing why Ennis was apologising and not needing to hear it. "It's alright." He gently pulled Ennis down to the bedroll with him, cradling him for a few moments until he saw Ennis searching for his lips again. Throwing caution to the wind, Jack rolled them both over and lay down on top of him, kissing him deeply and feeling happy when he felt Ennis respond.

They kissed for a few heavy minutes until Jack's hands started wandering, stroking Ennis's stomach. "Are you gonna...?" he asked softly, wanting to know if Ennis was comfortable about being naked with him. Ennis slowly nodded and they managed to remove his clothes together. Ennis was shaking with nerves when he saw Jack looking at his erection and this intensified when he saw Jack's.

"Um..." he started, feeling terrified that Jack wanted to take him. He wasn't ready. "Jack, I...I can't..."

"It's okay," Jack assured him, squeezing his hands. "I thought you wouldn't be...we don't hafta do that. There's other things we can do."

Ennis nodded in relief and lay back, letting Jack kiss him a few more times until he relaxed. He opened his eyes to see Jack watching him carefully, as if he wanted to ask something.

"Ennis...have you...ever had a blow job before?" he asked, and Ennis's eyes widened. Jack wanted to put his mouth there?

"No," he replied shakily. "But, um..." He gestured downwards and Jack saw the permission to do this. He nodded and made his way down, kissing Ennis's chest as he went and feeling elated that he could finally be with Ennis in this way. He'd enjoyed last night but this was so much better.

Ennis thought his head would explode when he felt Jack's mouth on him, going straight to work. Jack was actually sucking at him and teasing out pre-come; Ennis knew he wasn't going to last long. "Fuck, Jack..." he breathed, and Jack knew he was doing this right.

He jerked himself off in time and was soon rewarded with thick fluid running down his throat. When he could breathe again, he looked up and met Ennis's eyes; they were full of wonder, fear and something else. Jack hoped that he knew what it was, and that Ennis was feeling the same as him.