Chapter 17

July 14th, 1963

They were sat by the fire, not speaking. It had been four days since they had agreed to spend time apart and just go back to the job, and they missed each other immensely. Ennis was sleeping in the main camp right now and Jack knew he should go up to the sheep, but he couldn't tear himself away. Even if they couldn't be together after this summer, he still wanted this time with Ennis.

He looked over and saw that Ennis was staring into the flames, his mind elsewhere. Jack sighed and decided that he'd had enough.

"Look, Ennis...I can't stand this no more. I've hated the last four days," he started, and Ennis turned to look at him in surprise. "I know we said it's for the best, but-"

"Jack...we can't do this when we leave. You know that," Ennis reminded him, but Jack shook his head and crouched near him.

"I don't care, I just...I just want this time with you if nothin' else. I'm goin' crazy over here...I..." He grabbed Ennis's hands and pressed their foreheads together, like he did on that fateful first night last month. "Come on...you know you want this," he whispered, making Ennis meet his eyes. "I ain't gonna force you, but I know you wanna keep this goin' as long as we can..."

"Jack," Ennis weakly protested, trying to ignore his erection. "I can't...we can't..."

"Just this summer," Jack said quietly, squeezing his hands. "That's all I'm askin'." He was willing to take anything he could get right now; he just couldn't stand the thought of them parting ways like this.

Ennis looked into those deep blue eyes and knew he was done for. "Oh fuck it," he breathed, grabbing Jack's face and crushing their lips together. It felt like oxygen after slowly suffocating and he knew he needed this. Jack's lips were moving against his frantically, their tongues sliding against each other and exchanging saliva.

When they finally broke apart, they were breathing heavily and their eyes were wide. Neither of them had quite realised the effect they could have on each other, yet here it was. "You wanna...?" Jack gasped, nodding towards the tent. Ennis didn't need any time to think; he grabbed Jack's hand and pulled him to his feet, kissing him once more as they staggered to the tent.

They fell onto the bedroll with Jack on top, who was fully expecting Ennis to roll them over. But he soon became distracted by Ennis's gaze. "What?"

"I..." Ennis started shakily, unsure of how to ask for this. "I want you, um..." He gulped. "You know..."

Jack's eyes widened; Ennis wanted him to fuck him? "Are you askin'...?" Ennis nodded.

"Yeah...I need you like that, Jack. Been wantin' it for the last four days, but we said we shouldn't carry on, an' I just...you was right, okay? I want this, but only for the summer. We can't after this, remember?"

Jack nodded and cupped his cheek. "Alright, bud. Can't say I haven't thought 'bout it myself...just didn't know if you'd ever want it like that."

"I do," Ennis whispered, and Jack nodded. They slowly undressed, keeping their eyes on each other and Jack murmuring to Ennis that it would be alright.

"I ain't gonna hurt you," he said softly. "I mean, it does hurt the first time but you'll get used to it. You know I wouldn't hurt you on purpose, right?"

Ennis nodded, feeling terrified and excited at the same time. He did want this, but he couldn't deny that he was scared of the aftermath. Would this make it even harder to say goodbye to Jack at the end of the summer? What about Alma? Could he really marry her and give her children if he allowed this to happen tonight? He didn't know, but he didn't care right now. He and Jack needed this.

Jack greased himself up and nudged Ennis's legs wider apart. "It'll be easier if you lift them," he instructed, taking hold of them as Ennis raised his hips. "Just keep them around me, okay?" He shuffled forward and Ennis eyed his dripping erection, wondering just how much this was going to hurt. He had hold of Jack's forearms, while Jack's hands were on either side of him. "If you want me to stop, just tell me. No harm done if you can't do this, alright?" With a nod from his visibly nervous lover, Jack slowly started to push in.

At the contact, Ennis bit his lip when pain started to shoot through him. Jack was stretching him in a way he never had been before and he was trying not to shout out.

"Just breathe," Jack told him, cupping his cheek. Ennis took several deep breaths before Jack continued, his head falling back when he felt Jack complete him.

"Oh God," he gasped, feeling a mixture of emotions. This did feel good despite the pain, but he had to regret how much he must have hurt Jack that first time. But Jack was being very gentle with him; he took Ennis's hands and laced their fingers together as he started thrusting, very slowly taking Ennis and smiling down at him.

"Feel okay?" he asked, and Ennis nodded; he found himself pushing back to help, making things go more smoothly. Jack leaned down to kiss him, their tongues curling around each other as they made love; there was no other term for it. They went a lot slower than normal; not just for Ennis's benefit but also because it was the first time in five days.

"Jack..." Ennis breathed; it was more of a sigh. Jack nuzzled his neck and moved faster, pushing in deep until he found the sweet spot. Little lights burst in front of Ennis's eyes and he felt himself coming, letting go with a groan. He was dimly aware of Jack reaching his climax and knew then that he was definitely in love; there was no hope for him now.